Conviction: Devine (18 page)

Two weeks later

I
WOKE WITH A
start, the gale outside clattering the shutters Jake had been adamant were fitted to the windows of our new house. The house we had chosen, decorated and loved together. Now it was just a shell, a house for Henry and me to shelter in.

The love for it had gone along with my husband, the man I had sworn myself to. The man I loved so much I couldn’t breathe without him.

I turned over, grumbling at the noise of the rain as it pelted the window and woke Henry. His cries were loud and fierce, matching his temperament since his beloved daddy had left us both.

“Hey, little guy,” I soothed as I picked him up and hugged him close, the beat of my heart already pacifying his distress as he snuggled into me. Lowering myself into the rocking chair in the corner, I sang him back to sleep, the soft lilt of my voice reminding me of times when my own mother had done the very same thing with me.

I missed her so much. Tears bubbled from my eyes as a fierce ache for her crippled me. She’d know what to do. She’d make me stand my ground and fight for the man who owned every part of me.

I’d tried to contact him but all that welcomed me was a continuous tone on his phone and a shake of heads at Deviant. He’d disappeared, along with Kris who I hadn’t seen since Henry’s birthday either.

Leah had been a pillar of support, as had my father, both of them propping me up and helping with Henry.

I knew Kris was out there, hunting for the fucker who had done this. I knew who it was. It didn’t take a genius. The bitch was back, as was her sidekick. What better revenge for her father’s murder than the death of Jake and me?

I gently placed Henry back in his cot then stroked his head, my heart swelling with how fucking perfect he was before going back into my own room. Stopping dead, I frowned when the curtains blew deep into the room, the open window providing a chill and making me shiver. My eyes moved everywhere in the room, the shadows haunting my imagination but nothing jumped out at me and nothing moved in the dark corners.

“Damn house!” I pulled the window shut and made a mental note to call Quentin tomorrow to come and do yet another repair. The house was old, Georgian, but Jake and me had fallen in love from the very first viewing. It had proved to be a slog as more and more things wrong with it surfaced and our maintenance bill tripled. But as Jake had said, money hadn’t been an object. If we loved the house, repairs could be done and she would be back to her good old days easily. Now, with the toll of being single, I wondered if it was too much to handle alongside looking after Henry and working the late shift at the local petrol station.

I refused to spend Jake’s money. I would take what he offered for Henry, but apart from that I wouldn’t take any money from him because he felt he needed to give it to me.

I blew out a breath as I turned and spotted the sopping wet bed where the rain had blown through the open window and drenched it through. Pulling the spare blanket from the cupboard, I ventured back downstairs. The sofa it was.

I’d been asleep for about an hour when I suddenly woke again. My heart beat furiously when the floorboards above me creaked. I didn’t give myself time to think about anything as I tore the blanket off me and ran up the stairs to Henry, terrified I was too late and Gen or Seth had got to him.

What I didn’t expect to see was Henry in the arms of his daddy, his smile wide as he giggled with Jake’s playful talk. At first I was sure I was seeing things, that the old house was playing tricks on my mind, but when Jake slowly turned to me, his eyes sad and full of heartache I knew he was actually there.

“Jake.” It came out choked and a little high pitched, the restriction in my throat altering my voice.

He remained silent, gazing at me. Henry squirmed in his arms and pulled at Jake’s beard—another new thing as well as the hatred he looked at me with.

“Isla,” he said, his tone expressionless and uncaring, his face just as blank.

Disappointment surged through me. I thought he’d come home but it was evident he had just sneaked in to see Henry. I wondered how often he had crept into his own house to avoid me and see his son.

I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear when it fell in my face. “You don’t have to sneak in. If you wanted to see Henry you should have just called. I’m not going to cut you out of his life.”

A cruel smirk moved across his lips, his eyes reflecting as much spite. “Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart. I won’t be cut out of his life. I’m cutting him out of yours.”

The air in my lungs seemed to merge with the vomit in my stomach when both rushed up my throat at once and I slapped a hand over my mouth. “What? I’ve told you, it’s all lies!”

Placing Henry back into his cot he walked towards me slowly, his long strides paced and methodical and his abhorrence of me clear in his gaze. When he stopped in front of me he leaned forward, softly brushed my hair over my shoulder and pressed his mouth to my ear. “Henry is mine. You don’t deserve to be loved by anyone ever again,” he whispered coldly, then gripping my chin, his lip curled and he glared right into my soul. “I’m going to divorce you, strip you of everything you have and I’m going to take Henry.” He ran his thumb across my bottom lip, chuckled callously and repeated my own words back to me. “Prepare to go to war with the monster you created, Isla Devine.”

I didn’t watch him walk away. I couldn’t. I stood in the same spot, staring at my beautiful son for over three hours, the tears streaming down my face and the beat of my heart never starting.

The man who had promised to love and protect me forever was going to watch me slowly die. He was going to do it cruelly and as painfully as possible.

And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would fight him all the fucking way.

Kill or be killed.

L
EAH NARROWED HER EYES
on me, holding her cup to her lips. “Spill.”

“Nothing. I’m just tired.”

Her perfectly manicured brows rose high when I rubbed the back of my neck and squinted at the incessant throb in my head.

“Another headache?”

“Mmm,” I mumbled. “The doc’s given me new meds but they don’t seem to be working.”

I jumped when Leah choked on her coffee, spitting brown liquid across the table and myself. She stared at me with her mouth open, her eyes watering and her head shaking from side to side. “Shit! Isla!”

Turning round to look over my shoulder, I shot out of my chair thinking a huge spider had decided to join us for morning coffee. “What the hell, Leah? What?”

She was still staring at me, mute and shocked. “Babe,” she whispered.

Panicking, I moved to the mirror, checking my face to make sure a huge boil hadn’t exploded under my skin. The dark circles under my eyes weren’t great to look at but aside from that nothing horrific looked back at me.

“Leah, what the hell is wrong?”

“You’re . . .” She coughed to clear her throat. “The last time your headaches were this bad was when?”

I pursed my lips in thought. Then I stumbled to the table and fell into the chair. “No,” I croaked. “I can’t be. Once was a miracle, twice would be the holy bloody divine.”

I shivered against the cold trickling around my body, tears spilling down my face. Why the hell was I always in the middle of something dramatic whenever I fell pregnant?

“You need to do a test.”

I nodded slowly when she got up, snatched up her bag and disappeared.

I couldn’t be. Not again. But I knew. I knew I was. My headaches had been troubling me for weeks and I’d gone off tea and back to coffee again.

“Mam. Mam,” Henry babbled from his playpen in the corner of the kitchen. His bottom lip stuck out as if he felt my despair.

“Hey, sugar lump. Mam’s okay.” I lifted him high in the air, he giggled and my heart soared.

“Mammm.”

Laughing with him, I sat him on the worktop and nuzzled into his neck, taking huge breaths of his unique scent to settle my nerves. “You’re gonna have a little playmate, Henry. How’s that?”

He chuckled again. “Dadadada.”

Closing my eyes to the tears his shouts brought, I smiled tightly. “No, not daddy. A brother or sister, silly.” When he yawned I chuckled. “Busy day, huh?”

As I carried him through the hallway to take him up for a nap, someone tapped on the front door. Opening it, I smiled at Bill, one of the gate security guards. “Morning, Mrs Devine,” he said as he passed me the morning mail.

“Good morning, Bill. Everything okay?”

Nodding, he gave me his usual salute and ventured back down to his hut. I shouted after him. “I thought it was Richard’s shift today.”

“Phoned in sick.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, shutting the door and taking Henry upstairs.

Leah burst through the door, waving a pregnancy test at me as I settled Henry down.

“Sshhh,” I said, stroking his wispy brown hair until he closed his eyes again.

“Hurry,” Leah whispered, taking my hand and dragging me to the bathroom. Shoving the box in my hand, she tipped her chin to the toilet. “Come on!”

“Bloody hell, Leah.” I laughed. “You’re more excited than I am.”

“Of course I am. I get to have a family through you. I will never in my life push a person out of my vagina. Vaginas are there for people to venture
in!
”

Rolling my eyes, I pulled everything down, stuck the little stick underneath me and aimed as best as I could.

Leah jigged about, her foot tapping on the floor driving me nuts as we both stood and stared at the tiny screen.

“PREGNANT!” she squealed.

“I gathered.” My heart thudded furiously against my chest.

“Woohoo!” Leah sang, her arms enveloping me. When she didn’t get a reaction, she reared back and looked at the tears streaming down my face. Directing me onto the loo after she plonked down the lid, she took my hands. “I’m wondering why you aren’t jumping for joy. You’re having another little Henry, babe.”

I managed a small smile at the thought of another Henry but then the despair came in more waves, my heart weeping along with my soul. “He’ll take it,” I whispered shamefully. Why I was ashamed about Jake’s behaviour, I wasn’t sure. I just knew it wasn’t him, that he would never treat me that way if he knew.

“He’ll take what?”

“The baby.”

Leah scoffed and shook her head. “Of course he won’t! Why would he do that?”

My sobs intensified when the memories from the previous night made me wince.

“He came. He came last night.” I wasn’t sure she could understand me through all the hiccups but I rambled on. “He hates me, Leah. He’s taking Henry from me. He wants to divorce me. He hates me. . . .”

“Isla!” Leah snapped, making me blink at her. “He won’t get the fucking chance to, babe. For one, I won’t let him and for two, no judge in the land would prove you to be a bad mother.” Framing my face with her hands, she sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

I shrugged. “Because . . . because it didn’t sink in until now. I made excuses for him in my head. That he’s angry and hurting and that it was all talk.” Leah nodded, agreeing with me. “But he will, Leah, I know he will. Especially now.”

“No!” She shook her head firmly.

I stared at her, my hiccups ceasing with the shock of her sternness.

“If you’re willing to sit back and allow him to take everything from you that you’ve ever dreamed of, then you deserve to lose Henry and his sibling!”

“What?” I screeched, her words cutting deep.

“What the hell is wrong with you? This isn’t you! You never gave in, you never let anything bring you down, even . . . even after Dwaine. You fought back. You fought and you fucking won!”

Her face was red and heated, her tears matching mine.

“Where are you, babe? Where the hell is Isla Cormack?”

She was right—as always.

“Wars were never won by sitting back and allowing people to trample all over you. You need to find that side of you that craves the darkness.” When my eyes widened on her, she scowled at me. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. We both know it’s in there. Fuck, I’ve seen it in your eyes. For the first time in your bloody life you need to take whatever is in there and make it fight for you. Because to be honest, if you don’t then Jake Devine will take it all.”

“I’m not sure I have the strength to fight him.”

She smiled, her head tipping sideways as more tears plopped from her eyes. “Babe,” she whispered. “You’re a mother. The strength is there, ready to fight whenever your children need you. You won’t need to find it because it will come thick and fast as soon as someone tries to hurt your babies.”

I nodded.

“Now come on. It’s time to get off your fat backside, rumble up some courage and fight that man all the way into hell.”

Taking a breath, I blew it out and stood up. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“Woohoo! My bitch is back!”

“I’m not your bitch, Leah.”

“You’ve always been my bitch.”

“That makes me sound like some butch lesbian.”

“You could be my butch lesbian friend if you wanted.”

“What the fuck? I have long hair for starters. And I wear nice lacy knickers.”