Conviction: Devine (4 page)

“Have you any idea what happens in those places? What I gave up for you. FOR YOU!”

I shook my head like a lunatic, his face distorting with every move and every tear that flicked off my face.

He grimaced as if suddenly aware of his rage. His grip loosened but he didn’t let go. Dropping his face closer, he drew the tip of his nose along my own, his breathing stalling for a moment. “I can’t ever give you up. Not now. Not now I have you. The first time I saw you I knew you were it, the one for me. You were so beautiful and gentle, like this perfect little flower that would lose its petals if the wind blew too hard. And when the storm came, you held on. Oh, how you held on. But now your petals are falling and you’re standing at the edge watching them wilt and drop. This isn’t you. You fight, Isla. You always fought.”

I stared at him for a moment, my heart in my mouth, my soul hanging on like my petals. “Maybe I’m tired, Jake. Maybe I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe I want to step over the edge and fall to the bottom. I can’t do this anymore.”

He shook his head. “You can. This is just the autumn, sweetheart. The spring will come and when it does you will be so much stronger for holding on. I promise.”

He brushed my hair aside with a gentle sweep, his eyes fixed on mine as I stared at him. I could read the desperation in them, the hope and the guilt but it was the love displayed so openly that caused me to nod. I was still so angry with him but still I nodded.

“I’ll hold on,” I whispered.

He smiled softly, dropping a tiny kiss to my nose. “I’m sorting it, I promise.”

I nodded again. If I was honest I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling never mind what I was thinking. Jake had this hold on me that whatever we both did I couldn’t sever the link. I didn’t think I would ever be able to sever it.

“And Genesis?” I had to ask. I needed to know.

He sighed and sat up. “It’s complicated.”

“Of course it is!” I huffed but he scowled at me and shifted so that he was looking at me.

“Not in the way you think. Gen and I go way back.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Gen and Dwaine share the same mother.”

I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth. “What?”

“That’s how I met her, through Dwaine and Meredith. However, her father, Freddy, is high in the underbelly of our world.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you telling me you’re using Genesis to get to Freddy?”

He shrugged. “I told you. I’m not a good man. I’m far from a good man. I will do whatever it takes to get the outcome I want.”

“Including screwing Genesis?” I spat as I scrambled off the bed, my mind in turmoil and my stomach in knots as I pictured them together.

“I haven’t screwed her! Well, not since a few years back. It was just a kiss, Isla.”

“Just a kiss?” My mouth popped open as I stared at him. “How can you say that? Have you any idea what seeing that did to me?”

He blinked and then smirked, a devious smile growing wide on his face. He took a step towards me, grabbing my wrist when I tried to move away. I grabbed onto his arms when I tumbled against him. “That sounds like jealousy, sweetheart.”

“Are you crazy?”

He nodded, pursing his lips. “We’ve had this discussion before and I was sure we verified that fact time and time again.”

“This isn’t a joke, Jake. You hurt me! It hurt!”

His expression sobered and he nodded slowly. “I know. I’m sorry. I should have told you. But you have to believe me when I tell you there is nothing going on between me and Gen. She runs a few of my businesses, fills in at Deviant when people call in sick, and that is all. I promise I would never do that to you. Never.”

There was something in his eyes that told me to believe him. Maybe I was naïve, maybe I just needed him too much but I
did
believe him. More than I should have.

“I don’t tell someone I love them then go and fuck someone else the night after. In fact I’ve never told anyone I love them but you. If you think I take that statement lightly then you’re wrong. You’re the only person in my life that I love, apart from the guys, but that’s different.”

“Aww, that’s a shame,” I murmured. “I think Keegan has a thing for you.”

I jumped when his fingers dug into my ribs and he started a relentless tickling session, my lungs squealing as I tried to breathe through his torture.

“Think you’re funny, huh?” he taunted as he continued with his pursuit. I wailed louder when he flipped me over and dug into my sides, his fingers weapons as I struggled to take a breath.

Without warning he flipped me again. The expression on his face and the bulge digging into my thigh told me he’d had enough of tickling. His eyes ventured over my face as a serious look took over his previous happy one. “I mean it, Isla. I love you. Fuck, I do, so much. You’re not just the stars and moon for me. You’re my breath, the beat of my heart and the blood that runs through my veins. I wouldn’t survive without you. My body would die.”

Again, his mood shifted as quick as it had come and his mouth crushed over mine, his lips working mine beneath him until I opened up and allowed his tongue to play with mine, my fingers already in his hair as I pulled him closer. The need in me was overpowering, the throb inside me a torture that needed something to tame it.

As if sensing my need, Jake tugged at my shorts and yanked them off, pulling at my top just as desperately to bare my breasts to his greedy mouth. His teeth teased as his tongue tortured and his fingers slid between my legs, the tip of one slipping over my clitoris lightly. I bucked beneath his touch, telling him I needed more. He reared back, his eyes slits as a dark need masked his face.

Slowly, he climbed off the bed. Standing to the side he crooked his finger at me. My belly flipped, nerves tugging at me after the last time he’d nearly choked me.

Jake shook his head. “I won’t hurt you. You need this, sweetheart. I know you do.”

If I didn’t trust him then we had nothing, so taking a deep breath I climbed off the bed and stood before him, gloriously naked. His eyes roamed my body for a moment before he turned and took my robe off the hook on the back of the door. He kept his eyes on me as he tugged at the belt and pulled it out of the loops.

“Go stand and face the door.”

His voice was quiet and husky, the tone sending my clit and womb into a spasm. I swallowed the nerves and did as he asked, my feet stumbling slightly as I turned my back on him and locked my gaze on the pattern of the grain in the door.

“Lift your arms.” His warm breath on the side of my neck made me jump but slowly I raised my arms, my lungs about collapsed as I tried to regulate my rampant breathing.

He slid both his hands up my arms, his fingers almost scorching my sensitive skin as he made his way upwards. When he reached my wrists he wrapped one end of my belt around both of them, causing me to clamp my hands together, and then he bound and tied the other end to the hook, giving it a swift pull to make sure it was sturdy enough.

Silence descended for a moment and all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears and my heavy breathing.

“Fuck!” His voice came from behind me triggering another jolt. “You have no idea how fucking perfect you look right now.”

Closing my eyes, I listened to him move about behind me. The ‘nothing’ was the worst, not knowing or being able to see what he was doing but suddenly, when a harsh crack hit my backside, my eyes flung open and a short, sharp yelp burst from me.

Turning my head, I found Jake standing with a dirty smirk, my bedtime read in his hand. “You’re spanking me with my own book!”

He chuckled and waggled his eyebrows, giving me another quick smack, the burn in my buttock spreading outwards until it hit my pussy and I squirmed. His smirk grew even wider when he saw my reaction. Blushing furiously, I turned back to face the door and closed my eyes, giving myself over to whatever Jake had in mind.

Another smack made my breath hitch and my arousal fiercer. “Don’t feel ashamed,” Jake murmured as he started a religious rhythm on my bottom, his hits quick and in rapid succession. “I love this part of you. It makes my cock weep for you. It makes me want to bury myself so far inside you that your screams echo around my head for the rest of the month.”

My backside burned but my pussy dripped and it was becoming harder to stay upright. Once or twice one of Jake’s smacks caused my knees to buckle and I swung precariously from the little hook on the back of my bedroom door. I hoped Leah wasn’t going to barge in or my nose would forever be crooked.

I felt Jake drop to his knees behind me and when he touched me, I shivered, causing me to blush harder. I simultaneously hated and loved how he could do this to my body, the need and yearning overwhelming. He palmed my sore buttocks, kissing the welts tenderly. “You wear my mark now, Isla.”

I frowned and turned to look over my shoulder and down at him. His eyes rose to mine as his tongue crept out and he drew it across one of my buttocks. I gasped when as he pulled back; a coating of blood smeared his lips. He licked across them, his intense gaze still very much on me as he watched for a reaction when he made a show of swallowing my blood, his eyes closing for a moment as if he relished the taste of me.

“Am I sick if I admit that makes me want you even more?” I whispered.

“If you’re sick,” he muttered as he slipped a hand between my legs and drove a finger straight inside me, “then I’m the perfect match for you, sweetheart, because tasting your essence makes me ready to come in my fucking pants.”

“Oh,” I groaned when he pressed another finger into me beside the other. “Don’t do that, it’s such a waste.”

He chuckled as he started to slowly push in and out of me, the tip of his finger catching the sensitive spot inside me. I dropped my forehead to the door and moaned when he started to push harder and his kisses returned to my ass.

Boldly I ground down on him, encouraging him to finger fuck me harder the nearer my orgasm approached. I stilled when I felt one of his fingers press against my anus, his others still fucking me hard.

“Relax,” he whispered as he directed his kisses down the back of my thigh, dropping more to the spot of skin behind my knee. “Trust me.”

I swallowed, making myself relax as he started to push his little finger inside my arse. He was so gentle, his fingers teasing as the two in my pussy drove me higher and higher. When he had fully inserted his finger up to his knuckle he teased the flesh inside me. The feeling was weird but . . . pleasurable, my body tingling with the thrill as my climax came full pelt and knocked the breath out of me, my cry loud and long as he played deep inside me and dragged out the ecstasy.

Before I could regulate my frantic pants, my breasts were squashed against the door and Jake pushed his hard cock deep inside me, his girth stretching me wide as his hands grabbed my hips and he relentlessly pounded into me. I had to turn my face to the side so his pummelling didn’t break my nose. Each of his frantic thrusts rubbed against my sore buttocks but that only heightened the sensations tearing through me, the pain making me concentrate solely on the pleasure.

My eyes widened when he cupped my bottom and lifted me. Trying to quickly find a comfortable position, I brought my knees up to my chest and wedged myself between the door and Jake. When he pushed another finger into my ass, I realised why he had moved me into that position. He fucked me hard in both places, inserting another finger into my backside until the feeling of fullness engulfed me and I couldn’t hold back my orgasm. Jake struggled to hold me as I jerked and trembled in his precarious hold, my knees knocking on the door and making me pray Leah hadn’t heard it.

Jake thrust harder and deeper, removing his fingers from my backside so he could wrap his arms around me and drive deeper to release his orgasm inside me. His groan was loud and feral when he spewed inside me, his spunk flooding me as he struggled to support me.

“Jesus bloody hell,” he uttered as his sweaty forehead pressed against my back.

Once he’d tamed his breathing he untied the belt and carried me over to the bed, laying me face down onto it. “Stay there, I’m going to find some antiseptic,” he breathed into the side of my neck, planting a kiss to accompany his words.

I turned my face and watched him walk into the bathroom, sighing appreciatively at the way his buttocks clenched and relaxed with each stride. Jake was handsome, there was no denying it but I was also aware that he used his looks to get what he wanted in life. The knowledge saddened me. He’d been brought up with no love or appreciation for who he was inside, so naturally he used the only thing he could; his appearance. He kept himself in shape and healthy and although that was a good thing, it was also a hindrance. People never saw the real him, only what he allowed them to see—the outside. I felt honoured that he allowed me inside to witness the parts of him that no one else was permitted. I had touched his heart like he had mine, but it was his soul that caused me the biggest pain because although it was made for me to protect, he would never tolerate that. Jake Devine protected me from all the bad shit, but who protected him when the going got tough?

Genesis slipped through my head but I shook it off. He’d told me, swore to me, that there was nothing in their relationship but I still couldn’t help but wonder. He was close to her, that was evident and even if it was platonic, it still made me wary of her. Genesis was a bitch and it was obvious she didn’t like me. I just wondered if she knew Jake’s kiss was a ploy.

Another part of me questioned whether the kiss was a ploy on Jake’s part too, but I didn’t listen.

I should have. I so should have.