Corps Security: The Series (21 page)

We sit down for dinner on night two when I decide to ask him.

“Hey, Mad? Can I ask you something?” I ask him hesitantly.

“Yeah, girl. You can ask but that doesn’t mean I’m going to answer.” He looks over, and despite his teasing, I can see the wariness behind his eyes.

“I know, I just . . . I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk. I hear you, you know? I know what it’s like to have your nightmares chase you out of your dreams. I guess I just wanted to know if you wanted to talk about it?” I keep my eyes level with him, wanting him to know that, even with my problems, I can take on his issues. I want to help; I want to be there for my friend.

“Nothing for you to worry about, girl. Things better left alone, yeah?”

“All right, Mad. But if you want to talk, I’m here.” I pick up my fork and return to my salad.

“Izzy?” he asks. He startles me, not because I can hear the question coming, but because I don’t think I have ever heard him call me my name.

“Maddox?” I tease.

“What happened between you and Reid?” He looks at me with concern written all over his face. Sympathy for my situation and compassion for me and my pain.

I don’t know what makes me open my mouth, but I know that whatever demons are chasing me, his are worse. For once, I don’t feel the stabbing pain that normally comes with thinking about the old Axel and Izzy. For the first time, I want to talk to someone, want to have someone else understand why I am firm on keeping him at arm’s length.

“All right,” I start, placing my fork back on the table and pushing back in my chair, “how long have you known Axel?”

“Close to ten years. I know about you. He used to talk. I just don’t understand how you are the same girl he always talked about. I can’t seem to understand his anger and your heartbreak.”

“Ten years, huh? So not long after he joined. Did you know I was supposed to be by his side ten years ago? We had it all planned out, like stupid kids. We thought that nothing would ever get in the way of our stupid plans. I was seventeen when he left for basic, still had one more year of school left, but he was coming back. I had this tiny speck of a diamond promise ring from him, so tiny you couldn’t even really see it was there . . . but that ring was worth more to me than all the riches in the world. He left for basic and was coming back for a visit a few months later. The plan was for me to make it to graduation. Then we would have a small wedding and I would join him wherever the Marines took him. He broke those plans. Broke them and never looked back.” I stop picking at the table and look up to meet Maddox’s blank stare.

“He broke them?” he calmly asks.

“Yeah. Never came back to me.” I can feel the emotion start choking me, but I am determined not to go there.

“Izzy, you’re sure? He never came back home?” He seems so confused by this.

“I don’t know if he ever came back home,” I start, earning another confused frown from Maddox. “Two weeks after he left, my parents were killed—drunk driver. Still being a minor and with no other local family, I was sent to my grandparents’ in North Carolina.”

“Did Reid, Axel . . . Did Axel know this?”

“Yes, he would have known about my parents the second he rolled back into town. Small-town living means everyone is always in your business. There is no way he didn’t know about their passing.”

“Not what I mean, girl. Did he know where you were?”

“Um, yes. I left my grandparents’ address with his foster mother. I wrote him and wrote and wrote some more to the base he was supposed to be stationed at, but all the letters came back to me. June, his foster mother, she had all my contact information. It wasn’t like I was hiding, Maddox.”

His normally blank face looks so different when he allows emotion to filter through his tightly locked walls. His nose is scrunched up, eyes are narrowed, and his lips are pulled tight. He looks distressed, mildly confused, and constipated all in one.

“Girl, there seems to be some major wires crossed between you two.” He keeps his weird look. “Is that all? Seems to be a little more than just some foiled plans with all this shit.”

“Yeah, Mad . . . there’s a lot more.”

He sits there, silently waiting for me to continue. It feels oddly liberating to get this off my chest, knowing that I won’t be judged and that someone else will understand where I am coming from.

“Mad, I get you’re trying to be there, but this might be different with you being his friend and all.”

“His friend. Your friend. Don’t see how it makes a difference who I share my cookies with at snack time.” His attempt at lightening up this conversation works, earning a giggle before I shake my head and look down at my clasped hands.

“You know I tried to get in contact with him, so many letters . . . It was ridiculous how blinded by love I was. Never once did I give up faith that he would come to me. I saw everything, even with the pain of losing my mom and dad, with a little extra sparkle knowing he would come back for me.” I laugh lightly, looking up and meeting his serious eyes, “Never once did I give up that hope. It wasn’t until almost two months later when I started panicking and worrying.” With a deep sigh and a wobble in my voice, I look back up before continuing. “He hadn’t been gone long, so I didn’t really have much cause for concern. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to talk often, but I thought for sure he would call, find a way to reach out to me when he found out about my parents. God, was I stupid. So stupid . . .”

I don’t realize that I have zoned out, staring off into space, until Maddox coughs, clears his throat, and interrupts my mental trip down memory lane. “What happened next, Izzy?”

I turn my head and look into his deep, dark eyes, just look into his understanding face for a few moments before I whisper my biggest sorrow. “What happened? I finally had some light brought back into my life and more motivation to find Axel. I was pregnant, Maddox. Seventeen, alone, and pregnant with a baby I loved more than anything in this world. Even with as much as I missed Axel, I was finally smiling again because I had a small part of our love growing inside of me. I was happy. Even without my parents and without Axel physically by me, I was able to feel whole.”

His mouth is wide open in shock, eyes large and bugging out, and the wheels are turning so fast, I worry he might start flying off track. I have stunned this big man.

“Uh . . .”

He coughs a few times, pausing to collect his thoughts. Or maybe he is picking up the pieces of his mind I just blew all over the room. Not what he was expecting to hear, I’m sure. Greg was shocked, and he didn’t even know who my Axel was then.

“Pregnant?” He looks down at my stomach like he is expecting me to still be pregnant twelve years later. “Izzy, what happened to the baby? You sound like you wanted the pregnancy, and forgive me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember seeing any babies.” His tone is light, and I know he doesn’t mean to cause the sharp pain that jolts through my body. I can’t help the flinch that rocks me back in my seat. I feel like he slapped me, and even though I know he didn’t mean it, I can’t help the tears that rush to the surface.

Smiling sadly at him, I continue my story. “No, you didn’t see any baby. I lost my little miracle when I was three months pregnant.” The tears are flowing now. As much as it hurts to talk about this, I start to feel a little lighter from finally letting someone else in.

“Oh, girl . . . come here.” He pushes his big body from the table and holds his arms open to me. I crawl into his lap and hold on tight, letting out the sorrow of my loss, letting him take in the pain, and purging the grief from my system.

We stay like that for a while. He rubs my back and becomes my anchor while I just let it out. He doesn’t push, doesn’t ask me any more questions; he is just there. I know in this moment that Maddox will forever be part of my ‘family.’

I finally calm down and am just starting to get up when he clears his throat. I look over at him, shocked by the moisture in his eyes, the unchecked sadness his face holds. “Izzy, you have to be one of the strongest chicks I know. Hear me when I say this, and please don’t take this the wrong way. I feel you, girl. I feel your pain. Cuts me deep, you and Reid. But you two need to talk because I promise you . . . he has no clue. Not my story to tell, but girl, no clue. That wire I thought was crossed is more like a ball so fucked up that if you don’t sit down and work it out, you might never get it unraveled. You two hurting, and hurting for no reason . . . A shame girl. A damn shame.”

Sometimes it sounds like he is talking in riddles. I don’t see how this could be misconstrued. It’s pretty cut and dry if you ask me. I know Axel doesn’t know about our angel, but he can’t play dumb about not following through with our plans and coming to me.

“I don’t know, Mad. I think if there were something else at play here, he would have tried harder to find me. I’ll think about it, but no promises okay?”

“All I can ask. Can’t hold that shit in forever. Might have been easier when he wasn’t around, but now, not going to be able to hold it in.”

“Mad, you know . . . You know you can talk to me too, right? I won’t push, but I know something is eating at you, and I would guess it’s something big.” Maddox is always so closed off, and I know that this moment of sharing my past is big for him. I just wish he would let me in, let me help him.

“Know that, girl. One day, but that day isn’t today. Won’t be tomorrow, but maybe one day.”

And that is that. I go to bed that night feeling lighter than I have in years. Dr. Maxwell was onto something when she told me to open up and let people in. All these years, I was afraid to let my guard down, and one big bad ex-Marine finally let me feel close to normal again.

I sleep for the first time in years without dreams, an almost peaceful sleep full of promise . . . until Maddox’s terrifying screams wake me up a few hours later.

* * *

The next morning, I’m making breakfast for both of us when a sharp knock sounds at the door. Maddox is still sleeping. I heard him screaming out a few times throughout the night. Whatever haunts him was doing a bang-up job last night. My heart hurts for my friend.

Glancing over at the clock above the stove, I note the time—7:00 a.m.; too early for normal company.

I have to remind myself that this isn’t my place and it probably is wise for me to go wake up Mad. After all, I am here for a reason. The knocking continues, so I go up to the door and check the peephole. I jump back like the door bit me when I see who is on the other side.

Axel.

Just who I don’t want to see bright and early in the morning. Well, I didn’t
want
to see him, but a small part of me is jumping up and down like some stupid cheerleader just by seeing his handsome face.

“Hold on, hold on . . .” I mutter under my breath while I disarm the security system and throw open the door. “Good morning, your assholiness. To what do I owe this esteemed pleasure?” Throwing a snarky smile on my face for good measure, I look up into wide, shocked eyes.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” He growls.

Uh, oh.

Looking down, I notice that I am still wearing my bed clothes—a tank top and panties, which are doing a bang-up job of hiding nothing.

Shit.

“I just woke up, Axel. What do you expect me to sleep in? A snowsuit?”

“I expect you to not walk around naked in another man’s home.”

“Excuse me? What does it matter to you what I wear when I am
sleeping!”
I need some serious caffeine before I can be expected to deal with his bullshit this early. “Idiot,” I grumble under my breath and turn to walk back into the kitchen.

I take the eggs off the burner, plate the bacon, and grab the toast out of the toaster. I set up two spots at the table, effectively ignore Axel, and walk down the hall to Maddox’s room. I can feel Axel burning his eyes into my back. Just to piss him off, I throw some more swing than normal into my hips. His answering groan is all I need to hear to bring a small smile over my face.

Knocking softly, I call out to Maddox, “Hey, you want to eat something?”

Wide awake and hollow, his voice calls back through the door. “No.”

I knew he wouldn’t be in a good mood this morning, but I really hoped I could help him. Even by just being here.

“You sure? I made you breakfast.” I turn the knob and peek in.

Maddox is sitting on the side of his bed with his elbows braced on his knees, his head folded down into his big hands. It breaks my heart.

“I’m here if you need me, okay? Even if that’s all I can offer, I know how important it is to have someone waiting to help carry your burdens.”

“Yeah, girl. Go eat. I’m good.” He looks up at me, his dark eyes seeming to see right through me. It would seem that Maddox is still very much trapped in his head.

“All right, Mad. Axel is here, and he is fuming at the top, but what else is new.”

I turn around and immediately draw back. Axel is standing directly behind me, and with no warning, I end up pressed tight against his hard body.

We both suck in sharp pulls of air. I can feel my body instantly becoming aware of his being this close. Every single inch of my exposed skin that presses tightly to his denim-and-cotton-covered body is tingling. And just with this small press of our bodies, I can feel my panties become soaked in seconds. His eyes are dark with desire and his breathing has picked up; at least I’m not alone here.

He shifts closer, pressing his thick erection into my stomach. I let out another sharp gasp, not even realizing I was holding my breath this whole time. My nose fills with his hardy scent immediately. Mouthwatering. My nipples pebble and my heart is pounding.

His big, strong hands reach out and grab both of my small wrists. Slowly, oh so painfully slowly, he starts caressing his way up my arms, my skin breaking out in millions of tiny goose bumps along the way. When he reaches my shoulders, he brings his hands up, one going to the back of my neck, fingers lacing into my hair. The other travels up to the side of my face, holding my cheek and part of my neck tenderly. My body is on fire. The skin he touched is burning, and the overwhelming need to
feel
him has consumed my every fiber.