Cosmo (16 page)

And by Lil' Romeo, I mean, of course, Percy Romeo Miller, Jr. (1989– ), currently known by the performance name Romeo, though clearly better known as Lil' Romeo, a moniker that acknowedged his precocious age and diminutive size when he debuted as a rapper and recording artist in 2001 (and first signed to his father's music label, No Limit Records, at the age of five). The Romeo born into the world of hip hop and basketball as the eldest son of ex-rapper Sonya C and rapper, entrepreneur and mogul Percy Robert Miller, Sr., otherwise known as Master P (otherwise known as P. Miller), rapper of over a dozen albums (such as
Ghetto D
[1997],
MP Da Last Don
[1998],
Only God Can Judge Me
[1999] and
Ghetto Postage
[2000]), who reached his apex of fame in the late nineties but who steadily declined in influence, record sales and critical reception throughout the early 2000s, mirroring the declining success of his once red-hot rap music label, No Limit Records, which spawned an empire of related businesses (and for which P. Miller worked as
CEO
, personally earning nearly $57 million in 1998, and once estimated to be worth over $600 million) including No Limit Gear, Bout It Inc., No Limit Films, No Limit Communications and No Limit Sports Management. No Limit Records most impressively showcased as a dominant force in the rap industry in Master P's 1997 track, ‘Make 'Em Say Uhh' (from the album
Ghetto D
), notable for a refrain comprised mostly of groans and a music video featuring a platinum tank, a basketball court writhing with cheerleaders and gesticulating groupies, and frequent, over-the-top slam dunks. P also being brother (and Romeo thus being nephew) to two other popular musicians: C-Murder (Corey Miller), rapper of seven albums (including the platinum-selling 1998 album
Life or Death
[No Limit Records]), ex-lover of R&B phenomenon Monica and a convicted murderer, serving a sentence of life imprisonment at the Louisiana State Penitentiary for the 2002 beating and shooting of sixteen-year-old Steve Thomas; and Silkk the Shocker (Vyshonn King Miller), rapper of five studio albums (including 1999's
Made Man
[No Limit Records]), ex-lover of and collaborator with R&B sensation Mya, COO of the new incarnation of No Limit Records, No Limit Forever (co-operated with his nephew, Romeo), aspiring director of the documentary
Conviction by Name
(which argues for the innocence of C-Murder) and father of two children (Lil King and Jianna Miller). The Romeo who is older brother to Valentino Miller, also a rapper, and Cymphonique Miller, recently nominated for Best Female Hip-Hop Artist at the 2011
BET
Awards (despite having released only one
EP
[2009's
I Heart You
]) and current star of the Nickelodeon sitcom
How to Rock
, based on the young-adult book
How to Rock Braces and Glasses
by Meg Haston. The Romeo who reached the No. 1 spot on Billboard 200, making him the youngest artist to ever reach such a dizzying peak, with his first single ‘My Baby' (sampling the Jackson 5's lighthearted 1969 mega-hit ‘I Want You Back') from his first, now certified-platinum album,
Lil' Romeo
(2001). The Romeo who followed in 2002 with the double-platinum album
Game Time
, boasting the singles ‘2-Way' (sampling ‘It Takes Two' by Rob Base and
DJ
E-Z Rock, featuring lyrics by his father, Master P and his uncle Silkk The Shocker) and ‘True Love' (featuring lyrics by Solange Knowles, younger and less successful sister of Beyoncé). The Romeo who released a third and final album under the moniker Lil' Romeo in 2004 called
Romeoland
, which reached certified-gold status and #70 on the Billboard 200 chart (considerably worse than his last two albums). But this is also the Romeo of the five-man rap group Rich Boyz (comprised of Valentino, aka Young V, Romeo's younger brother, and his cousins C-Los, Lil' D and Big Doug), releasing the album
Young Ballers: The Hood Been Good to Us
in 2005 (receiving no reviews) on the internet via Guttar Music (aka New No Limit), founded by Romeo and his father in 2005 after (uncle) Silkk the Shocker purchased the original No Limit Records the year before (No Limit, aka No Limit Forever, currently operated by rappers known as Black Don (
CEO
) and Lil' D (President). In 2006, Romeo saw the release of two new albums, both signed under the new name of ‘Romeo' (dropping the ‘Lil'' that pegged the rapper as a child star):
Lottery
(featuring a rumoured lyrical rebuttal in the track ‘U Can't Shine Like Me' to a rumoured diss in the 2005 track ‘Fresh Azimiz' by Bow Wow, formerly Lil' Bow Wow) and
God's Gift
, the soundtrack album to the 2006 direct-to-video film of the same name, directed by Master P, distributed by Guttar Music Entertainment and starring Romeo, Young V and Zachary Isaiah Williams. In 2007, the world witnessed the release of
Hip Hop History
, a poorly selling collaboration with his father from Take A Stand Records, and 2010 saw the release of
Spring Break
, an album by a new, post–Rich Boyz collective called College Boyys (involving Romeo, Valentino Miller, K Smith, Taz, Kyros and other acts) committed to writing empowering (and cleaner) lyrical messages, promoting a school-positive attitude and elevating the jerkin' (or jerk) street dance style of 2009 (transitioning into, or supported by, the Romeo-designed College Boyys clothing line, promoted by young artists such as Jaden Smith and Justin Bieber and boasting polo shirts, argyle sweaters and a generally more preppy style than what was popular among rap artists in the early 2000s and late '90s). The Romeo of the rather confusing fourth official studio album, now known as
Intelligent Hoodlum
, featuring the YouTube-released first single, ‘Hug Me Forever,' that samples ‘(I Just) Died in Your Arms' by Cutting Crew and is scheduled for release sometime in 2012 – all of this extremely confusing to outsiders because of the erratic release, naming and recording schedule between 2008 and the present.
Intelligent Hoodlum
originally bore the name
Gumbo Station
and was supported by the single ‘Get Low wit It' in 2008, which failed to reach a spot on the Billboard charts; however, songs destined for Gumbo Station appeared on the compilation LP
Get Low
in 2009, and the fourth album was re-announced as
The College Boy
and then (again) as
I Am No Limit
in the year 2010. This new incarnation was supported by the singles ‘Tell Me a Million Times' and ‘Ice Cream Man Jr.' Matters grew even more complex with the 2010 release of a new (and aptly named) mixtape,
Patience Is a Virtue
,
two
new
EP
s (called
Famous Girl
and
Monster/Practice
) and the previously mentioned
Spring Break
College Boyys album (this being the same year in which Romeo rebranded No Limit as No Limit Forever and released the singles ‘You,' ‘She Bad' and ‘They Don't Know': three songs that failed to reach any standing on the Billboard charts). In 2011, matters were further entangled regarding the now mysterious and fabled fourth studio album with the release of the (again aptly named)
EP
Don't Push Me
and the mixtape
I Am No Limit
(previously the working title of the fourth album but now released in miniature). But this is also the Romeo of erratic film roles throughout the last decade, debuting in the 2001 children's film
Max Keeble's Big Move
, distributed by Walt Disney, and appearing in the 2003 film Honey, starring Jessica Alba, Mekhi Phifer and numerous rap and R&B musicians (receiving devastatingly poor reviews but debuting at #2 at the U.S. box office and garnering Romeo nominations for Choice Breakout Movie Star at both the Teen Choice Awards and the Black Reel Awards in 2004). The Romeo of numerous direct-to-video releases from 2004 to 2011, such as
Still 'Bout It
,
Don't Be Scared
,
Crush on U
and
The Pig People
, the Black Reel Award–nominated and
NAACP
Award–winning comedy film
Jumping the Broom
(2011) and the summer 2012 dramedy
Madea's Witness Protection
, directed by, produced by, written by and starring Tyler Perry. The Romeo of frequent television roles between the years of 2001 and 2011 on such series and specials as
The Brothers Garcia
,
The Hughleys
,
Raising Dad
,
Proud Family
,
One on One
,
Static Shock
,
All Grown Up!
,
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide
,
Out of Jimmy's Head
,
The Defenders
,
The Bad Girls Club
,
The Cape
,
Reed Between the Lines
,
Charlie's Angels
and
Dancing with the Stars
(originally scheduled to appear on the second season but forced out due to injury before filming and replaced, appropriately, by his father, only to compete alongside Chelsie Hightower in the twelfth season and reach the top five before being eliminated), but most emphatically and enduringly on
Romeo!
, the fifty-three-episode, three-season Nickelodeon children's series (filmed in Vancouver, B.C.) starring Romeo as the main character: a young aspiring rapper and basketball player managed by his father (played by Master P), and for which Romeo won the Favorite Male Television Actor award at the 2005 Kids' Choice Awards and received nominations for a Young Artist Award, a
NAMIC
Vision Award and an Image Award. The Romeo who, in 2007, signed a deal with the University of Southern California as a point guard for the college's basketball team, allegedly due to Romeo's personal association with DeMar DeRozan, now playing for the Toronto Raptors, who was signed simultaneously by coach Tim Floyd at the suggestion of Percy Miller, who insinuated that the two boys were in effect a package deal. While both DeRozan and and Romeo competed in the 2008/2009 season for usc, Romeo (playing as #15) played under twenty minutes over the course of two seasons and scored only five points: all in all, a catastrophic end to his sporting career and pretty clearly an example of power begetting power and big-money nepotism. This is also the Romeo of various charity endorsements, including
Variety
's Power of Youth project, which raises money for the Starlight Children's Foundation and L.A.'s Best and places Romeo in the company of other young stars, including Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Dakota Fanning, the Jonas Brothers and Abigail Breslin. The Romeo of Loco Tonic Energy Drink endorsements (mentioning the beverage in recent songs) and of various modelling gigs, appearing in the pages of
TROIX
magazine and on the cover of
Brave Mag
. Also the Romeo of a recently released tweet claiming he was ‘The youngest to ever perform at #coachella. Shut it down!' before hitting the stage at Coachella 2012 with contemporary rap act
A$AP
Rocky and his father to perform P's 1998 No Limit hit ‘Make 'Em Say Uhh' to thunderous applause – a family and hip-hop reunion of sorts, enforcing the continuity of the Miller family and Master P's now classic, old-school status.

And by Abigail Breslin, I mean, of course, Abigail Kathleen Breslin (1996– ), born on the 14th of April in the city of New York, New York, under the third, soulful decanate of Aries during a week of exciting filmic and literary activity, including the reign of bestselling novels such as James Redfield's
The Celestine Prophecy
(1993) and Nicholas Evans's
The Horse Whisperer
(1995) and top-grossing films such as
Fear
(starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon) and
James and the Giant Peach
, produced by Tim Burton (April 14 also being the birthday for renowned public figures Adrien Brody, Brad Garrett, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Loretta Lynn, Pete Rose and Anthony Michael Hall). The Abigail who appeared in her first motion picture at the precocious age of five, playing Bo Hess, daughter of protagonist and widower and ex-Episcopalian priest Graham Hess (played by Mel Gibson) and sister of Morgan Hess (played by Rory Culkin) in the M. Night Shyamalan sci-fi/horror
Signs
(2002), a box-office success for Shyamalan (garnering close to $228 million in domestic sales) and his fifth directorial feature.
Signs
being the alien-themed thriller in which Abigail's character, Bo, [Warning: Spoiler] enabled the destruction of the invading interplanetary creatures by leaving numerous glasses of water scattered throughout the Hess family home, allowing her uncle Merrill (played by Joaquin Phoenix) to douse one such intruder with the harmful liquid during the film's ostensible climax (such aliens were illogically and simplistically injured and/or killed by direct contact with water, infiltrating our planet unarmoured and unprepared despite the vast amounts of water vapour, rain and fresh and salt water across the Earth), and for which she was nominated for the Phoenix Film Critics Society Award for Best Youth Actress, the Young Artist Award for Best Performance in a Feature Film: Young Actress Ten or Under, and was praised for her performance by David Ansen of
Newsweek
magazine (however, like so many before her, Abigail had appeared in television commercials before her leap to the silver screen, debuting in a Toys ‘R' Us commercial at the cherubic age of three). The Abigail named after Abigail Adams (née Smith, 1744–1818), First Lady of the United States and beloved wife of John Adams (1735–1826), second President of the United States and Founding Father, and mother to John Quincy Adams (1767–1848), sixth President of the United States. The Abigail named after this celebrated and learned woman of revolutionary times by Michael Breslin, father, consultant and telecommunications technician, and manager Kim Breslin (née Blecker, daughter of Lynn and Catherine, close-knit and loving grandparents from New Jersey and abiding today in Pennsylvania), the third and final child of the family and younger sister to Ryan Breslin, born in 1985, and Spencer Breslin, born in May of 1992 and also an actor, appearing in films such as
The Cat in the Hat
(2003),
The Shaggy Dog
(2006) and
Raising Helen
(2004), in which he played Abigail's sibling and Kate Hudson's ward. The rising actress Abigail who appeared in four other films in 2004 and 2005: the family comedy
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
, the independent film
Keane
, the family film
Chestnut: Hero of Central Park
and the made-for-TV movie
Family Plan
(for which she received zero award nominations but was noted for her acting chops by various stunned and bored reviewers), and who also appeared from 2004 to 2006 on various uninspired television shows, such as
Law & Order:
SVU
,
NCIS
,
Ghost Whisperer
and
Grey's Anatomy
. The Abigail who received, as all actors must receive, a breakthrough role – hers being in the 2006 critical and box-office success
Little Miss Sunshine
, in which she played young beauty-pageant hopeful Olive Hoover and for which she received
nine
major acting awards and
nine
nominations, including an Academy (for Best Supporting Actress), a
BAFTA
, a
SAGA
and an
MTV
.
Little Miss Sunshine
being the Academy,
AFI
,
BAFTA
,
BFCA
,
SAG
,
WDCAFC
,
ISA
and Palm Springs Award–winning film directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris that grossed over $100 million at the box office and that recounted the blackly humorous exploits of a darkly dysfunctional American family (the Hoovers) as they band together in a
VW
Microbus to crawl across the desert toward the Little Miss Sunshine youth beauty pageant (an 800-mile journey from New Mexico to California) in which Olive Hoover (Abigail Breslin) is participating [Warning: Spoiler] despite her rather roly-poly body shape and quirky precociousness and sexually suggestive dance number (‘Superfreak' by Rick James, arranged at the encouragement of her heroin-injecting grandfather) and despite her various family members' assumedly bleak (and thus quirkily comical) emotional travails, including failed business investments, illness and heroin addiction, failed suicide attempts and intense Friedrich Nietzsche adoration: all in all, critically heartwarming. The Abigail who rounded out 2006 with three other films –
The Ultimate Gift
,
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
and
Air Buddies
(voice only) – only to receive two more major award nominations for her portrayal of Zoe Armstrong in the rather predictable and surprisingly glum Catherine Zeta-Jones/Aaron Eckhart romantic comedy
No Reservations
in 2007 (her only film appearance in that year). The Abigail who would continue to appear in romantic comedies (often as the biological or adopted child of one of the romantically entangled actors) or in family films throughout 2008, including the Adam Brooks–directed Ryan Reynolds vehicle
Definitely, Maybe
and the children's films
Nim's Island
and
Kitt Kittredge: An American Girl
. The Abigail who, by 2009, once again landed a leading role in a massively successful film,
Zombieland
, a ‘zombie-comedy' (a genre recently resurrected by the Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg film
Shaun of the Dead
in 2004 but with clear precedents in previous decades, such as the
Return of the Living Dead
series) that co-starred Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg and Emma Stone as survivors of a zombie apocalypse (modelled after the scenario established by George A. Romero in his groundbreaking film
Night of the Living Dead
but featuring the accelerated ‘zombies' of
28 Days Later
, which portrayed the victims of a rage virus and not undead creatures) who travel across the United States in search of safe haven – a film that received mostly positive reviews from gag-hungry, irony-infused critics and that grossed over $100 million in theatres. The Abigail who stormed the world of Broadway acting as a young Helen Keller, pupil of Anne Sullivan, in William Gibson's three-act play
The Miracle Worker
, during the months of February and April of 2010 at the Circle in the Square Theatre. Although Abigail was commended for her touching and realistic portrayal of a deaf-blind person, producer David Richenthal and company were criticized by the Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts for not casting a blind or deaf actor as Helen Keller; whether this initial storm of controversy reduced the allure of the play, or whether the theatregoing public was simply uninterested in yet another rendition of
The Miracle Worker
(often rammed down the throats of high school students and theatre students alike), remains unclear; regardless, the production lasted a mere two months due to lack of ticket sales and sent Abigail back to the moneyed remove of film acting, appearing or lending voice work to films such as
Quantum Quest: A Cassini Space Odyssey
(2010, voice only),
Janie Jones
(2010),
Rango
(2011, voice only),
The Wild Bunch
(2011, voice only) and
New Year's Eve
(2011). The Abigail who will appear in yet another alien-themed sci-fi film as Valentine Wiggin, older sister to protagonist Ender Wiggin, in the November 2013, Gavin Hood–directed adaptation of Orson Scott Card's science-fiction novel
Ender's Game
, which describes a future Earth endangered by invading alien (and ant-like) creatures known as Formics and recounts the rise of brilliant child soldier Ender Wiggin, spawning eleven (and a twelfth upcoming) full-length novel sequels, a dozen short stories and close to fifty comic books. The increasingly ambitious Abigail who now also writes and performs various benefit songs and pop tracks with her rather average-looking friend Cassidy Reiff as the pop duo
CABB
(still without official YouTube channel, Facebook page, website or Twitter account), who plan, as all pop acts must assumedly plan, to blow up and provide relentless earworms for the Top 40 hit parade in the second decade of the twenty-first century.