Counting Stars (A Donnelley Brother's Novel) (13 page)

“You really feel that
way?” He asked gravelly. Emotion sounded thick in his voice and I
watched as his eyes swept over my face.

“I do.” I beamed. “It’s
my turn now.”

He stiffened, casting
his gaze into the fire. “Go for it.”

“Why do you hate the
city so much?”

He snorted. “That’s
easy.”

“If it’s so easy,
answer.”

“The people I’ve
encountered who are from the city are pretentious. They’re obsessed
with image, money, and possessions. Everything they seek is of a
material origin and I’ve just never been that man. I suppose I just
don’t understand the way they live.”

“That makes sense.” I
nodded to myself. “But not everyone from the city is as concerned
with materials as you’re making it seem. I’ll admit I like nice
things and I love shopping for clothes, but I want more than
materials from my life. I want comfort and affection and love and
loyalty. Those things can’t be bought, Logan.”

“Did you ever find what
you were looking for in the city?” He asked.

That question was
treading dangerously close to Derek and I knew, I was not, in any
way, ready to share Derek with Logan. Quietly, I replied. “It’s
getting late. I think we should start getting ready for bed.”

His brows raised in
surprise. “Bed? You’re tired already?”

“Well, we should
probably wash the plates in the river before it gets dark. Then I’d
like to get into something a little warmer. With the sun going
down, it’s getting cold.”

He nodded, standing with
me. “I know you didn’t find what you were looking for in the city,
Reese. If you had, you wouldn’t be here.”

My heart felt as though
it were being frozen in my chest. Fisting my hand, I pressed it
against my left breast as I tired to ease the pain away. Logan
watched me with unsure curiosity in his all-seeing eyes.

“You’re wrong, Logan.” I
whispered. “I found everything I was looking for in the city.”

With those words, I bent to gather the dirty dishes
from the ground. I could feel Logan’s eyes on my back as I piled
them in my arms. When I stood, he looked confused. Almost as though
he was trying to find the missing piece of the puzzle that
was
me.
I prayed he wouldn’t find it before I was
ready. I didn’t think my heart could handle much more pain. I’d
already had two episodes today. Another would surely do me
in.

“Alright,” Logan nodded
as he took the heavy pot from me. “The river’s this way.”

“Are you sure
we can leave the fire by itself?” I stuttered along behind him as
he trekked through the dense trees.

“It’ll be fine. There’s
no wind and we’re not going far.” His answer was clipped.

I had a feeling he was
still trying to figure me out. Desperate to turn his mind from the
puzzle he seemed determined to construct, I asked. “Do you come out
here a lot?”

Glancing behind me, he
asked. “Why?”

“You seem to know
exactly where you’re going.”

“Yeah, I come out here a
lot.” As he answered, I caught the first sound of rushing water.
“But I was raised out here, so I know the land pretty well.”

“Have you ever gotten
lost?”

“Of course.” I could
hear a grin in his reply and it made my lips curl.

“What did you do?”

“I found my way back
again.” He answered. “I think a lot of life is about getting lost
and finding your way. If you always know exactly where you’re
going, there’s nothing to look forward to.”

I had never before
looked at life like that. He’d shed a new light on a new
perspective, and to my surprise, I liked it. I really liked the way
he thought. It was refreshing and honest. “I’ve never thought of it
that way before.”

“Not many people have.”
He shrugged.

“Why do you say
that?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He
glanced over his shoulder as he stepped onto the rivers rocky
shore. Pebbles crushed together under his weight.

I frowned. “I suppose
it’s not to me.”

“
From the very beginning, we’re taught to have goals.
We’re taught to look ahead all the time, to be better, to get
further, to push harder, to aspire to become something
more.
We’re never just taught to be. I believe that true
happiness comes from a quiet heart and a content mind. Stop trying
to push yourself to the world’s expectations and you’ll find your
way without a problem. If you keep trying to walk someone else’s
path, then you’ll always be lost.”

Our conversation had
turned into something so much more than just a regular discussion
of wrong direction. This was about life and the paths traveled as
well as the paths untaken. I had never met someone who viewed life
the way Logan did and I doubted, that no matter how long I lived, I
would ever meet another man like him.

“You’re brave, you know
that?” I asked and he froze. I watched as he turned to stare at me
with dark eyes of study.

“Why do you say
that?”

“Because you don’t care.
You live the way you want to, and you don’t care about what anyone
thinks.” I looked down. “That takes a lot of courage.”

“I think you’re brave
too, city girl.” He offered a small smile.

“How so?” I took a few
steps closer to the river with my dishes. Kneeling down, I dipped
them into the water. It was cold. The chill bit my skin and seeped
like venom into my bloodstream.

Logan knelt beside me.
“Because you’re here. I don’t know what you’re looking to find from
this tour, but I do know it took courage.”

My eyes misted and I
refused to look up at him. “Thank you, Logan. That means a lot to
me.”

“Do you think you’ll
tell me what you’re looking for?”

Blinking, I prayed my
tears would remain dormant. “Not yet.” I croaked. “Please, don’t
push me.”

I felt his hand on my
shoulder. His touch should have been anything but comforting. But
that’s exactly what it was—it was calming. Something about this
hard, rugged man soothed me. It was really very odd, because I had
never been attracted, in any way, to the bad boys. And that’s kind
of what Logan was. He was a bad boy. I knew, that if we were in a
room full of women, every one of them would be eyeing Logan like
vultures ready to pounce. He was the kind of man a woman ached to
tame but never could. He was rough, all man, with opinions as solid
as steel.

All my life, I’d been
more attracted to the gentle souls. The men who made me laugh and
treated women as though they were to be cherished. I valued the man
who was able to become my friend before anything more—and that was
what Derek was to me. First, he had been my friend. I’d never seen
the bad boys bother with friendships when they could simply woo a
woman into a suitable position beneath them.

But Logan was different.
Maybe he was like this hybrid bad boy who miraculously possessed
the good guy qualities?

Logan spoke,
interrupting my thoughts. “I’m here, Reese. When you’re ready to
talk, I’ll listen.”

I scrubbed the dishes
before rinsing them in the water. “Thank you, Logan.”

“Any time.”

I pulled on a pair of
sweats and a large hoodie before piling my hair into a bun on top
of my head. I was positive I looked like a rag-doll, but I didn’t
care. Out here, there was no way for me to hide behind nice clothes
and makeup. Out here, it was just me—take it or leave it.

Unzipping the tent, I
found Logan was wearing an outfit remarkably similar to my own (guy
version) and he was sitting by the fire. Draped over a log was his
sleeping bag. He looked mighty comfortable. Glancing behind me, I
thought about bringing my sleeping bag out here too, but I didn’t
want to get it all dirty.

As though reading my
mind, he patted the blanket beside him. “You’re welcome to sit with
me, city girl.”

“Um,”

“I don’t bite.”

“Ha,” I replied dryly.
Taking a few steps closer to him, I kicked my feet from my sandals
before I stepped onto his blanket. I lowered myself beside him,
ignoring how very aware my body was to the man lying beside me on
his back. Logan was stretched back with his feet close to the fire
and his head on the log.

Crossing my legs, I
inched close to the fire. I could feel the hair on the back of my
neck standing erect and I had a feeling that Logan was watching me.
I always seemed to sense when he was watching me.

“You’re tense.” He
stated and I looked behind me. As I suspected, he was watching me.
His head was turned to the side and his eyes were focused on me.
“Why?”

“I don’t know.” I
shrugged.

“Is it because I’m not
your husband?” He asked seriously and I stiffened. Everything
inside of me coiled tight as I tried to blink away my sudden tears.
Turning my face toward the fire, I tried to swallow my pain.

“Sort of.” I whispered
my reply.

Behind me, the blanket
rustled. There was no warning for the body suddenly sitting close
to mine. I felt his eyes on my face and I knew he could see my
tears. “What did he do to you, Reese?”

Startled, I looked at
him. “What?”

“He hurt you.” His voice
was gravelly. “I can see how deeply he hurt you, and I want to know
what he did.”

Tears fell as I realized
what Logan thought. He suspected Derek hurt me either physically or
emotionally. And in a way, he was right. But Derek wasn’t to blame
for this pain—I was. I was the one who’d teased him with one last
kiss.

“I can’t talk about
this,” a single tear fell. It seemed to have broken the dam,
because before I knew it, a river was flowing from my eyes. “Please
don’t,” I held my hand up when he opened his mouth. “I can’t talk
about it right now.”

Slowly, he nodded. His
lips were pressed into a thin line and I knew he was frustrated.
Beside him, his hands were fisted and pressed into the blanket. He
was angry, but I didn’t understand why. Was it because he thought
Derek had hurt me? Or was it because I couldn’t bring myself to
find the strength to tell him what happened?

“It’s okay,” he cooed
gently. “You don’t have to say anything.”

I sniffled, “I told you
I wasn’t strong.”

“You don’t see yourself
the way I do, Reese.”

There was a part of me
that wanted to ask how he saw me, but I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to
hear all the wonderful things he would surely say as he tried to
make me feel better. I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my
sweater. “Sorry.”

“For what?” The frown in
his tone made me grin.

“Crying.”

“You can cry all you
want, city girl.” He assured, rubbing my back between my shoulder
blades. It was wrong how much comfort I took in his touch. I
wondered, if he knew, would he take more care in keeping his
distance?

“It doesn’t intimidate
you?”

He gave a one-shoulder
shrug. “No. If I’ve caused the tears then I suppose it’s a little
more intimidating, but I think it’s hardwired in a man, that when a
woman cries, he wants to make it stop. Any man that can handle a
woman’s tears without feeling it in his heart isn’t a man at
all.”

I smiled despite my
blurry vision. “You’re something else.”

“Come on,” he tugged
gently on my shoulder. “Lay back and look up at the stars with me.
We can point out constellations.”

“Seriously?” There were
some things I imagined this man doing, and some things I couldn’t,
for the life of me, see him doing. Pointing out constellations was
one of those things. “You like the stars?”

He lay back, beckoning
me to join him. “Who doesn’t like the stars?”

I giggled, feeling
suddenly relaxed. “I honestly don’t know.”

“You know many of the
constellations?” He asked and I shook my head. He replied to my
silent answer. “Me either.”