Counting Stars (A Donnelley Brother's Novel) (9 page)

I continued following
Logan, wondering how the man could still look this good with sweat
covering every inch of his skin. I shouldn’t think of him as
attractive—it was wrong—but I couldn’t help it. The man really was
beautiful. But he was a jerk and I knew that inner beauty meant so
much more than the glam of exterior skin. Inner beauty didn’t fade
the way beauty of the body often does. Instead, it only grows
stronger and lighter with every passing year.

Lifting my eyes from the
ground after making myself dizzy from staring at all the fallen
twigs, I focused once again on Logan. The man had dark hair cut
short to his scalp. He looked rough with his black cowboy hat on,
but he looked even rougher without it. Although I hadn’t noticed
any tattoos, he looked like the kind of man who might have a
few.

I opened my mouth to say
something as I had been about to do many times since leaving, but
again, I lost my nerve. Nothing filled the silence around us but
heavy breathing (my heavy breathing) and snapping twigs.

For some reason, Logan
hadn’t spoken a single word to me since we first stepped through
the parting in the trees. I wondered, was he mad at me? Had I said
something to make him shut up inside himself? That was beginning to
look like it might be a possibility even though I would have bet
serious money that Logan wasn’t the kind of man to be silenced—by
anyone.

Finally, I found my
nerve. Or maybe I just had the beginnings of heat stroke and didn’t
care about consequence. “Have I done something to offend you?”

Logan didn’t even bother
turning back to look at me. He just kept walking deeper into the
rocky land. Presumably, he knew where he was going.

“Why would you ask
that?” He asked after a few beats of silence had passed.

“Well, you haven’t said
a word to me since we left and that was hours ago.”

Logan looked down at his
wrist. “That was five and a half hours ago.”

“I know.” I mumbled.
“And that wasn’t an answer.”

“I’m only trying to
fulfill your request, city girl.” Logan said gruffly and I frowned.
Confusion twisted my expression as I glared at his back.

“What request?”

“Mom told me you wanted
to find silence while on this tour. That was the main reason she
chose me. I don’t need to engage in pointless conversation.”

“Oh,” Well in that case,
I suppose we wouldn’t be talking at all. I should be thankful—that
was what I had originally wanted.

Key word—originally.

Now, I wasn’t entirely
positive what I wanted. I didn’t necessarily want to talk to Logan,
but I had felt so terribly lonely since Derek died. Maybe I was
just starved for human interaction that wasn’t Kat. I mean, I would
have to be starved to seek something so personally intimate from
this rude man.

. . . I’m with another
man—in the wilderness. And yes, I know, I’m following him and I’m
completely vulnerable to him. These are things you always warned me
to never do, and yet, here I am. I’ve put myself in a situation
that may prove to be terribly dangerous, but I’m not worried. I
don’t know what it is about Logan, but there’s something about him
that makes me want to fight. For myself. And that’s something that
I haven’t felt in a really long time.

Since I lost you, I’ve
been so lonely. So impossibly lonely. Even the world I’ve created
in my own mind is void of interaction. I mean, I talk to you every
day—sometimes a few times a day, but I never receive a response.
There are times when I know what you would have said to me—because
I knew you so well. And I should know what you would say to me in
response to my most recent actions, but the truth is that I don’t
know. I have no freaking idea how you would respond to this.

There is something about
Logan that makes me feel alive. He calls it as he sees it. He calls
me as he sees me, and with his every word, I’m realizing that
there’s really not all that much to me. Have I always been
this—unimportant? The way he sees my life is astonishingly shaming.
He doesn’t understand my previous existence. And I say previous
because since losing you, I don’t feel like I’m the same person. I
don’t feel like I belong in the suburbs any longer. The manicured
front lawn you used to spend hours watering while I deadheaded the
flowers seems so pointless now. The quaint green siding of our
house with the little white trim just seems inconsequential. I’m
not in any way saying I didn’t love our home together. Because
while it was ours, I did love it. It was only when it became mine
that I began to loathe it. I began to resent the roads you drove on
to and from work—the road I often had to travel—the road that
killed you . . .

I gasped a sharp intake
of breath as I stumbled, pushing my fisted hand into my heart where
the pain exploded like a thousand tiny knives stabbing the place I
still hold your memory.

From the corner of my
vision, I saw Logan turn around. I couldn’t focus on him.

Not when you’re gone.

Strong hands
grasp hold of my shoulders, steadying me. Deep ebony eyes stared
into mine, searching them, before a gravelly voice demanded, “Are
you alright? Reese, are you alright?”

Steeling myself against
the pain of his memory, I stared back into Logan’s eyes. To my
surprise, I found a semblance of strength within their depths. “I’m
fine. Thanks.”

“What happened?” He
looked down at my chest where my fisted hand was still pressed. “Is
it your heart?”

I felt my skin pale as
the blood rushed from my head all the way into my feet. “What?”

How did he know it was
my heart? How did he know it hurt so impossibly much? Could he
really see so deeply inside of me? Was my pain really so
transparent?

“You’re holding your
heart like you’re hurting, Reese. Tell me what happened so I can
help you.”

Oh, if only he could
help me. If I thought, for even a moment, that he could make this
pain go away and never return, I would tell him. “I,”

“Are you sick, Reese?”
Logan moved his face closer to mine as though he was searching for
a lie that would never come. “Mom assured me that there was nothing
medically relevant for this tour. Do you have something wrong with
your heart?”

“Yes,” I whispered and
his face fell. “But it’s nothing you can fix.”

“Why didn’t you tell my
Mom?” He demanded, sounding angry.

I pulled myself from
beneath his hands, turning away. “It’s not medically relevant,
Logan.”

“It is if you’re
stopping like that. I thought you were having a fucking heart
attack!” He ran a hand violently over his buzz-cut head. “What the
hell is the matter with you?”

My reply was cold and
pointed. “It’s none of your business.”

He shrugged his pack
from his shoulders, dropping it to the ground. I flinched. “We’re
settling here.”

Surprised, I looked
around. “Here? Are we far enough away?”

Logan lifted his head,
squinting at the sun shining behind me. “You tell me, Reese.” He
said. “Are we far enough away?”

I shrugged, but I didn’t
remove my pack. “How would I know?”

“I’m not the one
running.” Logan replied cryptically.

I stiffened. “Why do you
think I’m running?”

He shrugged. Kneeling
down, I watched as he unzipped his pack. Thankfully, he didn’t
answer my question. “This is far enough for today. We still have to
catch supper and set up camp.”

I felt my eyes bug from my head. Panic fringed my tone
as I asked, “What do you mean we have to
catch
supper?”

The corner of his lip
twitched, but it was his reply that knocked my heart. “This is why
I think you’re running. You have no clue what you’ve gotten
yourself into.”

For long moments, I
simply stared at him. He was the most inconsiderate man I had ever
encountered, and yet, he was refreshing.

Slowly, I shrugged my
pack from my shoulders. “So, why don’t you explain what I’ve gotten
myself into?”

“Alright,” he pulled the
tent from its case. “If we don’t catch our food we won’t make it
out here an entire month. For the most part, we’ll be eating fish.
I hope you don’t mind.”

At his pause, I
answered. “I don’t mind.”

“Well, you’re about to
learn to love it.” The muscles in his arms flexed as he pulled the
poles from the tent bag and I shifted uncomfortably. Thankfully, he
didn’t seem to notice.

“I have no idea how to
fish.” I admitted quietly. I was trying to prepare myself mentally
for another sharp Logan-jab, but it didn’t come.

“That’s why you have
me.”

The reply was something
Derek would have said and it floored me. Ice crept through my veins
despite the dry August heat. I was unable to speak through the lump
in my throat and I simply stood there, staring at him.

Logan continued and I
felt relief spread through my body at his next words. They were
words Derek never would have spoken. “Don’t worry, city girl. I’ll
teach you.”

Surprised, I said, “You
will?”

He raised a brow. “You
don’t want to learn?”

“No, I do!” I assured
quickly. It felt good to know I’d be taking something so simple
into my own hands. So much of my life lately has felt out of my
control and I couldn’t wait to do something I had never done
before. “I want to learn.”

Logan smiled. It was the
first real smile I had seen from him and it did something to me. To
see someone usually so grumpy smile was like seeing the sun break
through a cloudy sky. It was nice. Joy seeped into my heart where
there had been pain, and I accepted it for what it was. Relief.

“I don’t know how you
went through your childhood without learning how to fish.” He
carried the tent over to a small clearing. We’d stopped in a really
nice place to set up camp. There was plenty of room and plenty of
trees.

“Dad was a lawyer and
Mom was an emergency veterinarian.” I said simply. “They were
busy.”

Tension flooded his body
and I wished I could take the words back. I didn’t understand why
he was bothered by my parent’s careers, but I knew that he was. “I
don’t understand why people have kids if they don’t want to do
things with them.”

“My parents aren’t bad
people, Logan. They just live differently than you.”

He shrugged. “Help me
with this.”

I scurried closer to
where he’d placed the tent on the ground beneath a small patch of
trees. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you again.”

“You didn’t,” he started
feeding a pole through the hole of the tent and I copied him on the
opposite side. “If you had kids, would you want them to have the
same childhood as you?”

For a moment, I thought
about his question. I didn’t think my childhood was bad. I never
went without and at times I had much more than I needed. Sometimes,
it bordered on excess. But while growing up, I’d wished I had more
time to spend with my parent’s. “No, I don’t suppose I would want
that for my own children.”

“Do you want kids?” He
asked and I felt my cheeks warm from his question.

I refused to look up at
him when I spoke. “I don’t know.”

“How old are you?” He
asked bluntly. The question was rude. Many women were touchy about
their age, and although I wasn’t one of those women, it was still
an obtrusive question. The man should know better!

Then again, this man was
no other than Logan Donnelley. He was one of a kind. I was sure
bluntness and stubbornness were a part of his genetic makeup.

“I’m twenty-three.” I
replied tightly. “How old are you?”

He smirked.
“Thirty-one.”

I nodded. “Please tell
me you weren’t implying that my eggs might dry up if I wait much
longer.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m sure that out here in Hicksville
women are popping out babies as soon as they hit twenty, but in the
land of civilization we women like to wait until we’re both
mentally and financially prepared.”

Logan stared at me for a
long minute as my heart thrashed in my chest. And then he threw his
head back. And he laughed. Hard.

I blew a breath out from
between my lips as I thanked the Heavens that he wasn’t mad at me
for running my mouth the way I had. What on earth had I been
thinking? And why was he laughing?

“I like you, city girl.
You’re funny.”

Ha! Funny?
What?
“Thanks. I
suppose.”

He continued to laugh.
“You know, I didn’t expect someone like you when I was told I was
taking over Mom’s tour.”

“What did you expect?” I
asked softly. “Pearls and silk?”

He shrugged.
“Maybe.”

“You know,” I stabbed a
peg into the ground. “For someone as smart as you are, you’re
really very quick to make judgments.” I lifted my eyes to meet his.
“It’s disappointing.”