Courting Emily (A Wells Landing Book 2) (20 page)

Elam turned as Becky skipped down the porch steps and raced over to his buggy. He had been trying to leave without drawing so much attention to the fact. He had only told
Mamm
that he was going to visit Emily.

It had been three days since the accident. Three days of prayers and thanks. Three days of wondering what truth could be found in the gossip flying around the district. Had Emily really been with Luke Lambright? Had they really been to a wild
Englisch
party?

He had even heard that she hadn’t been wearing Amish clothes, but instead something the
Englisch
would wear. That didn’t sound like Emily, and he had trouble believing such tales.

He had gone over to see her the day after the accident, but her mother wouldn’t let anyone in. Helen Ebersol’s tired eyes were apologetic, but her tone was firm. He would have to wait.

“Becky, I . . .” Elam didn’t know what to say. His sister loved Emily like her own sister, but there was more at stake here than care and concern.

His sister’s eyes widened as the truth hit home. “You’re going to break up with her.” She backed away from him as if horrified at the thought.

Elam sighed. He’d be lying to say the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. If half of what the wagging tongues of the district alleged was true, he was in for certain heartache. “I don’t know.”

“Please don’t.” Becky’s voice trembled as she begged. “Give her a chance to explain.”

“
Jah,
” he said. “You know I will.” But the truth of the matter was he wanted this more than Emily. She had her heart pinned to Luke for so long, she couldn’t see the harm the relationship could cause her. Just because that danger had been realized didn’t mean she would be any less blind to the perils. And just because he treasured Emily with a love beyond the stars . . . well, no amount of prayers and hopes could make her care for him in return. Not when her sights were set on another.

“I’m going to see about her,” he said, but even as the words left his mouth, his heart broke a little more. “We need to talk about what happened. It might be today, or next week, but we will have to discuss this.”

Becky nodded. “
Jah,
okay. Tell her we are all thinking about her and praying for her.”

“
Jah
.” Elam swung himself into the buggy. “Tell
Mamm
I’ll be home after ’while.”

The ride to the Ebersols’ was slow and torturous. Part of Elam wanted to spur the horse to trot a bit faster while another part wanted to pull on the reins and slow her to a snail’s pace.

He dreaded talking to Emily as much as he knew it had to be done. If only he could put it off a bit longer, maybe he would have to adjust to the inevitable.

All too soon he pulled into the driveway at Emily’s
haus
.

Mary came out onto the porch and watched him as he swung down from the buggy.

“
Guder mariye,
” she called as he walked on stiff legs toward the house.

“
Guder mariye,
” he said in return. He held up a paper sack filled with goodies his family had gathered for Emily and the rest of the Ebersols. “
Mamm
sent over some bread and the twins made cookies for everyone.”

“
Danki,
” Mary said. “That is most appreciated.”

Elam felt like he was in a school program, stiff and controlled, not part of what was really happening, but involved all the same.

“Come in,” Mary continued, taking the sack from him. “I’ll give this to
Mamm
and get Emily for you.”

Emily was already waiting for him in the living room, or maybe that was where she had been all along. She waited like a lamb for the slaughter as she fidgeted with the pleats in her apron.

His eyes drank her in, her dark hair covered with her prayer
kapp,
her blue eyes appeared even bluer as they reflected the indigo dress she wore. Tiny black stitches bisected a large bruise above her right eye and a clunky purple cast encased her right arm. But she was whole and alive.

Seeing her brought forth all the “what ifs” and all that could have happened. She could have been hurt worse, even killed in such a crash. Elam thanked God that she wasn’t. She might not love him, but he couldn’t bear the thought of her simply not being any longer.

“Emily.” He couldn’t stop his feet as they carried him to her. He dropped to his knees in front of her, clasping her good hand into his own. “I thank God you are
allrecht
.”

Tears rose into her eyes. She blinked them back and swallowed hard.

“Will you take a ride with me?” he asked. It was Saturday and with four girls underfoot and the watchful eyes of her
mamm
and the bishop trained on them, a buggy ride was the perfect opportunity to get away, be alone, and talk about all the things settling between them. “There are things we need to talk about,
jah?
”

She nodded, her eyes sad.

Elam stood and pulled her to her feet.

“Mary, tell
Mamm
where I’ve gone please. I’ll be back shortly.”

Mary nodded as Emily made her way to the door. She grabbed her coat from its peg and started for the waiting buggy, Elam right behind her.

“Are you warm enough?”

Emily nodded, though she tucked the woolen blanket a little closer around her legs.

“Do you feel like driving out to Millers’ Pond?”

“If that is what you want.” Even as she said the words, she felt like she was being difficult.

“Only if you feel like walking down there from the road.”

Ach, this is hard.
Why did everything have to be so complicated? “Whatever you want is fine with me.”

She felt him frown more than saw it, sensed the look of consternation and something else she couldn’t name. Why were they making a play at this? Why was he dragging this out? He was angry, she knew. And he had reason to be. She wished he would say what he came to say and get it over with. The suspense was driving her batty.

“It’s a pretty enough day to walk down there. It should give us some time alone to . . . talk.”

Emily didn’t miss his slight pause before “talk.” If that was all they were going to do, why did it sound so ominous? It was a nice day, but dark clouds hung over the two of them, like sad souls in
Englisch
cartoons.

Elam turned the buggy down Millers’ Road and in no time at all, they were parked at the edge of the field.

The rows of burned corn stubbles still stained the ground despite their early snow. In the spring, Eli Miller would plant more corn and the youth of Wells Landing would wade through the fresh green stalks to get to the popular swimming hole.

Elam was as sweet as he ever was, helping her down from the buggy and making sure she got through the fence gate without snagging her dress or her coat.

They walked the few yards in silence and entered the copse of trees that surrounded the small pond.

Though their leaves had long since turned brown, the trees still provided shade and coverage from the sun. Emily wrapped her coat a little tighter around her and wished she had grabbed her bonnet on the way out the door.

The pond was murky and looked cold, so different than it did in the summer with stray rays of sunshine making their way through the trees to sparkle against the water.

Emily perched on a stump near the water’s edge and waited for Elam to get comfortable. At least she waited for him to settle himself on a fallen log.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“I know.” His voice was quiet and sad.

She wanted to say more, that it wasn’t what it looked like. That she had made a terrible mistake. That she realized now more than before whatever had been between her and Luke was part of the past. Elam . . . he was her future. Or at least he might have been.

“I . . .” he started, his voice breaking on the one word. He cleared his throat and started again. “I was so scared when they told me you were hurt.”

“I didn’t mean to worry anyone.” She stared at her hands as they rested in her lap.

“Then when I realized where you had gone and with who . . . I knew I had pushed too hard.”

She raised her gaze to look at him, but he was staring out over the rippling pond. “What do you mean?”

“I thought I could make you care about me the same as I care about you.”

She started to respond, to tell him that she did. Somewhere along the way she had started to care about him in a manner so different than her feelings for Luke.

But he held up his hands and stopped her words. “Please,” he begged. “Let me finish.”

She nodded, her throat clogged with worry, regrets, and unspoken emotion.

“I was wrong to pressure you. Wrong to push you.”

“You didn’t push me,” Emily managed to squeeze out.

“
Jah,
but I did.”

There was no merit in arguing with him, so she let him continue.

“I’ve not hidden the fact that I have loved you for longer than I can remember. But I’ve learned something these past couple of months. Loving someone who doesn’t love you in return is tragic. But loving someone who loves another is hell.”

“Elam, I—”

“I release you, Emily.”

“W-what?” Her heart stilled in her chest.

“I release you. You won’t have to worry about me any longer. I won’t pressure you. I take back my proposal. I should have never offered it in the first place. I knew you loved Luke, and I foolishly thought I could switch your affections.”

Tears fell from her eyes and streaked down her cheeks. She wanted to jump to her feet and shout her love for him to the treetops. But what good would it do? It would only serve to make her look like the biggest fool.

Jah,
she had loved Luke once upon a time with a girl’s heart, but Elam . . . she loved him as a woman. He was strong and secure, loving, responsible, God-fearing, steady, and true.

She could’ve had everything, and she messed it up. Now she had nothing.

Nothing but the shredded pieces of her pride. Mentally she pulled them around her while pushing away the Bible verse she had quoted about Elam so long ago.

But her destruction had already come to pass. And her pride, what remained of it, was all she had left.

She wiped her tears away with the back of her left hand and vowed to cry no more. She had made this bed she found herself in, and she would lie in it as the saying went.

“I’m tired,” she said, and it was the truth. “Can you take me home?”

 

 

Emily managed to hold in her tears until Elam pulled into the driveway at her house. All the way home she kept her thoughts from centering on the conversation they’d just had.

Instead she thought about the goats, making cheese, sewing a new prayer
kapp
to replace the one she had ruined. Anything except the heartbreak that was sure to come.

Elam pulled the horses to a stop and set the brake, then came around to her side of the buggy to help her to the ground.

She would have liked to have rebuffed his efforts, but with her arm in a cast and still quite painful, she needed the extra help.

Once her feet were on the ground, he let her go. “I guess I’ll be seeing you.” His voice was thick, rusty sounding, and a bit choked.

“
Jah,
” she whispered in return, her eyes on the scuffed toes of her shoes.

Then he moved away. Back to the other side of the buggy. She started toward the house as he set his horse into motion. And as she promised herself, she did not look back.

 

 

“Emily.” Mary knocked on the door frame to her room even though it was open.

“
Jah?
” She looked up from her Bible. Like she could concentrate on anything lately. It had been two days since Elam had dropped her off. Two days of fighting back tears, reliving mistakes, and trying to put her feet back on the right path.

Thankfully it was a non-church week, and she wouldn’t have to worry about seeing Elam until next Sunday. She dreaded the thought of attending church with him, even if there would be another two hundred souls milling around them. It would leave him and her alone with all the mistakes she had made.

“Aaron is here.”

Aaron Miller, Mary’s longtime beau had come calling. Mary had mentioned that the two of them were heading to another’s house to play board games. “Have fun.”

Mary shook her head. “He has something for you.”

“For me?” She set her Bible aside and rose from the wooden rocker. She had spent so much time in her room the last few days, she almost dreaded leaving it. She would have to eventually. Now was as good a time as any.

Her father was nowhere around when Emily made her way downstairs.
Mamm
and Aaron stood in the living room waiting for her. Aaron shifted from one foot to the other, looking almost as uncomfortable as she felt.

“Hi, Emily.” He nodded his blond head toward her. “I’m glad you are
allrecht
.”

She wouldn’t go that far. She may have survived the car crash, but it had left lasting marks.

“Jonah asked me to bring this over to you.” He held an envelope toward her. The handwriting on the outside was as familiar to her as her own. Luke.

“
Danki
.” She accepted the letter, tucking it into her apron pocket.

Aaron glanced toward
Mamm,
then back to Mary. “Are you ready to leave?”

“
Jah
.” She grabbed her coat and bonnet.

“You’ll need to be back before milking time,”
Mamm
reminded her.

“
Jah,
” Mary said, then squeezed Emily’s hand before hurrying out the door, Aaron fast on her heels.

“Is that from Luke?”
Mamm
asked.

“
Jah
.” The letter burned white hot in her pocket, but she wouldn’t take it out. Not yet. She wasn’t ready to read the words Luke had taken the time to write to her.

Like most Amish men, Luke hated to write, hated everything about it. For him to put pen to paper and compose a letter to her . . . well, whatever he wrote had to be of great importance. Could be
gut,
could be bad. She’d only know when she read it, but now was not the time.

“He tried to come by and see you,” her mother softly admitted.

Emily swung her gaze to
Mamm
’s face. “Luke?”

“At the hospital and again once we got you home.”

“But
Dat
wouldn’t let him in,” Emily finished.

“Your father tries to be fair, but you know he is very protective when it comes to his
dochdern
.”

Her father was protective of his daughters; that much Emily could not deny. “I’ve known Luke my entire life and so has he. Why would
Dat
not let me see him?” She had been doubly heartbroken thinking Luke hadn’t come by. That their argument had somehow torn a rift between them.

She knew their relationship might not ever be the same, but he would forever and always be her friend.

“Oftentimes it’s not so simple,”
Mamm
softly replied.

Emily couldn’t dispute that. Her life had always been under more scrutiny than others in their district. Watchful eyes were trained on them, the entire family. It came with the responsibility of having a bishop for a
dat
.

“Are you going to read that?”
Mamm
asked.

“Later,” Emily said.

“You never did tell me how your buggy ride with Elam went.”

Emily collapsed into the kitchen chair, unable to stand under the weight of her mistakes. “Oh,
Mamm
. I really messed this one up.” She propped her elbow on the table and rested her forehead in her good hand.

Her mother slid into the seat next to her and ran a soothing hand down the side of her face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“
Nay
.” Emily sniffed and straightened herself. Nothing good would come from breaking down now. She wiped her tears away and tried to smile.

“Elam is a
wunderbaar-gut
man,”
Mamm
said.

Emily nodded. “But I realized it way too late.”

Luke opened the letter from the lawyers’ office, wondering why someone sent him the official-looking post.

He pulled it out and scanned it, the legal jargon like trying to read Greek. But he didn’t need more than an eighth grade education to determine that the father of the friend whose car he’d wrecked wanted repayment for the insurance deductible.

He understood. It was only fair that he pay the money, but where was he going to get five hundred dollars?

He shook his head at his own stupidity. He had quit his job at the burger joint so he could go and see Emily. A lot of good that did him. He had already lost her to Elam Riehl. He hadn’t been able to find another job in the week since he’d been back. The small stash he had in his pocket was quickly dwindling away. As it was now, he was living off tap water and ramen noodles with no end in sight.

He hadn’t heard from Emily, not that he really expected to. But he had given the letter to Jonah and asked that Aaron give it to Mary to give to Emily. It was the only way he knew to get a message to her. He was so very sorry. He needed to tell her that. And how much he loved her. But he couldn’t say those words if her father wouldn’t let him in the same room with her.

He took out his cell phone and stared at the home screen. No new messages. What did he expect? For her to run out to the phone shanty and call him right away? Knowing her father, he hadn’t let her out of his sight since they got her back home.

He really couldn’t blame the man. But Luke had never intended to hurt Emily, not emotionally, not physically. And yet he had.

He had ten dollars left in his pocket. He could put a couple in his gas tank and head over to the track. Maybe the boss-man might have something for him to do. Or maybe he should ask his potential sponsor for an advance. He hated to, but what choice did he have?