Courting Katarina (11 page)

Emily’s eyebrows arched, and Katarina realized she’d just stuck her foot into her mouth again. Kevin and Emily looked at each other with questions hanging between them.

Katarina didn’t need more speculation…from anyone. If Alex wasn’t going to come back, there was no point in refusing their generous offer. Doing so would only make matters worse. Katarina had invested more money into her business, anticipating expanding production. Between unexpected expenses from the trip and the accident, her entire savings had now been depleted. She had precious little money to put down a deposit on an apartment and replace the dolls damaged in the car accident.

Tears formed as she thought of it all again. Katarina rubbed her eyes. She had to do a better job of covering her emotions. She had to stop reacting to Alex. There was only one way to keep all their questions at bay—pretend. Pretend Alex’s presence did nothing to her. Pretend she had no doubts about her
and Ron. Pretend everything was fine, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Kevin closed the gap between them. “Katarina, this is what family is for. We help each other when the going gets rough, just like Alex running the company for me. And you’re my sister now. I expect to help out however I can. I want you to stay at the house as long as you need to.”

“If the house is going to be empty anyway, I may as well consider it. As long as you wouldn’t mind if I look for someone to share the rent, until Ron and I get married, anyway.”

Kevin handed her the key again and she sat back down on the sofa. Emily and Kevin joined her. “It’ll be rent free until we get my things out of it, so don’t worry about finding someone immediately. Until I finish the clinic project, I doubt we’ll have time to do much. Especially without Alex’s help.”

From the tone of Kevin’s voice, Katarina could tell he wasn’t happy with the latest turn of events where it involved his brother. He needed Alex’s help. She hated to admit it, but she, too, was more disappointed than happy that Alex wouldn’t be coming back.

Still, she felt guilty taking advantage of her brother-in-law’s generosity. “I don’t know, Kevin. I don’t feel right taking it rent free, but maybe I could do something to help out, in trade for rent….”

Just then, Ricky wandered into the room with peanut butter and jelly all over the front of him. “Why
don’t you ask God what to do? He knows everything.”

Kevin opened his arms to his son, not seeming to mind the mess at all. “I tell you what, why don’t we pray, and I’m sure things will turn out perfectly.”

The suggestion stopped her cold.
Pray? About a house?

Emily reached out her hands, Ricky and Kevin took hold immediately, and the three waited for Katarina. Finally she joined hands, completing the circle.

“Our Father,” Kevin began, “we’re told not to be anxious about anything, but to turn to You with our needs and prayers.”

Without missing a beat, Emily took over. “We ask for Katarina to feel at peace, Lord. You know better than we do what all of our needs are and will be in the coming months, and we ask for Your direction. We praise You for the many blessings You’ve surprised us with this past few weeks, Father. Though we don’t always understand Your ways, I thank You for always being there to listen when we need comfort and answering our needs according to Your will.”

There was a long silence before Ricky whispered, “Is it my turn?”

“Sure,” his daddy whispered back.

“And thank you, God, for taking care of Auntie
Kat and Uncle Alex, and please bring him back here wif us really fast. Amen.”

“Amen,” echoed Kevin and Emily.

Katarina clenched her jaw to curb the sob in her throat. She folded her hands and focused her gaze on them.

“Kevin, would you mind helping Ricky clean up?” Emily asked.

Kevin patted Katarina’s shoulder, and he and Ricky went upstairs in silence.

“Katarina?”

Katarina swallowed hard and buried her face in her hands to avoid Emily’s gaze. “I don’t want to talk.”

“About anything?” Emily’s voice was soft.

She shook her head.

“Okay, then, just listen. I’ve wanted to tell you this for a while now, but it never seemed to be the right time.” Emily cleared her throat. “God knows you’re mad at our dad for leaving, and He’s everything Karl Berthoff couldn’t be.”

Katarina felt the sobs break loose, and could no longer hold them back. “How…did…you know?”

“I’ve always known, Kat. You were daddy’s little girl and his leaving broke your heart.” She brushed the hair off Katarina’s face. “You’re a hopeless romantic. You never gave up hope that he and Mom would get back together. And yet you fight letting people love you more than anyone I know. Including God. God doesn’t like what our earthly father did to
hurt us. But you have to trust that God will never leave you. You are His precious child, Kat.”

“I sure don’t feel very precious right now.”

“In Proverbs it says ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”’ She took Kat’s hand and squeezed it. “Enough for now. Get some rest—you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Yes, Mother,” Katarina said sarcastically, then gave her sister a hug. “I suppose I can handle one night with the newlyweds.”

“Newlywed
parents
. That changes everything.”

Katarina smiled, drying the tears from her cheeks. “I’m so happy for you and Kevin, Emily. It’s like your world always should have been.”

“That’s my Pollyanna. Welcome home, Kat.”

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. Katarina moved into Kevin’s house, ignoring the fact that all of his belongings were still in their original place. She set up her things in a spare bedroom on the main floor. She replaced the geometric-design bedding with her own hand-quilted coverlet. By adding a sash of coordinating colors to the vertical blinds, Katarina changed the entire appearance of the room. In the corner she placed her grandmother’s armoire, which she’d converted to a cabinet to hold a small television and the computer.

Kevin and one of his builders set her kiln in the
garage temporarily and moved her painting table into the unfinished basement along with the inventory. The sewing machine and fabrics were in the room across the hall from her bedroom and office. It was time to get back to work.

The phone rang, and Katarina picked it up just as the answering machine clicked on. Hearing her younger sister’s voice on the other end was as soothing as a chocolate delicacy. “Where are you now?” Katarina curled up with the pillows on her bed and listened while Lisa told her about her latest magazine assignment in Missouri. “Oh, I feel so sorry for you. Last week Hawaii, this week Missouri, poor dear,” she said, laughing. “Yes, my trip was horrible, and then I didn’t even get the job.” Katarina confirmed what Lisa had heard from Emily. “The man’s…presumptuous.”

Lisa read between the lines.

Katarina felt a smile and a blush spread across her face. “So what if he’s adorable?” Her mind returned to the accident, and the tenderness of Alex’s protective embraces, missing her sister’s next remark.

Katarina punched the pillow. She
had
to take her mind off Alex MacIntyre.

“What did you say, Lisa? I uh…dropped the phone.”

Lisa repeated her question.

“Emily said what?”

Katarina twirled the cord around her finger, then struggled to get it off.

“He’s off fighting fires, Lisa. Nothing—
nothing
is going to become of us, so save that imagination of yours for your articles.”

Chapter Eleven

“R
eady?”

Alex nodded. “Let’s do it.”

“Get in the door!” the spotter yelled.

Alex hooked up the static line, completed his four-point check and braced himself. Smoke billowed from the pristine forest as if funneled through a pine smokestack. He stepped up to the doorway of the DC-3 and looked again at the jump spot. “Looks like a fun one.”

His partner smiled. “Just so we make it through those goalposts.”

Alex spotted the pair of seventy-foot ponderosa pines that Gary referred to. Going between them sure beat hitting the boulders to the lee side, or the fire on the other.

“Clear!”

Alex stepped out and seconds later felt the parachute deploy.
Wow, God. This is beautiful
.

He looked at the yellow, white and blue canopy above him, then steered between the uprights. The landing went smoothly. He hit, rolled, then ripped his helmet off and turned to watch Gary’s landing. Four jumpers followed in tandem.

The crew worked for thirty-six hours digging line, trying to stay ahead of the fire. The wind changed direction twice, chasing them into the black, eating up the ground in its path. He was bone weary and couldn’t wait for a break.

It was after a two-hour nap in the middle of the safety of the burned forest floor that the intensity of his feelings for Katarina hit him.
Why can’t I put her out of my mind, God? I beg You to take these feelings away. There’s no way we could ever make it work. This is no life to offer a woman. And she’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with me
.

He took his frustration out on the downed logs, sawing through them and throwing them into the burn. When that was through, he took out his Pulaski and started building a hand line around the area.

Alex had struggled for the better part of two weeks trying to ignore the voice in his head that continued to quote the Bible verse from Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you.”
A future and a hope
. With Katarina? Or here, in the woods? Alex looked around at the land he’d come to love.
The forests and hills, blue skies and rivers. They had brought him comfort through the years. But no more.

Attempts to convince himself that jumping again would solve everything were nothing more than a cruel joke.

When Katarina left for Spokane, he’d gone to the doctor and received the clearance necessary to return to work, then completed his annual refresher course requirements. With each step, he’d prayed for peace that returning for another season was the right decision.

The push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups hadn’t been any problem, but there’d been a moment of pause before the one-and-a-half-mile run. He’d gutted it out, reassured that it would all be over in less than eleven minutes. Back on the job, he’d been sure the adrenaline rush from the fires would spur him on. It hadn’t.

Even being out on a fire, he couldn’t keep his mind off family. Or the lack thereof. After the fire assessment and that initial rush to get it under control, there was still time to remember what he was missing back in Colorado. Time to think of the years past. To wonder how the family would celebrate Kevin’s Fourth of July birthday. He’d missed all those family gatherings for the past eight summers. Missed watching his nephews growing up. Missed the chance to meet his niece before fire had taken her life.

Each day for the past two weeks, Alex had tried to regain that familial camaraderie with the other jumpers. Whether bunking in the dorms or sleeping in the ash, he wondered what pulled him back year after year.

This crew was a mixture of new and old faces. A new season. “War stories” were enthusiastically passed from one generation to the next.

While preparing freeze-dried spaghetti, Don Brown, an old friend, slapped him on the back. “I’m sure Alex has at least one story to tell.”

He took a deep breath of the stale smoke-filled air and swallowed another mouthful of bottled water, trying to rekindle the zeal to share his experiences with this new crop of recruits. Eager eyes rested on him, and he managed, somehow, to retell the story of his broken ankle. “Four of us jumped into steep terrain covered with rocks, downed trees and snag. Lighting was bad.” He took another drink of water. “All of a sudden, this gnarly old log jumped into my path from the shadows. My foot caught on it, and sucked me down. I thought I’d sprained it. So I stood up to pull in my canopy. Fell flat on my face.”

The men chuckled, egging him on.

“Days like that, you realize real quick that God is in control. The weather was squirrelly—wind chased us, and suddenly our window was closing. I didn’t even have time to say a whole prayer.” Alex paused.
Your Father knows what you need before
you ask
. “Never forget, fellows, you’re not out here alone. That fire died down long enough for them to help me to a clearing and get me out of there.” He stretched out his foot, ignoring the stiffness from a hard day’s work. “Good as new.” Alex unlaced his boots and tugged each one off.

When the campfire was out, he crawled into the sleeping bag covered with soot and looked up at the stars. Katarina came to mind immediately. Alex closed his eyes and prayed. The sense of failure had a strong hold on him. “God, I can’t tell if what I want to do is Your answer to my prayers, or simply temptation luring me away from You. I need Your guidance, Father.”

After the few weeks spent helping Kevin on the job, he realized what he was missing. His life felt empty because it
was
empty. Despite what Katarina had said, no one cared whether he came home each night. He ate dinner alone, or worse, in a mess tent full of dead-tired firefighters who smelled worse than the fires they battled.

He missed his family. Not to mention the spunky lady who’d set his emotions on fire.
She’s committed to someone else, Father. Why can’t I shake this feeling?
In his heart he knew better than to doubt the message God was sending him, but in his mind he kept hearing Kat tell him to stop trying to be a father to her.
I don’t know how to care for you, Katarina Berthoff, but I guarantee you, trying to be your father is not my intention
.

He could still see her in that ultrafeminine yellow sundress. Feel the disappointment each time he heard her claim she
would
marry the “Boy Scout.” The human side of him acknowledged the totally ungodly side that was as green with jealousy as a meadow in the spring. But for the life of him, he couldn’t stop it.