Cowboy Country (31 page)

“What am I going to do Sunny? I love him. I’ve missed that man so much, but how do I know he’s back for good and won’t go running off to God knows where the first chance he gets?”

“Because, I’m home for good, I know where I belong. Here with you and Silver.”

Damn it. She hadn’t heard him follow her. She kept her back to him.

“Come on Regina, cut me some slack. I want us to be a family.”

“That’s all well and good, but for how long? How do I know if you get a better offer you won’t go running back the military or find something else that piques your interest?”

“Well, for one thing, I’m damaged goods. So unless I’m willing to take a desk job, I’m no good to the military.”

“Oh, so if you weren’t injured you’d go back?”

“Quit twisting my words and let me talk. You’re angry with me, I get it. You’re hurt and I’m responsible. I’m truly and completely sorry for leaving you alone, pregnant, and stuck having to handle everything on your own.”

“But you didn’t know that.” Why was she defending him?

“Doesn’t matter, I’m still responsible. It’s my fault your parents kicked you out. It’s my fault you had to raise our daughter alone. And I want to make it up to you, if you’ll let me?”

“Just how do you propose to do that?”

“By giving me a chance to prove that you and Silver are all that matters to me.”

She braided Chaucer’s mane to keep her hands busy, but mostly to keep from reaching out to him. God she wanted to believe him. He was saying all the right things. Damn him.

“Come on Regina. Give me a chance.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“C’mon, you can move in here with me—”

“No way—” she cut in.

“Fine, I’ll move in with you.”

“Absolutely not,” she said a bit more harshly than she meant to.

Sterling put his hand on his hips and said, “Then what do you suggest?”

“You’ve been gone for so long, longer if you count your training. We don’t know each other anymore. We need time—time to find out if we still mesh.”

“Okay, and—”

“—and what?”

“I don’t know. I feel an and or a but coming.”

“No. I’m just not committing to anything until I have a better feel for where we stand.”

“Fine, I can live with that. So what, we’re back to dating?”

She turned her head to look up at him and laughed. “When did we ever date? We’ve just always been together.”

“I see. I thought you felt the same way I did. I felt like we were already married.”

“So did I—only your version of marriage included you leaving on your terms, you broke up with me only to expect me to wait until God knows how long for you to come home. That might have worked for us back then, but not now. I was a kid in those days. Now I have a daughter to consider. I won’t let her have any false hopes about us.”

She got up, brushing the straw from her uniform. “Look Sterling. I loved you then and I love you now, but things have changed. You left. You walked away from me. I dealt with it the best way I could. I let you go. Do you have any idea how hard that was?” She hated the hitch in her voice.

“I wasn’t leaving you. And I never asked you to wait.”

“Really—that’s pretty funny considering you continued to write as if nothing changed and I’m pretty sure you haven’t been here for quite awhile.”

“It’s wasn’t like that.”

“I’m calling it as I see it. And when I discovered I was pregnant, I had to grow up real fast and it hasn’t been easy. And as much as you may not want to hear it, you’re no longer my priority. Silver is, first and foremost. I don’t even come into the equation. Not me, not my wants, not my needs, and certainly not yours. Just hers!”

“And if she wants us together?”

“It’s not her call to make. It’s mine and mine alone. And I won’t make any decisions until I’m sure.”

“What about us.”

“For now, there is no us. But—”

“—Yes?”

“I’m willing to keep an open mind.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to be happy with that. Can we at least kiss on it? I’ve wanted to kiss you a proper hello since I came home, but we’ve always had an audience so I’ve held back.”

“I find that hard to believe considering you couldn’t even manage to come see me.”

“You’re not the only one who has fears. How did I know you’d be able to look me in the eye and see past this patch—” he pointed to his face. “—and only feel love for me, not pity?”

“Because, if you knew me half as much as you claimed you did, you’d know I wouldn’t have cared if you came home in a wheelchair, as long as you came back to me. That’s all I ever wanted, you home with me.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a fool.”

“Yes, you are.” She sniffed.

“Can you forgive me?”

Sterling wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close. His heart beat pounded in her ear. Heat from his flesh rose through his shirt.

She melted just like always.

“Damn it Sterling. No fair.”

****

Silver stood in the open doorway to the barn, watching her parents hug. Rocket stood rooted at her side wagging his tail. “Let’s hope Mommy and Daddy make up for good. I like this family and don’t want to lose my Daddy.”

Silver turned and ran back to the house to tell everyone her parents had kissed and made up.

CHAPTER 7

Sterling stood in the barn, arms around Regina, feeling like he’d just won the lottery. Not a big one, but enough to make him breathe a bit easier.

“Come on honey, you don’t want to be mad at me now, do you?” 

“No, but I’m not ready to let you off the hook either. You’ve had my insides so churned up ever since I heard you were coming home.”

He looked down into her baby blue eyes and wanted to take her right there. But now wasn’t the time. He still wasn’t in her good graces and needed to tread easy for a bit.

“What about us? Don’t we deserve to be a family? Come on, be an angel and let’s give us a shot.”

“Are you serious? So what—we’re suddenly supposed to move in together, just because you know you have a daughter? I don’t think so. Number one, she only just found out about you and vice versa.”

“But she wants us to be together as badly as I do.”

“What about me? What about what I want? I’m not so sure you’re ready for a family or fatherhood.”

“Ready of not you can’t take it back.”

“I’m not convinced your priorities are the same as mine? It’s not like before you left me. She’s my number one concern. Period!”

Sterling nibbled on her neck. He knew how to make her respond. Could he get past whatever barrier she’d put up in his absence? That was another question entirely. He couldn’t even be sure of how bad her angst was.

He stood behind her and reached in front unzipping the front of her uniform. He pulled the collar away from her neck, trailing kisses along her shoulder, up behind her ear then he turned her around to face him. He needed to see her eyes. Her baby blues were so expressive they told him everything he needed to know. He pulled her close, crushing her breasts against his chest, her nipples budding through the material.

Regina’s kisses were intoxicating. Each kiss drew an audible gasp he’d come to know and love. The touch of her skin sent vibrations of desire straight through him, making his already tight pants more painful with each breath and kiss.

She tried to resist him, but in the end she locked her hands around his neck and kissed him back.

When she did, he couldn’t stop the guttural groan of his own as her passion filled the kiss.

He wanted nothing more than to be inside her, but he also knew he couldn’t let that happen. Not here, not in the barn. He wanted privacy. Nowhere on the ranch was private, not anymore.

He continued to kiss her trying to figure out if he could con his sister into babysitting tonight, keeping Silver on the Circle B Ranch. God he sure hoped so.

Excitement rushed through him as thoughts of the evening ran amuck in his mind. It was a heady feeling having Regina back in his arms. His thoughts became frenzied. It was something he rarely allowed himself, the time to dwell on them because he didn’t deal well with emotions. He felt like he’d suddenly been filleted. Open. Raw. And exposed. And yet, when her hands slipped beneath his shirt and touched his bare flesh, he about jumped out of his skin. His body aching for more.

He ran his hands down her back then slid them over the curve of her butt, cupping her, lifting her against him. The hard length of him pressed into her belly sending shooting flame of desire from his head to his toes.

“Honey as much as I’d love to continue this, I need to stop before I embarrass myself.”

“Maybe it’s about time you embarrass yourself. Seems to me I’m the only one doing that these days. Not to mention all these years, sitting here waiting for you to come home. Honestly Sterling, at what point did you plan to come back?” She pulled away, putting an arm’s length between them.

Uh-oh, Regina was pissed. Her exasperaton was never a good thing. And she’d become bolder since he’d left. How had he not picked up on that in the letters she sent?

“Honey, it’s not like that.”

“Oh please. You came home twice, that’s it. The first time was after basic training and the second time was before you deployed. And what did you do? You broke up with me before you left. How on earth did you think it was alright to stay away that long? Most guys can’t wait to come home to their families. But what did you do, re-upped, three times.” She held up three fingers then took another step back and crossed her arms glaring at him. “You stayed there and kept putting your life on the line.”

“There were men counting on me.”

“You had a family here counting on you too. Or did you forget? And I don’t mean just Silver and me. Your mom suffered every bit as much as I did. Your dad, brothers and grandparents worried sick about you. And what about how little you wrote back to anyone? For cryin’ out loud, Virgil chronicled your daughter’s life so you wouldn’t miss a thing. He has several photo albums and two scrap books of her life. He’s been saving them for you. And yet where is he? Not here. No one has seen him. No one has heard from him. And your sole focus is what—making up?”

Sterling scrubbed his face. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry isn’t going to cut it this time. I need to know why was it so damned hard to even consider coming home to us? To me? I get you were scared. I figured that’s why you broke up, but did you believe I wouldn’t wait anyway?” Her fisted hand lay over her heart.

“You can’t look at it that way. I was in the Middle East. It wasn’t exactly a picnic. The CO is the one who told us relationships were not allowed. Something was always happening. A soldier doesn’t just walk away from this job. If he does, people die.” How could he tell her one look at her and he’d question his decision?

“Stop it. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Answer me this: of all the men that were over there, how many of them stayed and didn’t go see their families. I’ll answer it for you—it’s called rotation. Every one of them took time to recharge, everyone with the exception of you, right?”

He couldn’t even look her in the eyes. “In my defense, they were my men.”

“And how many rotations of men came through before you were injured and sent home? The military is more than equipped with enough leaders. It was your own sense of self-importance that kept you there. Admit it. You loved what you were doing.”

“Yes I did. I was good at it, too. You’ve never been in a life and death struggle before. You can’t understand how it feels knowing you can’t let your men down.”

“What would you have done if you hadn’t been here and those wolves attacked Silver and she fell into the water? You weren’t expected to be here. Virgil would have been out there all by himself. If Silver had been injured or died, how do you think he’d have felt?”

“Pretty bad, I imagine.”

“No, he’d have been devastated if anything happened to her. He’s been like a second father to her. It would have killed him and he’d never have forgiven himself for it. See this is what I mean. You don’t know me. You don’t even know your family. All you did was to think of yourself. I can’t live like that. I won’t.” She turned away and wrapped her arms around the colt, and hugged him.

Her arms should have been around him.

He braced himself. Legs apart, straight back, hands clasped behind his back. The stance he used on his men when they needed discipline. “Maybe it’s time you tell me what this pissing match is really about. You’re deliberately pushing me away. Why don’t you just tell me what’s got you so mad? Because it’s obvious to me until we address that issue and get this mess straightened out, you and I don’t stand a chance in”

She bowed her head and sniffed. “Maybe it’s already too late for us.”

That killed him. He reached for her. “Don’t say that.”

She turned around and stared him down. “It’s true. You lit out of here for your beloved Rangers. Sometimes I think you love them more than you love me. I stood back and watched you go. I didn’t try to stop you, even when I found out I was going to have our baby. I didn’t want to come between you and the dream you’ve had for as long as I’ve known you. But things are different now. I’ve changed. I want to be important. Hell I deserve it but I won’t be convinced you’re ready to be a family with Silver and I until I understand where we fit into your life.”

“Honey—” Sterling raised his arms, reaching out to her then let them dropped to his sides.

Regina advanced on him. “No, you listen to me Sterling Bronco.”

She stabbed a finger into his chest, making him back up. He’d never seen her like this. If he hadn’t feared their relationship was in jeopardy, he’d have been turned on by her take charge attitude.

“I’m not some naïve teenage who thinks love will solve our problems. I love you. That’s a given. But I don’t have to like you. And right now I don’t like you very much at all. Silver and I have done just fine for ourselves. Sure your family has been there every step of the way. I’ll never be able to repay them.”