Cowboy Famous: Book 4 (Cowboy Justice Association) (13 page)

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” she denied. “It must have been fun having all those brothers and sisters around. I would have loved to have been brought up in a big family.”

“Which part do you think was the most fun?” he taunted. “Changing their diapers? Giving them a bottle? Getting stuck at home babysitting when I wanted to be out with my friends? No, wait, it had to be the part where all twelve of us lived in a three bedroom house with one bathroom. It got so bad when my sisters became teenagers that my dad dug an outhouse in the back yard.”

Bowled over by his vehemence, she exhaled slowly. “Clearly I’ve hit a nerve.”

“I’m sorry.” Griffin’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “It’s just that everyone thinks that growing up in a big family is like on television with
The Brady Bunch
and
Eight Is Enough
. It’s not even close.”

“So you don’t get along with your family?”

That seemed to surprise him. “I love my family. They’re wonderful people. What makes you think I don’t get along with them?”

“Um, because you just said growing up was a version of hell?”

He chuckled and stood from his chair, leaning on the deck railing and looking out over the lake. “As long as I don’t have to share my bedroom or bathroom, I think my family is awesome. The best. My mom and dad were great parents and we all turned out okay.”

“But you had to help out a lot? Were you the oldest?”

Suddenly she wanted to know everything about him. His childhood. His teenage years. Every single detail.

“The third oldest. I had an older brother and sister. Mom just loved babies so she kept having them. Dad must have too, I guess. They used to laugh and say they were fielding a baseball team. They loved us and did their best to make sure we had what we needed. It wasn’t easy. Dad owns the auto repair shop in town so we were never rich by any stretch. Mom had been a school teacher but after the first baby she opened a home daycare business in our renovated garage. Lucky me, I got to be around even more kids then.”

“Three bedrooms and one bathroom couldn’t have been easy,” she remarked, trying to draw him out further. “I never thought of myself as lucky not having to share anything.”

“It wasn’t bad with the first six of us. It was the last four that really squeezed us in. My parents kept saying they were going to buy a new house but they loved living on that piece of property away from town. Then Dad said he was going to build a bigger house, but there always seemed to be other things to do and spend money on. The two youngest still live at home. They have their own rooms so they’re probably not in a hurry to move out.”

“So they come here to fish? Your brothers and sisters?”

“They come here to escape.” Griffin chuckled and tossed his soda can into a garbage pail. “They come here for the same reason I bought this place. Peace and quiet. Can you feel it, Jazz? The whole day falls away when I sit back here in the evening or have my coffee in the morning. Nothing matters but the silence. You can hear yourself think. That’s not a common state, honey. And I have it. It belongs to me.”

She could feel what he was talking about and how important it was to him. This place did have a magical quality to it that seemed to soothe the soul. She could imagine him sitting out here with a beer after a long, hard day, his feet propped up on the railing, a smile on his face.

She could imagine herself sitting next to him, their hands entwined. Not talking but just absorbing the tranquility.

Don’t go there.

Pushing away the intimate thoughts, she instead concentrated on the words he’d left unsaid.

“You couldn’t hear yourself think growing up?”

He turned to stare over the lake, his broad shoulders and back facing her. “Rarely. I find that I like living alone. I like having my space. I suppose as a woman that bothers you. I find that most women think that a man alone is a problem.”

Pushy know it all alpha male.

“My, oh my, we do make assumptions, don’t we?” Jazz laughed at his challenge. He might like to fish, but this little guppy wasn’t dumb enough to take the bait. “I think maybe, just maybe you’ve met the wrong women. As for myself, I have a roommate so I love it when I’m home alone. I love the peace and quiet. Probably because that’s all I had growing up.”

He turned and crossed his arms over his chest, a smile playing on his lips. “The wrong women, huh? Let me ask you a question. You’re dating a guy, okay? And you go back to his place to have sex. When you’re done what do you do?” He held up his hand. “Let me answer that question for you. You want to cuddle and then fall asleep. Maybe even talk about your feelings. You steal all the covers and insinuate yourself into the middle of the bed, draping yourself over him so he has to lie still so you can sleep. Then you want to spend the night. That’s what you do,” he stated.

By the time he’d finished, Jazz was laughing so hard her ribs hurt. Man, Griffin had some issues he needed to work on.

“First of all, I make sure to bring the guy back to my place so I have control of the situation. Second, when we’re done I usually hint for him to leave, honestly. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Sex is great and everything and I love mixing it up in the middle of the bed, but when it’s over it’s over. He either needs to go home or we need to retire to our neutral corners of the mattress. I’m not much of a cuddler if you want to know the truth. I’m too fidgety. And I can’t sleep with some guy wrapped around me either. Shit, you’re like freakin’ furnaces and I wake up all sweaty. Yuck.”

His shocked expression made her laugh all the harder, her giggles echoing in the dark. He shook his head as if he didn’t believe a word she’d said, which he probably didn’t.

“That hasn’t been my experience. I mean, at all. I’m not sure if you’re telling me the truth or saying something you think I want to hear.”

“I have no clue what you want to hear,” Jazz declared. “But I do know why women do that stuff to you.”

His eyebrows shot up and he leaned forward so his palms were flat on the table. “You have my undivided attention. Do tell.”

“You’re a catch, Sheriff Sawyer. You’re gainfully employed. Honest and hard-working, which believe me is damn near impossible to find in a man. You’re also tall, dark, and handsome. Shit, I bet you have to beat them off with a stick. These women are trying to become a fixture in your life without you noticing. They want to end your lonely bachelor existence,” she said dryly. “They want to get married and make you the groom.”

Even in the dim light she could see a dark streak on his cheekbones. She’d embarrassed him.

“I don’t make all that much money and my brothers are better-looking than I am.”

That was saying something because Griffin Sawyer was hot. Or maybe his personality just made him seem that way. At this point she wasn’t sure anymore.

“Fuck, and modest too. I’m surprised the ladies in these parts aren’t camped out on your doorstep. Is there anything wrong with you?”

Griffin straightened up and smiled. “Sure is. I don’t like women invading my space. I don’t like sharing. I don’t like taking care of anyone. You know, all those things that people in relationships do.”

“You should see someone about that then,” she shot back, enjoying his good mood. He didn’t take himself too seriously and wasn’t conceited in the least. Living in Hollywood she’d known her share of men that were completely stuck on themselves.

“It’s not a problem. For me.” Griffin shrugged and sat back down at the table across from her. “Now let’s talk about your issues.”

She’d thought she was home free but he’d only lulled her into a false sense of security.

Jerk.

*   *   *   *

The tiny little blonde wore an outraged expression much to Griffin’s amusement. Despite her questions about his hectic childhood he’d never lost focus of the reason he’d brought her here. They needed to have a chat about her animosity toward Margaret Charlock. If this was going to be a recurring issue during the investigation he needed to know about it now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Her cute elfin chin was lifted in bravery but her lips were trembling. She knew exactly what he was talking about and she wasn’t leaving here until they had it out.

“Yes, you do,” he replied calmly, not budging an inch. “C’mon Jazz, we need to discuss this. I brought you here away from the cameras and the prying eyes of the town so we could talk privately. It’s time.”

Wringing her hands together, she chewed on her lips and seemed to mull his words over. He stayed quiet letting Jazz gather her thoughts, not hurrying. He’d learned a lot of patience as one of ten children.

“I’m an only child,” she finally said, the words coming out in a rush. He’d noticed she did that when she was nervous. He didn’t want her to be nervous now but he needed to know what was bothering her.

“Okay,” he said slowly, keeping his voice soft. “I figured that when you said you wished you’d grown up in a large family. Was it lonely, Jazz?”

Blinking several times as if to hold back tears, she was quiet again, pondering his question. Eventually she nodded, her gaze going over his shoulder, looking past him and out at the lake.

“Yes. I was alone a lot. Except when I was at school. I had a lot of friends there. I was popular and was involved in the drama club. I liked school.”

He digested her words and tried to form a question that sounded non-threatening but still got to the heart of what he needed to know.

“I bet you were popular. A pretty little blonde like you must have had a bunch of boyfriends. Were you a cheerleader?”

She smiled, her gaze still far away, and nodded. “I was. I was senior class vice-president too.”

“Prom queen?”

Jazz shook her head but her smile didn’t falter. Whatever memories she was thinking about at the moment were good ones. “Abigail Dennis was prom queen. Much prettier than me. And she was senior class
president.
”

Griffin heartily doubted that this Abigail person was better looking than Jazz.

He hated to take the smile away but he had a terrible feeling his next statement was going to do exactly that.

“Your parents must have been very proud of you.”

Her smile vanished.

“They were busy.”

Griffin felt his heart start to ache in sympathy. His Jazz was wearing a sad little expression and it was all he could do not to pull her onto his lap and hold her until she smiled again.

His Jazz?
What the fuck was he thinking? She wasn’t his anything except deputy in training.

“They were too busy for you weren’t they, honey?” he asked gently. He could see the parallel lines between Casey’s life and Jazz’s clearly now. This was why she’d wanted the case. This was why she wanted to bring justice to Casey.

“They should never have had children.” Jazz’s voice sounded small in the silence. “They loved each other so much there just wasn’t anything left for anyone else.”

As part of a big family, Griffin knew love wasn’t like a pie with bigger and smaller slices handed out to a few lucky people. Love was like a giant rubber band that kept on stretching, making room for everyone. Love compounded on itself exponentially. His parents hadn’t run out of love with ten children. They’d had more than enough for their family.

“Did they hurt you?” His voice grated and he winced inwardly at the awkward question as a few tears fell from her eyes.

“No. Never. Not once.” Jazz shook her head and the deck lights made her tears shiny on her cheeks. “They just…ignored me. I had all the things I could want. I just didn’t have parents. My friends thought it was cool that I had so much freedom. I was jealous that their parents cared what time they came home and who they were with.”

Pulling her attention from the lake, she finally looked at him, her expression crumpled. He’d brought this on and he would have to deal with the aftermath, but he’d had no choice.

“I don’t remember them ever hugging me.” Reflexively, she pulled her knees close to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs as if to hold herself close. He had to fight the urge to wrap his own arms around her. He swallowed the lump that had taken up residence in his throat upon hearing her sad story. How could her mother and father not adore her? She was everything lovable and then some.

“They weren’t cruel.” Griffin could see that Jazz felt the need to defend her parents which was normal. She probably blamed herself as children often did when their parents divorce or abuse them. He’d seen it often enough in dysfunctional domestic situations.

“Do you talk to them?”

Jazz shook her head, more tears silently falling. He’d never seen a woman cry so quietly and it made him wonder how many times she’d cried alone in her room so her parents wouldn’t hear.

“Father died when I was fifteen and Mother never really recovered. She paid even less attention to me then. As soon as I’d saved enough money after graduation I left for Hollywood. Mother barely noticed. At the beginning I’d call home but she’d make an excuse to end the conversation quickly. She didn’t really want to talk to me. She wanted to be left alone. So that’s what I did.”

A ball of anger lodged itself right in the middle of his chest. Jazz’s stupid, self-absorbed parents were idiots. They’d had the love of their daughter and they’d thrown it away. If there was any justice in the world…shit, who was he kidding? He’d been in law enforcement and the military long enough to know that justice – true justice – was a rare thing.

Maybe together they could find some for Casey.

He reached across and swiped at her tears, her skin warm under his fingers. Rising from his chair, he scooped her up into his arms and sat back down with her on his lap. He let her cry, simply rocking her back and forth and stroking her silky hair.

“That’s it, honey, cry it all out. Things will look better when you’re done.”

He didn’t know that for sure but his sisters always seemed to feel better after a good cleansing cry. He didn’t know why it worked but it did.

Eventually the tears stopped and she sniffled and scrubbed at her cheeks. Her eyes had a liquid sheen to them as she gazed into his for a long time. A connection, tenuous but real, built between them stronger with each passing moment. It pulled at him, tugging him closer to her emotionally and physically. It wasn’t a shock when their lips met.