Cowgirls Don't Cry (34 page)
“That was a fast bath tonight.”
“Up!”
Lorelei James
She perched him on her hip and he curled into her, nestling his head on front of her shoulder. “I swear when you’re such a sweet-smelling, sweet-acting boy I can almost forgive how you torture my poor dog.”
She smooched his crown.
“Are you gonna read to him?”
Jessie looked up and saw Brandt leaning in the doorjamb, wearing a pensive expression. “I’d planned to. Why?”
“No reason.” Brandt smiled. “He just loves it.”
A snuggly, attentive Landon was a treat after dealing with his rambunctious ways all day. She settled in the easy chair and grabbed the book on the top of the stack—a book about dinosaurs.
Brandt draped Landon’s blanket over him and retreated to the kitchen.
Landon’s eyes were drooping by the time she finished the story. She tucked him in his crib and he didn’t fuss about not having a bottle.
She debated whether to crawl in the shower or find out what Brandt’s phone call was about. No contest.
Brandt sat in the middle of the couch and patted his lap. “C’mere and give me some sugar.”
“In a second. I need a drink.” She poured a glass of water and brought it back to the living room with her. “So you gonna tell me about the phone call? Or just distract me with sex?”
His humor vanished.
“Who was it?”
“Samantha.”
Jessie remained standing. “What did she want?”
“To tell me she’d been released from the halfway house in Casper.”
“When?”
The muscle in Brandt’s jaw flexed.
“When?” she repeated.
“Five days ago.”
“And she’s just calling you now?”
“Evidently she had some stuff—”
“I don’t want to hear you make excuses for her, Brandt.”
“I’m not.” Brandt rubbed the line of his forehead where his hat usually rested. “It wasn’t her choice, it was a court thing. Anyway, she wants to meet with us. Specifically…you.”
Jessie had the sensation of falling. Air rushing in her ears, her body bracing for that bone jarring impact. Everything blurred.
“Jess?”
She jumped. “What does she want?”
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“I don’t know.”
She didn’t believe him, but picking a fight to get him to come clean wouldn’t be wise. “Where and when will this meeting take place?”
“At the Pizza Barn in Moorcroft at noon.” He paused. “The day after tomorrow.”
“She can take five fucking days to get her shit together and she gives us thirty-six hours?”
“We knew this day was coming. It came more than month earlier than we expected, but it’s not a surprise.”
“We’re just supposed to pack his stuff and hand him over?”
Brandt’s inquisitive eyes trapped hers. “Yes. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
No.
I don’t know.
I have no clue what I want anymore.
Jessie fought a feeling of panic. However her hand remained steady as she drained the glass of water.
“Yes, I suppose it is.”
Silence.
“Well, I’m gonna hit the hay. Night.”
“Night, Jess. I’ll come to bed in a bit.”
In her bedroom her fingers were numb as they worked the buttons on her western shirt. Somehow she stripped. Somehow she crawled in bed. Somehow she found the energy to berate herself for her emotional investment with the pesky kid when she’d sworn she wouldn’t let that happen.
Yet, for the first time in her life, somehow she found the strength not to cry.
Jessie, girl, you’re such a liar.
Brandt had tried to remain neutral, to see if she would be honest and admit her once hard stance toward long term care involving Landon had softened. But she’d thrust out that stubborn chin, denied it and run away.
But she couldn’t deny what he’d seen tonight. What he’d seen the last few months. Jessie’s patience, kindness, firmness and amusement regarding Landon. She loved him.
Jessie had been exactly right. Landon would break her heart and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Because it was his fault. He’d brought that heartache right to her.
Would she ever forgive him?
He slipped into bed and spooned in behind her. He appreciated she didn’t feign sleep. “You wanna talk?”
“Nope.”
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“You wanna fuck?”
“Nope.”
You want me to tell you I love you, I’ve loved you forever and I’m relieved I don’t have to choose
between you and my nephew?
Her answer would be nope to that too.
Brandt hadn’t told Jessie that Samantha insisted all of Landon’s stuff be boxed up and ready to go.
Maybe Samantha was proving she had the power. Maybe she was ready to become a parent to her son. He knew Jessie well enough that if he told her about Samantha’s request, she’d obsess about what it meant.
He called his brothers and asked if they could take Landon tomorrow night, as they’d planned. It might be easier for everyone.
That was a total fucking lie. This wouldn’t be easy on any of them.
When Brandt informed her Landon would spend the night with Dalton and Tell, rather than them, Jessie fought her urge to lash out at him.
We knew this day was coming.
They’d watched TV like any other night. In bed, Brandt reached for her, like he did every night. His way of dealing with her melancholy wasn’t to match it with sweetness, but to counter it with heat. Lots of heat.
Brandt hadn’t been content to stick with the tried and true. After whipping her into a frenzy by making her come three times, once with his fingers, once with his mouth and once with her vibrator, he pushed her on her back. While remaining on his knees, he hooked her right leg over his right shoulder. He turned her lower body sideways so he could imprison her left thigh between the back of his left thigh and his calf. Then he fucked her. He controlled everything. The depth of his thrusts. The spread of her pussy, and the contact point where her clit abraded his groin.
Oh, it was breathtaking, watching his ferocious man master her. Teach her. Pleasure her. Mesmerized by the fire in his eyes, Jessie had just held on, as her body became his playground. He watched her breasts bounce with every deep thrust. He watched her bring herself to orgasm. He watched his cock shuttling in and out of her pussy. When Brandt started to come, he turned, sinking his teeth into the outside of her thigh right by his head, giving her the sexiest love bite she’d ever had. They’d both collapsed.
He’d tucked her against his naked body, like he did every night, and drifted off.
She slept for maybe an hour or two and then she’d lain in his arms, restless. She disentangled from his embrace and snuck out to the kitchen.
A cup of hot herbal tea didn’t induce sleepiness. She didn’t dare clean or she’d wake Brandt. So she sat on the couch and tried to process everything that’d gone on the last three months.
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Jessie wasn’t sure why Samantha had insisted on talking to her face to face. Was Samantha gauging her fitness as Landon’s temporary guardian before she dropped the bomb she wasn’t ready to resume fulltime parenting responsibilities yet?
For the past day, Jessie wrestled with the situation regarding Landon, the facts, the fears, the promises given and the promises broken. Mostly she weighed the promises she’d made to herself to keep an almost clinical detachment for the boy, to set a time limit for how long she’d allow herself to care for him. It was laughable now, thinking she could ever protect her heart from such a sweet soul, from Luke’s son.
It was pitiful that she’d ever even tried.
Since she’d insisted Brandt didn’t discuss anything involving Landon’s mother, she couldn’t bring up the fact she’d changed her mind about everything. Not until tomorrow.
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Chapter Twenty-Two
Jessie loitered outside the Pizza Barn in Moorcroft. She kept her phone to her ear, pretending to be in the middle of an important conversation.
Stop stalling.
She pocketed her cell and entered the restaurant. Normally she took a second to breathe in the tangy scents of oregano, tomato sauce, spicy meat and cheese, and the earthy aroma of baking crust. But today, she didn’t smell a thing.
Probably because you’re holding your breath.
Two tables had customers. One booth held an older couple chowing down on pizza. A petite woman sat in the other booth, stirring a glass of soda. Had to be Samantha.
Jessie’s heart galloped as she slowly crossed the room and stopped in front of the booth. “Samantha?”
“Yes?”
“I’m Jessie.” She slid into the opposite seat without being asked, and scrutinized the woman without apology.
Samantha Johnston looked young now, so Jessie couldn’t fathom how young she must’ve looked two and a half years ago. Her body type was slight. Not busty. An air of fragility surrounded her. A feature Jessie recognized because she’d had that same trait when she’d met Luke McKay.
“So if you’re done inspecting me…”
She shrugged. “You had to expect that.”
“Yes, I did. Thanks for coming early. I worried Brandt wouldn’t pass along the message that I wanted to meet you.”
Jessie frowned. “Why wouldn’t Brandt—”
“Because he’s very protective of you.” Samantha leaned back into the booth seat and crossed her arms over her chest, almost defiantly.
The waitress took Jessie’s order and neither she nor Samantha said another word, nor did they look at each other until the waitress dropped off the soda and left.
“So why the summons, Samantha? I’ll admit I wasn’t sure this was the best idea.”
“First of all, I really wanted to thank you in person for all you’ve done for Landon. I…it’s so far above and beyond…”
Please don’t get weepy.
Cowgirls Don’t Cry
“Plus, I feel I owe you an explanation about a couple of things regarding Luke.”
Jessie held up her hand. “Not necessary. I don’t need the down-and-dirty details about what went on between you two. Landon is proof enough for me. In fact, I’d rather not know.”
“Part of my A.A. program and rehab assignment is owning up to my past behavior.”
“Apologizing for it?” Jessie asked sharply.
“Would you accept an apology from me?”
I don’t know.
Samantha blurted, “The truth is I wasn’t in love with Luke and he wasn’t in love with me. We weren’t star-crossed lovers consumed with overpowering lust or any of that romantic movie bullshit.”
That caught her attention.
“For about a month after we met, we hooked up when he came into the bar where I waitressed. Since it was bar, he thought I was older than I was and I didn’t bother to tell him differently.” Samantha looked away. “And I honestly didn’t give a rat’s ass he was married. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it.”
Not a question. Jessie reached for her soda to try and wash away the sour taste in her mouth. So Luke hadn’t hidden his marital status. Was he hoping she’d get wind of this affair and leave him?
Would you have? If you’d known about this young woman, would you have left him?
No. Not then. Now? Yes. It hurt like a bitch to admit that to herself, but she was done lying to herself.
“Bottom line: I was convenient after closing time and so was he.” She blatantly studied Jessie. “You surprised?”
“To be honest, I don’t know what I am. Hurt and mad mostly. During that time I suspected Luke was seeing someone.”
But I didn’t have the balls to confront him about it.
“We were only together a couple months. I was exclusive with him, even knowing he was going home to his wife after we…” She cleared her throat. “I never begged him to leave you, never wanted anything permanent with him. I broke it off with him a week before he died. No fuss, no muss. When I heard he died, I was sad, but not devastated. Probably not like you were.
“After I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know what to do. Especially when some of Luke’s bar friends gossiped about how his family shut you out and cut you off completely. I figured they wouldn’t believe me about being pregnant, and I thought they’d do the same to me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
“Didn’t matter at the time because I wasn’t sure if I was gonna keep the baby. I’d contacted a couple of adoption places, but they didn’t want to talk to me until the baby was born and I had a better grasp on my plans. I couldn’t even work in the bar because I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant.”
“When did you decide to keep the baby?”
“The minute I pushed him out of my body. I never knew I could love like that. I’d never felt anything like it.” She paused to take another sip of her soda. “Anyway, my old boyfriend showed up when Landon
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was two months old and living with my judgmental aunt was making me crazy, so we moved in with him.
Mistake. Not only was his mother certifiable, within four months I’d gotten a DUI. When I got my second…Talk about a serious wake up call. I was just lucky Landon wasn’t in the car with me. As I sat in county lockup, I realized I was headed down the same stupid path my mom had taken, drinking too much, relying on random men, leaving my kid with strangers so I could…” Samantha paused, keeping her face pointed at the table, not meeting Jessie’s eyes.
It was difficult to watch her struggle because Jessie’s first impulse was to comfort and reassure her.
She squeezed her hands into fists beneath the table and kept her mouth firmly closed.
“I ain’t gonna play the ‘my childhood sucked’ card. It sucked getting dumped off whenever my mom got tired of me, but I know I’m not the only one who had a shitty go of it growing up. I know I shouldn’t use it as an excuse to be a shitty mother to my own kid. He deserves better.”
Was this where Samantha confessed she still wasn’t ready to take on that role? Jessie braced herself, but she couldn’t stop her heart from racing.
