Cranky Hazel's Cake (2 page)

‘What about baked beans?' Cranky Hazel growled, as they passed a high stack of tins. ‘Ellie LOVES baked beans. I think I'll put some of them in the cake.' She threw a tin into the basket.

‘No,' Brainbox said. ‘DEFINITELY not. No one eats baked bean cakes.'

‘Well Ellie's not a no one. She's a SOME ONE,' Cranky Hazel growled. The tin of baked beans remained in the basket.

‘Cheese?' Cranky Hazel suggested, as they passed a fridge full of different coloured cheeses. ‘Ellie loves cheese. I think we'll put some of that in.'

Brainbox groaned.

‘We're not making a cheesecake,' he sighed. But Cranky Hazel picked up a huge lump of orange cheese and heaved it into the basket.

‘There,' she growled. ‘That looks tasty.'

‘There's the butter,' Brainbox pointed. ‘You need a tub of that.' Cranky Hazel chucked the biggest one she could find into the basket.

‘That should be enough, I reckon,' she growled.

‘Ah, here's the baking aisle,' Brainbox said as they rounded a corner. ‘Look, there are the eggs.' He pointed to rows of fragile looking cardboard boxes.

‘How many eggs do we need? About thirty?' Cranky Hazel asked.

‘Just get a pack of six,' Brainbox said. ‘But check inside to make sure none of them are broken before you put the box in the basket.'

Cranky Hazel grabbed a box by the lid and lifted it up. All the eggs slid out and smashed on top of her hob nailed boots, leaving a yellow, crunchy puddle oozing all around her.

‘Whoops,' she cackled, as Brainbox rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder. No one else was in the baking aisle. Cranky Hazel reached for her wand and with a flick of her wrist sent tiny chicken shaped glitter balls CHEEPING all over the eggy mess. They sucked up the mess like sponges then disappeared.

‘Try again,' Brainbox said. ‘But this time, BE CAREFUL. Hold the box with both hands.'

Cranky Hazel grabbed a box of eggs with one hand and opened the lid with the other. Six perfect eggs sat in two rows of three.

‘Yep,' she growled, closing the box and putting it in her basket on top of the butter. ‘These ones will do. Now what?'

‘Sugar and icing sugar,' Brainbox pointed at some different sized bags. Cranky Hazel picked up two and chucked them on top of the baked beans. ‘And flour,' Brainbox pointed to another shelf. ‘Get self-raising flour.'

‘Alright, bossy-boots,' Cranky Hazel stamped over and chose a big bag and heaved it into the basket. It was now so full it was becoming a bit difficult to pick up.

‘Now let's go and pay,' Brainbox said, turning.

On the way to the tills, Cranky Hazel added chocolate chip biscuits, frozen chunky chips and a packet of sausages to the basket.

‘I think we have all the ingredients for our cake now,' she growled, slamming the basket on to the next free counter.

‘Did you find everything you were looking for today, young lady?' The shop assistant asked as he beeped each item through.

‘No,' Cranky Hazel growled. ‘I was lookin' for pickled seaweed and you don't seem to have any. It's my favourite snack and I haven't had any for ages.'

‘Ah,' the shop assistant's brow crinkled. ‘No, ah, I don't think we sell, er, pickled seaweed.'

‘Oh,' Cranky Hazel growled, her bottom lip sticking out.

‘Um,' the shop assistant said. ‘That will be nine pounds and seventy six pence, please.'

Cranky Hazel took off her witch's hat and shook it. A bulging purse fell out on to the counter. (Her parents, who were always busy making potions and lotions to sell so they could pay the electricity bill, left a steady supply of money out for Cranky Hazel and Brainbox, just in case they ran out of bread or toothpaste or chocolate or something else important). Cranky Hazel grabbed her purse, undid the zip, and counted out the right money, slamming each coin down on the counter HARD.

‘There!' She growled when she'd finished.

‘Thank you,' the shop assistant said faintly, handing Cranky Hazel her bag of shopping. ‘Have a nice day.'

‘Shall we walk through the park again?' Cranky Hazel asked, stomping along, swinging her bag of shopping. ‘I could whizz Mr Perkin's hat even higher this time.'

‘No, I don't think so,' Brainbox said hurriedly. ‘I think we better go home the
long
way. It will do us both good to get a bit of exercise.'

‘Oh OK,' Cranky Hazel growled, and stamped off at a fast pace down a street lined with houses.

‘Doo-bee-doo-bee-dooh,' she growl-sang, as they walked along past fences, cars and trees, Brainbox padding along next to her. Cranky Hazel liked singing A LOT and her favourite television programme was “The Witch Factor”, which was a singing competition. She thought she might enter when she was older. Brainbox wasn't sure about THAT idea but he was too polite to say anything.

A movement in one of the front garden's caught her eye. Cranky Hazel stopped and stared.

‘Hmm,' she growled.

Two brothers were standing in one of the front gardens, watching their dad slosh soapy water over his car, then rub the side of the car with a sponge. The big boy, who had stubbly brown hair, munched down the last bit of his ice cream cone, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then looked over at his little brother, who had longer, curly brown hair. The smaller boy was licking his nearly WHOLE ice cream slowly, obviously enjoying every little bit of it. The big boy checked to see where his father was, which happened to be round the other side of the car, then snatched the ice cream out of his brother's hand. In three snorting munches, he'd finished the whole lot.

‘Hey, that's not right,' Cranky Hazel growled under her breath, and Brainbox shook his head from side to side, tutting. If there was one thing Cranky Hazel HATED MOST in life, it was a BULLY!

It took the young boy a couple of seconds to take in what had happened. Then he looked up at his brother and opened his mouth. Brainbox braced himself for an ear splitting scream, but Cranky Hazel had an idea. She quickly flicked her wand, and a mass of ice cream cone shaped glitter stars WHOOSHED over the little boy, who suddenly found he was holding the LARGEST, STICKIEST most AMAZING ice cream he'd ever seen in his LIFE. Red, pink, blue and yellow scrummy ice cream balls sat in a chocolate wafer cone. Toffee fudge sauce with marshmallow pieces on top of it oozed down the sides of the ice cream in yummy rivers. It was much better than the boring vanilla ice cream his brother had just nicked from him.

‘Wow,' shouted the boy.

The elder boy blinked twice, then reached for his brother's new ice cream.

‘Dad,' shouted the young boy, ready for it the second time round. ‘Darren's trying to steal my ice cream.'

‘Darren, leave your brother alone,' the dad said, sticking his head round the side of the car so he could see what was going on. ‘I'm sick of you picking on him. Do something useful for once, come here and help me wash the car.'

Cranky Hazel cackled under her breath as the little boy sat down on the doorstep, enjoying his GIANT ice cream in peace, as the elder one stomped towards the soapy car, his face as moody as a thunder cloud. None of them noticed the little witch and shadowy grey cat watching them.

‘Come on,' Brainbox said, an unmistakeable grin beneath his whiskers. ‘We'd better go. If we don't hurry up a bit we won't have time to make the cake before Ellie gets back.'

‘Fine,' Cranky Hazel cackled, and stamped off down the road, swinging the bag of shopping. With a flick of his tail, Brainbox turned and followed her.

‘Tie my apron up at the back please, Brainbox,' Cranky Hazel growled. She was standing next to her black kitchen counter, staring at the row of ingredients. Black kitchen scales, a grey mixing bowl, a rusty cake tin and a dark brown wooden spoon lay behind them. Brainbox padded behind her and tied a neat bow with his paws.

‘I've already told you we don't need the baked beans, cheese, chocolate biscuits, chips and sausages to make the cake,' he said, jumping on to the counter.

‘Are you a silly ninny or somethin'?' Cranky Hazel growled. ‘How many times do I have to tell you that baked beans, cheese, chocolate biscuits, chips and sausages are ELLIE'S FAVOURITE FOODS. I bet she'd be really upset if I didn't put them in her cake.'

‘Fine,' Brainbox said. ‘I tell you what, you make Ellie a cake YOUR way and I'll make Ellie a cake MY way. Agreed?'

‘Alright Mr Smarty Pants,' Cranky Hazel growled. ‘You're on.'

Brainbox reached up, opened the cupboard and got down another mixing bowl, cake tin and wooden spoon. He reached forwards, picked up the butter and measured out four ounces of it in the scales. Cranky Hazel grabbed the tub and spooned the rest of it into her bowl. Then she sloshed the whole tin of baked beans in as well.

‘Ooh,' She cackled. ‘Ellie's goin' to love this. Now what?'

‘Eggs,' Brainbox said, daintily cracking two into his bowl, then throwing the shells in the bin.

Cranky Hazel grabbed the box and smashed the four remaining eggs into her bowl, sending yoke, egg white and bits of shell flying all over the kitchen. She stared at the bowl with her head on one side, then picked up the packet of chocolate biscuits, threw it on the floor and stamped on it, CRUNCH! CRUNCH! She picked up the now floppy packet and emptied the biscuit bits into her mixing bowl.

‘There,' she growled, wiping her hands on her apron. ‘That looks more like it.'

Brainbox picked up his spoon and stirred his butter and eggs together carefully. Cranky Hazel grabbed her spoon and stirred her eggs, baked beans, butter and bits of biscuits together really fast, pretending she was an electric whisk. WHIZZ WHIZZ. Bits of the gloopy, crunchy mixture splattered out over Cranky Hazel's face.

‘Whoops!' She screeched. ‘This mixin' is hurtin' my arm, Brainbox. Can't I just use magic for this bit?'

‘No,' he said, sternly. ‘Ellie's cake has to be made the HUMAN way from start to finish, or she might not like it.'

‘Fine,' Cranky Hazel snapped, her arm whizzing even faster. After two minutes she stopped, panting, and slammed the wooden spoon down on to the counter. ‘Now what?'

‘Watch me,' Brainbox said, as he measured out four ounces of sugar in the scales then carefully poured the white granules on top of his mixture.

‘Easy peasy lemon squeezy,' Cranky Hazel cackled, and tipped the rest of the sugar into her bowl. Then she stared at the bowl with her hands on her hips for a few seconds. ‘Hang on a minute,' she growled. ‘It needs a little somethin' extra.' She opened the bag of frozen chips and chucked in four handfuls. ‘That should do it.'

Brainbox raised his eyes to the ceiling, then picked up the bag of self-raising flour.

‘Now,' he said. ‘We measure out four ounces of flour.' He picked up the big bag.

‘Come on, hurry up slow coach,' Cranky Hazel drummed her foot on the floor waiting for him to finish. As soon as he did, she seized the bag and emptied the flour into her bowl so fast it came out in a puffy cloud that turned her face and witch's hat completely white.

‘PAH!' She yelled, rubbing her hand across her eyes. ‘Yuk! Bakin' the human way is REALLY MESSY! Now what?'

‘Now we stir the mixture again,' Brainbox said, picking up his spoon. He stirred his until it was creamy and smooth.

Cranky Hazel picked up her spoon and stirred the chips, flour and sugar into the biscuit bits, eggs, baked beans and butter. Her mixture was chunky, bumpy and multi coloured.

‘Yum yum,' she licked her lips. ‘Mine looks MUCH better than yours.'

‘If you say so,' Brainbox said. He pulled a cake tin towards him with his paw, then poured his mixture into it.

Cranky Hazel watched, then poured HER mixture into the other cake tin. Then she opened the packet of sausages and stood them upright like soldiers throughout the tin, then laid chunks of cheese all over the top of them.

‘Hurray,' she cackled, standing back and staring at the finished product. ‘Mine's a BEAUTIFUL work of art. Don't feel bad that yours looks so BORIN', Brainbox.'

‘Yes, er, righto,' Brainbox said, looking at his smooth mixture proudly.

‘So how do we bake the cakes then?' Cranky Hazel growled. ‘We can't use the cauldron, Mum's stew's still cookin' and we're goin' to eat that later for dinner. Shall I do a bakin' spell?' She reached for her wand.

‘NO,' Brainbox shouted, holding out his paw. ‘We need to use the oven.'

‘Oh right,' Cranky Hazel growled, scratching her head, looking round her kitchen. ‘I didn't know we had one.'

When both cake tins were on the top shelf of the oven and Brainbox had turned the dial to the right temperature, Cranky Hazel pulled a chair in front of the oven and sat down.

‘I'm not movin' till it's ready,' she growled, leaning forwards. Brainbox chuckled, then turned to start the washing up.

Cranky Hazel hopped from one foot to the other while Brainbox slowly opened the oven door. They stared at the two VERY different creations inside. One was smooth, round and golden. The other had completely EXPLODED out of the cake tin; burnt cheese sat smoking on top of brown sausages, which protruded from a lumpy sea of baked beans, crispy chips, over-cooked biscuit bits and fluffy sponge cake. It looked like something you might expect to find at the bottom of a dustbin.

‘Oh Cranky Hazel, I'm SO sorry –‘ Brainbox began.

‘Its – its PERFECT!' Cranky Hazel shouted, clapping her hands. ‘I've never seen such a SCRUMPTIOUS lookin' cake in my life. Sorry yours didn't turn out very interestingly,' she raised her eyes at Brainbox's sponge cake.

Brainbox opened his mouth, then shut it again.