Crash (23 page)

Mr. Pardini’s thin frame shook; flecks of spit flew from his mouth as he screamed at his son. William’s eyes widened and he took a step back.

Wow.

But he still wasn’t done. “You’ll never make CEO of this company! I let you believe that you had a chance because I wanted you to focus on something in your life, but it didn’t work.”

“Wow, Dad.” His eyes narrowed and he placed his hands on his hips. “Thanks a lot for that. That makes me feel great.”

“Will—” I stopped as they both looked at me, surprised that I was still there. “It won’t be as bad as you think. You’ll get to meet them like you wanted, and the public will stop hounding you for retribution. If they see the families forgive you, they might leave you alone.”

“I don’t care about any of that. This was supposed to be private.”

“It stopped being private a couple weeks ago, son.”

William looked at me for help, but I just shrugged and grimaced. Just do it.

“Fine, but you’re staying here, Dad.” He looked at me and nudged his head towards the door.

Mr. Pardini gave me a small nod as Will waited for me at the entrance. My heels clicked loudly on the wooden floors and my heart hammered as I stood beside him and heard his fast breaths. He was scared to leave his quiet sanctuary. His hand twitched by his side and I lifted my hand to grab it. It was the first time we touched in days and my blood heated in response. I wanted to tell him how much I missed the feeling of his hands around my waist, his lips pressed against my face. I missed being around him, but all I did was try to squeeze some of those thoughts into his hand.

* * *

Ugly, industrial South San Francisco rolled by as the driver took us down the Peninsula. I balled my fists over my knees as I watched Will’s face growing more and more anxious. He probably prayed for the traffic to get worse so that we wouldn’t get there on time.

A stupid, selfish part of me wished that he would change his mind about us. I wanted him to lean forward and kiss me. I wanted him so badly that it was torture to be in the same car as him. I kept watching him, wanting to memorize every part of him so that I wouldn’t forget him when this was over.

He fingered a bottle of water in his hands. “You know, I pictured this moment many times in my head. What I would say, what they would look like…When I saw myself doing this, I didn’t see a bunch of fucking reporters documenting the whole thing.” He looked at me. “I hate this.”

“I know you didn’t, but your dad’s right. This is affecting him, too. We have to do something to make it better.”

 He made an impatient noise and stared out the window. “I can’t believe he dangled that job in front of me to try and fix me.”

At least your parents care about you.

“Will, are you going to go back to work?”

“I don’t know.”

He said it in a closed way that made me realize that the conversation was over. Disappointed, I fell back into my seat. William’s quiet gloom spread throughout the car like a heavy fog, and I felt his anticipation when the car suddenly stopped in front of a modest home in a quiet suburb. This was the place that held one of the families that Will had a part in destroying.

“Oh, shit.” He blanched as the car made a sudden stop. Will craned his neck to look inside the windows, where a few dark forms shifted inside. “They’re here.”

His pupils were like pins. “I can’t do this. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

“You’re just nervous. They’re probably nervous, too. Calm down!”

“I can’t calm down!” His wild eyes looked up and down the street, as if he meant to sprint towards an escape.

I moved across the car and sat next to him, wrapping my arm around his back. “Will, you can do this.”

The door swung open as the driver got out of the car to let us out. At the sight of the reporters standing by with their cameras, he swallowed hard.

“Go on, I’ll be right behind you.”

It was so bright outside that I flung my hand in front of my face. Remembering that I was supposed to be Will’s “girlfriend,” I took his hand and tried not to look at the cameras following us across the neatly trimmed lawn. He stopped in front of the door, his face a blank mask. He closed his eyes and grimaced every time he heard the cameras beep.

“I can’t do this with them there.”

Will gave me a pleading look and I sighed and nodded.

“Guys, I need you to wait outside,” he said to the two reporters behind us.

“That’s not what we agreed on.”

“I know, but I can’t do this if you’re both inside with me. Just stay the fuck outside.”

“Your father paid us to go inside.”

I placed a hand on his arm and stepped forward, blocking him from the reporters. “This will all go easier if you stay outside. You’ll get the photos of them together, I promise.”

“Fine.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Will nodded, looking relieved. “Okay, I’m ready.” Before he could rap his knuckles on the door, it unlocked and swung inward. I grabbed Will’s hand in a vice grip.

A tall, heavyset man with graying hair answered the door, unsmiling. “You must be William.”

He flinched as if the man struck him, but there was no anger in his voice—no accusatory stare. He just sounded tired.

“Yes, Mr. Metsky.”

I never heard him speak in such a quiet voice, and then I realized with a shock that this must be the father of Julian Metsky, the youngest victim.
That’s why he looks so terrified.
I could see him forcing himself to look the man in the eyes.

“Come in,” he said in his rolling, deep voice.

I followed Will, feeling horrible as I walked through the narrow doorway, brushing past Mr. Metsky. Inside was a small, carpeted family room. Two couches surrounded a large coffee table where a large portrait of a young girl sat upright, grinning toothily. Will shuddered to a stop and stared in horror at the photo until I sidled up against him and pinched his arm, hard enough to snap him out of it.

On the couch were several people with varying degrees of hostility. There were Julian’s mother, a teenage boy, and several others who I assumed to be part of the Ramos family. I froze.
What do we do now? Do we shake their hands and introduce ourselves?

Will shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “I’m Will. This is my girlfriend, Natalie.”

I gave them a weak smile and flinched as their eyes flicked to me like hot, stabbing knives. What were they thinking? Perhaps they were disgusted with me.

“I’m sorry that it took so long for us to be in the same room together.”

Mr. Metsky gestured towards the couch and Will and I crammed ourselves beside the others, uncomfortable beyond belief. The tall man sat down on the leather chair directly opposite us.

“You’re having some week, aren’t you?”

Having nothing to say to that, William kept silent. He couldn’t stop staring at the giant portrait of Julian, which was in front of him. It seemed like it was placed there deliberately, to remind him of the beautiful little girl he destroyed.

“I wanted to visit for many years, I just couldn’t pluck up the courage. I—”

“Give me a break,” the boy suddenly spat out. “He’s just here because he wants to make himself look better.”

“Jimmy!” The father snapped at his son.

So he’s Julian’s older brother. That would explain the hostility.

“We wanted you to come because we thought that the media was treating you unfairly,” Julian’s mother spoke softly beside him.

What? I shared an incredulous look with Will.

“Really?”

The father cleared his throat. “You weren’t the driver. We don’t blame you at all.” His eyes flicked towards the Ramos family, who so far said nothing. From the looks on their faces, they didn’t seem to agree.

He shook his head, looking miserable. “I told Dan to drive.”

I saw them exchange glances. This was clearly not going how they expected.

Will was slowly breaking down. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the picture; he couldn’t quiet the grief stirring in his body. “I’m sorry!” he burst out. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a strangled sob, then he broke down completely, his back heaving with sobs.

Julian’s parents looked at me with extremely shocked expressions. Julian’s mother, a woman with long blonde hair, reached out and held his hand, and Will looked at it as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Neither did I.

“You killed my daughter.” The dark-haired woman who sat on the other couch looked disgusted. “And you expect us to feel sorry for you?”

“He didn’t kill your daughter,” I said suddenly. “Dan did.”

I burned as the whole room turned around to stare at me.

“So what?” she snapped. “He said himself that he’s just as responsible. You’ve no idea how much we’ve suffered. Your boyfriend and his stupid friend destroyed our lives, and all they got was a slap on the wrist. It’s disgusting.”

Will sobs subsided and he took a tissue box on the table and dabbed his eyes. “Every day, I hate myself for what I did. I didn’t come here to absolve myself of responsibility. I just wanted to come here and apologize and—and ask you whether I can—if there’s anything you want me to do.”

Forgiveness, I urged him silently.

“Can you bring up my daughter and her husband from the dead?”

He swallowed. “No.”

“Then there’s nothing you can do.” She turned around to her husband. “Tim, let’s leave. I can’t stand looking at this guy.”

Will looked stricken as they stood up to leave. Mr. Metsky stood up. “Please don’t leave. You said in the beginning that you only wanted to see if he felt any remorse.”

“I can’t take it,” she said, gathering her coat from the stand.

Tim shook Mr. Metsky’s hand and looked at Will, whose fist held the crumpled tissue. “You rich people think you can get away with anything. You’re going to burn in hell.”

The Ramos family swept out of the house, slamming the door in their wake. Mr. Metsky looked at Will’s horrified face and I saw his eyes crease with pity.

“Listen, Will. You have to understand that they’re very, very angry. We were angry, too for a long time, but we realized that the anger was destroying us.”

The tall form of his body blurred as tears blinded my eyes. I reached for Will’s hand and squeezed hard.

“Julian wouldn’t want us to live the rest of our lives like that. We just wanted to see remorse, that’s all. You know, Dan never made an attempt to visit us. Never called to apologize or anything.”

Tears slid down my face as I looked at him. Never? I couldn’t believe it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t talk to him anymore.”

Mrs. Metsky held her arm around his shoulders and whispered something in his ear, which made him break out into fresh tears. The rest of the visit passed in a whirlwind of tears from everyone, including me, and then they gathered outside to take pictures. I watched them, hoping beyond hope that this would help William heal.

* * *

“How was it?”

Mr. Pardini’s face was anxious as we reentered the apartment, with the reporter’s promise that the story would be published the next day. I looked at Will nervously as he shrugged and headed straight for his bedroom, ignoring his father’s questions. He took the response from the Ramos family really hard. Even though the Metskys forgave him, in the car he twisted with guilt and agonized over the cruel things that had been said to him. It was almost like nothing good happened.

“It went okay,” I said bracingly. “The Ramos family is still very angry. They made that very clear.”

He gave a look that was nonplussed. “Well, of course they’re angry.”

“He didn’t take it well,” I said in a whisper. “He still needs therapy. I’ll go talk to him.”

I headed over to his bedroom and knocked softly before opening the door. Will sat on his bed, his beautiful blue shirt lying on the floor in a crumpled heap. His eyes flicked towards me, that same deadened look on his face. I could tell that it wasn’t enough.

Will, when are you going to come back to me?

I sat next to him gingerly. “What are you thinking?”

He said nothing for several seconds. “I’m thinking that I want all of this to disappear.”

I grabbed his arm and squeezed it until he looked at me. “What the hell does that mean?” In reality, I knew perfectly well what he meant. “Will, didn’t you hear them? They forgave you. Even they pointed out that you did nothing wrong! The others are just angry because they have no one else to be angry with! Dan is out of the picture.”

Will’s haunted face stared at me through the mirror on his closet door. “All I can think about is Mr. Ramos telling me to burn in hell. Do you know what I dream about when I go to sleep? I see missing limbs and blood and I hear her mother screaming and I feel that little girl’s cold hand in mine.”

“Will, for the last time: you need therapy.”

He nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”

I sighed, and some of my frustration shook into my voice.
I need to go home. I need to be away from all this.
Will didn’t realize how draining today had been for me. I don’t think he cared. A sudden, clenching feeling around my heart made tears squeeze through my eyes. I thought I was willing to stay with him, even through all of his despair, but this was proving to be too much for me.
I won’t be with someone who wants to die.

“Natalie?”

His low voice lifted in surprise.

“I need to go home.”

The bed bounced as he stood up. His hand slammed the door shut as I opened it. I was surprised that he followed me. His bare arm blocked my path, followed by the rest of this body as he leaned against the door and looked at me with a stern expression. I hated myself for the hope gathering in my chest.

“No, you’re not going to leave like this.”

 “I’m not upset, I just—I’m tired.”

“Natalie.”

I hated the way he said my name. He reached out and took my face in his hands, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. I should have slapped them away, but I missed him so damn much. My lip trembled.

“I’ve been a dick to you this past week. I’m really sorry. You’ve done so much for me.”