Crash: M/M Straight to Gay First Time Romance (9 page)

Liam

              It’s comforting to know that my dear cousin would waste millions of dollars to make me look bad. It gives me a warm feeling way down in my…nope, that’s just gas. Reviewing the paperwork Reid brought home, it’s clear to me he wasn’t wasting any effort. Besides wanting the company logo on every fucking thing, it was a huge win for the struggling center. The funds provided by the state and the various grants Reid managed to scrounge up were minuscule compared to what Ruairi was offering. He would be a fool not to accept the sponsorship.

              It was only for three years, but a lot can happen in three years. I sit quietly as Reid outlines what he plans to do with the money, not listening. It’s not that I don’t care about the center or his plan. I just have bigger fish to fry. All of his plans hinge on our ability to outsmart Ruairi.

              “So what do we do next?”

              “We wait for the signing ceremony,” I explain.

              “Ceremony?”

              “Oh, this is big money, tiger. And with big money, everything needs a ceremony and a photographer. Ruairi wants to catch us with our asses in the wind. So he will make every step of this process as public as possible,” I say, smirking.

              “Why are you smiling?” he says, looking skeptical.

              “Because I just spoke with somebody important, and it took some doing but,” I turn my computer screen to Reid, “we got married.”

              On the screen was the local county records office website. Since births and marriages are a matter of public record, although the sensitive information isn’t displayed, the date that the marriage license was approved was clear.

              “It’s dated to one month before my accident,” I say, as Reid blinks rapidly and stares at the screen.

              “I thought you said we weren’t going to get married,” he says after several minutes.

              “We aren’t. We didn’t.” I am not sure why he isn’t more excited about this.

              “Well, it looks pretty real to me. The county seems to think we are married,” he argues.

              “It’s just an electronic record. There isn’t any paper behind it. There was no ceremony. It’s not real. It’s just a smoke screen to cover our asses,” I say, perplexed by his upset.

              “And what if they ask for the paper?”

              “They won’t. A hospital full of nurses, doctors, and physical therapists have watched you sit by my bedside while I was injured and carry me from place to place as I did my therapy. The only person who doesn’t think that there is something between us is Ruairi.”

              “And why would he think that? You are gay, after all?”

              “Because I don’t get into relationships. Ever. I have trust issues, abandonment issues, and some other kind of commitment related complex that my therapist charged me two hundred dollars an hour to sort out.”

              “So what about what
is
going on between us?”

              I focus on his face. He is serious. I groan. He has the worst timing. I roll my eyes so hard I look like I am going into an epileptic fit. Reid seems unfazed, and that is annoyingly comforting. Reid’s honesty policy is paradoxically the most and the least attractive thing about him. I can trust his motives because if I ask him what they are, he will tell me the truth or say nothing at all. But I hate him for being so damned good all the goddamn time. I hate him for making me feel like a sulky, mean-spirited, narcissist when I can’t match his good intentions and mild mannered optimism.

              “Fuck you, Reid,” I say because that is the first thing that comes to mind.

              “Not talking about it won’t make it go away. And if this afternoon was any indication, there is still plenty of things we need to talk about,” Reid says.

              “Like what?” My lips curve up into a lecherous smile. This is the other thing I think I love about him. How easily he wades into conversations that will make him uncomfortable.

              “Like, I never have…I mean I don’t know
how
…” he lets the unspoken words hang in the space between us.

              “Fucking. You don’t know how to fuck?”

              “No,” he shifts uncomfortably. “I know how to…I just don’t don’t know how to-“

              “Fuck,” I interject loudly. His whole body jumps as if the word itself is electric.

              “Yes, not with a man.” He blushes as he speaks.

              “Want me to show you?” I'm being obtuse. I just want him to say it. I want him to tell me he wants me. As much as I hate to admit it, I still want Reid Cummings to want me. I still want him to look at me as if I am the most mesmerizing creature he has ever seen.

              “I…am not sure,” he says, looking at his bare feet.

              I get up and wobble over to him, sitting coquettishly in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.

              “What if I said I want to show you? It’s been a while since I had a virgin,” I whisper, resting my head against his.

              “I am not a trophy,” he grumbles.

              “Yes, you are. You should be proud of that fact,” I insist. “False modesty and excessive humility are not virtues.”

              “How about just wanting to be treated like somebody who matters to you instead of an extravagance you indulged in while you were on vacation?”

              His tone and his expression are serious, making me put my game on pause for a moment.

              “What are you asking me here?”

              “I’m asking you if I mean anything to you or if you are just playing games. Because this is serious for me. Touching you, being with you isn’t easy for me. It’s not
normal
for me. So if this is just fun and games for you I want to know, now,” he says without flinching or hesitation.

              This time, it’s my turn to fumble. It’s funny how comfortable I am talking about my feelings with somebody I pay astronomical amounts of money to listen, but can’t manage to do the same for Reid. His breathing is perfectly even as he waits for me to answer. He doesn’t shift or fidget nervously. Once again he seems unaffected by my hesitance. Anger ignites in my belly as I look at his impassive eyes.

              “How do you do that?” I push myself out of his lap and plop down on the bed.

              “What?”

              “You don’t care either way, do you? You don’t care if I say I am just playing around. You don’t care if I decide this is too much for me and decide to leave!”

              “Not exactly. I care, but I have to deal with reality, no matter what that reality is,” he says softly.

              “You have to teach me that trick then because I care a lot. I care whether or not people leave me or I leave them,” I say, startling myself with the honesty of my words.

              “Is that why you act like that? You don’t want to like me because then I might leave you?”

              “No!” Yes.

              “Then what?”

              “Your whole enlightened being act is tiring and annoying,” I say.

              “I’m not enlightened. I am just honest with myself and with you. Earlier today, if you had been a woman, or if that damned meeting hadn’t been so important, do you know what I would have done?”

“Well, aren’t I lucky that my penis kept you from missing your meeting,” I sound pissy. I don’t mean it. I understand him and everything he is saying. I just don’t want to have this conversation.

              “Don’t change the subject, Liam,” he says. Damn he is good. I close my eyes and grimace as I decide to give in a little and tell him what he needs to know.

              “I like you, okay. Dammit! But that doesn’t mean that we are destined ever to be anything. I am fucked up, and you are the goddamn Buddha incarnate, and that makes us oil and water,” I explain, wanting to believe every word of it.

              “Or fire and ice,” he says calmly. I open my eyes and see him sitting in front of me, smiling. My heart flutters against my ribcage.

              “Either way, we will both be left with nothing but regrets if we let this thing between us get too real. So why don’t we leave it the way it is,” I say.

              “Or we can see where it goes and then let it go when it’s over without regrets. I don’t want any regrets either, Liam. I just know that if I like you and you like me, we are both going to spend whatever time we have left in this life wondering what we could have had if we weren’t so scared,” he says. He sounds like my shrink. That bastard is always right too.

              “I am not afraid,” I say defiantly.

              “I am. I am scared shitless. I am not ready for this
at all
.”

              “Then let's not.”

              “How much fun would that be? No, we have to,” he says, invading my space and engulfing both of my hands in his large, strong, grip. I look him in the eyes and see something tender and playful dancing in their depths. I want to disagree, but I can’t seem to make my mouth form the words. Instead, I nod and roll my eyes at his triumphant smile. I let him kiss me, deep and slow, scorching my acerbic pretense with his sincere joy. For a moment I am eighteen again, sitting in front of a roaring bonfire, getting my first kiss.

“Let me get some dinner,” he says, letting go of my hands and caressing my cheek as he strides out of the room. I grind my back teeth at my weakness. He says a few nice words and flashes that smile and I turn over like a ten cent whore.

I sit there, not sure what to do until my laptop receives a video call. I know, without checking. Only one douche bag has such impeccable timing.

“Hello, baby cousin,” Ruairi greets me. “I heard that everything went well today. We should have a signing in no time.”

“I should have known there was no way for me to talk him out of making a deal with you.” So I didn’t try, but you don’t need to know that.

“Oh, you still think you understand my mind and my motives? I assure you that this is just the tip of the iceberg,” he says ominously.

“We are mighty proud of ourselves,” I say, unimpressed by his cryptic message.

“Funny you should say that.
W
e are, quite proud actually.” He disconnects.

I can’t put my finger on it, but I know I have miscalculated here. I knew that Ruairi has a group of spies, flunkies, and lawyers whose job it is to make his every wish come true. But, his words point to something else, something more. A partner perhaps? Somebody who enjoys making trouble as much as he does. Somebody with money and influence. Somebody he trusts. Moments like this I wish I paid more attention when my uncle was introducing me to “family friends” and business partners.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”

I bang my head on the desk and then get to work. Ruairi doesn’t do anything quietly. If he has been meeting with anybody or making any new deals, there is bound to be a report somewhere. Maybe even a photo. You just have to know where to look. I should have known something was up when I was scouring his social media last week. When was the last time he updated any of his accounts? The man can barely take a shit without snapping a selfie. But all of them went dark about two weeks ago.

Thirty minutes later Reid comes back with his version of shrimp fried rice and an herbal tea he says will help keep my liver and kidneys clean. It doesn’t smell like ass, so I humor him. No, that’s not right. I don’t mean that. What I mean is…it has been a long time since anybody cared enough about me to be concerned about my liver or my kidneys, and I don’t know how to handle that. What the hell. I already technically married the guy. I might as well give a little of his honesty policy a try, even if it’s only inside my head. Why not?

“Thank you,” I say. He looks at me like I just gave him three Michelin stars.

“You are welcome,” he says, looking genuinely touched by my casual use of manners.

“So we have a problem,” I admit. “I think dick-face isn’t working alone, which means there will be more surprises. I don’t know what or when, so just be sure to tell me everything that happens, no matter how insignificant it may seem.”

“No problem. I feel like I am in the middle of a spy movie,” Reid says, meticulously arranging the food.

“As long as you’re having fun,” I say flippantly, with a quick wink at the hazel eyed ox sitting across from me. I know that this is all fake and will disappear in a few weeks, but I love it right now. I love
him
right now. And as much as that gives me conflicting feelings, I think I am going to go with it. It’s been a long time since I wanted to be close to anybody. I’m not prepared to walk away now.

Reid

I wake up to the sound of furniture crashing to the ground and Buster yelping loudly before he bursts into my bedroom, running for his life. I grab an old baseball bat from the closet and make my way out of the bedroom to see what it is. What I find is two overturned end tables, and a very naked, very embarrassed Liam McClehllan sprawled across my floor.

              “What the hell are you doing?”

              “Would you believe me if I told you I was participating in a Wiccan solstice dance?”

              “What the fuck?”

              “Help me up will you?” he grumbles.

              “How in the hell did you manage to get down there in the first place? And more importantly, why are you naked?”

              He tugs at his red curls and looks me in the eyes as I help him gain his feet. Putting both hands on his slender hips, he takes three deep breaths before he bothers to answer.

              “I was horny,” he says as if that explains everything.

              “Okay, so you decided to wander around in the dark, naked?”

              “I was coming to see you.”

              “Me?”

              “Yeah, I figured we could be horny together,” he says as if he is suggesting that we have hamburger buns without sesame seeds this time.

              “Are you insane?”

              “No. I
was
horny, but thanks to your big scary mutt, I am slightly less interested now,” he says, his chin up and pointed away from me.

              I can barely contain my laughter. This has to be the least effective attempt at seduction in the history of man.

              “So…” he begins, letting his words drop away as I look at him with laughing eyes and shaking shoulders.

              “So, do you want me to help you back to your room or…” I suggest.

              Neither of us is saying what we want. Neither of us is sure what it is that we should want.

              “I keep saying that I should just jump in and accept that this thing between us is real and okay. I am not doing a very good job of that. I keep hesitating. I keep double guessing myself. I-“

              “I like you. I want to sleep with you, and I want to wake up with you,” he interrupts me. “I am bad at this relationship stuff. You will probably get hurt, and so will I, by the time this is all over. But I still want you, and I hope you want me, at least a little bit.”

              They are the most honest words he has ever said to me. The grim look on his face tells me that saying those words cost him deeply, perhaps more than the indignity of falling down naked. I take a few steps and close the distance between us. He doesn’t flinch.

              “Geronimo,” I whisper and pull him into my arms. One arm encircles his back and the other cradles his head against my chest. He doesn’t hug me back, but he lets me hold him. And I do, for a long time, for as long as we both need. At some point, he tilts his head up, and our lips meet, and it feels…perfect. It feels like kissing him is the most human thing I have done all day. I don’t know where I am going with this, and I don’t allow myself to overthink it. I just enjoy the soft surrender of the snarky novelist in my arms.

              “Liam,” I pull away and whisper in his ear. “Would you like to sleep with me?”

              “Love to, but you owe me one.”

              “Do I?”

He leans on my shoulder as we walk back to my bedroom. “Somebody has got to show you the ropes.” He winks and slides into my bed, propping himself up on his elbows and patting the space beside him.

              “You’re the boss.” I follow his unspoken instructions, sliding into bed next to him. As soon as I am between the sheets, he wraps arms around my neck and pulls my chest down to his, kissing me with a passion that borders on desperation and tastes like longing. His fingers on my face and his pounding heart thumping quietly against my chest let me know that despite his appearance, he is anything but calm and confident.

              I let him wedge himself under my body, propping myself up on my elbows as my fingers find their place in his deep red curls. He arches his back, pressing more of his naked cool flesh against the heat of my body, making me painfully aware that little more than my boxer shorts separate his body from mine. Even that is becoming more of a symbolic separation as my cock swells and lengthens, straining to escape the cotton prison.

              Liam feels it too and presses his growing bulge against mine, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling seductively. His fingers skim over the muscles along my back and find purchase on my buttocks. He squeezes and kneads, driving my hips down against his as his lips move from my mouth to my neck and collarbone. I close my eyes tightly as pleasure tests the limits of my self-control. My body stiffens, and my fists become tight balls in the sheets as he removes the last barrier between us and grips my manhood. He presses his thumb to its throbbing head.

              He takes advantage of my distraction and flips my compliant body onto the mattress, reversing our positions. He doesn’t give me a moment to think, straddling my hips and pouncing on my body, his teeth and skillful tongue teasing my nipples with wet heat and sharp nips.

              “Oh,” I exhale into the darkness, swept away by how right all of the wrong things seem to feel. The sound of my voice pulls Liam out of whatever trance he is in, and his limpid gaze meets mine.

              “Touch me,” he commands. Liam sits up straight, looking down at my body defiantly.

My fingers twitch at the sound of his invitation, but I hesitate.

              “Stop worrying about whether or not this is right. I want it and so do you, so it’s right. I am a big boy, see?” He proudly strokes his engorged cock and smirks at me. “I can handle whatever comes after this…and so can you.”

              I don’t need any more words. My fingers find his smooth skin without hesitation and slide up his body. He sighs softly as my fingers make their way across his body, his eyes close and his head tilts to the side as if he is listening to a symphony that only he can hear.

              The sight of his body excites me. The scars where his flesh tore and mended, the newly built muscles from intense physical therapy and personal training, the sticky pearl forming in the tip of his erection come together to ignite a need in me. He is beautiful.

              “I need to be here,” I say, slipping a finger between his cheeks and tickling his puckered entrance.

              “More,” he moans.

              I comply, coaxing and massaging his tight passage. Liam stretches his body across mine, his hips rocking against mine, his body covered in a light sheen despite the relative cool of the room. Our lips meet, tongues dueling once again as we race towards an inevitable end. His hands leave my body and find something in my nightstand.

              “Why are all men so predictable?” Liam waves the half used tube of lube from my nightstand drawer in my face.

              “You tell me,” I pant. He smiles and leans over to kiss me

              “Just relax. Let me handle the curves,” he says with a wicked smile. I rest against the pillows and watch, spellbound as he gets to his feet, applies the lube and then slowly impales his body on my steel rod. The feeling of his tight channel slowly opening to my intrusion takes my breath away.  Watching his face contorted in a grimace, I don’t dare to move until he opens his eyes.

              “I’m a big boy,” I say apologetically.

              “Yes you are,” he licks his lips and moans.

              As soon as he turns his crystal gaze back to me, his face flushed with lust, my control snaps and I thrust my hips upward, closing any distance between us in a flash. He gasps and lurches forward, gripping my shoulders with tense fingers.

              “I’m sorry,” I say as I draw back and thrust upward again, invading him. He doesn’t fight or resist. I wrap my arms around his back, holding his body to mine as I continue to thrust into his body. Both of us are covered in sweat as our love making picks up speed.

He sits back on my hips, balanced on one hand as the other strokes his cock until he reaches his climax. Despite finishing, he remains hard as our bodies unite. Our bodies move in time to a silent drumbeat, Liam riding my bucking hips like the world’s most sensual rodeo. I draw the pads of my thumbs against his sensitive nipples. The tormented nubs become hard like rocks, and he begins to whimper. The sound only drives me harder. I flip him onto his back and look down at him as I drive forward. The look on his face is something I have only ever seen when he was asleep. It’s peaceful, devoid of the hard edge and skeptical reserve that he usually displays. At this moment he is open, trusting, even…loving.

              “Liam, be mine tonight,” I say softly, wiping beads of sweat from his face.

              “Always,” he hisses, wrapping his arms around my neck.

              The sound of the headboard banging keeps time as I move inside his body. His soft moans and ragged breathing fill my ears, and the possessive grip of his fingers on my back send bolts of electric desire through my body. I turn my mind off and let my body do what my heart decides, kissing him deeply as I push us both to an explosive end. Burying my face in the crook of his neck, his fingers in my hair, I thrust harder, faster, deeper, until he grips me tightly and yells my name. The desperate sound breaks me, and I shatter in a brilliant explosion, collapsing on top of him, cradled by his body.

              He doesn’t push me away despite the discomfort of my heat pressing down on him. I don’t attempt to remove my spent cock from his body. Several minutes pass with us like that before I can move again. I roll off of his body and stare at the ceiling, not sure what to say. Liam breaks the silence first.

              “Well, that was worth the wait. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”

              I can’t help but laugh. “I never thought that I would like the sound of your sarcasm so much.” I pull him into my arms, and he lets me hold him, resting his head on my chest comfortably.

              “Come to the center with me tomorrow? I just realized you have no idea what I do.”

              “I have work. Maybe another day,” he argues sleepily.

              “Bring it with you. You can use my office. I am not in it most of the time. How are we going to convince anybody that our relationship is real if you don’t show your face to the people that matter to me?”

              “Fine, Reid.” He yawns and snuggles closer to me, curling his body around mine like a creeping vine.

              I smile in the darkness and close my eyes. That was the easiest argument I have ever won.