Crash - Part Four (9 page)

First, I had to ignore Carter for a week or so. I still responded to messages, but tried to avoid speaking to him on the phone and didn’t see him once, despite him constantly asking me to dinner. I needed to look like I was far too busy with work to spend time with him. Finally I caved and agreed to meet him, but I made it clear I was somewhat reluctant to see him. I already felt like a bitch, and I hadn’t even broken up with him yet.

“Is everything okay?” he asked as soon as I sat down at the table. I had considered doing this in public because I knew Carter didn’t like to make a scene, but that just felt far too cruel.

“I’m just really busy,” I said, not apologizing for being unresponsive.

“That’s a shame, because I was hoping you might consider taking a holiday for a week with me. I have to leave the country and come back in again to move on to this new visa. I could just go to Canada, but it makes more sense to pop back to the homeland and see family. How about it? Do you want to come to England with me for a week?”

“Carter, I’m way too busy for a vacation. Actually, I’m way too busy for this at all. Ever since the settlement became public, I’ve been inundated with work and requests to help people. There are conferences I’ve been invited to all over the country, so I’m going to need to travel a lot.”

“That’s great,” Carter said, looking pleased for me. “Those sorts of conferences are a great place to meet people—you’ll make loads of connections in the industry.”

“We won’t have time to see each other.”

“Don’t be silly,” Carter said, looking a little confused. “I don’t know if you have forgotten, but I am rich and my job is basically fake. I will just travel everywhere with you. We can stay in expensive hotels and live a life of luxury. I’m kind of looking forward to it.”

“No, Carter, you don’t understand. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am now, and I want to do this by myself.”

“All right,” he said, definitely looking a little hurt now. “I guess I will just see you when you are back in San Francisco.”

“Please listen to me, Carter. I want to be by myself now. The last few weeks and months with you have been fantastic, and I will always remember them, but I don’t see a future for us now. I’m not the girl you first met. I’ve changed a lot, and I have you to thank for that, but now I want to find myself and my place in the world.”

“Emily, what the hell? Are you saying you don’t want to be with me anymore?”

I tried to force out the word “yes,” but it wouldn’t come, so instead I just nodded firmly.

“Where the hell has this come from?” He was shocked, angry, and upset. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“This was always going to happen,” I said, standing up from the table and raising my voice. “We must have been stupid to think this would ever work. For God’s sakes Carter, your ex-wife killed my fucking brother. Do you really think I can spend the rest of my life with you, knowing that?”

John and I had agreed that I would act like a bitch when ending it was Carter, but by bringing up my brother’s death as an excuse, I wasn’t
acting
like a bitch—I was
being
a bitch, and I hated myself for it.

“We can get past that, Emily. I know it’s fucked up, but I love you, and I know you love me too. Us being apart is not going to bring your brother back.”

In desperation, I swung my arm and slapped Carter had on the cheek. It felt so wrong, but he barely seemed to register it anyway. I quickly scampered over to the elevator and pressed the call button. It was still on the ground floor and would take precious seconds to arrive. I wasn’t sure I could last that long without bursting into tears.

Carter grabbed my arm. “You’re not leaving, Emily. I can’t just let you leave like that. I have no idea what the hell is going on right now, but I’m not letting you go. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

I tried to pull free of his grasp, but his grip was too strong and my desire to pull away was too weak.

“Did you mean it’s when you said you loved me?” I asked.

“Of course I did.”

“Then you will let me go.”

The elevator doors pinged open, but Carter kept hold of my arm. I stared into his eyes and noticed that he was as close to tears as me. I heard the elevator doors begin to close again and a part of me hoped he would keep hold of me. Instead, just a second before the doors shut, he reluctantly let go of my arm.

I stuck it between the closing doors to open them again and stepped into the elevator. I turned to face Carter and just about managed to contain my tears until the elevator doors were closed. By the time they opened again on the ground floor, so much water was streaming from my eyes I could barely see where I was walking. I had no idea where I wanted to go, anyway. For the second time in a few weeks, my life had changed irreversibly. This time, it was not for the better.

I spent the next week living at John’s just in case Carter decided to visit my apartment in a final attempt to change my mind. I needn’t have bothered. After a few attempts at contacting me on my phone, Carter gave up trying. Technically, he was out of my life, although mentally he was still very much a part of me. How could someone be out of your life when you spend every waking moment, and most of the sleeping ones, thinking about them?

John didn’t once give me any grief over my decision. I still don’t think he completely agreed with what I did, but he could see I did it for sensible reasons. He was on his best behavior around me at all times, which was slightly unsettling, but between the two of us we managed to continue working effectively. We both knew I was not pulling my weight at the moment, but John was kind enough to overlook that.

He spent enough time in my apartment that I did not feel guilty for being at his, but I knew I would have to leave soon. He had a great place, but Michael was coming around more often now, and because of his erratic schedule, they ended up having sex during the day while I was awake in the next room. Every time I heard the bed bang against the wall or the mattress squeaking, I would think back to what Carter and I used to do in the bedroom. He was the only man I had truly given myself to, and I couldn’t imagine being that way with another man.

One afternoon, shortly after John and Michael had left the apartment to go for a walk, there was a loud banging from the front door. The security on John’s building was not quite as good as mine, so I was a little nervous as I tiptoed to the peephole. I moved my head close enough to see who was on the other side, but without covering it up to give away my presence. Standing in John’s hallway was Kerry, and she looked pissed.

When I left the Carter, I made sure he thought part of the reason I was leaving him was because of his history with Bella and her family, so it seemed unlikely he would send Kerry over to fight his battles. She banged again on the door, making me gasp.

“Come on, Emily,” Kerry yelled. “I know you’re there. I can hear you on the other side of the door. Open up. I need to talk to you about Carter.”

I still didn’t want to open it, but I could hardly leave an angry woman shouting in John’s hallway. I undid the latch and opened the door a couple of inches, enough that Kerry could open it herself and come in. I quickly retreated to the sofa to keep some distance between us.

“I assume you’ve spoken to Carter?” I asked.

“Yes, although he didn’t say a lot. He didn’t have to. Can I sit down?” she asked.

She was no longer outwardly angry, but I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was frustrated with me and I was about to get a lecture. I motioned for her to sit down next to me.

“I’m not going to change my mind,” I said. “I want to spend some time by myself now. I think the whole thing with Carter was just me getting whisked away in the romance of it all. Let’s be honest—at times, our relationship was more like a soap opera.”

“Carter is blind where you’re concerned. He thinks you’re completely truthful all the time, but I know you lied to him. You’re ending it with Carter to protect him. Let me guess: you think that if he leaves the country he can escape the fallout of everything that is going to happen around the PharmaTech lawsuit?”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

“Nonsense. Carter and I both knew the risks before we did this. I’m going to prison for sure, because I had to admit knowledge of the bribery during my deposition in order to open up the case. Carter did what he could to hide his identity behind shell companies, but he always knew he might get caught.”

“Then you have to see that this is the best thing for him. After all he has done to help you and your family, don’t you want to see him get on with his life?”

“That’s why I’m here. Whatever may happen to him if he sticks around here, he will get through it if you are by his side. One thing I know for sure is that he will
not
be able to get on with his life without you in it.”

“He could end up in prison.”

“Carter went to prison for five years for my sister, and I can tell you that he did not love her a fraction of how much he loves you. He would spend the rest of his life in prison just to spend one day with you.”

I shook my head, not sure if I was disagreeing with what she was saying or just trying to convince myself that I had made the right decision. “ You’re probably right, but I can’t let him do that.”

“Don’t you think it’s his decision to make?” she asked me. When I didn’t answer, she sighed, bowed her head, and then took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t say what I’m about to say. I’ve tried, Emily. I’ve tried to convince you, but you can be as stubborn as Carter sometimes. You would never have made the decision you made if you knew the whole truth.”

“If you are about to tell me he’s been keeping more secrets, then let me tell you that will not make me change my mind. He’s kept enough secrets from me already. If I find out he was lying about other things, then that just makes the decision easier.” Surely there couldn’t be more secrets? Every time I found something out he promised me that nothing else was hidden.

“You didn’t go to his trial, did you?” Kerry asked.

I shook my head. “My dad went to most of it.”

“Even if you had gone, I suppose it wouldn’t have made any difference. Most of the information was kept out of evidence because they feared it would prejudice the jury. That’s a load of crap, in my opinion. Rules like that are why an innocent man can end up spending five years in prison.”

“Kerry, what is it? If you have something to say, then hurry up and say it. Otherwise, please leave.”

She dug around for something in her handbag. “You owe Carter more than a quick goodbye.” She pulled some paper out of her bag and handed it to me. “Read this. If you still want Carter out of your life afterward, then that is your decision. But first you owe it to him and to yourself to know everything. Carter saved your life.”

Kerry dropped another bombshell on me before leaving. Not only did she leave me with a piece of paper that completely changed everything, but she also told me that Carter had returned to England and had made no plans to return. I read those few pieces of paper over and over again until the words were practically seared onto my eyeballs.

Dad had always said there was something strange about Carter’s trial. He mentioned that Carter got caught lying a couple of times and there were definite inconsistencies in his story. If the jury had seen what I now held in my hands, then he would never have gone to prison at all.

I could not understand why this evidence was not shown in court. I asked Amanda to do a bit of digging since she seemed to be so good at discovering this kind of information. She reported back a few days later to tell me that it was never brought to light because Carter’s attorney had excluded it at his request.

Not only did he take the blame for the accident, but he also ensured that he would go to prison for it, presumably out of some misguided desire to see someone get punished for William’s death.

I felt largely responsible. I never asked enough questions. When I woke up in the hospital, my thoughts were consumed with William and I never asked about what had happened to me. Maybe if I had been more curious or if I had gone to the trial I would have been able to keep Carter out of prison.

Kerry had been right. I did I owe Carter. I owed him my life.

I picked up the paper she had given me and read it one more time. It was a copy of a police report. The police had been first on the scene the night of the accident. There were lots of bars nearby and the police had been responding to a disturbance when the call came through. Most of the details had been recorded by the two officers who arrived on the scene and questioned Carter before he had time to weave all the lies into his story.

Reading the statement had been utterly surreal at first. It was like reading a movie script, except I was the star. Well, maybe not the star—probably more like the damsel in distress. Either way, I was part of the action, yet I had no recollection of any of the events.

The way Carter had described the accident, he had merely swapped places with Bella in the car and waited for the ambulance to arrive. He didn’t say much more than that. The police statement revealed the whole truth. Bella’s car had hit ours on the driver’s side, which was why William took the worst of it, but our car ended up sliding up against a guard rail designed to stop cars going over the edge of the hill. The railing has done its job, but parts of the frame of the car had crumpled on the impact and left me with a piece of metal protruding from my calf.

When the police arrived on the scene, Carter was trying to get the passenger side door open, but the car was wedged against the metal rail and there was no way to make it budge. At first the officers pulled him away from the wreck and insisted on waiting for a rescue team to free me from the vehicle. At this stage, it seemed Carter admitted to driving while Bella just stayed in the car. He told the officer that the driver was already dead but that the girl in the passenger seat was still alive. Either five or ten minutes lapsed, depending on which officer you believed, and the ambulance had still not arrived. Then the car started slipping.