CRAVE (21 page)

Leo rode a little closer to Crave. “Your mother sent us out here to give you a ride to wherever you’re goin’. We’ll take you north or south. Whatever you say. But I’m asking you as a friend and brother, stop this lunacy. You don’t have to ride with one of us. Raven’s always up for any excuse to hug me close. You can have her bike and I’ll take her behind me. You know me. Always willing to sacrifice for the team.”

Crave kept moving forward, keeping the dogged pace he’d set for himself. Neither faster nor slower, he continued to put one foot in front of the other, but said nothing more. He knew he didn’t have any energy to waste dialoguing about an outcome that wasn’t going to happen.

“Maybe you’ve got sand in your ears,” Leo said.

When he didn’t get any further response from Crave, he said, “Well, okay. If this is what we’re doin’, then I guess this is what we’re doin’. No matter how stupid it is.”

He looked at Snow on the other side of Crave. She nodded. He looked to his left. Raven nodded, too.

An hour later they saw a bike approaching from the north.

“Somebody’s coming,” Leo said.

“Charming blew past here about an hour ago on his way to talk to Scape and Dandelion. If I had to place a bet, I’d say that’s Scape.”

She was right.

Scape made a wide circle around them. Snow moved over and left some room next to Crave. Maybe he had some kind of magic that could shake Crave out of his stubbornness.

Scape pulled in between Crave and Snow. Crave glanced at the newcomer just for identification purposes.

“Crave,” he said.

“Scape,” Crave answered.

“What’s goin’ on?” Scape directed the question to any one of the four he’d joined. He didn’t particularly care who took on the responsibility for his enlightenment.

Snow looked at Leo and Raven. Raven faced forward. Leo shrugged as if to say, “You do the honors.”

“I think you’ve already got the gist,” she told Scape. “Crave thinks that dying in the desert is the best way to show Dandy he loves her.”

Scape looked at Crave. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s going some even for you, Crave, and you’re one of the stupidest fuckers I’ve ever met.”

Crave, who had managed to keep his focus so far, couldn’t suppress a low growl. Scape smiled while the others exchanged hopeful glances. But that was the last sound Scape was able to coax from Crave, no matter how much he goaded or insulted. It was a one-off.

At length Scape looked at the others and said, “So. What are we doin’?”

“What’s it look like?” Snow said. “We’re doin’ what he’s doin’.”

Scape sighed. “Yeah? Nice day for a ride.”

Leo laughed even though his skin was already turning bright red.

Dandy was going through her morning routine, supervising the transition from breakfast to lunch. She was surprised to see Charming and even more surprised to see him looking like he’d been in a fight. He wasn’t among the Exiled males who had a reputation for high temper or the ones who just liked to fight for sport.

“Hey Charm. Looks like one of Red’s buildings fell on your face.” She laughed. She stopped laughing when she saw that he was wearing an unusually serious expression. “What’s wrong?”

He looked around. “Is this private?”

She looked worried. “It will be for another half hour or so.”

Charming nodded and gestured toward the bench nearest them. When they sat, he said, “Crave has his memory back.”

She stared at Crave and blinked, but her expression didn’t change. At length she said, “Okay.”

“He’s on the way here.” She sighed, not being able to sort through how she felt about that. “But he’s not coming the usual way.”

“Say what you’ve got to say.”

“He’s got this insane idea that he no longer deserves you. He’s got it in his head that he needs to prove to you that he’d die for you.” Her breath caught at that. “He thinks that’s the only way he can be worthy of you again. Or some such nonsense.”

“Why does he think that?”

Charming looked away. “I think maybe it’s my fault. He remembers everything except the time in the holding facility. I told him everything you’d been through. I told him you saw him with Midnight.”

Dandy took a deep breath and her eyes darted around, but her expression didn’t change.

“So he’s
walking
here.” Her head jerked up and she looked at Charming with complete disbelief. “He left Newland about thirty hours ago with four waterskins and a blanket to hold over his head.”

She looked horrified.

“He’s determined.” Charming pointed at his face. “This is what happened when I rode out there early this morning and tried to talk him out of it.”

“We rounded up his old crew to ride out there and try to talk sense into him, but if I was betting, I’d say the only person who stands a chance of stopping him is you.” He stood up. “So if you could get somebody to cover your duties, I’ll take you out there and you can tell him to give it up.”

It took Charming a couple of seconds to process the fact that Dandy was still sitting and a few seconds more to grasp that she was shaking her head no.

“No?”

“No,” she said firmly.

“Look, Dandelion, I know you’re upset, understandably, about what happened in the Commons…”

She looked at him with such sudden ferocity that he unconsciously pulled back a couple of inches.

“That’s not it,” she said.

“Then what is it?” She shook her head again. “What? Tell me.”

“You don’t know your brother at all. If he’s decided he has to do this thing, then nothing on the Earth or in the stars will stop him. Except death. He doesn’t need me to tell him not to do what he’s set out to do. If he’s decided he needs to win me, then you need to let him do it. He’s the only one who can say what will make him feel whole again. What he needs from me is to tell him that I love him when he’s done. And that’s what I will do.”

Charming gaped at her. “You sound as crazy as he does.”

“Well, then,” she stood up and resumed rearranging the benches in neat order, “maybe that’s why we belong together.”

“Dandy…”

She stopped him by holding up her hand. “Don’t try to stop him. Support him.”

“Support him how?”

“How far has he gotten?”

“He was halfway between the reactors and salt flats when I saw him on my way here.”

“Is he refusing to drink?”

“No. He started out with four waterskins. It’s not going to be enough.”

“Take him water.” Her eyes darted back and forth. “He can’t eat solid food. Go back to Newland. Find Flora. See if there’s something she can put in water that will help his body retain fluids. Then make sure he has enough to drink.”

Charming searched her eyes. “You sure this is the right thing?”

“He spent a long time thinking that he’d been abandoned by the gods, his people, you, me, everybody. On some level he might not accept that we couldn’t get to him sooner. Let him know he’s not alone.”

Dandy came from a people who knew how to endure. They’d been created in captivity, forced to witness unspeakable horrors until they were moved to Newland. But even then, they weren’t free. They were pledged to fight to protect humans against their own version of hybrids they’d created in this world. There wasn’t a single Exiled who hadn’t grieved the loss of both friends and family.

They were a strong people. Not the sort who bemoaned their fate or shed tears over things that couldn’t be changed. Dandy had wept more in the past few months than she had in the whole of her life put together, but she’d managed to at least save face by doing it privately. Or with Charming.

He put his hands on her shoulders and bent his knees so he could look her in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

No matter how much she objected to tears, when she opened her mouth to tell Charming that she was sure, it was a sob that came out instead of words. She pulled herself together and nodded emphatically.

“Okay. I’m going.”

“Water,” she said.

He nodded. Then he was gone.

Dandy walked back to the kitchen and stopped the first person she saw, a cook named Alta.

“Find somebody to cover my duties,” she said.

Alta looked concerned. “You sick?”

“No. But consider me gone until further notice.”

Dandy went to her dorm and pulled out two shawls. One that was lightweight. One that was a heavy wool. She draped both over her arms and walked out to the edge of Fosterland, which was also the edge of the desert, where trees and plants began to grow as if the land had been sectioned off by the creator. She walked out onto a plateau from which she could see for almost four miles.

She’d done calculations in her head and knew that she wouldn’t be able to see Crave until sometime the next day. But she’d told Charming to support his brother and, she, his Promise, would do no less. So she chose to stand and wait and watch until it was over, however it ended. The wind picked up the sand from below and blasted the skin on her face, but she stood steadfast, knowing that was nothing compared to the cold that would come when the sun set.

By afternoon word had gotten around that Dandelion had taken a leave of absence to go stand on the rock and stare at the desert.

She heard Trace approach.

“Dandy. What are you doing?”

She sighed. “I appreciate you coming to see about me, Trace. But you wouldn’t understand it. So there’s no point in trying to explain.”

“Try me.”

“Only if you swear you will not try to dissuade me or tell me I’m crazy. Or tell me that anybody else is crazy.”

“That’s a lot of conditions.”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Okay.” Trace sounded hesitant.

“Swear.”

“I swear!”

When Dandy had finished explaining, Trace said, “I wish I didn’t swear.”

“Trace!”

“I know! I know!” She looked out at the desert. “There’s nothing in yours and Crave’s weird rule book that says you can’t eat, is there?”

“Yes. There’s something that says I can’t eat.”

“Drink? What about drinking?”

“Water.”

“Soup? You’re going to have to be strong enough to nurse him back to health, because he’s going to be wasted.”

Dandy considered the wisdom of that and weighed it against her intent to show solidarity. “Maybe.”

“Are you going to stand out here all night?”

“Yes.”

“So you won’t sleep? Or even sit down?”

Dandy thought about it. “I may sit down, but I won’t sleep.”

“Your kids aren’t going to understand this.” She laughed. “I guess that was a dumb thing to say.
Nobody
is going to understand this.”

“Nobody’s been through what Crave has been through. It’s nobody’s place to judge him, and whether or not anybody understands is irrelevant.”

Dandy jumped when Trace stepped in and gave her a side hug. “At least we won’t have to explain this strange behavior and bizarre display of loyalty to the director, since she’s the crazy man’s mother.” That got a little smile from Dandy. “Hey. That’s it. We’re teaching the kids the value of loyalty.” Trace turned away. “Be back with soup. And water.”

Seven Years Earlier

“But why, Crave? It doesn’t make sense. Not talking to you for a whole month because of some game you played with Gore? He’s an idiot. You’re not.”

“No. Well, sort of. I guess. We made a bet. We each got to pick what would happen to the one who lost. He said I had to go for a month without talking to you.”