CRAVE (18 page)

“Sometimes I’d go visit her at night after I got back from Farsuitwail. People stayed away, maybe partly out of respect for you. I don’t know. But she was lonely. It went on like that for months, her not having anybody to talk to. Except you. And you would have been considered bad company in hel.”

Crave reached up and ran his hand over his beard. “I’m going to shave before dinner.”

Charming looked surprised by the abrupt change of subject, but made the transition quickly. “Sure,” he got to his feet. “Don’t be late. You know how she is.”

Crave nodded. “I know how she is.”

Free, Serene and Charming were seated and waiting when a freshly shaven Crave entered the kitchen.

“Sorry if I’m late,” he said.

They all marveled at how much different he looked without the beard. Younger. Maybe more civilized as well.

“Let’s eat,” said Free.

For the next half hour they talked about the impending move. Charming caught them up on what had been accomplished the past few days and what they were expecting to get done over the next week.

Looking at Free, he said, “You know, anytime you’re ready to take over…”

Free smiled. “Stop right there. I’m enjoying my time as a citizen of Newland. If you wanted me to come back to work, you shouldn’t have done such a commendable job of it.”

Serene chuckled.

Charming looked aghast. “I can fuck it up as easy as the next guy, you know.”

Free laughed. “No. I don’t think you can. I don’t think you could fuck it up if you were trying. You’re not that sort.”

“What sort?”

“The fuck up sort.”

“This is ridiculous,” he said as he started toward the door. “I’ve got other things to do.”

“Like what?” Free asked. “It’s dark outside.”

Free and Serene laughed softly and Charming got the idea that his parents were enjoying a joke on him. He decided he was done with that conversation and headed to the Commons.

Crave climbed the stairs with slow steps after he’d finished eating. He stopped at Carnal’s door momentarily before walking past, imagining it the way he’d last seen it before being taken. He shut the door to his room and lay down on top of the mattress, noting that it felt like the most comfortable spot on earth after sleeping on the cot in the Bike Barn spare room. He wished he deserved comfort. If he did he might find it pleasurable. But if he knew one thing in life was true, it was that until he made things right with Dandelion, he would never feel comfort again. He would feel only the sensation of nettles taking root around his heart, perpetually poking, raking, stinging.

As he focused on the ceiling that had sheltered him since before his earliest memory, Charming’s words ran round and round in his head, forming pictures of what it must have been like for Dandy. He tried to put himself in her place and imagine how he would feel under the same circumstances. His heart wouldn’t even let him form a vision of seeing Dandy with another male.

Turning toward the window he watched the last faint light of dusk fade into night. He didn’t light a candle. He didn’t go to sleep. He stared into the darkness, determined that he would not sleep until the gods of resolution had formed an answer in his troubled mind and set his feet on a path.

When at last he knew what needed to be done, his eyes slowly closed and he allowed himself the blessed relief of slumber.

Charming’s descent to the kitchen was like clockwork, every day at sunup. He relished the smell of bacon frying and bread baking. But even though he showed himself in the kitchen every morning at the same time, Free and Serene looked surprised when he walked in.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“We thought we heard you leave earlier,” Free said.

Without another word, Charming turned and ran back up to the second level, taking the stairs three at a time. Crave’s room looked like no one had been there. It was neat as a pin, bed made to military standards. However, there was a handwritten note on the middle of the bed.

Charming snatched it up, read it quickly, and hurried back downstairs.

“You heard Crave leaving.” He handed the paper to Free.

Free read it out loud. “Gone to ask Dandy to forgive me.”

He looked up at Serene. She said, “I don’t think there’s any chance that Dandelion would withhold forgiveness. She’ll just be glad to have him back.”

“You can’t speak for her,” Charming said. “This has been rough on her.”

“I can speak for her,” Serene said, brows wrinkling in the middle. “She loves your brother.”

“I know that, but she saw him in the Commons with Midnight. I was there. It broke her.”

Free looked away, sighed, and shook his head.

“I didn’t know that,” Serene said quietly.

“That’s because Dandy’s a private person. She keeps stuff to herself.”

“I hope for both their sakes he can fix this,” Free said.

“I talked to Race last night about getting Crave’s bike ready. Call it providential if you want. He told me Crave had been working on it, thinking it belonged to somebody else, and that it’s in perfect condition. Crave might still be over there getting fueled up. If he is, I’ll get a chance to wish him luck before he goes.”

Charming didn’t sit down. He gobbled up four pieces of bacon standing next to the kitchen counter and grabbed two hunks of fresh bread, spread butter on them, and said to his father, “You should come down to the city. Take a look. You know?”

Free gave him a good-natured smile. “Sure. Maybe. Don’t look for me today.”

“Okay. Later.”

Charming ate his indescribably good bread on the way to the Bike Barn and tried to finish before he got there because it would just be mean to share that heavenly aroma and not have bread to share. He swallowed the last bite as he walked in. It was barely light, but the big doors were open. Lots of people were getting an early start these days.

Charming spotted his bike, cleaned up, fueled up, and in the ready position because the mechanics knew his routine.

“Hey,” he said to everybody in general, taking a quick look around for Crave. Crave’s bike had been pulled up and sat, gleaming, front and center. “Where’s Crave?”

Race looked puzzled. “He hasn’t been by.”

“You sure?” Charming asked.

Race looked around. Everybody shook their heads. Charming figured Crave must have had some personal business to attend to before starting the trip to Fosterland. Looking up his old crew, maybe.

Since Charming had been gone for the better part of the day before, there was some catch up work besides Tracker’s question list. It was a long day and it was almost dark by the time he pulled up to the Bike Barn. Before he’d even dismounted, he saw that Crave’s bike was still there. The mechanics had gone for the day. So Charming parked his bike and closed the big doors.

He stomped his boots on the porch before entering the house. Free and Serene sat in the living room, a quiet picture of domesticity. She was reading while he carved a little figure of a bear, at home with himself and his own thoughts.

Before even saying hello Charming said, “Is Crave here?”

The concerned look on his parents’ faces answered that question before words could reach their mouths.

“No,” Free answered. “Why would you think that?”

“His bike hasn’t been touched and no other bikes are missing.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Free scowled.

Charming turned back toward the door. “I’ll ask around. Somebody must have seen him.”

Free got to his feet. “I’ll come. Let’s start at the Commons.”

The bar was packed. Some people were still eating supper. Some had already moved on to hard cider, bawdy poems, or tales of warrior prowess.

“I’ll take the bar. You go table to table,” Free said. He didn’t miss the fact that people in the Commons were happy to see him. He’d been a recluse since Carnal’s death. Even when Serene was gone on her visits to Fosterland, he stayed at home and cooked for himself.

“Good to see you, Extant,” they said.

“Stop and have an ale with us,” they said.

He smiled and shook hands, but kept moving, asking if anyone had seen Crave. When he heard a whistle, he looked over to see Charming motioning toward the door. He was waiting outside for Free to join him.

“Somebody saw him early this morning walking toward the gate.”

“Walking?” Free frowned.

“Yeah. With a clutch of waterskins tied together and strapped over one shoulder and what they thought might be a bedroll strapped over the other.”

“You don’t think…” Free halted mid-sentence, not willing to vocalize the conclusion that had just popped into his head.

Charming had apparently had the same thought. “I’ll go after him.”

Free looked around. It was a moonless night. “Pointless. You need to wait until it gets light. Then go after the damn fool.” Charming nodded. “What could he be thinking?”

Charming shook his head. “Maybe Dr. Reising cleared him too soon. Because you and I both know that trying to cross the desert on foot is, well, it’s crazy. Especially at this time of year. I’m pretty sure it’s never been done. I’m not sure it
can
be done. And I know I don’t want my brother to be the one to confirm that as a fact. When I catch up with him in the morning, I’ll find out what’s going on in his head and I’ll either give him a ride to Fosterland or bring him back.”

“I think that’s the only option. It’s the only thing we can do.” Free put a hand on Charming’s shoulder. “Let’s get you something to eat. You must be hungry.”

“I was. I don’t know if I can eat knowing that Crave hasn’t had food all day.” He didn’t add to that the thought that there was a lot to worry about in the desert.

Newland was up high enough that the temperature was ten to twenty degrees cooler than the valley. In the winter, when the wind blew, the chill could be seriously unpleasant. But the barrens between Farsuitwail and the former Rautt camp was unbearable at any time of year. When there was no cloud cover over the desert, which was pretty much always, it was oven hot during the day and icebox cold at night.

He figured his father already knew that and was worried enough. No point in giving voice to another fear.

“I hear you, but it won’t help Crave for you to be hungry,” Free said.

Charming stopped for a moment to absorb the affection that went into that simple statement. He knew that Free had risked a lot to give his family a chance at happiness and the hurt of losing Carnal cut really deep. As they walked back toward the house, he said, “People were glad to see you out.”

“Seemed to be.”

“Maybe you’re ready to poke your head out more often.”

Free shot Charming a cautious smile. “Yeah. Maybe.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

No one slept in the Extant’s house that night. Mother, father and youngest son each lay awake lost in worry about Crave’s state of mind, where he might be, and whether or not he was suffering. Was it a mental relapse? Because who would start out on foot to descend the mountain, cross the fertile part of the valley below, and think they were going to survive walking across the desert? Only a crazy man.

But an even more profound question was, why?

An hour before sunrise, from two stories above the kitchen, Charming heard Serene rattling pans and knew it meant that she was anxious about Crave. He got up, tended to matters of toilet, put his clothes on, and headed downstairs.

The kitchen was warm from stoking the wood burning stove and Serene had lit twenty candles, some on the table, some on the counter, some in sconces, so that she could see what she was doing and, no doubt, to brighten her mood as well as the room. She was sliding a tray of biscuits into the oven when Charming entered.

“Morning.”

She looked up. “I’m making extra bacon and biscuits for you to take to Crave. He’ll be hungry.” Charming sat. “You might as well have a proper breakfast. It’s still half an hour before first light.”