Craving Constellations (18 page)

I went into the thing with Dragon looking for a little escape from reality, and I’d gotten way more than I bargained for. He wasn’t charming like Tony. He didn’t tell me sweet things. He was gruff and rude, and the things he said to me made me blush. But the way he looked at me was different from the way any other man had ever looked at me. It was like he was memorizing my face. At times, he looked like he thought I was the funniest girl he’d ever met, and other times, he looked like he wanted to eat me for dinner. He’d listened to me chatter, and he’d acted like whatever I was saying was the most interesting thing he’d ever heard.

I knew I was in deep. I hadn’t wanted to leave him. I’d been determined to stay as long as I could in his little bedroom in the compound, hiding however I could, so I could stay with him. Unfortunately, Pop had gotten home early. Dragon hadn’t said anything about forever. He hadn’t tried to make plans or even asked me where I was living. So, when Pop asked me what I was doing there, I told him I’d stayed the night in his room, but I had to get back to school.

I was afraid that if Pop looked too closely he could see what I was hiding, and a little too late, I’d worried about what would happen to Dragon if anyone found out about us. I’d left Dragon asleep in his bed, and I’d headed back to school. I planned on going back as soon as I could to explain, but a couple weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. By that time, I’d convinced myself that Dragon hadn’t been as great as I remembered and that he’d only been looking for a one-night stand. So, I married Tony, and I never went back.

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in bed, and the sun was shining through the bedroom curtains. As I rolled from my stomach to my back, I stretched my arms above my head and flexed my toes. I hated mornings, but if I got the chance to sleep in, I reveled in the slow stretch and burn of waking up. It was the best stretch of the day, almost nothing felt as good. I could hear quiet chatter coming from the living room, so I rolled myself to the edge of the bed and stood up to go see what Trix and Dragon were doing. Trix’s voice was definitely not projecting at its normal level, and I loved it that they were being quiet for me.

I walked into the living room, smoothing down my hair and nightgown as I went. It was already a pretty warm morning, so I didn’t grab a sweatshirt or robe to throw on. When I reached the living room, Trix and Dragon were sitting on the floor, building what looked like a tree house out of some pink and white Legos I’d never seen before.

“Hi, Mama!” Trix called to me, and she obviously didn’t think she had to control her voice anymore as it was ear-piercingly loud.

“Hey, baby. You have breakfast already?”

“Yeah, Papa got me some cereal,” she answered with a smile toward Dragon, like he’d accomplished some huge feat.

Dragon didn’t even look at me when he called out, “Got you a new phone yesterday while I was out. It’s on the table with your new number. Need to trash that old one.”

I spun toward the kitchen to see a shiny new smartphone box sitting on the kitchen table with the phone plugged into a charger. I couldn’t believe he’d gotten me a phone—a really nice phone at that. I needed coffee before I could process the new toys for both Trix and me, so I headed toward the pot on the counter.

I was halfway through my first cup and looking out the window when I felt Dragon’s hand fall heavy on my shoulder. Just as I set my cup down, he surprised me and spun me around to face him. His face was set in an angry mask as he took me in from head to toe.

“The fuck, Brenna?” he rasped at me.

I looked down at myself and then back up at him. “What?” I had no idea what in the world he could be so pissed about. My nightgown was pretty modest. I didn’t have coffee down the front of me. I knew there was no smudged makeup on my face from the night before.

“He buy you this?” he questioned me as he plucked at the spaghetti strap of my nightgown.

“He bought most of my clothes. What are you talking about?” I tried to pull away, but he grabbed my arms before I could get very far.

He didn’t say anything else to me as he dragged me into the living room and started talking to Trix.

“Little warrior, go on and play in your room for a little bit.”

“I wanna play with my Legos!” she whined back at him.

I didn’t know who this child was, but my Trix would have never whined about being sent out of a room.

“You can play with those in a bit. Leave ’em out here, and go in your room. I gotta help your mama in the bathroom.”

“Why do you have to help Mama in the bathroom? Mama doesn’t need help in the bathroom,” she prodded him with a dubious expression on her face.

“She needs help with her hair.”

“But why?” she asked again.

I could feel my head darting back and forth between them, like I was watching a tennis match played by aliens. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing or hearing.

“Trix,” he growled, “room. Now.”

She must have finally understood that he meant business because she scrambled up and, with one last look at her new toy, she ran into her room.

When Dragon started pulling me toward the bathroom, I tried to stall him. “She could’ve taken those Legos with her, you know.”

He didn’t break his stride even though I was dragging my feet along the hardwood floor. “Don’t want her to choke or some shit while I’m dealin’ with you.”

His comment made me laugh for a second, completely forgetting that I didn’t know why the hell he was dragging me into the bathroom.

“She’s four. She’s not going to stick them in her mouth and choke on them.”

His head whipped around toward me, and I could tell he was pissed I was laughing at him.

“Well, seeing as how I haven’t seen her for more than a week her whole goddamn life, how’s I supposed to know that?”

My jaw snapped shut as we stared at each other, and seconds later, he turned back around and dragged me into our tiny bathroom.

“I don’t know what your problem is!” I tried desperately to put a little distance between us as he shut the door, but there wasn’t any place to go.

“I fuck you, and you get up and shower and put on some shit that the douche bag fucking bought you?”

“I-I—” I stuttered as I tried to find a reply to his question.

“What the fuck did you do to your hair?” He wrapped his hands around the back of my neck and ran his fingers through the hair at my nape. “My fingers don’t even get fucking caught in it,” he grumbled to himself.

He shook his head once to clear it, and before I could pull away from him to figure out what the hell was going on, he reached down to the straps on my tank top and jerked against them hard. My breath caught as both straps snapped, and my gown slid down my body to the floor. Then, he crowded me against the tub and reached down to turn the water on. As soon as he got it to the temperature he wanted, he took a step back and opened the bathroom door a crack.

“Trix, how you doin’?” He stood there for a second, waiting for an answer I couldn’t hear over the roar of the shower. “I’m gonna help your mama take a shower. You stay in your room. I’ll be out in a minute!” Then, he shut the door and proceeded to undress.

His bruises had darkened overnight and looked even more painful, but I could tell he was less sore by the way he was moving. I stood there with my arms wrapped across my chest until he was completely naked and pushing me toward the shower.

“I took a shower last night! What the hell is your problem?” I griped at him as I climbed over the side of the tub.

“Yeah, Brenna, what the fuck is that about? I pass out, and you run off to wash me off your body? Is that what you were doin’? Puttin’ on your Stepford wife armor before crawling back into bed with me? Laying against me so damn tight I can barely take a fuckin’ breath without moving you, yet you look like Tony fuckin’ Richards’s bitch?”

I gasped at him calling me a bitch, but I didn’t want him thinking whatever it was he was thinking.

“It’s not like that. I just…I was feeling a little out of control. I just needed a little control,” I mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

He pulled me into the spray, and I relaxed into his arms, grateful he was holding me and we weren’t fighting.

“I know, baby. I know you needed control. But with me, you aren’t gonna get it.”

I stiffened, and he kept talking.

“You gotta let go. I’m in control here. Not you. You don’t need to be. I’m not gonna control
you
. Not gonna boss you around or tell you what to fuckin’ wear. But I am in control of the situation. Always. That’s not somethin’ you need to be worrying about. Yeah?”

“I’ll try,” I answered him, but I wasn’t convinced that his little scenario was going to work for me. I needed that control to keep from completely flying apart.

“That’s all you can do. And, Brenna?”

“Yeah?” I whispered, still trying to find some steady ground beneath my feet.

“You throw out all the shit he bought you.”

I started to shake my head, but he cut me off.

“I’ll replace it. You need clothes;
I
buy them. You need shoes; I buy those, too. You need fuckin’ perfume;
I will buy it
. You got me?”

“Yeah, I got you.”

I was starting to relax because the whole time he was talking, he’d been getting my hair wet and then began running shampoo through it. He startled me when he grabbed a tight hold of my hair and pulled my face within an inch of his.

“You do that shit to your hair again, I’ll blister your ass.” He waited a second then jerked my hair again before biting out, “You wear your hair fuckin’ curly for
me
.” Then, he slammed his mouth down on mine.

I should have known that he knew what was going through my head. Five years ago, he’d seen right through me. Trying to hide my reasons for anything would be almost impossible, and it really freaked me out that any of my secrets could be ferreted so easily. My second of insight was quickly overpowered by lust as he let go of my hair with one of his hands and started sliding his soapy hand down the side of my body. I slid my hands into his hair and pulled the ponytail out, dropping it into the tub, so I could grip his hair with both hands. I was about to wrap one of my legs around his and climb him like a tree when a pounding on the bathroom door caught my attention.

“Mama, I have to go potty!” I could hear Trix yelling from outside the door.

I looked at Dragon in horror. “Please tell me you locked the door.”

His eyes grew wide and panicked as he glanced down at his very impressive erection. “Shit!”

After our close call with Trix that morning, Dragon and I got dressed and ready for the day. It was weird for me, being out here in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. I could only clean the house so many times without it turning into the compulsive cleaning that I was trying so hard to break myself from. I was going to bring Trix out back for a picnic, and I was hoping I could wear her out enough that she would take a nap that afternoon. I was so tired at the beginning of the day that I knew I’d be dragging ass by dinner time.

Dragon had things to do at the club, so Vera and one of the recruits were going to come over and hang out with Trix and me. I loved watching him get dressed and ready to go. I loved watching the way he moved. I’d read romance novels that described the men moving fluidly, but that was the opposite of Dragon. He moved quickly and with purpose. I watched in amusement as he pulled a brand new white undershirt out of a plastic package of three and slipped it on; it would be covered in grease by the time he got home tonight. It was so thin I could see hints of his tattoos through the fabric. Yum.