Craving Him (6 page)

Emmy

I was exhausted when I arrived home. I wanted out of the dress clothes and to slip into a warm bath. I’d fought the cold winter air blasting through New York and the subway system all for nothing. The seminar I’d attended was a complete waste of time. More than fifty of us sat in the audience, eager for practical advice and actual job leads while an ancient librarian talked about proper formatting of a résumé and how to use computers to apply for jobs online. I was a little more advanced than step-by-step instructions for attaching my résumé to an email.

Ellie was all smiles when I found her in the living room. “How’d it go?”

“Exhausting. I’m going to take a bath.”

“Did you hear from Ben today?”

“No. Why?”

She shook her head. “No reason.”

That was strange. I shrugged it off and headed into the bathroom to fill the tub. I considered pouring myself a glass of wine and bringing it into the bath with me, but seeing that it was only two in the afternoon I decided against it. It wasn’t a habit I wanted to start.

After my bath I lounged on my bed with my laptop and was surprised to see an email from Ben pop into my inbox.

From: Ben Shaw

To: Emerson Clarke

Subject: Hot Assistant

Date: November 12
th
4:37 p.m.

To Whom it May Concern:

I am hoping that you can point me in the right direction. You see, I’m in desperate need of a hot and sexy assistant. The girl I’m looking for is about five feet three inches tall, has long brown hair, pretty gray eyes, a sassy mouth, and the most adorable southern accent. She’s also a food pusher. Know of anyone that fits this description? I’m willing to pay handsomely to have her at my service.

Yours,

Bennn . . .

I read the email twice wondering if it was some kind of joke. I picked up my phone and called him.

“Hi, baby.” The deep tone of his sexy voice still affected me. My heart kicked up a notch at the way the nickname rolled off his tongue.

“Hi. I was just reading your email.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yesss . . .” I drew out the word, suddenly feeling unsure.

He chuckled to himself, the rich sound reverberating through the phone, sending a shiver down my spine. “And?”

I sat up straighter in bed, removing the computer from my lap. “Were you being serious?”

“Of course.”

“I can’t take your money, Ben. I’d help you with anything you needed me to.”

“Nonsense. What was Fiona paying you?”

I reluctantly told him.

“I’ll double that.”

“No way. That’s way too much.” I’d been paid decently by Status Model Management, and though living in New York was expensive, I’d never in my life expected to make as much money as he was offering me. He was insane.

“Emmy, don’t argue with me.”

I snapped my mouth shut even though he couldn’t see me. He was so dominating, so in control. I felt powerless to disobey.

“Just listen for a moment,” he continued.

I bit my cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want whatever this is between us. I want a real relationship with you. My job takes me all over the world. This won’t work if we’re separated for weeks on end. You know that.”

I wondered if he doubted himself, or us, or if he knew he’d be tempted to stray if we were apart. My stomach cramped at the thought. “If I worked for you, what would I even do for you?”

“Manage my social media presence online, answer emails, coordinate my bookings, arrange travel for us. Travel the world with me and have hot, sweaty sex on as many continents as we could check off the list.”

“Ben.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Be serious.”

“I am serious. I want you. I want you with me always. You need a job. I need an assistant. Why the fuck would I keep paying Gunnar and have his ass travel with me while I’d just be sitting there alone in a hotel, missing you? Think about it, Emmy.”

I was quiet for a moment while I thought it over. His idea actually did make sense. We could be together. Really together. “What about Fiona? Would I have to deal with her if I worked for you?”

He released a heavy sigh. “Unfortunately I don’t see a way around that one. But I can talk with her directly if you prefer not to.”

I didn’t know which was worse, having to deal directly with Fiona or the idea of Ben talking to her alone. I’d have to suck it up and deal with it. The idea of paying my half of the rent again was appealing. “I have to think about it.”

He was silent for a moment. “There’s something else, too.”

“Oh?”

“I’d like you to move in with me. We’d be together most of the time anyway while traveling, during which Ellie would be practically living alone. She could get another roommate who’s actually around. Safety in numbers and all that. And it’d put you right here with me, which is exactly what I want.”

He’d made a solid argument, though moving in together was moving way too fast for my taste. “I’ll think about it.” I chewed on my thumbnail.

“Can I come pick you up? I could feed you dinner tonight and we could hang out.”

“I was planning on staying in tonight. I haven’t spent much time with Ellie.” Everything around me was moving so fast, I didn’t want to leave the solitude of my room, let alone the country.

“Fine. But promise me you’ll think about everything and call me before you go to bed. I need to hear your voice.”

A pang of guilt pressed down on me. I knew he didn’t sleep well without me. But Ben had the ability to completely possess me, and that scared me. If I turned myself over to him too completely, jumped in all at once, I worried about what would happen when he was done with me. I already loved him with every fiber of my being, but if I also worked for him and lived with him . . . I needed to make sure I was still me. I couldn’t allow myself to become crushed again or sink into a depression like I had when I had found out about him and Fiona’s secret past and her pregnancy.

“I’ll call you before bed,” I confirmed.

“I love you, Emmy. You know that, right?” he said, his voice suddenly serious.

“I love you, too.”

9

Emmy

Ben’s offer weighed on my mind in the days that followed. I honestly wasn’t sure what to do. He was leaving for Fiji tomorrow and I still hadn’t answered him. I wanted to go with him more than anything. I was even warming to the idea of being his assistant. But as far as moving in with him, I wasn’t so sure that was smart so early in our relationship.

He’d texted me this morning and asked if I would come over today, and when I said sure, he’d informed me that Henry was on his way. I didn’t know if I’d ever get used to his lifestyle.

I pulled on my winter coat and I trudged through the snow to the waiting black sedan. Henry hopped out and opened the back door for me. “Don’t you have any luggage?” His quizzical look roamed my empty hands. “For your trip to Fiji?”

“I haven’t agreed to go yet.” Geez. Did Ben even listen to anything I said? Apparently not if he’d already told his driver I was going.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Miss.”

“It’s okay, Henry. Shall we go?” It was freezing out.

“Of course.” He helped me into the warm car and we rode in awkward silence to Ben’s.

Arriving in Gramercy Park, I was once again struck by the quaint feel and beauty of this part of the city. Little lampposts and wrought iron fences, redbrick apartment buildings, and a fluffy white coating of snow made it feel like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

When I saw Ben, the anger I felt about being conned into this trip instantly faded.

He was bare chested, dressed in only a pair of loose athletic shorts that accentuated the deep V-cut of his obliques and his stunning six-pack abs. I wanted to lick those babies.

“Hey, sorry I’m all sweaty. I just got done working out.” He pulled me close for a quick kiss on the lips before releasing me. Not fast enough, though, because I was still hit with the masculine scent of his musky, sweat-dampened skin. That smell reminded me of our last few weeks together in Paris. We’d spent every waking moment we could in bed, exploring each other’s bodies. Memories of Ben’s hot, large body draped over mine flooded my senses, and my sex muscles clenched automatically.

“Hi,” I squeaked out.

His eyes traveled down his own naked chest and abs and he chuckled under his breath, seeming to understand that just the sight of his perfect physique had me breaking out in chill bumps and flushing pink.

“Henry got you here faster than I expected. I just need to jump in the shower. Make yourself at home.”

Home
.

I nodded then watched him walk away, appreciating the powerful muscles in his back, and wondered if this could really be my home. I looked around at his beautiful apartment. It certainly felt comfortable and inviting, from the leather armchairs flanking the gas fireplace to the soft, upholstered sofa and thick rugs scattered across the wood floors. Not to mention the luxurious chef’s kitchen that was a far cry from the tiny kitchen I’d grown up cooking in and the decadent bathroom outfitted in white marble with a steam shower and deep, sunken tub. Part of me wanted to say yes, to be daring and romantic and spontaneous. But in that moment, standing alone in the quiet solitude of his apartment, I realized I needed to have a safety net. I needed to have a place of my own to return to just in case things went south between us. Not that I expected them to, but even if I could see myself living here someday, I wasn’t the type to rely solely on a man.

The sound of water from the bathroom caught my attention and I considered, for the briefest of moments, joining him in the shower. But seconds later the bathroom door opened and a haze of steam escaped. Ben stepped out wearing just a towel riding low on his hips.

“You okay, babe?” He stopped in his tracks, raising an eyebrow at me.

I realized I was still standing in the same spot he’d left me. I hadn’t even sat down, let alone moved from the foyer.

I briefly wondered if I should feel embarrassed for my behavior the last time I was here, standing in this same entryway. I’d wantonly used Ben’s hand against myself until I came. My body folding in on itself and my womb contracting around his fingers. But he didn’t mention it, so neither did I.

“I’m fine,” I murmured. “I’ve decided about a few of the things we, um, talked about.” I didn’t know why I felt like we were negotiating a business arrangement. I guess we were, with my impending employment.

“Good. Come in my room while I dress.”

I followed him into the cozy room and sat on the end of his bed while Ben removed a stack of clothes from his bureau. He dropped the towel and my breathing hitched in my chest. My audible gasp in the silent room made Ben smile. God, his body was magnificent. A work of art. I’d never seen him not erect, but even in its relaxed state his length hung heavily between his legs. He stepped into black boxers, quickly concealing my view of the goods. My eyes snapped up to his and I smiled sheepishly.

He crossed the room and stood in front of me with dewy skin, looking hotter than hell. “See something you like?” He leaned down over me, planting his hands on either side of the bed near my thighs.

I sucked in a breath and held it. He smelled clean, like soap and aftershave. I nodded slowly, not letting my eyes wander from his. If I looked down at his beautifully tempting body, I might do something I hadn’t bargained for, like grab ahold of him and not let go.

“Tell me what you’ve decided, beautiful.” He reached toward me and stroked my cheek, his long finger lingering near my mouth.

“Henry expected me to have luggage packed for Fiji.” I frowned.

“Will you come with me?”

“I was considering it but I don’t like that you just assumed I’d go and told your driver that I was.”

His hand dropped to mine and he laced our fingers together. “I gave Henry my updated schedule to let him know I wouldn’t need his services while I was away. I mentioned I’d be in Fiji and that I’d invited you to join me. He must have assumed that you’d said yes.”

“Oh.” His explanation did make sense.

“
Oh
.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and a smile twitched on his lips. Dropping my hand to rest in my lap, he continued getting dressed, slipping into dark jeans and a long-sleeved gray T-shirt.

“Can I get you a glass of wine and you can tell me the rest of what’s on your mind?”

“Sure.” I let him guide me into the kitchen, his fingertips pressing lightly into my lower back. I lingered by the kitchen island while Ben opened a bottle of white wine. “Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling.” He held up the green bottle for me to see. “It’s sweet, just like you.”

I accepted the glass he offered, little dots of condensation already forming on the goblet.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s on your mind? I think you’ve left me in the dark about your feelings long enough.”

I nodded. He led the way to the living room. “I don’t like feeling pressured into making a decision,” I said once we were seated together on the sofa.

His eyes lifted to mine. “I never meant to pressure you, but before you answer, there’s something I need to say.” He hesitated a moment, peering down into his wineglass. “You know my background. It’s not something I talk about with very many people. I never knew my dad, I was raised by a single mom who took off for months at a time when it suited her, so I’m sorry to put added pressure on you, but I need you to understand I don’t handle rejection well.”

His raw honesty surprised me. It wasn’t what I expected him to say. I remained silent for several moments, taking in what he’d just told me. He’d be hurt if I refused his offer. The last thing I wanted to do was reject him. From the beginning I’d wanted to care for him, soothe him, and I understood now that he was putting himself out on the line—not only by inviting me on his next assignment but by offering me a job and his home as well. This was a big step for him.

“Ben, I will happily work for you. But the pay you proposed is too much.”

He watched me intently, waiting for me to continue.

“And as your assistant and your girlfriend,” I smiled at the word, “of course I’ll go to Fiji.”

“But you won’t move in?” he asked, his eyes reading the indecision in mine.

“No.” I swallowed. “Not yet, anyway. I like having my own space. I came to New York intent on paving my own way, and I met Ellie and we really clicked. I’m not ready to give all that up just yet. I hope you understand. It has nothing to do with you.”

He nodded. “Okay. It’s something to build up to.” He leaned in close and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips.

“We leave tomorrow, right? I should probably go home and pack.”

He shook his head, kissing me again. “Not necessary,” he mumbled against my lips. “I already packed a bag for you.”

I laughed. “Really? It’s probably nothing but frilly panties and maybe a sex toy, knowing you.”

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see.” He kissed down my throat, roaming over to the side of my neck to nibble at the skin below my ear, and I shuddered involuntarily, forgetting all about packing.