Cravings (Fierce Hearts) (13 page)

Sudden awareness that he’d been staring at Kennedy jolted him back to the present. She was staring back. Her eyes softened with his jolt back to the moment, and she smiled. It lifted her lips into something spectacular that turned up at the corners and sparkled in her warm brown eyes.

He fingered his chin, wary, but his smile released unbeckoned. Her hair draped over her shoulders, glistening in the firelight. It pulled at his fingers. He imagined his fingers wrapping themselves in its soft fullness.

Oh my gosh! I’m staring again.
Asher cleared his throat and turned back to the conversation in the room.

“So, Asher you’ll do more research into this politician, Daren Sage. This is key information, I suspect, so put this at the top of your priorities, okay?” Casey nodded toward him, waiting for a response.

“Yes. Will do.”

Casey aimed his gaze on Kennedy. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Yes. I hope you’ll soon see that I’m not a security risk and I can be a contributing member of the colony.” Kennedy stared unblinking into Casey’s eyes.

His expression softened and he walked toward her. “Don’t take it personally that I’ve been cautious.” He wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders. “It’s my job to ensure everyone’s safety, including yours. I think you’re still learning who you are now. You deserve time for that to happen.”

“Do you think that healing would involve meeting my real parents any time soon?” She tilted her head in question.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Asher chuckled to himself as Kennedy continued to press Casey. She may be quiet these days, but he suspected she was biding her time until she could let out the real and spunky woman she was.

“I’m not preventing you from meeting your parents. Tell me when you’re ready…”

“I’m ready.”

Asher choked on his own saliva, surprised by her directness. He didn’t know whether it was a good sign that she was feeling comfortable around them or a bad sign that she didn’t care about them at all.

Casey nodded his head thoughtfully. “Okay, then. I’ll make it happen.” He let his arm fall from her shoulders and turned away. “This meeting is over, and I want you all to get out of here. I need to spend some time with my fiancée and get some shut eye.”

As everyone said their goodbyes, Asher quickly stepped up behind Kennedy and whispered in her ear. “I’ll give you a ride home. To Lara’s?”

She turned to him. “If I’m going to Lara’s house, why would I ride with you?”

Her scent up close emptied his thoughts. “I’m sorry, why would I take you home?” He shot her what he knew was a sheepish grin. “I’m claiming the fifth.”

He strode to the coat closet where Michelle had hung their jackets and helped Kennedy put hers on.

“Thank you.” Her eyes shone, two pools of dark chocolate.

“You got me. I just want to spend some time with you,” he admitted.

“Okay.”

He grasped her elbow and directed her to his truck. He opened the passenger door and let her climb in, then climbed into the driver’s side. His eyes focused straight ahead, argument warred in his gut. Should he or should he not take her to his house?

“It looks like you and maybe Michelle are the only ones in the colony who don’t drive environmentally friendly vehicles. Why is that?”

“Huh?” He backed out of his parking spot beside Casey’s driveway and turned down the long, private lane that led to the main road. “Oh, the cars. Well, we believe in taking care of the planet better than our human cohabitants. My truck has low emissions and is pretty energy efficient.”

“Makes sense.”

Tension twisted his throat, and his mouth went dry. “Listen, Kennedy. I’d like to take you to my townhouse for the night. No strings attached.”

“You mean, no sex expected?” She chuckled, the sound lilting in the air like tiny bubbles.

“You’re not making this any easier.” He glanced at her and met her cute grin and sparkling eyes. “We need to talk. That’s all.”

“That sounds ominous.” She pursed her lips and leaned back into the seat. “But that’s cool. We can talk.” Her words slipped through her lips like a smooth liquor.

It made him want to taste her lips, long and ardently.

He pulled in a deep breath and let it escape quietly. “So tell me about your procedural memory ability. You know all about my ability to nudge. I feel kind of out of the loop about you.”

She pulled her knee up into the seat. It soothed his nerves to see her relaxed, comfortable.

“It’s pretty simple. I have a photographic memory, but in addition, I can memorize any skill, physical or mental, simply by watching it.”

“College must have been a breeze.” He laughed, enjoying the easy feel between them.

“It was. Of course, I’m not stupid. I did have to understand what I was memorizing.” She cracked him a mischievous grin. “Computer engineering was something I could just see. It made sense.”

The lights on passing vehicles highlighted the glistening snowflakes that had begun to fall. It summoned images of running with Kennedy in the fields, reveling in the simple exhilaration of running free in nature.

“That must feel good. To be smart and know you’re working in an area that fits you well. It’s like that for me with writing. I get a real high when I find just the right words, or when a source hands me a lede and I see it.”

“I’d like to read some of your articles. Maybe tomorrow morning when Casey lets me on his computer. I could check out the
Laurelwood Gazette’s
website.”

“Sure. Do you like sports? I’m a sportswriter.” He imagined her sitting in a baseball stadium, wearing a team jersey, shorts, and a baseball cap, and yelling at the ref behind home base. It made him smile to himself.

She dipped her head. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen any games.”

“Wow. You don’t know what you’re missing.” He clenched his teeth. Every conversation led him to new ways of learning how messed up her life had been. “I’ll take you to a basketball game sometime, and you can decide for yourself.”

He pulled into the garage at his townhouse and climbed out of the truck to unlock the door to inside his home. Trepidation dripped in his stomach like acid. He knew what he had to do, but it scared him.

He flipped on a light in his kitchen and turned to Kennedy. “Do you want something to drink?” He wore the tension in the air like a dark, floor-length heavy coat.

“Water would be nice.” She walked to the living room and took a spot on the couch.

He filled a glass with water from the refrigerator and sat it near her on the end table in the living room.

Thoughts debated whether to sit next to her or let her have space. He opted for space. Maybe as much for himself as for her.

Was it his imagination, or did a slight frown pass across her lips? It would be so easy to erase it with a kiss. A low growl rolled in his chest. This was going to be harder than he’d thought.

“So what do want to talk about?” Kennedy knitted her brow, her expression thoughtful.

“Um, what can you tell me about Daren Sage?” This time there was no mistaking the drop to her face, but he ignored it.

“I just met him one time, for the interview. He fidgeted with his cellphone quite a bit during the interview. He wore his ego on the front of his suit coat, all puffy and self-absorbed. He gave me a little speech about how much he cared about his country and his constituents. It was a nice little speech, but it rang hollow.”

“Fake?” Asher wrapped his arms close to his abdomen.

“Yes. But I could tell he was pushing to know more about me. Of course, that would be natural for an interview. But I felt invaded. He asked me about my health, any diseases I’d had, my fitness routine.”

“Did he tell you what your job responsibilities would include? An explanation for all the questions about your health?”

Kennedy stared straight ahead, silent.

Curiosity poked at his brain, wondering what she was thinking about.

Finally she seemed to return her focus to him. “He said we’d be traveling a lot. I’d need to get special injections.”

“What did you think about that?”

“I accepted it. You have to understand I had no contrasting example of interrelationships. I was told what to do and to do what I was told without resistance.” No emotion filled her words.

“I understand. But inside, deep inside, what did Sage’s statements about special injections do to you?”

“It scared me.” Her voice trembled with the realization.

Asher’s emotions, a range of sympathy and anger, roiled in his stomach. He struggled to remain seated with his depth of understanding and growing need to take care of her demanding action.

“It scares me, too.” He closed the distance between them, sliding onto the couch beside her. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her. He could so easily move her out of this pain with a gentle nudging. But he wouldn’t. This was a pain she needed to know existed in her. A pain she needed to feel.

• • •

Inside the circle of Asher’s arms, Kennedy could stand to stay present with the pain of her uncertain future. His natural scent, musty with his earlier exertions of the colony run and fight with TNG people, enticed her senses. His solid, muscled chest made a nice place to try out trust that the future would be kind.

That thought, a thought about the future, tensed her muscles. She pulled out of Asher’s arms and sat back against the couch. “I’m confused.”

He frowned. “Confused about what?”

“What are we doing? One minute you seem to truly care for me. The next you’ve taken off to the mountaintops in your head. What are we doing?”

Asher scratched his head, still frowning. “We’re friends, Kennedy. I do care about you.”

She dipped her head and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. “Oh, friends. Friends with occasional benefits? Buddies who sleep together?”

Asher jumped to his feet and went to the window. He looked transfixed by the small movements of nocturnal animals visible only to them in the night.

“I didn’t mean to mislead you,” he said, his gaze still directed outside.

Her heart plunged into her belly. “I see. You just wanted to use me. Just like everyone else I’ve known.” Her words came out loud and accusing. She couldn’t help it. She felt the sting of betrayal like she’d never felt it before. Her fingers began the familiar pattern of touching each one to her thumb. But it wasn’t working. Her gut ached. “Thank you for explaining that to me.” She smiled to herself, pleased with her calm façade.

Asher whirled to face her. “Stop it. It’s not like that. I’m not like that.”

“I disagree. You are like that. You made love to me, then almost instantly pulled away.” Her voice held an edge, but she tried to keep it soft, expecting nothing from Asher.

He charged toward her, the laid-back man she’d come to know replaced with a snarl. He stopped two steps in front of her, his face hardened and yet sorrowful.

“Yes, I withdrew. That’s what I do. What about you, Kennedy?” A barely audible rumble in his chest got her attention. “What about your anger and distrust? Admit it. You don’t trust me, either.”

“Either? You’re saying you don’t trust me, so you use me and then ditch me before I what, give away your colony’s secrets? I don’t know any, Asher.” She stood her ground two steps away, longing for this conversation to turn into kissing and loving.

His face contorted into pain and pulled at her senses. The lines of his sculpted, striking face framed in his tousled blond hair made even more real and poignant in his torn expression. “The truth is, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t trust myself. I hurt people I care about.”

“What are you talking about?”

The distance still between them, he stood in front of her and spilled the contents of his heart.

His voice soft and broken, he told her of misusing his ability to nudge his family and making them do things they didn’t want to do. He shared how, when he was a teen, he’d nudged his younger brother too far, beyond his brother’s skill level in biking. He told her of the horror of watching his brother tumble down a hill with his bike and suffer a bad break to his leg. And how his brother’s young age at the time meant the growth plates in his leg were damaged by the fall. His brother’s leg remained stunted, robbing him of any chance to participate as other children in sports and physical activity. His voice lowered and told her how his family, all but Lara, had rejected him.

“You haven’t seen your family since? Maybe things are different now. Maybe your brother has had surgery that corrected the problem. Maybe your family has forgiven you.” Longing in her to help relieve his guilt and shame stuttered in her heart.

“No. There’s no chance of forgiveness or acceptance back into the family.” He lifted his face, peering deeply into her eyes. “I can’t put you in jeopardy of my loss of control. I won’t do that.”

Her mind fogged. This was an unheard of concept. He wasn’t blaming her or dismissing her, he was protecting her.

She closed the two steps between them. Placing her hand to his heart, she asked, “Does it hurt here?”

His eyes lifted to look directly into hers. “Yes.”

Her lips pressed a soft kiss to his chest. Heat from his body met her lips.

His face sober, he pointed to his cheek. “It hurts here, too, from the fight.”

“It is bruised.” She kissed his cheek as if she were kissing a shrine. His pain deserved respect.

He rotated his arm to present the muscled underside. “It hurts here, too.”

She slanted her head. “I’m no expert on were-cats, but don’t we heal quickly?”

He gave her a half-grin and pointed again to his upper arm. “Hurts.”

She rubbed her hand against his, then followed the defined lines of his arm to the spot where his finger pointed. “Here?” she asked from half-lidded eyes.

He nodded.

Another kiss to his skin sent her senses swirling. She shoved him onto the couch and straddled his lap. “Better?”

“Much.” A soft moan rumbled from his throat. “Where do you hurt?”

Her breath caught. “Me?”

He touched his forehead to hers. “You. Where is your pain?”

“I don’t need anything.” Her heart thumped fiercely in her chest. It didn’t feel right to ask for acknowledgement.