Crazy (13 page)

"You're an artist," I hear her say, as clearly as if she were right here with me, still. "You're an artist, like me."

I want to live in that moment forever. I don't want to ever step out of it. I know it's not much of anything, really, but on either side of that moment is a pile of worry and hunger and other stuff I don't want to think about, but I was full and happy and I felt...

CRAZY GLUE
:
Sane. The word is sane, goob.

Yeah, and normal. It's just that I shared something important about myself, and Shelby got it. I think she got it.

"You're an artist, like me," she said.

I think I have friends—real friends this time. They want to help me.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Careful, goob.

AUNT BEE
:
I've always said you needed a good friend.

SEXY LADY
:
And I've always said your photographs were hot.

I'm in my room, trying to catch up on some overdue homework, when I hear a bloodcurdling, hair-standing-on-end scream.

I run to my dad's room and I see blood on the window where he had been standing. I see the violin and more blood on the bed.

"Shit! Dad?"

I hear him muttering. I stoop down and look under the bed. I find him curled up in a tight ball, chanting his Furies chant. His whole body is shaking.

"Dad, what is it? What's happened?"

"Evil! A clamour of Furies'! They have torn off my fingers so I can't play." He holds his left hand out so that I can see, and his fingers are all bloody but still attached.

AUNT BEE
:
Well, thank goodness for small miracles.

SEXY LADY
:
He's crazy.

CRAZY GLUE
:
He's dangerous.

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE
:
He's dangerously crazy.

I don't understand what he could have done to himself, and then I remember the violin strings.

"You've been playing nonstop for hours, Dad. You've probably cut your fingers on the strings. You have no calluses, that's all. Come on—come on out and let me look at them."

"They've cut off my fingers so I can't play. They seek revenge. They won't stop the torment. How do I stop the torment? Stop it! Stop it! They want to tear me to shreds." He grabs at his hair and pulls and lets out another bloodcurdling scream.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Yow, mama! That's killer.

I run around to the other side of the bed so I can crawl under and grab hold of his legs and pull him out. I pull on him and Dad kicks me in the face with his boot. Blood comes gushing out of my nose.

"Ow! Jeez, oh jeez! Oh jeez!" I back out from under the bed and race to the bathroom to get some tissues and run cold water on my face to stop the bleeding. Dad keeps on screaming. I tilt my head back and press the tissues against my nose.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Tell me again why you won't get him help. This is crazy.

I can't lose him. He's my dad. He's all I have. And what would happen to me? Anyway, it's not really that bad. He's okay. He's doing all right.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Oh yeah? On what planet?
FBG WITH A MUSTACHE:
Jason's afraid.

Shut up!

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE
:
He's afraid he—

I cover my ears. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm not afraid and I'm not going crazy, if that's what you're thinking."

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE
:
It's what you're thinking that matters.

"No! Shut up!"

I catch sight of myself in the mirror with my hands over my ears.

CRAZY GLUE
:
That's right, goob. Next thing you know you'll be digging that helmet out from under your bed and putting it on.

No! Everybody, just shut up!

I tear out of the bathroom and storm down to my dad's room. I reach under the bed, grab his leg, and yank him out. He hits his head on the bed frame. He's still screaming and I shake him. I'm on my knees with my dad, and I'm shaking him and I can't stop.

"Just shut up, Dad! Shut up. Shut up. You've got to shut up!"

I can't stop shaking him and it takes me a few seconds to realize he's stopped screaming. Instead, tears are streaming down his face. He's staring into my eyes with this horrible, hurt look. He sees me. He knows it's me, his own son, hurting him. I stop shaking—finally I stop—and I grab him and hug him, and I cry. I cry so hard, it hurts my face. I cry and I rock my dad in my arms and I hear my mother's voice in my head. "Everything's going to be all right, Jason, I promise." But I know everything is not going to be all right. Not anymore. Not ever. She took care of that.

I rock my dad and I feel so small in this room, in this wide world, with all its people with their busy, happy lives, going to and fro—so small, and so alone.

I
WASH MY DAD'S HANDS
and put Band-Aids on his fingers. I wash the blood off the window, and wipe it very carefully off the violin, and change the bedspread, and check my nose, which looks a little red and swollen, and I try to recall a good memory of my dad.

I remember the time we hiked for a week along the Appalachian Trail. A storm came up one day and we were running for shelter. I got so tired, I didn't want to run anymore. I just sat down on the trail—sat down right in the mud.

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE (ACTING AS DAD)
: "
Come on, Jason. Climb on my back. It's not much farther.
"

CRAZY GLUE (ACTING AS JASON)
: "
Can't we just stay here? I'm tired and it's cold.
"

Dad took off his jacket and wrapped it around me and my pack and lifted me onto his back. He ran with me like that for at least a mile, his pack, my pack, me, the thunder and lightning. Then at night at the shelter, it was just the two of us eating oatmeal and sitting around the fire. We sang songs and told stories and looked at the stars. It was like we were the only two
people on the planet, but it felt safe then—like a good thing.

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE (AS DAD)
: "
Hey, Jason, did you hear the one about the mortal who asked the great god Zeus, 'What is a million years like to you?'Zeus says, 'Like one second.' So the mortal asks, 'What is a million dollars like to you?' And Zeus says, 'Like one penny.' So the mortal says, 'Hey, Zeus, can I have a million dollars?' And Zeus says, 'Sure, wait just a second.' Ha! Now, that's funny, huh?
"

CRAZY GLUE (AS JASON)
: "
That's so lame, Dad.
"

But I loved his lame jokes. I loved when he laughed. It sounded like a dog barking. I miss it.

AUNT BEE
:
That's a nice memory, Jason.

Dad is in his room playing again and I'm doing laundry when Pete, Haze, and Shelby arrive.

"We would have come sooner," Shelby says, brushing past me and into the house, "but I had to check on my mother. Is everything okay here?"

"Yeah, sure," I say, trying to look cheerful.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Talk about lame.

"My dad's upstairs playing—well, I guess you all can hear him."

"Yow! What
is
that?" Haze asks. "That's some weird music, man." He starts to take off his jacket, then changes his mind and zips it back up.

I shrug. It's crazy music—that's what it sounds like.

"So, let's get this show on the road." Haze rubs his hands together and grins at us, clearly excited.

"Right," I say. "I'll go get the—the uh—"

LAUGH TRACK
:
Uh-oh.

I realize I haven't figured out how I'm going to get the violin away from Dad. I scratch my head and look at the others, who look back at me expectantly. "Uh—I'll be right back."

I run up the steps, wondering what I'm going to say to my dad. I find him back in front of the mirror. He's wearing a fresh set of aluminum ears and four bandaged fingers. "Dad, it's time to—time to take the violin in for repairs, now," I say, shifting from one foot to the other, hoping my voice sounds bright and cheerful. "We need to drop it off at the shop."

"Jason, it's Danse Macabre," he says.

"Yeah, nice." I walk over to him and touch his arm. "Dad, I need the violin now."

We look at each other through the mirror, and I see that I look like a younger version of him. I'm even almost the same height now.

SEXY LADY
:
Don't look.

CRAZY GLUE
:
There goes your bird heart. It's just flapping and beating its wings like crazy.

Dad twists away from me. "I have to play." He speeds up his playing, almost poking me in the eye with the bow.

"Look, Dad—the Argonauts are here again. They want to see you. They're downstairs."

He stops playing and lifts his head. "They are? Am
I to stand trial for murder? Are the Furies with them? And what of Athena, my defender?"

"Yeah, she's here, too. So come on—they're waiting for you."

"Okay, if the Furies aren't there." My dad nods and follows me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I figure if I can distract him with my friends somehow, I can get him to set down the violin and we can take it.

We reach the top of the stairs and Dad stops. He sees everyone in the hallway below and he panics. He grabs me by my shirt and I'm pulled off balance. I'm too close to the edge of the staircase; I lose my footing and fall backwards down the steps, my back, shoulders, head, elbows, and shins hitting the wooden treads, the wall, and the balusters on the way down. As I tumble, I hear Shelby cry out; my dad's playing his Danse Macabre; Haze shouts, "Hey! Hey! Hey!"—and it all feels as if it's happening in slow motion.

I land sideways with my legs tucked into my chest at the foot of the staircase, staring up into the stunned faces of my friends.

Shelby's the first to react. "Are you okay, Jason?" She kneels down beside me and takes my hand in hers.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Ah, nice!

The others join her by my side. "Don't move him; something could be broken," Pete says.

For a few seconds I feel a little loopy, but then I realize Dad's still playing, and I know how this has to
look with him practically pushing me down the stairs. "I'm okay," I say. I sit up and feel a sharp pain in my shoulder—it kills, but I ignore it. "I'm great," I say. "I'm used to it. I—I've always been clumsy around stairs." I laugh.

CRAZY GLUE
: So
lame.

Shelby shakes her head and gets to her feet. She shouts at Dad, "Hey, look what you did. Hey you! Mr. Papadopoulos! Look what you did to your son. You pushed him down the steps!"

Dad keeps playing.

I try to get to my feet, pushing off the floor with my hands, but an excruciating pain shoots into my shoulder, stunning me for a moment so I can't rise or speak fast enough to defend my dad and shut Shelby up.

"Stop that playing!" she shouts at him, clapping her hands like a teacher.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Remind me again why you like her.

I raise my arm and grab Shelby's hand. "You stop it! It's all right. I'm okay. Leave him alone."

Shelby and Pete are about to say something, when Dad notices me on the floor and stops playing. "Ja-son? What happened? Are you hurt? Why did not the Argonauts defend you?" He trots down the steps to see me. "Did you fall?"

"Yeah, you pushed him," Shelby says, her voice angry, her eyes blazing.

My dad kneels beside me. "Uh-oh, Jason. My poor son." He sets the violin and bow on the floor, takes my
head in his arms, and pulls me toward him. It kills, but I don't holler like I want to. I say, "It's all right, Dad. It was an accident."

Just a couple of hours ago I was rocking him and now he's rocking me. The thought makes me uncomfortable.

He tries to rock my head in his arms and kiss it at the same time. "Poor boy, poor little boy," he says, and I suddenly feel embarrassed. Everyone is looking at us.

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE
:
Get up, son! You're making a fool of yourself.

"Dad, let me get up, okay? I'm all right. Really, I'm all right." Dad lets go, and with Pete's help I stand. I brush myself off just to have something to do because I'm still so embarrassed, and then I notice Haze staring wide-eyed at me, raising his eyebrows up and down and signaling something. He backs away toward the front door with an odd shuffle and his arms behind him. I glance at the floor where Dad had set his violin and bow and see that they're gone. I nod at Haze, then grab on to my dad with my good arm. "Help me walk a second, will you, Dad? I need your help."

"He's helped enough, if you ask me," Shelby says, still angry. She obviously has no sympathy for my dad's condition, and that irritates me.

FBG WITH A MUSTACHE
:
Too much sympathy can be as harmful as too little.

AUNT BEE
:
I'd rather have too much than too little. Poor Jason.

I want to say something to Shelby, to explain a few things, but I'm in too much pain to say much of
anything, what with the way Dad and Pete are pulling on me as they help me walk around the room. I bite down on my lower lip to keep from yelping and lean into my dad, hoping to keep him distracted. I hear the door open and Haze says, "Be back in a min."

"Help me sit down, okay, Dad?" I say, blocking his view of the door.

"I'll carry you," Dad says, bending down and trying to lift my legs.

Shelby panics. "You're going to trip him! You're going to trip him! What are you doing?"

"It's okay," Pete says, grabbing me under both arms to support me. "We've got him."

"I can walk," I say through gritted teeth. "Just let me get to the kitchen."

The three of them huddle close as I hobble my way toward the kitchen, all three talking to me at once, giving me instructions to be careful, and asking where I hurt.

Before I even reach the kitchen, though, Haze returns and says, "Everything's wiped clean and in the bag. Let's get going, man."

"Where? Where are we going?" Dad asks.

We all stop and look at one another.

CRAZY GLUE
:
Yeah, goob, where are we going?