Crazy Dreams (2 page)

Dallas wasn’t technically related to me. But he was Rainey’s older brother, so I took a chance calling him. I told him I needed to get away, and I knew he would get it. If anyone understood the pain of losing Rainey as a sibling, it was him. Baker’s pain was so different, having lost the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But Dallas… He felt the same way I did – empty.

I spent at least an hour on the phone with him, pleading with him to let me stay with him for a few weeks over the summer. He finally relented, but then came the daunting task of convincing my mother, something I didn’t look forward to.

I made it out of the conversation with her with only minimal scars. She wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but she gave in, possibly recognizing how depressed I was. The depression wasn’t going away, not by itself, so she only let me take off if I agreed to get on depression meds first. It was a compromise I wasn’t happy with, but I figured things could have been worse.

I swallowed my little happy pill with a chug from a seven dollar bottle of water in the middle of the airport, ignoring the mass of people around me. I knew if I didn’t take it right then, I’d forget it. I screwed the cap back onto the bottle and made my way to my terminal, checking in with the desk and then grabbing a seat. I had at least an hour before my flight, and I was bored, so I pulled out my phone.

I scrolled through my pictures, cherishing the ones I still had of Rainey. She was so vibrant, so full of life in every photo, it made my heart ache. She definitely lived her life to the fullest. I was almost jealous at how well she lived, how well-adjusted she was, considering how tragic her life was.

At nineteen, I was lost. I had no idea what to do in college, what I wanted to do when I grew up, and not a clue how to do more than survive the circumstances of my life. That was another reason for the trip… Dallas lived in Nashville, where no one knew me or my situation. No one knew how broken, how utterly depressed I was. It was a fresh start and I planned to make the best of it.

I got on the plane when I was called, getting my bag stowed and then buckling myself in the seat. I never had Rainey’s fear of flying, but I did get a little motion sickness during takeoff and landing, so I used one of the pillows the stewardess handed me and tucked it under my head against the window. I pulled the shade and drifted into unconsciousness.

* * * * *

One of the stewardesses poked me awake. I was the last person
remaining
on the plane.
Dammit
. I smiled at the woman despite my irritation. It certainly wasn’t her fault I slept too long. The plus side was, I didn’t get sick. The downside… I was the last person off the plane. Dallas would be wondering where I was.

I gathered my bag and carefully rubbed my eyes. For the first time in months, I wasn’t wearing makeup. It felt amazing. I actually had good skin, but no one ever really saw it. Even when ads were promoting healthy skin, they piled the makeup on and then airbrushed my face on the images. It felt so superficial, so fake.

Today, though, I was plain-faced, and even plain-dressed. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore jeans and a t-shirt. It was revitalizing. Back home, even when I hit the gym, I made sure to look cute, picking out the perfect outfit and most days, I even added a tic of eyeliner and lip gloss to my face to enhance my features. I was so self-absorbed, so worried about what I looked like.

Granted, I didn’t exactly like the lifestyle I lived, but in so many ways, I’d grown so accustomed to living that way – it was second nature for me to care about what I looked like. But for the next few weeks, I wanted to escape that life. I wanted to be the complete opposite of what I’d been for the last several years. I didn’t want to be grungy or anything, just uncaring of my appearance.

Dallas was waiting for me at the baggage claim, looking impatient. When he
saw
me, his eyes lit up for a second and then sadness and pain took over. I looked like Rainey, all blonde and green eyes, and I wondered if Dallas thought I was her at first. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. I just wished he wouldn’t be so sad to see me every time, though.

I adjusted the bag on my shoulder and kept the smile plastered on my face as I approached him. I gave him an awkward side hug and he pulled away quickly.

“How was your flight?” he asked, crossing his arms.

I wondered if he was pissed at me, but decided not to question him. “I slept through it, actually. At least I missed the turbulence and landing.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” he agreed, but his head was anywhere but there in the airport.

I was silent until he started to tap his foot as we waited for the baggage carousel to start. “You got a hot date or something?”

“Huh?”

“You’re fidgety and impatient. What’s the matter?” I asked.

“Oh.” He stared at his feet instead of answering the question.

“Well?”

He sighed. “I got a call. I’ve been assigned overseas.”

I raised my brow at him. “So?”

“Well, I can’t take the job, obviously.”

“It’s not so obvious to me. Why can’t you take it?” I asked.

“I’ve got to stay here with you for the summer and take care of you,” he said.

“Umm, first of all, I’m an adult and don’t need a babysitter, Dallas. And second, I told you I didn’t want you to change anything for me. All I need is a place to stay.”

“That’s all well and good, but you’re my responsibility, whether you want to accept it or not. And I have a roommate. I need to stick around and make sure that nothing inappropriate happens between you two.”

“Are you effing kidding me?” I wasn’t big on vulgar language. It was one of the perks of modeling: everything you said and did reflected well or poorly on your image. I learned to keep my mouth under control fast in the industry. “I’m not a child. And I’ve spent a good portion of my life turning guys down. Do you really think I can’t handle myself when it comes to men? It’s not like people stop looking at you when you’re not on a job. I’ve taken fashion classes and martial arts classes, too. I can take care of myself.”

He laughed a little. “I guess you’re right. And Stone isn’t exactly the type to make a move. I think he told me he didn’t sleep with his last girlfriend until almost a whole year into their relationship. I guess I shouldn’t worry.”

“Exactly,” I agreed.

Three

Stone

Dallas spent the morning texting me, reminding me that he was sending his not-sister over to the apartment. He got called to a job in the jungle or some shit, which was awesome. What wasn’t awesome was the fact that I was going to have to take care of the girl on her way in a taxi. He made me promise to show her around town this week even as he threatened my life if I made a pass at her.

I cleaned up the kitchen and then checked my watch. I probably had another half hour or so before she got to the apartment. I decided to take a shower real quick, since I’d been playing video games for the last eighteen hours or so. I didn’t reek, but it was a near thing.

I was in and out of the shower in minutes. I wrapped a towel around my hips, tucking the edge into itself. Just as I was about to wipe off the foggy mirror clear, I remembered I had a pot of water on the stove.

I all but ran to the kitchen, hanging onto my towel with a single hand while I shut off the boiling water.

“What a greeting,” a voice quipped behind me.

Shit.
I turned around, keeping a tight grip on my loosened towel. “You must be Ember.” She was gorgeous, with wavy blonde hair and bright green eyes. She wasn’t as skinny as I figured she would be, though her curves were in all the right places. Even in that old t-shirt and holey jeans, she looked like she could walk the runway.

“And you must be Stone, Dallas’s roommate,” she said with a grin.

As she gave me a
n
once-over, I was painfully aware of my nakedness. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, that’s me. I wasn’t expecting you so soon. Make yourself at home.” I turned away, not even glancing back at her as I walked down the hall to get dressed. If she told Dallas about that little incident, I was dead.

Ten minutes later, I went back out into the open living area and found Ember standing in front of the open fridge. Her bags were left in the middle of the living room.

“Can I help you find something?” I asked, rounding the corner of the island and then leaning against it.

She turned to me with a sigh. “Don’t you guys keep anything healthy in here? All your food is filled with sugar and preservatives.”

“What’s your point?”

She laughed. “I’ll have to go shopping. I can’t eat any of this crap.” She closed the fridge and went to pick up her bags. “Where’s my room?”

“Here, let me help you with those.” I took the biggest bag and then led her down the hall. Hers was the bedroom next to mine. I pushed opened the door and let her enter first. It was simply decorated and I could tell she hated it. With a dark blue comforter on the queen bed and pale blue carpet, even I had to admit it clashed a bit. At least it didn’t smell bad. I set her bag on the large chest at the foot of the bed. “There you go. Let me know if you need anything.”

She dropped her shoulder bag on the bed and glanced at me. I tried to ignore the pounding of my heart when she gave me a genuine smile. Her eyes lit up when she smiled, making her even more beautiful than before. I’d heard of a smile making a difference in a person’s appearance, but I’d never witnessed it so clearly before. Her whole demeanor changed, her natural beauty shining through so thoroughly.

It took every ounce of strength I could muster to turn away from her, to act as if her smile didn’t kick me in the gut. I closed her door behind me and couldn’t draw a full breath until I went into my room and closed the door.
What is it about her?
I wondered to myself. I wasn’t one to let a pretty face cause my stomach to do somersaults… It was more than attraction, though. Maybe I didn’t know what it was, but it was something.

I grabbed my guitar and sat on the old bar stool I kept in the corner of my room. I played a few chords and then strummed a new rhythm. The notes swirled around in my head and I hummed along until the words began to form, creating a new song. I hadn’t written new music for months. I wasn’t inspired, but now, I couldn’t keep the words inside, singing them softly as the song continued to form and take shape.

Before I knew it, I had two verses and a chorus, everything meshing perfectly together. I smiled as I kept singing the lines, over and over again until the entire song was engraved on my brain. I finally stopped long enough to set the guitar down and grab my song book. I jotted down the lyrics and then wrote the chords to go with it. Maybe, just maybe, this song would be the one to change everything.

Four

Ember

I unpacked everything while Stone strummed his guitar in the room next to mine. It was a sad song, it seemed, but the chorus picked up and gave it just the right amount of twang to sound good. I listened to the lyrics, curious as to when he wrote it or who he wrote it about. It was a beautiful song, something I could tell he wrote himself.

Dallas told me at the airport that Stone wanted to be a country music star. He was having a hard time of it, though, which made sense. Why else would he be renting a room from Dallas? Either way, the guy had talent. I could tell he was trying to be quiet, but the music wafted in through the walls, the sound so harmonious and touching, I had to wipe a tear or two away from my eye as he sang. I was impressed.

I never expected him to actually have the skill, the talent it took to get into Nashville, but if what I was hearing was any indication, he had a lot more than just a chance at getting in. The question was
why hasn’t he been picked up?
As much as I wanted to call Erik, my gay best friend who was currently living in Nashville and seemed to know
everyone
, I figured Stone wouldn’t approve.

If he left his old life to come to Nashville, he wanted to make it on his own, not because some random girl helped him. He didn’t seem like the sort to appreciate a helping hand. Perhaps, if I got to know him better over the summer, I could introduce him to Erik and then let things run their course. Stone might resist, but Erik had a way of convincing people to agree with him and his ideas.

Once the drawers and closet were full of my clothes, I pulled out a notebook to make a list. First on it: new décor. If I was going to spend the next three months in that room, I wanted to add a few homey touches. Next on the list were clothes. If I ever thought Maine was warm during the summer, I was completely wrong. The heat was severe and the humidity even worse. It was hellish, and Dallas warned me it would only get worse.
Great
. But that meant I got to get some shopping in, and I couldn’t wait to own my very first pair of cowgirl boots.

It was a weird obsession, mine with cowgirl boots, but I wanted a pair for years and my mother absolutely forbade it. Of course, that only made me want them more. But in all my traveling the past few years, I never visited a real southern state. And I did the research – Nashville had a ton of places where I could buy the boots. Sure, it wasn’t Texas, but as long as they were close, they’d be good enough for me. I even wanted to do a photo shoot with boots. I’d have to buy a pair soon and see if Erik wanted to take some pictures of me.