Crazy for You (25 page)

“Powell.”

“Need your sales figures, Powell.” It was
Doug Johnston.

“I’ll have them on your desk in the
morning.”

“I need them now.”

Andrew blew out a breath. “Look, Johnston.
I’m late for my three-thirty. You’ll get them in the morning.”

“Mayes wants them now.”

“Well, he’ll have to wait.” Andrew cut him
off.

The car directly to the front screeched to a
halt. Andrew braked, narrowly missing its taillight. The driver
threw him an obscene gesture. A sharp pain lanced across his chest
and Andrew winced as he rubbed the soreness away.

Abruptly, he made a right hand turn and
pulled over to the curb. He sat in the parked car for quite a
while, staring out the windshield in front of him. Suddenly his
three-thirty didn’t matter. There were two questions on his mind;
they’d plagued him for the past few weeks.

How had he stayed in this job for so long?
And how was he going to live the rest of his life without
Tasha?

He’d just about given up finding her.

He’d give up just about anything to have his
crazy nut back.

****

Colorado

“Here, child. Mama’s brought you some
tea.”

Tasha glanced to her mother as she came
steadily across the shop, a steaming brew of tea in the delicate
china tea cup she offered. Curling her legs beneath her in the
window seat, Tasha took the tea and set it down on the rough wood,
then gazed back out the window to watch the small town
activity.

Violet sat in the rocker beside the window.
She tucked the newspaper she’d been reading between her leg and the
chair. “Aren’t you going to try it?”

“What is it?” she asked, not really caring.
She’d drink it anyway—eventually.

“Valerian.”

“Oh.” Tasha’s gaze drifted back to her
mother. “Do you think I need a sedative or something?”

Smiling, Violet leaned forward. Her long,
flowing dress bunched around her ankles as she reached over to
clasp Tasha’s hands. “You haven’t slept well in weeks, honey.” Her
mother’s eyes sparkled at her. “You can’t deny this any longer.
What you need to do is drink that tea, let it give you a good
night’s sleep, then get up in the morning and deal with this
problem of yours.”

Sighing, Tasha slipped her hands from her
mother’s and turned back to the view out the window. She hadn’t
been any good to anyone in weeks, and she knew it. Her mother was
practically running the store and she hadn’t been outside in so
long her skin was pale and sallow. Her customers made comments, but
Violet stayed quiet most of the time. Tasha figured she’d probably
just about had enough.

Outside, the sun was ready to slip over the
mountain behind the town, bright with the colors of fall. It was
beautiful, and normally she would have been right out there in it.
But now, she felt more black and white than anything. She didn’t
need to be a part of the kaleidoscope outside.

She didn’t want to be cheered up. She didn’t
deserve it.

“No,” she whispered, then turned back to face
her mother. “There’s no dealing with anything, Mama. You’ve heard
it all. I ran out on Andrew, he’s not going to want me. And even if
he did, he’s so different from us, you and Daddy and me. He
wouldn’t fit into this world. I wouldn’t fit into his world.
There’s nothing to discuss.”

Her mother didn’t hesitate to respond. She
clasped her daughter’s hands again and looked directly into her
eyes. “Do you love Andrew, Tasha?”

She felt the tears sting her eyes as soon as
her mother said the words. She nodded. “Yes,” she breathed. “Oh,
Mama. I love him so.”

Her mother’s face dipped in acknowledgment
with one quick nod. Tasha knew her forthcoming advice was imminent.
It had been a long time coming.

“Tasha,” she began quietly. “You seem to have
a history of difficult relationships. You tried to have something
with Mark and that was all wrong. But you have to remember, all of
that in is your past. Don’t let something good slip out of your
fingers because you’re afraid of what might happen in the future.
It’s a risk we all have to take from time to time. You have to
decide if the risk is worth taking. If it is, then go for it. If
it’s not, then pick yourself up and go on with your life.

“You’ve been hurt and you’ve been the one to
do the hurting. Both of those situations are painful. Which are you
frightened of this time?”

Tasha met her mother’s gaze. “I’m not
sure.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t want him to change because of me. I
don’t want to ruin his life.”

“What if he doesn’t think it’s ruining his
life? What if that’s what he wants? What if you’re what he
needs?”

Tasha glanced to her lap and shook his head.
“I don’t think I’m what he needs.”

“Is that what he says?”

Again, Tasha shook her head.

“Don’t be afraid to make a world of your own,
Tasha. Go to Andrew. Tell him you love him. Make a world of your
own. The two of you. Take the risk.”

Her mother stood and Tasha pointed her
tear-filled face to the window. It was just like her mother to
search for the plain truth and the simplest answer.

Make a world of your own.

Take the risk. If it’s worth it.

Andrew is worth it.

Stricken with sudden realization, Tasha
turned back to her mother. “Oh, Mama...what am I going to do? I
don’t even know how to find him. All I know is that he works in
some pharmaceutical firm in Seattle!”

“Drink the tea, go to bed, then deal with it
in the morning, child. And remember this. Your father and I made
our world, we don’t expect it to be yours. Do what you have to do.
Somewhere out there your future is waiting. Who knows, you could
end up right back here or you could end up across the world. But
whatever happens, you have to make it happen. If you want to live
your life with Andrew, and he wants that too, then the two of you
will find a way.” She rose and started for the door. “But first,
there’s something else you need to take care of.”

Puzzled, Tasha glanced away for a second,
then back to her mother. “And what is that?”

“Before you can go on with your life, I think
there’s a little matter of clearing up the past which needs to be
addressed.”

Tasha looked into her mother’s eyes and
nodded. She knew what she had to do. “When did you become so wise?”
she whispered.

Violet smiled. “When you came into my world
and made me that way.”

Thirty-four

Mark’s house, Pinebow Springs

A dizzying sense of déjà vu grasped Tasha as
she stepped up the stone walkway to Mark’s house. Hidden behind a
stand of trees and tucked into a small cranny above the town, the
house was always a welcome refuge. As a child, Mark had lived here
with his parents. Now, his parents had chosen a smaller, more
convenient home for themselves and had sold Mark the large cabin a
few years ago. When Tasha and Mark would play together as children,
she used to ride her bike up the incline drive to greet him and
from there, they always got into loads of trouble.

Mark was always special to her. She could
tell all her secrets to him. She could talk to him about things she
couldn’t talk to anyone else about. They shared almost everything,
except intimacy. She knew they’d both had other lovers over the
course of their adult years, but she and Mark had never made love.
Maybe it was because they both knew it wasn’t right between them in
that way.

Suddenly, a pang pierced Tasha’s abdomen. But
if Mark loved her as deeply as he claimed, then why hadn’t he
pushed it all these years. Why hadn’t she realized that it was
unusual for a man not to pursue sex with the woman he claimed to
love? Why hadn’t Mark ever even mentioned it?

Of course they had kissed, hugged, even
touched intimately, but it had never gone any further.

She stepped on the porch and the door to the
cabin was opened before she took the second step. All previous
thoughts dissipated when she saw him. Mark stood in the threshold,
staring at her. After a moment, he simply said her name.

Tasha found the courage to step forward. “I
need to talk to you.”

He nodded. “I need to talk to you, too.” He
motioned for her to come inside.

Stepping on into the cabin, Tasha crossed the
room. Mark followed and asked her to sit down. She settled herself
in a huge sofa with a southwest design pattern and Mark pulled an
ottoman closer to her and sat directly in front of her. She watched
his eyes as he sat. They never broke the connection with hers.

Quickly, almost hesitantly, he reached out
and grasped both her hands. Tasha welcomed the familiarity of his
touch.

“Tasha,” he began, his voice raspy, “we have
to be honest with each other.”

She nodded and continued watching his
face.

“And I think maybe it will make things a
little easier if I go first.”

Tasha slid to the edge of her seat and
grasped his hands a little tighter. “No, Mark. Please, let me. I
need—”

Mark broke in. “We both have a need to get
some things off our chests. We’ve needed to talk for weeks.”

Finally Tasha tore her gaze from his. Her
eyes played over the beamed ceilings, the dark paneled walls and
the thick, heavy furniture of the room. All of these things were so
familiar to her. Just like Mark. How could she break his heart? How
could she live her life without his friendship? For surely, when
this conversation was through, he wouldn’t want to have another
thing to do with her. What would she do without him in her life?
She didn’t know if she could even fathom that?

She brought her gaze back to him and somehow
found the courage deep inside to speak. “I’m ashamed of myself,
Mark. I’ve avoided you for too long. It was just...” she glanced
away momentarily, and then back, “it was just that I suddenly
realized I couldn’t go through with it. Mark, you are my closest
friend. You have been for years. And as my closest friend, I love
you with all my heart. But Mark, as much as I hate to say this, I
don’t love you like I should to marry you. I’ve known it for a long
time. I just couldn’t say it to you. I just couldn’t bring myself
to disappoint you. I just...I just...couldn’t.”

Tasha didn’t realize she was crying until
Mark reached up and a swiped a forefinger across her cheek,
removing her tears. As his gaze penetrated hers, she dropped her
head onto both their hands and sobbed. “I’m so sorry I h-hurt you.
I care for you s-so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do without
you.”

Mark slipped from the ottoman to sit beside
her on the couch. He cradled her into his arms and held her as she
cried. He soothed her with comforting words and smoothed her hair
back out of her face with his hands until she quieted and sat up to
look at him.

“Please don’t hate me. I don’t think I could
stand that.”

Mark took a deep breath and held it. Finally,
he exhaled. “Tasha. I haven’t been completely honest with you
either. I want you to listen to me.”

Tasha searched his face and saw the pain
etched across it. He continued. “One of the reasons I was so
desperate to talk to you was because I wanted to tell you that I
understood. You are completely right. We’re not lovers. We’re not
in love. We have a special relationship that will last a lifetime,
but we should never have attempted a thought at marriage. I guess I
felt the biological clock ticking away. I’d not found anyone ever
to measure up to my standards, except you. Finally I realized that
I was measuring every woman I dated up to you and it was because I
think you’re one helluva woman. But I also realized that I don’t
love you. I care deeply for you. But Tasha, I don’t love you
either. Please forgive me for pushing you into this marriage idea.
For months I had visions of children and the two-car garage and a
fantasy of life that I still might be able to grasp someday. But
Tasha, we both know that it won’t, and shouldn’t be, for us. Not
together.”

Stunned, Tasha lowered her gaze to find both
their hands now in their own laps. It was as if they’d both let go.
They could stand on their on two feet now. Suddenly, Tasha felt
exuberant. It was as though every grain of guilt had washed away
with the last of her tears. “Oh, Mark. We’ve fooled ourselves for
so long, haven’t we?”

Smiling slightly, he nodded. “Yes. I think we
have. But Tasha, it will happen for each of us. We’ll each find
someone to be happy with and to love. And when that happens, it
won’t be forced and contrived. It will be true love.”

At that, the tears welled up in Tasha’s eyes
again. She had to go on. Had to finish what she’d come here today
to do. She nodded in agreement with him. “I’ve already found
someone, Mark. I met someone.”

“And you love him?”

“Yes.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

Suddenly, Tasha could think of no reason why
she was here. All her words were said and it was time for her to go
on. Why wasn’t she with Andrew? “I don’t know. I guess I needed to
see you first. To make my peace with you.”

“Go, Tasha. Go be with the one you love.”

Nodding, Tasha stood. She waited and Mark
stood also. Hesitantly, she reached out and pulled him into her
embrace. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Mark held her for a moment and then released
her. With his hand, he cupped her chin and held her face close to
his for a few seconds longer. “Be happy, Tasha. And never forget
that I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

Nodding, the tears returning, Tasha gave him
one last, brief hug, then slipped out of his embrace and left the
cabin.

Thirty-five

Seattle

Andrew slapped the papers down against his
desk and smiled. It was a done deal. After weeks of everything in
his life going wrong, something was finally going right.