Crazy Love (30 page)

“I’m my Mother’s son, alright.” I agreed, and both my parents blanched. Trip was still laughing when our dessert arrived.

A few hours later, I was knocking on Annie’s door. She flung it open, and my eyes wandered over her body in admiration. Her hair was down and wild, and she wore a tank top and boxers, my favorite look on her, which she well knew. I cocked an eyebrow, and she yanked me in the door by my collar.

After several kisses to remind me how much she’d missed me, she broke free.

“Where’s Jayse?” I asked. The resonating silence made it clear he wasn’t home.

“Out. As always,” she sniped, but she pulled me by the hand to the couch. We sat, and I pulled her legs onto my lap. Her legs were amazing, and worshiping them was one of my favorite pastimes. “How was dinner?”

Her facial expressions as I told her about the events of the day were out of this world. When I got to the part about dinner, she actually picked up a throw pillow and slugged me with it. “I cannot believe you didn’t
make
me come! What the hell, Samson?”

Ignoring her new penchant for calling me that atrocity, I chuckled and lifted her onto my lap. “We had no idea they’d be at the club. Believe me: had I known, you’d have had VIP seats.”

“So how do you feel? Satisfied?” She asked, looking down from her perch on top of my tortured lap.

“Not entirely.” If I lied to her now, I’d undo what we were building. She deserved better, and so did I.

She moved in for a long and tantalizing kiss. “Let’s see what we can do about that.”

And there, on her couch, with her straddling me and in complete control, we made love for the first time. It started slowly, with me apprehensive as hell to touch her. Guiding my hands, she allowed me to slowly survey every inch of her with my fingertips. Piece by piece, she lost each item of clothing. Soon I was naked too, and she slowly pulled me inside her. Slow and torturous at first, our rhythm soon built to a feverish pace. We were both so worked up that when she came, she clawed my shoulders bloody. Pain or no pain, it didn’t take me long to follow her lead.

Afterward, we lay naked and silent on the couch. Exhausted and euphoric, I kissed the hollow of her neck, inhaling her sumptuous scent. I wasn’t sure where we’d be the morning after, but luck definitely seemed to be on my side that night. I decided to seize the moment.

I cleared my throat. “Annabelle.”

Her voice was barely a whisper, but not without a bit of Annie-tude. “Yes, Samson?”

“I love you.” I held my breath. I had no idea what to expect.

“You’d better.” Her melodious laugh rang out in the dark, and I silenced it with a kiss.

February proved to be a banner month for our entourage of misfits and troublemakers. The winds of change blew their skanky-ass breath at us, and they blew hard and used
way
too much teeth. As Violet’s wedding lumbered our way like a drunk, plus-sized queen, Homegirl called me more and more often to commiserate. Vi didn’t just have cold feet; that girl’s nipples could have cut glass. It was no secret to those who’d stayed at Trip’s palace by the sea what’d gone down between those two. Patience and I wagered on how long it’d be before Trip found the nearest liquor store. She said one day, and I said three. We both lost. Who’d have thunk it?

Weeks later, Violet
still
continued to vamp for best actress in a telenovela. It was getting rather old, and I was tempted to open-hand slap her like Cher in Moonstruck. But…I wasn’t completely unsympathetic. I could tell she was beating herself up for blabbing about the abortion, but she didn’t trust herself to be anywhere near Trip. Based on the sounds coming out of that bedroom, I couldn’t blame her. Silly breeders. Can’t live with ‘em…

So when Miss Thang called me and asked if I could do a girl’s night out, I was like ‘duh.’ Since Dale had decided I was far too much man for him, and Frostycrotch had grown a libido and decided to let Sam love her, things had been
boring
. Annie and I hadn’t really talked since she pulled a C. Brown and bitchslapped me at the bar for everyone’s viewing pleasure. Still, I was happy for the little shit and for Sam, even though they’re cutesy bullshit nauseated me. They suited one another. No. They
grounded
each other. And it was long past fucking time they realized it. Hey-zeus, it’s tiresome being the only one who can read the skywriting in the great blue yonder. Ah well. Let’s fade to black on that made-for-Lifetime movie for a bit. More about
me
.

Annie was spending nearly every night at Sam’s new pad, so I figured I’d get out the door without another third degree about where I was going and who I was going with. I already had one shitty mother, and I most certainly didn’t need another. So imagine my disappointment when She-Who-Shan’t-Be-Named emerged from her room and scared the living hell out of me. We got into it almost immediately.

“How do I look?” She turned around, looking all plucked and luffa’d up.

“Bless your heart, you even shaved! What’s the occasion?”

She seemed surprised, but not the slightest bit offended. “I’m going to Trip’s show at Imogene’s, remember? Aren’t you coming?”

I paused for a moment. I’d been out every night for over a week, and the gallery show had totally slipped my mind. “I’ve got stuff. And I’d change the skirt. You look like a Japanese crack-whore.”

She shot me
the look
. “Takes one to know one.”

“My, my. All work and no play makes Annie a dull hag.” I rolled up the cuffs of my sleeves and turned my head from side to side, assessing my new haircut. That bitch had taken too much off the top. I was glad I hadn’t tipped her.

“You need to check yourself, J. You’ve been spiraling the toilet ever since Dale dumped your ass.” She turned away from me and reached over to pick up her jacket. I was tempted to kick her in the ass.

“I’m doing just fine, dahlin’.” I folded my arms and waited to hear what other shit she’d sling my way.

“I suppose if you call hooking up with every bear and twink-boy in Eastern Georgia ‘doin’ fine’...”

“Jealous much?”

“Yeah. Jayse. You found me out.” She scoffed at me. “Maybe you should quit climbing the STD tree before you slip and hit every branch on your way down.”

“And maybe you should quit being such a judgmental fuckerbitch.”

I’m sorry to report that it was all downhill after that. I’d cut and run when she started swearing every other word. I didn’t want to be late for my dinner plans with a couple of the guys from Noteable. I was distracted by Annie’s accusations throughout the entire meal. Thirsty for a mojito, I made my excuses and took off early for the club. I texted Violet to let her know I’d be early.

Vi looked amazeballs when she pulled up in her red hard-topped convertible. She was wearing this silvery-blue silky blouse, and I heard some old queen gasp on our way in the door that he wanted to steal her Louis Vuitton bag. I love being seen with Vi; she’s one classy tramp.

She was acting kind of nervous as we walked through the club, and after skulking around a while, she picked a booth all the way in the back. The Countess, a six foot tall drag queen with breast implants and a bad attitude, came up to greet us. I complimented her on her new wig, which was fiery red and clearly high-end. She forced a smile back at me. She was the headliner and my sometime nemesis. Divas rarely can occupy the same place and time without paradox.

After a quick hello, Vi scurried to sit with her back to the wall, so I had to sit with
my
back to everyone but her. Re-Goddamn-diculous! I asked her what the hell was going on, and she said she’d had a big fight with Dashul that morning. Naturally, I pressed for details. She confided that Maisie had been eating Crunchberries for breakfast when Dash arrived. He said ‘I haven’t had Crunchberries in years.’ Then Maisie said ‘I haven’t had them since we stayed at Daddy’s beach house.’ I laughed so hard I nearly peed in my pants. From the look she wore, I thought Violet was going to pick up her keys and stab me. Once I settled down, she went on to explain that Dash gave her a suspicious glance and said “Oh?” Then little Maisie turned to Vi and said “you know, when daddy jumped on the car!” She held her head like she had a migraine. She claimed Dashul was still in Savannah and that he might be following her. I told her she was being paranoid, but her expression wasn’t one of the convinced.

“Well, isn’t that healthy? Tell me why you’re marrying this throwback again.” I pouted. No one was going to see my carefully constructed look, and it made me moody. Vi looked about as unhappy as I felt as she aggressively stirred her Princess Martini.

She looked sheepish. “It’s a good match.”

“Like hell.” After fighting with Annie, I was too pissy to blow smoke up her skirt. “You’ll have a lifetime prescription for Prozac
and
Xanax before you leave for the honeymoon.”

“Oh hell, Jayse. I
already
have them.” She replied with a nod at her purse. Then she got the strangest look on her face as she peered over my shoulder. Feeling like I was in a horror movie, I stole a nervous glance in that direction. I’ll be damned if Dale wasn’t walking hand in hand into the club with some hot bit of eye candy in an expensive suit. Dale looked amazing, but I whipped back around before he could see me. I was suddenly glad that Vi had picked the seating arrangements.

As if shining a spotlight on us, a couple of the regular barflies staggered up and proceeded to gush about my amazing karaoke skills. I wanted to crawl underneath the booth and chew open my own wrists, but I smiled and nodded and acted gracious. Being a local celebrity could be so draining. I refused to look back over my shoulder, but I swear on a stack of bibles I could
feel
Dale staring at me. I’d always loved the intensity of his eyes—they drew me to him the moment we first met. Now, when he turned them my way I felt as uncomfortable as a chubby girl when her Spanx are too tight. He was probably telling that white-collar Casanova of his all about how selfish I was and how when he counted the condoms in my drawer, he came up three short.

I felt like the walls were shrinking in. My leg bounced like I’d just chugged thirteen Red Bulls, and I felt all glisteny and moist. I’d had seafood chowder earlier, and I wondered if I was developing an allergy. Unable to bear the tension for one more second, I managed to hold my shit together while Androgeno and Wondermut gushed about Violet’s Jimmy Choo’s, said their goodbyes, and wandered away.

Violet frowned when she turned back to me. “Jayse, honey, are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

Well, you can bet I gasped at that bullshit. “What the fuck are you talking about? I look
great
!” She was about to reply when she did the spooky over-the- shoulder stare again. “Shit. They’re coming over here aren’t they? Quick! Act like I just said something hilarious, and we’re having the best time!”

I turned sideways in the booth so that I could get a good look at Dale’s approach. Instead, I saw Dashul at the door. He scanned the room and then stalked up to Dale, seething. Damn, that guy talks with his hands! He was waving around some piece of paper, and Dale’s new beau shrank back in his seat as if trying to act like he didn’t know him. Dale stole a glance in our direction, but quickly looked away. It was obvious to me that he wasn’t going to point us out. Dash’s voice carried, and people were starting to turn and stare. With a bone- shuddering sigh, I jumped up and marched toward the unfolding drama. Dashul Stein had a foot of height and seventy pounds on Dale, and I’m a sucker for an underdog.

“Hey!” I shouted as Dash backed Dale into the bar. I took long strides to close the distance. When he ignored me, I grabbed Dash by the shoulder and yanked him around. “Pipe down and back off of him.”

“Where’s Violet?” His spittle hit my face, and he’s lucky I didn’t whip his ass for
that
infraction. I blinked rapidly and wiped it off with the back of my hand.

“She’s trying to have a drink with a friend. Why are you here?” I raised my eyebrow as Dash’s eyes shifted around at the swelling crowd. “Or do you always troll gay bars when you’re in town?”

I know he really wanted to punch me, but he took a long, slow breath instead. “I was driving by and saw her car.”

“I’m right here.” She stepped out from between two blonde drag queens. I was struck by how much she looked like the one dressed up as Marilyn. She could have been her ‘Mini Me.’

“We need to talk.” He took her by the arm and pulled her toward the side room we called ‘the ball room’ because it was where all the lesbians gathered to play pool. I tailed them; he gave me a bad vibe, and I’d never been wrong about that kind of thing. He looked over his shoulder and frowned when he saw me. “I’d like some time alone with my fiancée.”

“I would, too. And since she came here with me, I think I’ll stay.”

“This won’t take long.” His gritted teeth didn’t reassure me. Violet nodded at me in reassurance, but something about the way he clutched that piece of paper made me dubious. I pretended to watch two diesel dykes racking their balls as I eavesdropped.