Criminal: A Bad-Boy Stepbrother Romance (20 page)

Five days. It's been five days since I last saw
Kaiden, since he walked out of my life. I'm now richer than I could
have ever hoped, but it's all hollow, because there's nothing I want.

I've had to drive around listlessly for a long time,
not sure what to do or where to go. I've had to avoid everything and
everyone I ever knew, and I don't have anyone left.

No family, no friends, no Kaiden.

The money sits in my glove box and beneath the seats,
taunting me, teasing me about all the things I can't use it for, but
it doesn't matter. The fog of depression weighs heavy on my
shoulders, and I just don't care about anything anymore.

On the fourth day, I found myself driving through the
same town I'd been arrested in, and thought back to Sarah. About the
fact that she'd three times been arrested for prostitution, and I
knew they wouldn't come down easy on her.

So I set up an anonymous way of paying a lawyer that
came highly recommended on
backpage
by other escorts, and
asked him to help her out. I figured if there's anything that the
money could do, helping a person in need might at least make me feel
a bit better, but it didn't.

Instead, I feel just as hollow as I did before.

I make my way north, past all the familiar landmarks,
all the memories of family vacations, and all my time with Kaiden. He
was like a rollercoaster, bringing me to such highs and lows, but
after the ride is over, you're always disappointed by how short the
whole thing was.

He's always going to abandon me. I know that now.
That when things get rough, he's going to run, and he's always going
to do it his own way.

I don't know how I feel about that, but it gives me a
small bit of comfort to know that this is just how it will be and
that it's nothing I did wrong.

I'm just destined to be alone.

The highway stretches out before me, and for hours, I
keep going through the vast nothingness until a sign catches my
attention. San Francisco is up ahead, not one hundred miles away.
I've never been there, not even for a visit. My parents always hated
the big cities and preferred camping to driving on the busy streets.

Maybe this is my chance to make something of myself.
To do something new and exciting.

Even that thought can’t relieve the ache in my
heart.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea, I'm sure, Becky!" I say, my voice
shriller than I intend. There's no way this can be right. I can't be
pregnant. Not now. Not when I’m on my own and just starting
school.

It's two months after Kaiden abandoned me at the
pharmacy, and I haven't had my period since then, but that doesn't
matter.

This just... it can't be happening to me. No.

Fear and anguish rush through me, but there's
something more, too. Excitement. I don't even want to think about it,
and I try to push it down, snuff it out, but I can't deny that it's
there, burning within me.

An excuse to reach out to him!

"Oh my God, Gail! You're pregnant!" She
says it with enthusiasm but tones it down to gauge my reaction, but
even so, she could have no idea why I look and feel so distraught. I
never told anyone at the University of San Francisco about Kaiden, or
even that I have a step-brother. Not that many people care.

Becky's pretty much my only real friend, but she's
been a lot of fun and really important to getting me out of my slump.

She's toured me around the city, taken me to some of
the best restaurants, but it's always been a bit disappointing. It's
always been missing Kaiden.

I haven't heard from him since, and I've avoided
looking.

If he didn't want me in his life, then that's his
choice.

"So who's the father?" she asks, her tone
sly, like I've been hiding something. "It's not Jack, is it?
That guy is-"

"It's not Jack."

"Oh thank God!" she says, rolling her eyes
heavenward. "The way he looks at you, you know, I was starting
to wonder."

"Ew, Becky. No, it's not him. You don't know the
guy," I say, and I wonder, for a second, if I knew him either.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm... I'm not sure. Maybe just raise it by
myself."

"What? Don't be ridiculous, you're not even
going to tell him?"

I shake my head and she looks mortified.

"If I got pregnant, I'd be sure as hell telling
the guy and getting some child support at least. I mean, raising a
baby isn't cheap, Gail," she says, her voice holding so much
concern. "I mean, especially when you're only nineteen. Maybe
you should think adoption..."

She looks at me with those big, green eyes of hers,
and they remind me of Kaiden's. I wonder how he'd react.

If he'd be excited, or if it'd just be another
bother.

He already gave me more than enough to cover child
support.

But I can't deny the fact that I want him to know. He
deserves to, after all we've been through.

I nod my head, brushing some of my dyed brown hair
behind my ear. I'd taken Kaiden seriously about starting new.

When I moved, I started going by Gail, dyed my hair,
changed my wardrobe, everything. I even started going to school,
dreaming of the day that maybe I could be a lawyer. Start working to
really help people in need, find some purpose to my life.

Becky leans in, touching my face gently.

"It'll be okay, I promise. But you should really
tell him at least. C'mon, if you liked him enough to sleep with him,
how bad can he be?"

It doesn't take me long to track down Kaiden.

I took him seriously when he said to start fresh, but
apparently he didn't take his own advice. He had apparently put a
down payment on mom and dad's old house.

It was kind of bitter-sweet to think of him back in
the home we grew up in. We shared so much in those walls.

The drive back was harder than I expected. Once I
started passing familiar buildings and homes once more, each brought
a rush of memories with it, coming on faster and faster as I drove
into town.

It's middle of the day on Saturday, a month after I
found out I was pregnant. I tracked him down within a day, but I just
can't bring myself to do it. Not until I know for sure that nothing
is going to happen with the baby.