CROSS (A Gentry Boys Novella) (12 page)

CONWAY

Stone always snored like a motherfucker.  Sometimes smacking him in the face with a pillow would jolt him into changing positions, snuffing out the noise. 

I’d slept like shit last night, although when I heard him come in I pretended to be sound asleep already.  I sensed that he was standing over me and having some deep thoughts (or guilt) but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of opening an eye.  Of course when I finally dozed off he started making as much racket as a saw mill as if even his subconscious was hell bent on taunting me.

Instead of hitting him with a bag of feathers I walked calmly over to his bed, grabbed the far side of the rumpled quilt he was sleeping on top of, and yanked blankets, brother and all to the floor.  Stone landed with a thud and began flailing around while sputtering seventy creative variations of the word ‘fuck’.

I stepped over him on my way to the shower.  I took my time in there and let the hot water continue to run even after I was done.   By the time I was dressed and spitting toothpaste into the sink the room looked like a sauna. 

Stone was waiting for me when I got back.  I expected it so I kept my elbows out, ready to throw some weight around, but he only sat on the edge of the bed, glaring balefully and complaining, “What the fuck?”

My Carson’s Garage shirt was damp and dirty but I threw it on anyway.   I was scheduled to work all day but a pristine appearance wasn’t exactly part of the corporate culture over there. 

“Conway!” Stone bellowed. 

“What?”

“What do you mean what?  What crawled up your ass and died overnight?”

I tucked my shirt in even though Stone always laughed that I looked like an old snowbird when I did.  Whenever I had briefly lapsed into sleep last night I’d been haunted by muddled nightmares.  In one of them my mother and Erin were skipping arm in arm on the far side of a deep canal while laughing “You can’t play!” in teasing unison.  In another I was in a deep, dark place and shouting up at the light.  My brother appeared and stood there for a somber moment, looking down.  Then Benton Gentry showed up with a wide length of plywood and covered the hole, trapping me in the darkness.  There was one more.  It was vague, just a passing image, not even a whole dream unto itself.  But it was the most vivid of all.  Erin, wearing Kasey Kean’s American flag bikini, was straddling Stone on his bed as they kissed, ignoring my screams of anguish from across the room. 

“What’s wrong?” my brother asked and now his voice sounded strange.  Less furious, more worried. 

I looked at him.  Stonewall Gentry, named for some reckless, wild great uncle who died before we were born.  There’d never been a day that I was alive where he wasn’t my brother.  And even though he’d had ten Conway-free months before I came along, I knew it was impossible for him to remember them.  We’d always shared a home, a family, even a bedroom.  We’d always been together.

“What’d you do last night?” I blurted out. 

And there it was.  Just for a split second.  A flicker of something in his blue eyes before he looked away. Stone didn’t feel guilty about much so it wasn’t too often that a day came along where he couldn’t look me in the eye. 

“Hung out at the bridge, got sucked off and came home.” 

“That’s it?”

Slowly his eyes returned to my face.  This time he was utterly impassive.  “That’s it.” 

“And you wouldn’t lie to your brother.” 

Stone leaned back a few inches, like he needed a little bit of distance in order to see me better.  His eyes narrowed.  “What are you getting at, Con?”

“Not a thing.  Just wondering when I missed the news that you and my girlfriend are now best buddies.  Yeah, that’s right.  I saw you guys all cozy and conversational out there.  Not the first time in the last few weeks I’ve caught the two of you looking awful fucking close all of a sudden.  So tell me
brother
, just who belonged to the pair of lips that sucked your dick last night?”

He was angry.  His face was red and his hands were clenched.  But that wasn’t what was sinking my heart.  If there hadn’t been a kernel of truth to those words then he would have jumped up in a fury and tackled me before I finished talking. 

“Goddammit Conway, it wasn’t like that.  We were just-“

“Just
what
?”

“Just talking for fuck’s sake.” 

“Bullshit.  You spend as much time listening to what any girl has to say as you spend cleaning the toilet.” 

He stood up then.  I thought there was half a chance he was going to take a swing at me but he merely crossed his arms and glared.  “You don’t think I would touch your girlfriend.  There’s no fucking way you can think that.  Conway, I could have an ice pick to my balls and I still wouldn’t take a step in that direction.  Never!” 

I almost wavered.  But then I flashed back to last night’s feelings of despair. 

There’s nothing worse than what you come from. 

In my lowest moment, when I’d just been fed a heaping plate of sordid surprises from my own mother, I stumbled through the darkness looking for comfort.  The only thing I found was my brother and my girlfriend huddled together, talking earnestly about something that obviously didn’t include me.  It wasn’t the kind of visual trauma that included naked skin and entwined limbs, but at that moment it was just about the loneliest thing I could have faced. 

“Conway?”  Stone asked and there was a note of pleading in his voice. 

I wanted to hit him so badly.  “So you were talking.  I bet you guys had a lot to discuss one on one late at night.  So were you discussing politics? Shakespeare? Enlighten me.” 

He shook his head and looked miserable.  “No.  It wasn’t anything important.  We talked about you, about school.” 

“You hate school.”

He frowned.   He reached for the pack of cigarettes sitting on the nightstand, but when he removed one it was broken.  Stone shook his head ruefully and tossed the pack in the garbage before sighing. “I swear, there wasn’t anything weird going on.  You’re just going to have to take my word for it.” 

I pushed my wallet in my back pocket.  “I’ve got to get to work.” 

“Con.”

“No.  Fuck you, Stone.  Let me know when the truth feels like coming out of your mouth.” 

He threw something at the door after I slammed it.  Good.  Let him be pissed.  I was tired of being the only one who was pissed off. 

I only stopped in the kitchen to grab whatever could stand in as breakfast.  My mother was pacing around in there with the phone stuck to her ear and lots of “Oh my gods” coming out of her mouth.  But she said it in a way that I knew she was more amused than bothered about whatever the subject was.  She scowled at me as I grabbed a few slices of stale white bread.  There wasn’t much more than exhaustion and the usual contempt in her expression though so I wasn’t sure she even remembered the terrible things she’d said last night.

Then she turned her back, heaved a giant sigh and dripped with self-righteous fakery as she cooed, “Lord rest her soul, poor Maggie.  Got to say though I figured she’d fall to Benton’s fury a long time before this.” 

No, she definitely didn’t remember last night.  She wouldn’t have uttered Benton’s name so casually this morning if she did.  I knew who Maggie was too.  Benton’s wife, and the triplets’ junkie mother.  She hadn’t been seen around town much in years and most of the time I’d half forgotten she wasn’t already dead.  As I stepped out the door I felt a twinge of sympathy for Cord, Creed and Chase.  The news had to hurt them.  I figured you didn’t have to be close to your mother to feel pain over her death. 

The screen door was open and I could hear my own mother was still carrying on in the kitchen about ‘poor Maggie’ even though all her words sounded more like gossip than grief.  

“Con!”  Erin waved from her bedroom window.  Her long dark hair was loose on her shoulders and she wore an oversized yellow t-shirt with an unzipped white hoodie.  She looked like sunshine and candy.  I almost went running to her until I remembered.  Then my stomach dropped and I felt sick with the burden of what I might know.  She continued to call my name as I ran away. 

The garage was busy and that was good because it kept my mind off things.  There was some talk going back and forth about Maggie Gentry’s death until Benji Carson rolled out of his office and told everyone to knock it off.  He patted my shoulder apologetically as he passed, and I felt rather guilty for not being more busted up about a relative passing out on her bathroom floor and choking to death on her own vomit.  But hell, I had my own problems to deal with. 

It was after lunch and I was underneath a rusty Pontiac when a shadow fell and a soft voice made me bang my head on the undercarriage before I pushed out from beneath the car. 

“There you are,” Erin said with happy shyness as she waited for me to sit upright. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked, wiping my oily hands on my jeans. 

Confusion crossed her face.  She didn’t usually stop by the garage since it wasn’t a short walk and Carson didn’t really approve of high school girlfriends showing up.  But I also wasn’t usually this cold to her.  In fact I never was. 

“I just wanted to see you.”  She held out a paper bag.  “Chocolate chip cookies.  Made them this morning.” 

“Thanks.”  I took the bag and tossed it on the nearest counter.  She followed me as I headed outside.  The guys looked Erin over curiously and a few of them outright leered, which ordinarily would have driven me up a wall.  But today I just didn’t have it in me to care. 

She was biting her thumbnail and looking a little nervous by the time we got to the parking lot. 

“Con, what’s wrong?”

I shrugged.  “You and Stone must have talked it all through already.” 

She was startled.  Her thumb dropped out of her mouth.  “What?  I didn’t talk to Stone at all today.”

“Yeah?” I said coldly.  “What about yesterday?”

“I don’t get it.” 

I crossed my arms.  “
What
,” I demanded, enunciating each word with obnoxious precision, “
did you and my brother talk about late last night?
” 

“Jeez, nothing important.  We just happened to be outside at the same time.” 

“You both thought I was a fucking idiot, huh?”

She was at a loss.  She swallowed and held her arms behind her back. 

“My god, Conway.  That sounds like an accusation.” 

“It’s a question.  One that deserves an answer.”

“Really?  What do you want to know?”

“I want to know why you and my brother look like you get just a little more cozy every time my back is turned these days.” 

Her eyes grew really wide.  Her mouth fell open.  “You think,” she managed to gasp, “that I’ve been messing around with, with
Stone
?”

I didn’t answer.  I just stared.  Now that someone had uttered the words out loud they actually did sound ridiculous.  Stone and Erin had never even liked each other.  And up until now I wouldn’t have hesitated to trust either one of them with my life.  But today everything felt confused and fucked up.  Or maybe it was just me that was fucked up. 

“Conway,” she whispered as her lower lip trembled.  “I can’t believe you.”

“Then deny it.” 

She shook her head miserably.  I could have reached for her.  I wanted to.  The tears in her eyes were acid to my heart and something deep inside my soul screamed that I was making a fatal error and I shouldn’t say another word until I managed to screw my head back on straight.  But Erin didn’t wait around for me to find my sensible side.  She turned and ran away.  And instead of running after her I just watched her go. 

ERIN

I ran for probably a mile before my legs started to cramp and my lungs shrieked from the abuse. 

There, beside the gutter of one of the nicest streets in Emblem I bent over and tried to breathe, all the while thinking grimly that this was how people wound up in the hospital with heat exhaustion. Since I was standing in direct sunlight any sweat that tried to escape dried up almost instantly.   As I’d skidded to a stop in front of a sprawling Santa Fe-style mini mansion I’d also managed to roll my ankle.  It wasn’t too bad but it hurt to walk.  At least I was only a few blocks from home.  If I could just manage to get there I could burrow underneath my bed covers and scream for a while until my throat gave out.   

A shiver overcame me as I limped down the empty street.  It wasn’t a shiver of cold.  More like sickness.  The look in Conway’s eyes kept coming back to me.   It was one of agony.  I’d managed to cause him pain. It was the last thing I’d ever meant to do.  This sick realization was quickly followed by anger. 

Conway had made his suspicions clear.  I didn’t know where the hell he’d come by them but the fact that they’d crossed his mind was enough to get my blood moving. 

How could he think, even for a split second, that I’d betray him with his own brother? 

How could he believe I’d ever betray him with
anyone
? 

The thought had never even occurred to me, not seriously. 

The ground beneath my slow-moving feet was covered with a carpet of yellow; decaying flowers shed from the palo verde trees that stretched overhead.   Light and feathery, they would turn brown and dance briefly in the summer storm winds until they came apart.  I kicked them savagely aside as I trudged toward home, trying to somehow make sense of this impossible day. 

Only one explanation seemed to fit.  Stone must have said something to Conway, something awful enough to make Con think we’d been running around behind his back.

But…why??

Lately Stone had proven himself to be a friend when I badly needed one.  And I’d always assumed he was loyal to his brother.  Yet I’d known Stone Gentry for enough years to recognize that he was also a player, even a liar, when it suited him. 

What did you say to him, you bastard? 

It simply didn’t make sense that Stone would have covered for my cutting addiction by telling a lie that was a thousand times worse.  But maybe all wasn’t as it appeared between the Gentry brothers.   Maybe taunting Conway so cruelly was some tool of vengeance that I didn’t understand.   No matter how many different ways I examined things, they all came back to Stone. 

Still, something else sat heavy on my heart. 

Nothing Stone could have said should make Conway believe that I’d cheat on him.  He should know better.  What the hell had happened to make him forget that? 

My ankle was hurting bad.  I probably looked like an adolescent female Frankenstein limping down the residential streets of Emblem.  Once a car pulled over and I recognized Mrs. Avery, one of my father’s coworkers at the prison.  She was concerned and asked me if I needed a ride.  I managed to force my dry lips into a smile and told her no thank you. 

Mrs. Gentry was getting into her car just as I made it home.   She must have been on her way to work at the pharmacy because she wearing her white lab coat.  It sported a prominent coffee stain near her left breast.   When she saw me she wrinkled her nose like an animal does when it smells something bad.  She didn’t like me.  Actually it was possible she didn’t like anyone, including her own sons.  She seemed to tolerate Stone a little more easily than Conway though, for whatever reason. She didn’t offer any greeting before she climbed into her Toyota and turned on the ignition.  The car must have been hot as an oven sitting there in the driveway with the afternoon sun pouring in.  She cracked the window and started to back out of the driveway. 

“Is Stone home?”  I shouted. 

Her gray eyes shot to my face and she hit the brakes.  “Now it’s Stone you’re into?” she snapped.  

“No,” I replied, trying to keep my temper.  “I just asked if he was home.” 

“Go find out for yourself.”  She closed the window, backed into the street and took off with a squeal of tires. 

Stone came to the door before I had a chance to even knock.  He wasn’t wearing a shirt and he looked unhappy.  He nodded to me.  “You look like shit.” 

“Why don’t you file that away in the drawer filled with things you should never say to any girl?”

His lips twitched.  “I was just heading out for a walk.”   Then he got a good look at my face and frowned.  “What’s wrong?”

The world started to turn strange colors.  A handful of ink blots appeared, melted together, and grew.  The muscles that kept my legs standing up decided they were tired of working.  I would have collapsed completely if Stone hadn’t been quick enough to grab me.  I heard him shouting my name with alarm as I floated over to the Gentrys’ ugly orange couch.  Once I was there I realized Stone had carried me.  He peered down with worry all over his face.  Then he disappeared.  When he reappeared he was holding a glass of water. 

“I’m fine,” I muttered weakly as I tried to sit up.  “Just got too much sun.”

Stone put a cool palm to my forehead as I drank the glass of water.  “Do you have a headache?”

“No.” 

“Do you need to vomit?”

“What?  No.” 

He sighed and took his hand away.  “I was trying to remember the symptoms of sun stroke.” 

I handed the empty glass back to him.  “I don’t have sun stroke.”

“You might.  Maybe I should call your dad.”

“Don’t you dare!” 

“Sun stroke and heat exhaustion aren’t things to fuck around with, Erin.”   

“For the love of god, Stone, shut up about the sun stroke!   Sun stroke isn’t what’s wrong with me!” 

“Well, what
is
wrong then?”

I sat up and perched on the edge of the couch, my hands clenched in my lap.   Stone sat beside me.  I could feel him watching me but I couldn’t meet his eyes when I said the words.   “Con said…”

He tensed.  “You talked to Con?”

“Yeah.  He ran away from me this morning and looked upset so I walked down to Carson’s to see him at work.”

“And did you see him?”

“Yes.”  I winced, remembering the sheer awfulness of that encounter.  “Stone, I need to know.  Did something happen between you and Con?”

He coughed.  “We had a fight.” 

“About what?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Yes you do,” I whispered. 

He exhaled heavily, painfully.  I glanced over at him and saw his eyes were tightly shut as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Con thinks…” Stone said haltingly.   “He thinks that we’re, ah….I mean that you and me…”

“Fucked around,” I finished. 

Stone opened his eyes and looked at me apologetically.  “I swear I don’t know why he thinks that.  Something’s going on with him.  I don’t know what it is and it might not even have to do with us.   But seeing us hanging out together is messing with his head somehow.” 

I took a deep breath, trying not to cry.  “I saw his face, Stone.  It was like we didn’t even know each other anymore.  Just like that.  I hear about all these couples that grow apart and shit but that can’t happen to us.  I love him so much.” 

Stone’s face was full of pity.  “I know you do.  And I know that he loves you too.  It’s not like this is the end for you guys.  Contrary to his behavior today, Conway isn’t an asshole.  We’ll get this straightened out, Erin.”   He patted my back awkwardly.  “I know my brother.” 

“I thought I knew him too.” 

“You do,” Stone said with finality. 

The knock on the door made us both jump.  Stone got to his feet and went to the window, pulling the curtain back. 

“Oh,” he said with surprise, “I think that’s my cousin’s truck.”

I shrugged, not caring much about his cousin or his cousin’s truck.   For the first time I realized Stone was probably not far off when he mentioned that I looked like shit.  Plus there was a rising tide of panic swelling in my head.  With every breath I tried to surf above it but I wasn’t succeeding.  I was drowning. 

Stone held up one finger and moved to the door as I slumped back onto the couch.  With a sense of detachment I saw that the snap on his jeans was undone, for whatever male-centered reason that I didn’t care to dwell on.  Maybe he’d been jerking off before he answered the door.  I didn’t give a damn. 

There was more than one person at the door.  I heard voices, all deep, all male.  Stone’s voice was mixed in there.  If he was going to invite company inside they might be startled to discover a girl lying on the couch looking like she’d just had either a very good time or a very bad one. 

“What am I doing here?” I asked the empty room.  The dark wood wall paneling had no answer.  I shouldn’t be just sitting in Conway’s living room.  I needed to find him.  I needed to make Stone come with me and right this wrong or else that terrible swelling tide would overtake me and I’d need to do
something
to let the pain out.

Stone might have been right to worry about my health because when I stood up the room swayed in an unhealthy, watery kind of way.  I heard Stone bidding farewell to someone as I lurched toward the door. 

Stone was standing there alone as a pickup truck drove away from the curb. 

“We need to go,” I said, my heart pounding in my ears as I tucked my shirt in.  “We need to find him.”

“Erin, wait-“

“No!” I shouted.  “Now.  I need to find him.  I need him.” 

For a second my tangled thoughts screamed that Stone Gentry was deliberately standing in my way. It seemed he was the reason I wasn’t able to get to Conway.  I struck out a blind fist, which he easily caught and forced down. 

“Erin!” he yelled,  “Knock it off.” 

The ink blots were back and they were furious.  Stone’s face disappeared behind a particularly fat one and as my shoulder hit the doorframe I realized I was probably going to fall down.  Once again Stone caught me, although the spell passed nearly as soon as it started.  Still, I let him hold me up and felt his chest underneath my cheek as I leaned on him. 

“I can walk,” I muttered when it seemed like he was planning on carrying me again.  He kept his arm around my waist as he led me back to the couch. 

“I think you need a doctor,” he warned.

“No. I don’t need a doctor.” 

He put a hand to my forehead again.  “You’re still hot.  How long were you out there running around without water in hundred and ten degree weather?”

“I was a little distracted since my boyfriend had just accused me of fucking his brother.” 

Stone sighed and tugged on my sweater.  “Take this off.” 

I was disgusted.  “Seriously?”

He let out a short laugh and rolled his eyes.  “I just mean that you need to cool your body down.  Believe me, whatever you have, I’ve seen better.” 

“Hey Stone, you should also add that to your list of ‘Things never to say to girls’.” 

He chuckled.  “Stay here.  I’ll crank up the air conditioning and get you some more water.” 

After he paused to adjust the thermostat Stone disappeared into the kitchen.  Reluctantly I shrugged out of my sweatshirt.  Then, slowly, I pulled my long t-shirt over my head, leaving me sitting there on the Gentry’s couch in the middle of the afternoon in only my white tank top.  It shouldn’t have been such a big deal but to me it was almost the same as sitting there naked.  Still, I had to admit that Stone was correct and I started to feel better without all those layers. 

Stone returned with another glass of water and an ice compress made out of a yellow dishtowel.  He waited while I drank and then ordered me to lie back as he leaned over and covered my forehead with the crude ice pack.  I didn’t miss the way his eyes lingered on my body and he swallowed hard. 

“Hideous, isn’t it?” I asked. 

He was startled.  “What?”

I held out my arms, displaying the scars; most faint, some not so faint.  “These.” 

“Oh.”  He shook his head, smiling.  “I wasn’t looking at those.  I was looking at something else.  Two things actually.” 

“Stone!”

He shrugged.  “What do you expect?  I’ve got an eighteen-year-old dick.  It makes me look at things like pretty tits even if I’m not allowed to touch them.” 

I laughed, long and hard.  “You’re impossible.” 

Stone cocked his head and watched me for a moment. “And you’re okay, Erin,” he said softly.   “You’ll be okay.”

I knew he wasn’t just talking about today.  “You think so?”

“I do.”  He pulled the ice pack away and lightly pressed his lips to my forehead before gently putting the ice pack back.  It was actually sweet, a gesture of friendship and caring.  In the context of the moment it didn’t seem sexual or even inappropriate. But it happened at the worst possible time. 

Conway must have come in through the side door that leads to the kitchen.  We didn’t hear him at all.  We didn’t see him until he was standing right in front us, wild-eyed, and grief-stricken.  Stone looked at me and I felt the panic that I saw in his face.