Crossing Lines (Cops and Docs #2) (7 page)

The elevator dinged, bringing Kelli closer to her destination. After a couple more floors, she found herself standing outside the squad room.

This made sense.

In there, she was able to immerse herself.

In there, she rarely failed.

In there, she caught the clues others missed.

Kelli pushed the door open. The place was just about empty, but that didn’t matter.

Her eyes strayed toward Travis’s desk. It was neat as always, but she could still see remnants of him there. His favorite mug sat on his desk, waiting. With that, she knew there was hope, and there was certainty. Travis would be back. The knowledge filled the holes inside her, at least momentarily.

Kelli threw her jacket over the back of her chair and sat down. She removed her gun and badge, and placed them in the locking drawer of her desk. Williams was nowhere to be found, so Kelli decided to get some paperwork out of the way.

Sorting and filing was mindless work, leaving Kelli’s thoughts free to roam, and every last one gravitated toward Nora. The past weekend had been easier to get through. Kelli’s mother had been there to provide a distraction, but the first couple of nights during the week were unbearable. Now that Kelli knew what it was to have Nora in her arms, despite the circumstances, she missed her heat. She missed her softness. She missed
every
fucking
thing
about her. Worries about Antony were pushed to the periphery. She should have been focused on her brother, but somehow Nora took over. Kelli tried like hell to swallow down the guilt, as well as the memories of the way Nora had looked at her, as if Kelli had taken something irreplaceable from her. She wasn’t successful at either. She was in deep shit.

Kelli refused to analyze her life further. Her fingertips skimmed over the labeled edges of the files until she got to the one she needed. Her cell phone buzzed. Kelli answered it without checking the caller ID.

“McCabe.”

“Well, damn. I can tell where you are. Early start?” Travis asked.

Kelli smirked. It was good to hear his voice. “What? What do you mean?”

“Because you’re like ‘McCabe.’” He lowered his tone of voice. “All serious and shit.”

“I do not sound like that!”

“Uh-huh, yeah you do.”

“It’s barely eight o’clock. Too early for you to be an ass.”

“No way. Always time for that. Kinda like Jello.”

Kelli laughed and, God, that felt good.

“By the way, my physical therapist, I mean Dan, wanted me to thank you for the naked Williams imagery. It’s stuck with me since the first day there. It’s fucked up, but all I have to do is close my eyes. Makes my ass want to run.”

“Yeah, that’s a snake you don’t want chasing you.”

“That was awful.”

“It needed to be said.” Kelli finally pulled the file she needed.

“Bullshit. So… No Antony yet?”

“Haven’t heard from Sean this morning, but no.” Kelli sighed heavily. “I called in a few favors at DEU. They’re putting out feelers.”

“I know that’s bothering you, but what else is up? You sound…off, and the stoic thing you’re trying to push on me is only going to get you so far. I’ve given you a few days to snap out of it, but you haven’t.”

Kelli slammed the drawer shut hard enough to make the entire filing cabinet rattle. “I’m fine.”

“So am I. It’s genetic.”

She laughed despite herself. “That’s not gonna work.”

“What?”

“What you’re trying to do. Every little thing doesn’t have to be discussed. So just leave it alone,” Kelli said. Her stomach started to churn.

Travis made a sound of acknowledgement. “Well, all right then. I’ll leave it for now. Later?”

“Yeah, after work. I might even bring you fries.”

Travis laughed. “Good, but that won’t work either.”

“What?”

“Bribing me to shut up.”

Kelli was relieved; at least he didn’t push. “No fries then?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m not stupid. See you.”

After the call ended, Kelli stared at her phone. She was hanging on by a thread, and Travis had noticed. It was hard as fuck to be nice, to smile, and to seem hopeful. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep it up. Nora’s hold on her was strong. It made Kelli wonder what she would be like a month from now. How long would it take for Nora’s mark to fade enough to let Kelli at least function without the constant dull ache in her chest? Kelli did her best to derail her train of thought, but she knew it would make its way around again.

* * *

Nora submerged herself in patient charts. Her brain fired on all cylinders, as she planned and revisited upcoming procedures. She needed it to be that way. The past few days had been a plodding nuisance that passed at a crawl. There was too much time for reflection. There was too much time for regret, anger, and loneliness. This did not suit Nora at all.

Guilt was a new feeling, and it ate at her incessantly. However, at the hospital, those feelings remained in the background. They had too. With Rader’s appearance, Nora’s veneer had developed an even bigger crack, and that left her dangerously vulnerable. She couldn’t let that happen here. It could never happen here, again. With iron will and determination, she hoped to remain somewhat impenetrable.

James Rader was someone else’s problem now.

Kelli McCabe was…

Nora had no words to fill in that blank.

She flipped to the next page in the chart. She noticed a fine tremor in her hands. Nora stopped and made a fist. That was enough for now. Loneliness crept in at home, tormenting her at every turn. She saw Kelli everywhere, embedded in the changes that adorned her walls and even in more minute things.

There was beer in her refrigerator.

Nora took a deep breath in order to focus. Despite her best efforts, Kelli had seeped through. Nora clamped down on her frustration and brushed it aside. She refused to admit that her plan to simply ignore the way her thoughts always returned to Kelli was flawed. The longer she denied it, the longer she could cling to what little peace of mind she had left.

Nora scanned her desk for a pen to make a notation on the chart she was reading. No pen. She pulled open a desk drawer to search for one.

Her stomach clenched.

Along with the pen she needed, she found her collection of notes from Kelli.

Nora’s heart raced. Its beating filled her ears. The trembling in her hand returned, and the tremor grew to be much more noticeable. She slammed the drawer shut. Fortunately, the words were not visible. Not that it mattered. Nora could hardly hide from the powerful reaction they evoked in her. She remembered every syllable.

Nora’s insides slithered with tension.

Kelli had meant the words when she wrote them.

Nora’s actions had destroyed all of that.

She reached into the pocket of her lab coat for a pen. That’s what she should have done in the first place.

The loud beep of her pager cut through the quiet room. Nora stared at the device, welcoming the distraction. Abandoning her charts and her own inner turmoil, she rushed out of the office.

When the elevator doors opened, Nora nudged her way to the back. She could have ignored the smiles and the sound of her name, but she did not. Nora greeted the niceties with a few of her own.

It felt different.

It felt good.

It was a strange contrast between this change and the others she was running from.

“Can you believe what happened to Rader? How far do you have to fall to get shot in a liquor store robbery? I heard his blood alcohol was twice the legal limit. A wonder he didn’t bleed out on the table.”

Nora couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between the nurses near the front. They weren’t exactly whispering.

“I know, right?”

The doors opened, which was good. She didn’t want to hear anymore. Nora made her exit. Dr. Gibbs stood at the nurses’ station. He smiled at her for a few seconds. Then, his expression turned solemn.

“I have those labs you wanted me to order. I figured you’d want to see them yourself. Mrs. Pare’s white count is up. Kidney and liver functions are way off. It could just be an unidentified infection or—”

“Organ failure,” Nora said. It was much easier and more productive to concentrate on this than the conversation she heard. “She won’t be stable enough for surgery tomorrow. Let’s move her to ICU.”

Dr. Gibbs nodded.

Nora studied him and was able to recognize the respect shining in his eyes. For some reason, it bolstered her. “What are your suggestions?”

“Broad spectrum antibiotics and additional fluids to keep her hydrated and flush her system.”

“I concur. Have you discussed the complications with her and Mr. Pare?”

“No, I wanted to wait for you.”

“Lead the way, Dr. Gibbs.”

* * *

Nora left the patient’s room some time later, while Dr. Gibbs remained to answer additional questions. The sound of a familiar voice stopped her cold. Without permission, her body reacted. For the fiftieth time today, her heart went into overdrive. Nora wanted to run, but instead, she stepped backward into the room to shield her presence and watch discreetly as Kelli walked down the hallway.

Kelli was on her cell phone, a white bag dangling from her fingertips. She was oblivious to her surroundings, as she headed toward her partner’s room. Her arrival at the hospital was odd. It was the middle of the day. Kelli usually waited to visit near the end of her shift. The fact that Nora was familiar with Kelli’s routine pushed her emotions closer to the surface. Nora stared, unable to look away. Her body continued to respond viscerally. Tension rolled through her muscles and her stomach knotted.

She had seen Kelli dressed for work many times before, but there was something off about her. This Kelli projected an air of indifference. Her face was expressionless, and she stared straight ahead as if no one around her mattered. Even her speech lacked inflection. Her tone was clipped, crisp, and very businesslike to whomever was at the other end of the conversation. Kelli radiated disinterest, but somehow, at the same time, she seemed larger than life. Dark slacks hugged her tall, leanly muscled frame and made her seem even more imposing. The gun and badge projected authority, even though they were partially hidden by the matching blazer that adhered to the lines of Kelli’s torso. The deep burgundy shirt brought a splash of color, heightening the olive tone of her skin. She wore minimal makeup, but it was the slashing angles of her cheeks that gave further credence to the persona. To top it off, her short, auburn locks were coiffed and smoothed, showing none of their usually spiky flair.

Kelli looked as if she had been carved out of granite. It was a façade Nora was intimately familiar with, having created it for herself on many occasions. At times, it had been her only protection. Until Kelli. Maybe it was the same for Kelli, until her. And like Nora, Kelli was now vehemently trying to salvage the pieces of herself that were left.

As Kelli passed, Nora backed deeper into the room, her nerve endings misfiring with Kelli’s nearness. The commonality between them was haunting. Her respect, her pull, her understanding of Kelli skyrocketed. She had no idea what to do with it all except add it to the jumbled mess she had become.

“Dr. Whitmore? Are you okay?” Dr. Gibbs asked.

No, she wasn’t, and she wasn’t going to be okay any time soon.

Nora didn’t answer. She stepped out into the hallway, as Kelli continued toward her own destination. Kelli didn’t look back. Nora wondered if it was possible for her to do the same.

CHAPTER 5

Kelli rolled the chair closer to her desk and drank her third cup of bad coffee. She’d thought throwing herself into her job would give her some sense of normalcy—whatever the fuck that was—but it hadn’t worked at all. The peace she hoped for never really came. She was moody as hell from lack of good sleep, and at the moment, she was mad at the world. Sean suspected, and now everyone else had finally put the pieces together. Kelli didn’t have to say a word. They knew Nora wasn’t in the picture anymore, and they
knew
she needed some fucking room to deal. But did any of them give it to her? Nope. Not a chance in hell.

Kelli glanced in Williams’s direction. He was staring at her and didn’t even bother to hide the concerned look on his face. Kelli sighed and stood. She needed more damned coffee to deal with this crap. When she made it back to her desk, Booker was sitting in the chair that was usually for perps or victims.

He smiled at her. “Look at you. McCabe, in all your glory. I had to see it with my own two eyes. Told you I’d be back.”

Glory, yeah. Kelli groaned. She wasn’t sure if he heard it, and she didn’t care. She sat down. “I’m busy Booker. You’ve seen me, so can you just go?” She could feel his gaze on her, but Kelli didn’t look at him. “Now.”

“Well damn, I know we ain’t friends, but—”

“No, we ain’t, and I don’t have it in me to play nice.” Kelli glanced up for a second. It was enough time to see the hurt on his face. Booker got up and left without another word.

Who the fuck had taken control of her body? She didn’t even feel comfortable in her own skin anymore.

Kelli’s desk phone rang. She snatched it up to distract herself from the shit show she’d just starred in. “Yeah. McCabe.”

“We got word on your brother. Supposedly, he’s a low level dealer in Andrew Cole’s organization, but somebody has an eye out for him there. He’s well protected, so I can’t give you an exact location. At least not yet. Sorry it took so long. We’ve got a guy working his way up on the inside. Had to be careful.”

And the hits just kept on coming. Kelli was speechless. She and Sean had suspected Tony was dealing, but to hear it confirmed twisted her guts in ways that shouldn’t be possible.

“McCabe? You there?”

Kelli cleared her throat. “Yeah, thanks, Marty.”

“No problem. You may be with homicide now, but the DEU still has your back.”

It had been almost two weeks. She’d called in favors with CIs and shook as many trees as she could. Finally, something came of it. At least now they had some information. Sean hadn’t found shit, but it wasn’t from lack of trying. In a very twisted way, the news was a relief. Sean would probably feel the same.