Crossing Lines (Cops and Docs #2) (8 page)

Still, it wasn’t that long ago when everything was damn near perfect. How? How the hell did she get here? Drugs had pulled Tony in deeper than he’d ever been, and Nora was in the wind.
Nora
. Kelli was still pissed as hell, but she was finally able to admit she held some responsibility for this whole mess. Translation—she had fucked up, royally, and now, more than ever, she needed somebody to talk to. She needed Nora. With her, talking was easy. There was no judgment. No lectures. She mostly listened and, usually, that was enough. Yeah, there were other people in her life, like her mother or Travis. They weren’t the same. Kelli was one big ball of hurt. There wasn't a part of her that didn’t feel battered. She’d have to deal with it the best way she knew how, which was not at all.

Kelli wasn’t sure how much time had passed. A Styrofoam cup, filled to the brim with coffee, appeared on her desk. She stared at it and then at Williams’s hand as he slowly pulled away.

“Thought you could use a refill, and I wanted to break the ice a little. We’ve barely talked all day.”

“I can get my own goddamned coffee, and I drink out of my own fucking mug.” Kelli could have just said thanks, but all that anger had to come out somehow.

“Jesus Christ, Kelli. I’m just—”

“You’re smothering me. Can you just give me some space?”

“I am not. What the hell are you talking about? The only time we’ve talked in the past few days has been case related.”

“You are! If I say you are, then…you are.” Kelli crossed her arms stubbornly. Yeah, she knew she sounded like an asshole, but she was going all in.

Williams threw his hands up. “The sky is blue. You wanna argue about that, too? Come on, Kelli. I know you’re going through shit.” He placed his hands on her desk and leaned forward. “I’m not the enemy. You know that.”

Kelli looked away. He was right. It just took too much effort to show it. This way was easier.

“Fine. I’m tired of this Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde crap. How about this? No matter how shitty you are to me, I’ve got your back. If you want to talk, I’m here.” Williams stepped back. “We’re worried about you. Travis, your brother…all of us. Every time someone so much as looks at you wrong, you’re tearing new assholes. I know you’re stressed about Antony, and I’m not even going to ask about Nora. But, Kelli…” His voice trailed off. He looked relieved. Obviously, the man had stuff to get off his chest.

After everything she’d found out in the last twenty minutes, just mentioning Tony’s name made Kelli feel helpless all over again, but bringing up Nora? Something inside Kelli snapped. She knew her life was grade-A shit. Kelli didn’t need anybody reminding her. Was it irrational? Fuck yes, but that didn’t matter. “First, it’s all kinds of pathetic that you guys don’t have anything better to do than sit around and fucking gossip about me. Second, none of this is any of your goddamned business.”

His eyebrows shot up and hurt flashed in his eyes.

The man was trying, and she wasn’t. That frustrated Kelli even more.

Williams continued to stare. A few seconds later, he simply walked away.

Kelli was two for two and wound even tighter than she had been before.

* * *

Nora pressed herself against the door of James Rader’s hospital room and watched him as he slept. Through the semidarkness, she saw the rise and fall of his chest. Stubble covered the lower half of his face, and blond hair flopped down over his forehead. It was strange seeing him like this—vulnerable and in repose. Despite how generously they’d shared their bodies, they’d never actually
slept
together. Even as detached as she was right now, Nora cringed. Engaging him sexually had been a mistake, and reflecting on it was a bigger one. She pushed the thoughts away.

If she was truly honest with herself, Nora had to admit she was shaken by his presence. She had been a willing, active participant in saving this man’s life, and she would do it again, no matter what he’d done. A life was a life.

None of this distracted her from what brought her to his room in the first place. Nora needed answers. She had to know why. She was tired of being angry, tired of looking over her shoulder. Fuller had been at her house, after all, and she could admit that she was scared now, especially without the protective blanket of Kelli’s presence. The madness that Rader and Fuller perpetuated could happen again, in some form or fashion, if she didn’t find her answers now.

Nora had worked extremely hard to get where she was in life, to the detriment of everything else, and with one lie, it all could have been swept away. She continued to stare at him. He was just a man, comprised of tissue, muscle, and bone. Yet, somehow, she had given him enough power to throw her life into turmoil. She’d made him bigger than he was. Nora was disgusted by her own actions. She tried to stay away, passing by the room daily as if it didn’t exist. Perhaps the former version of her could have put him and the entire situation in a neat little package in the back of her mind, but not this new Nora.

She reached behind her and twisted the lock on the door. Nora did not want this conversation interrupted. She took a step closer. James Rader was an error in judgment. In essence, he was the first in a long line of subsequent missteps that had led her down this confounding path that she was currently stuck on. Her emotions crashed into each other, and she tried desperately to make sense of them. If this man had taken no for an answer, her life would be as she remembered it—succinct, routine, and easy. The ever-present ache in her chest would not exist. Her recent insomnia and the constant churning in her stomach would have been avoided.

Kelli McCabe.

Nora’s thoughts scattered and realigned themselves on Kelli. Nora faltered. She warred with herself now, just as she had done over and over during the past couple of weeks. Without Rader and his scheme, there would be no Kelli…not the version of Kelli she had come to know. There would have been no friendship…no relationship.

There would have been no upheaval.

It was what she wanted, after all. Right?

Nora took a steadying breath. Her mind continued with the chatter, as her heart swelled. As disjointed as she was, Nora knew one thing to be true. She missed Kelli, fiercely. She missed her acceptance, her heat, her laughter, and so much more. This acknowledgement pushed her right back to the muddled state of mind that she was trying to escape.

Rader stirred.

Nora tensed, mentally preparing herself for the confrontation.

Rader moaned and began to squirm. When his eyes opened, Nora stepped forward.

“What…” He cleared his throat. “What are you doing in here?”

“It’s my hospital, James. I go where I please.” Nora didn’t bother to hide the anger in her voice.

His face reddened in what she assumed was resentment. James glared at her. Nora returned his gaze, hoping that he could see the farce he’d created hadn’t broken her as he’d hoped. He had failed.

“I could take everything you own.” She wouldn’t, but it felt good to say it.

James swallowed. “I don’t care. I’m a regular at the liquor store where I was shot. How messed up is that? Do what you want. I just wanted to be a doctor. It’s going to take me years to rebuild.”

Yes, years. Nora actually smiled. “Obviously, some of that’s untrue. Ruining me seemed very high on your to-do list.”

Rader’s eyes widened. “There’s something about you. You’re…different.”

She was, but there was no point in addressing that. “Our sexual encounters meant that much to you? That’s all it was James. There was nothing you could have done then, or now, to make me care about you the way you wanted.”

His face hardened. “I left my fiancé for—”

“No, she left you. Perception means everything in this situation. If I had known you were engaged, it would have never happened. You didn’t wear a ring, and I certainly wasn’t plugged into the hospital grapevine at the time.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance. I could—”

“No, you couldn’t.” Nora made sure to insert finality into her tone. “I did my best to be civil, but you continued to push. Everyone has limits, James. I did nothing wrong. I only responded to your escalation.”

James glared and hissed. “If you’re here for an apology, you’re not getting it. No matter what you did to help me. Is your detective waiting around the corner to beat it out of me?”

Nora almost gasped. At the mention of Kelli, her stomach flipped, and the rest of her insides went from warm to decidedly icy. Nora dug her nails into her palms. The sting, for the time being, kept her grounded in the moment. “I don’t expect one.”

“Then why are you here?” He sneered and grimaced in pain, as he tried to adjust his position.

Nora met his gaze once more. “I did think about smothering you in your sleep.” She deadpanned.

James’s eyes narrowed. She saw his fear before he could hide it. That was extremely satisfying.

“Get through this and move on.” She raked her gaze over him slowly, clinically. He really was only a man, and in a few words, Nora had reclaimed her power. She could see it written all over him—defeat. And it made it easy to forgive and hopefully forget.

“What?” he asked.

“I think you understand.”

James had no reply. He looked helpless and pale. He lowered his head before she could see anymore.

She had what she came for. Nora turned and left.

* * *

Minutes later, she stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Dark smudges were still somewhat visible beneath her eyes, despite her makeup. Her eyes were dull and her skin tone sallow. Regardless, Nora found herself breathing a little easier. This felt like closure with Rader, and it was sorely needed. It was over and past time to leave it behind. 
Now
, all of it could go in a little box and bury itself somewhere deep in her subconscious.

Maybe, one day, she could do the same with Kelli. Put her—their entire relationship—in a tiny section of her mind to be forgotten. The sudden, overwhelming sense of panic told Nora all she needed to know. No matter how things were left between them, they felt unfinished. The thought of leaving it where it was terrified her.

Nora looked away. She didn’t want to see the hope in her eyes, especially since she had gotten used to the fear. After drying her hands, she left the bathroom and glanced at the open door to Rader’s room. A familiar figure walked through it, Taylor Fuller. Apprehension sent a cold chill down her spine. Nora took a breath. Surely, they were done with their plotting. They weren’t very good at it. Nora heard shouting.

“You deserve whatever you got, you spineless prick! My family has—”

Taylor’s continued animosity was obvious, and that eased Nora’s mind, somewhat. Ignoring the noise, she turned the other way and promptly collided with someone. She had never been this clumsy. This was solid evidence that everything was off. Luckily, Nora stayed upright. She couldn’t say that for the other woman. Nora recognized the gray hair and laughing blue eyes. “Susan? Are you all right?”

Susan smiled. “Yeah, I think so. That one was all on you this time, Dr. Whitmore.”

“I agree.”

Susan straightened her scrub top and then studied Nora in earnest. Nora almost backed away from the scrutiny.

“You still…have that look.”

Confused, Nora asked, “What look?”

“That look that says you’re still not okay.”

Surely this woman wasn’t that astute. “How do you—”

“You used to walk around this hospital like nothing touched you. You always looked aloof…uninvolved. You don’t have that expression anymore.”

She did ask, and now, Nora didn’t know what to say.

Susan made a tsking sound. “I’m making this weird again?”

Nora nodded. “Possibly.”

“Well, I’m about to add to it. Walk with me? There’s chicken tortilla soup in the cafeteria today. Last time, it was pretty good.”

Nora stood there and stared. She was being more cordial to the staff and vice versa, but this was something else altogether. So, instead of answering, Nora continued to just look at her.

“This isn’t a pity thing. I’m just trying to bridge a gap here.” Susan smiled.

Nora was tempted. She was tired of being lonely, but she couldn’t shake her reluctance. Maybe it was best if she kept her distance from everyone right now. “No, I—”

“It’s just a walk. I’m not trying to steal state secrets or anything.”

“Okay.” The word tumbled out of Nora’s mouth, and she nodded in further confirmation. Her body was a traitor. Nora knew this for sure, but there was no turning back now. That would be rude.

“Good. Stairs or elevator? I’m a stair person myself.” Susan said.

“That’s fine.”

Susan led the way toward the stairwell. Nora followed. Two security guards ran past her, moving toward the other end of the hall. Nora could only assume where they were going, but she didn’t care enough to confirm.

Their footsteps echoed as they descended. Other than errant voices, it was the only sound.

While Nora was okay with the silence, there was no guarantee Susan was. “The cafeteria’s cuisine has improved?”

Susan chuckled. “No. Some days are just better than others, and really, can you go wrong with soup?”

“I suppose not.”

They moved to the side, letting other staff members pass. Nora expected stares and whispers, especially since she was interacting with someone other than a doctor. They were totally ignored. Nora glanced over her shoulder.

“Ah, I’m old and boring. What could they possibly have to gossip about? Unless you’re trying your luck with GMILFs.” Susan’s grin was infectious.

Nora didn’t know what that term meant, but she smiled anyway. “No, not yet.”

Susan laughed. “You have no idea what that is, do—”

“Things are so different now,” Nora blurted and slowed to a stop. What was wrong with her? Where were her manners? This woman was a stranger. Nora refused to look Susan in the eye.

Susan waited quietly.

“There’s just so much, and I’ve never—” Nora knew she wasn’t making any sense and, for whatever reason, she couldn’t make it stop.

Susan continued to wait.

“I have no idea what I’m doing.” Nora looked down at her feet.