Crossing the Barrier (38 page)

All of this coming from Malakai, the boy who was supposed to love her.

In the next moment, he jumped off the bed, his hands grabbing his short hair and standing as far as he could from where she was still lying.

Lily felt a pain in her chest so profound she could have sworn someone had pulled her heart out and squeezed it until it burst. In anguish, she cried, grabbing her head, trying with all her might to block the barrage of emotions that were assaulting her.

Finally it all stopped.

Emptiness…

She could no longer feel anything, as if Malakai had suddenly disappeared.

In the next instant, Lily realized something had changed inside of her, something was different with her: Her shields were back and were now protecting her.

Tears running down her cheeks, she looked up, hoping he was still there, hoping he had come to his senses, but the expression of horror on his face told her otherwise. As Malakai stood there, staring at her like she was the most hideous creature he had ever seen, Lily’s heart broke into a thousand little pieces all over again. No longer able to stand the look on his face, she quickly got out of bed and grabbed her shoes. She exited the room, grabbed her coat and purse from the counter, and, before even putting her shoes on, ran out the door.

Malakai didn’t want her.

Malakai was disgusted by the idea of them together.

How could she ever forget what came from him at the moment she told him she wanted it all?

How could she ever come back from this?

She ran down the stairway, her shoes still in her hands. It was raining hard, and it was cold, but Lily just wanted to get as far away as she could, as quickly as she could.

With shaking hands, she fished in her purse for her car keys. By the time she found them, she couldn’t see. She was wet and shivering, and tears were mingled with the rain on her cheeks.

She clicked the unlock button and opened the door. Shoving everything on the passenger seat, she got in, slammed the door, and tried to put the key in the ignition. Her hands were shaking so hard it took several tries before she finally managed it. Starting the car, she let a big sob escape her. She glanced outside, hoping against hope Malakai would be there, would have followed her, but he hadn’t.

She put the car in reverse and would have hit the car parked behind her if she hadn’t been driving a Mini Cooper. With a screech of tires, she drove away, her vision severely impaired by the tears that wouldn’t stop. It was a blessing the road was empty as Lily couldn’t see the lines. But she didn’t care about them at this point.

Malakai didn’t want her.

Malakai was disgusted by her.

She realized she had driven up her old street when she was about to pull into her house’s driveway, which was full of unknown cars.

But she didn’t live there anymore.

She was yet to have a new home.

A home she had hoped to build with Malakai a big part of it.

But she was alone.

Malakai was gone.

She parked in front of Sandra’s house, intent on seeking refuge there, but she just sat in her car, holding on to the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white, her forehead pressed against it.

It hurt so much.

Huge sobs were rocking her body, and she couldn’t stop shaking.

Where had they gone wrong? What had she done wrong?

She was trying to get air in her lungs, but it was not working anymore. Panic seeped through her fogged mind as she tried again and again to inhale.

The periphery of her vision was beginning to cloud when the door suddenly opened. In the next moment, a gust of cold and wet air blew into the car.

“Lily!” David screamed.

She couldn’t feel him.

“What’s wrong?”

Another gust of wind brought a sheet of rain into the car, and she began to shiver again, still trying to get air into her lungs.

“Breathe, baby,” he said, kneeling on the wet curb next to the car. “Breathe.”

He began to show her how, and she followed his direction until finally, air flew into her lungs. The relief was quickly followed by a fresh bout of tears, and she let her head fall against the steering wheel again.

“Lily, don’t stay out here. Come,” David said, removing the keys from the ignition.

He unbuckled her seat belt and gently pried her hands from the steering wheel. He then pulled her into his arms, shut the car door with his foot, and, cradling her against his broad chest, made his way to the house.

“David, please don’t let me go,” she said, grabbing his soaked shirt.

He was the only reason she wasn’t shattering to the ground into a thousand pieces all over again.

“I won’t let you go,” he said, his lips against her hair.

Finally feeling safe, Lily closed her eyes and willed darkness to claim her.

Chapter Seventy-One

LILY

“
Is she okay
? Did she tell you what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, Mom.”

When Lily came to, she was being held against someone’s warm body and was covered in a blanket. As she opened her eyes, the world came crashing down on her, and fresh tears came to her eyes. She looked up at the concerned faces of Sandra and Nicole, but Lily couldn’t feel them.

A wave of panic hit her.

“Lily, honey, what’s wrong?” Nicole asked, gently putting her hand on her forehead.

Lily couldn’t answer. Her sobs were choking her again.

“Oh! Oh! That’s not good,” Nicole said. “Breathe, Lily, breathe.”

The feel of David’s arms tightening their grip around her reassured Lily, and the wave of panic passed.

“Lily?” David said against her hair.

“Malakai,” she tried to say between sobs. “My shields.”

“What about them?” Sandra asked.

“They’re back and…I can’t turn them off. Malakai…He…”

She couldn’t continue.

The horror of what had happened was too big for her to put into words. All she wanted to do was stay in David’s warm arms, forget, and sleep.

“I’ll go call him,” Sandra said from far, far away.

Lily closed her eyes and stayed there without moving. If she remained still, maybe it would all go away…

“Mom, he’s not picking up,” Sandra said a few moments later. “We should send David to check up on him.”

“I’m a little busy here,” David said.

“Lily, honey,” Nicole said, gently caressing her back. “David will take you upstairs, okay? You need to get those wet clothes off if you don’t want to be sick.”

Lily didn’t remember nodding. Everything was so surreal, so out of place. David was taking her up the stairs, but she couldn’t tell what was in his heart. He put her down on the bed, but she didn’t know which one. Then she heard urgent whispers, and Sandra finally came and helped her out of her clothes.

“He…he felt so disgusted by me,” she said to Sandra. “It hurts so much. I just want it to stop.”

“Lily, what did he do?”

She sounded worried, but Lily wasn’t sure; she couldn’t feel her.

“Did he…did he force himself on you?”

The suggestion was so ludicrous Lily would have laughed if her heart hadn’t been so broken.

“No. He wouldn’t have me,” she whispered, looking away. “He was disgusted by the thought of me. I couldn’t take it… My shields, they’re back.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Sandra, am I really that disgusting? Am I really that horrible?”

“No, Lily, you’re not. There must be an explanation.”

“I…” Lily looked down at herself. She was, after all, pretty ordinary, nothing as fancy as Zoe.

“Stop it,” Sandra said firmly. “You’re not bad. You’re actually very pretty. Now lie down, and I’ll come and keep you company.”

Lily did as she was told and was asleep before Sandra returned to her.

Chapter Seventy-Two

LILY

Two days without
news. Two days wondering if he would ever call her again.

Lily had to face it; he wouldn’t.

She was sitting in Sandra’s living room, staring at nothing, numb and cold. Sandra was preparing breakfast with Nicole. David had left the house earlier, his eyes hard, his jaw clenched, just like they had been the previous day.

“Lily, come and eat,” Nicole called from the kitchen.

Lily wasn’t hungry. She hadn’t been hungry for the last two days. In fact, the previous day, she had nearly lost her breakfast. But she had to at least try; otherwise, Nicole would fuss over her even more.

She made her way to the kitchen and sat at the counter next to Sandra. Now that she could no longer feel anybody around her, she had the impression she was the only person in the room. She missed her power, and try as she might, she couldn’t remove her shields.

“We’ll figure it out, Lily,” Sandra had said.

They hadn’t figured out how to get her shields back in the first place. How would they figure out how to get them down now? They did say, after all, to be careful what one wished for.

Lily had gotten exactly what she wished, but at what price?

Sandra was just too nice to say it, but it was better for Lily to be stuck with shields than without. None meant constant dependence on everybody around her. Now she was basically home free.

In every sense of the word.

When she thought everything would be all right, it just wasn’t.

“We’re going to shop for your furniture today,” Nicole said, bringing her back to the here and now.

Lily glanced at the untouched plate in front of her. She hadn’t even realized it was there. Slowly she took her fork and tried to get a piece of omelet in her mouth. It tasted like ashes.

“Did you hear me, Lily?”

She looked up and stared at Nicole for a moment, trying to remember what she had said.

Oh, yes. Furniture shopping.

“I…I don’t feel like it.”

“Of course you don’t. But we’re going anyway. We’re also going to get your keys. They were ready yesterday. You’ll need to be settled in before school begins. You can’t keep on living out of your boxes. Remember, the moving company will take your things from the storage unit to your apartment tomorrow.”

Lily just looked at Nicole, not really understanding what she was talking about. Then it hit her. She was supposed to begin her new life this week. She was supposed to start it, and she had wanted to do it with Malakai.

But she wouldn’t.

Malakai was gone.

Malakai was disgusted by her.

Fresh tears came to her eyes.

In one fluid movement, Nicole grabbed a tissue from the box on the kitchen counter and gave it to her, like she had done countless times in the last two days.

“I know, honey,” she said, putting her arm around her shoulders. “But you have to do this. And you’re not alone. Sandra and I are here with you, and we’ll help you.”

Lily nodded, wishing she felt the woman’s usual warmth, but she couldn’t.

She had lost so much so quickly.

“Now please try to eat something,” Nicole said with a sad smile.

Lily tried, but after three bites she was done. Half an hour later, sitting in the back of Nicole’s car, they were pulling up to her apartment complex. An hour later, they were at the store, trying to choose furniture.

“How about these?” Sandra asked, pointing at a set of living room furniture—the tenth one so far.

Lily didn’t care for any of them. In fact, she doubted she would find anything. She had hoped Malakai would be there with her. She had hoped he would tell her what he liked too, like he had done for the apartment. She had hoped it would be something they both liked, since she had imagined him using it as much as she would.

But he wasn’t there.

Not anymore.

At the thought of him, tears came to her eyes again, and she quickly fished for a tissue in her purse.

“Lily, you’ll be okay,” Sandra said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Lily gave her a watery smile.

“Now let’s find you something I
know
you’ll like…I mean, I’ve known you since elementary school, I should know what you like by now.”

Lily nodded, glad Sandra was there to take charge.

An hour later, with a living room set, a kitchen set, and a bedroom set on order, they drove to another store where Nicole equipped Lily with towels, sheets, and everything she would need for the kitchen.

Once they paid for the purchases, Lily’s stomach growled loudly, and Sandra turned to her. “You’re hungry?” she asked, her eyebrows disappearing under her bangs.

“A little,” she admitted.

“Mom! Restaurant! Now!” Sandra said to Nicole, who was walking in front of them with one of the two carts.