Crossing the Barrier (40 page)

“Please,” she insisted.

Malakai nodded and took a step toward the door. His mother took a step back, and he walked into the apartment.

It was sparsely furnished as if she wouldn’t be staying for long, and no decorations graced the walls. In fact, it looked a lot like his own place, where everything was so utilitarian, so empty.

“It’s not much, I know,” his mom said, pointing to the sofa.

“It’s all right,” he said, sitting.

“Do you want anything to drink? Water? Tea? Juice?”

“No, I’m fine.”

His mother took the seat on the chair across from the coffee table and looked at him expectantly. Malakai glanced around some more, not knowing what to say, where to begin. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea for him to come.

“I…I shouldn’t have come,” he said, standing and scratching the back of his head.

“Stay, please,” his mother said, rising also.

He hesitated a moment, then sat back down.

“I…I’m a CIA agent, Maki,” she said slowly, resuming her seat.

Malakai’s jaw fell, and he stared at her, his eyes wide.

“You…you’re what?”

“I’m CIA. I didn’t leave you because I wanted to. I was assigned to a case, and I was supposed to be gone for two weeks at the most. But my cover was blown, and I was stuck. Once I got out, it was too dangerous for me to come back. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was hidden for the longest time, and then finally the people I went after were stopped.

“It’s been so long,” she said, tears now falling from her eyes. “I wanted to come back so badly. I never wanted this assignment in the first place. I didn’t want to leave you and your dad. But they said just this last time, and stupid me, I went.”

“Does Dad know?”

She nodded, looking away.

“What?” he asked with a frown.

“He’s CIA too, Maki. He was military until he was recruited. Then the military became his cover.”

Malakai was so stunned he just stared at her as if she had grown a second head. It did explain a lot however, so much more than he had anticipated.

“Why couldn’t you tell me before? Why didn’t Dad?”

“Because with the Agency, we need to fill out paperwork every time we tell someone, and it takes a lot of time. When I saw you last, my paperwork had been approved but not your dad’s. I…I should have waited until his got approved too before showing up, but I wanted to see you so much. It was Christmas. I missed so many. And I couldn’t tell you about me because I knew you would have questions I couldn’t answer.

“You realize how serious this is. You can’t tell anyone, and I’m trusting you to keep it secret.”

“But you left me,” Malakai finally said after a few moments of silence. “You left me with Dad, and he never was the same,” he added, his teeth clenched. “I thought, all these years, you had abandoned me because of what happened to Robert, because you were ashamed of me.”

“Oh, no, sweetheart; it never had anything to do with that or you.”

“And Dad, he left me too, the moment I turned seventeen, he abandoned me just like you did,” he said, standing up and pacing in the small space between the sofa and the coffee table. “I was just a kid, and no one would tell me where my mum was. No one would tell me if you were alive. No one would tell me you didn’t leave me because you didn’t love me, because I was a bad boy. And then no one was there to help me when I needed it the most. When my friends had their parents to ask them for advice, I had no one.

“Now, I have this girl in my life, and I love her with everything I’ve got, but I’m afraid I’ll be just like you, and I’ll abandon her too when the going gets tough. I’ve already failed her enough as it is.”

“Malakai, stop! I’m sure you’re nothing like me, you’re nothing like your father,” she said, coming to stand in front of him.

Malakai dropped on the sofa, defeated. His mom slowly put her hand on his shoulder and he pulled her toward him, putting his head against her chest, his arms around her waist.

“You’re so much better than we ever were or ever will be,” his mother said, caressing his short hair.

“But I wasn’t there for her when she was kicked out of her house.”

“Where were you?”

Malakai didn’t answer. The shame kept him silent.

“Was it when you broke your arm? When you were in the hospital?” she asked.

He nodded.

“I promised her I would be there for her, always, but I wasn’t. I broke my promise. I broke it three times. Now she wants more, and I’m so afraid. I’m afraid I’ll never be enough. I’m afraid to let her down again, to abandon her.” His heart constricted so painfully, he thought it would implode.

“Malakai, stop it! Stop! If she loves you, and if you love her, that’s all that counts.”

“What am I going to do, Mum? What should I do?”

“You’re going to go home, take a shower, then go see her,” she said. “Then you’ll tell her everything you just told me. Okay?”

Malakai nodded. Someone was finally telling him what to do, someone was giving him advice, and it felt so good to finally have a solution given to him.

“Will you be okay?” she asked, holding him for a moment longer.

He nodded. If he finally worked up the courage to talk to Lily, he would be okay.

“Now go and come back to let me know how it went, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, pulling away and looking up at his mother.

She hugged him again, then took his face in her hands.

“You have grown to be so handsome. You’re a man now,” she said, tears coming to her eyes again. “You still have my eyes however.

“I’ve missed so much of your life, and I’m so, so sorry. I love you, you know. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Does Dad know you’re back?”

“Yes, sweetheart, he knows.”

“He didn’t want you to come home?”

“We have a lot of issues to work out. We need to take things slow. He doesn’t know me anymore,” she explained sadly. “And I also have to get to know him again. But I came back for you.

“Now, go. Go see your girl and tell her how you feel.”

Malakai nodded, hugged his mother again, then got to his feet. “I…I will be back.”

“I know,” she said, smiling at him.

“Thank you, Mum,” he said, hugging her one last time.

“You’re welcome.”

Feeling better than he had in a long time, he walked out of the door and back to his jeep.

Malakai finally made his way to school toward the end of the lunch period after a quick run home and to the clinic. He looked for Lily, even going by the band hall, but he couldn’t find her.

Chapter Seventy-Six

LILY

“Lily, you hate those parties more than I do, and that’s an understatement if I ever said one. Why would you want to go to this one?” Sandra protested over the phone.

Lily didn’t know what to answer. It was true she hated parties, but she felt caged in her apartment all by herself. She wanted to get out, try to forget Malakai.

It had been ten days, and seeing him at school had been so hard. Not feeling him, the caress of his soul on hers when he was so close had been worse. On Friday, when he didn’t show up for class, she had been relieved. She finally heard the words the teachers were saying even if she couldn’t understand any of them.

When the party invitation circulated in the band hall, she had grabbed at the occasion to do something, anything that wasn’t what she would normally do. She didn’t know who was giving the party, and she honestly didn’t care. All she cared about was escaping her life for a few hours.

“Listen, Sandra, I’ll understand if you don’t want to come,” she said as she applied some makeup in her bathroom.

Lily liked her little apartment, even if it didn’t feel like a home yet. She still keenly felt the need to have someone there with her, like she had imagined Malakai would be most of the time.

“Are you crazy? Do you really think I’m insane enough to let you go alone? If you’re going, you bet your ass I am too.”

Lily smiled at the phone on the counter next to her.

“I’ll even drive.”

“Sandra, you don’t have a car,” Lily said, amused for the first time in a week.

“Oh, right, I don’t.”

“I’ll pick you up,” Lily said, glancing at the phone again. “I should be there in thirty minutes. Does that give you enough time?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be ready.”

“Okay, see you in a few.”

Thirty minutes later, Lily pulled up in front of Sandra’s house. As she waited, she couldn’t help but glance across the street at the house she had called home for so long. The court decision had been rendered in her favor at the beginning of the week, and a For Sale sign was now sitting in the front yard. The inside was dark, and Lily barely recognized the place.

She heard from her uncle that Beatrice had been escorted out to prevent her from taking things that didn’t belong to her. Charlie had then put into storage what he knew Lily might want some day, but she hadn’t had the strength to look at it yet. She hadn’t even gone through the box he had brought to her place; instead she put it in the closet, to be opened when she felt strong enough to do so.

“So where is this debauchery taking place?” Sandra asked, opening the passenger door and taking her seat.

Lily tore her gaze from the house and looked at her friend.

“I really don’t know,” Lily said, pulling out the flyer from her purse. She took her phone and looked up the address. “Mmm! It’s not very far,” she said, giving her phone to Sandra. “But it’s outside our school boundary limits.”

As she pulled from the curb, Lily wondered who was sitting in her skin. She felt like she was watching a movie. Everything was so surreal, and she couldn’t imagine herself going to this party. She could even less imagine going to a party that would likely be attended by a lot of strangers.

Her out-of-body experience didn’t end there.

Once at the party, Lily went around wondering what she was doing there until she saw someone come by with gelatin shots. Before she could stop it, Lily saw her hand grab for a small orange container. She popped the shot into her mouth and found it surprisingly good. When the tray came around again, she grabbed another one, then another one. After a few, Lily began to feel good and relaxed, and looked around for Sandra. She definitely had to tell her friend to try the shots. As she glanced around again, she thought she recognized some people from school, but before she could investigate further, a tall boy with blond hair and blue eyes, holding a red plastic cup, appeared in front of her.

“Hey there, gorgeous? You alone?”

“Sort of,” she answered.

He was taller than Malakai, and he had the beach bum look to him.

“You’re not from around here, are you? I’ve never seen you at school before.”

By his maroon shirt with a big cat proudly displayed on the front, Lily knew he was from a rival school, but she didn’t care.

“Maybe not,” she said, playfully.

The boy, while standing in front of her, seemed unreal. Lily couldn’t feel him. She couldn’t imagine he was a thinking, feeling being.

“Let me get you something to drink. Don’t move.”

“K,” she said.

The boy came back a few moments later with a red plastic cup. Lily looked inside at the dark brown liquid, then drank it. She didn’t like the bitter taste, but at this point, she just didn’t care.

After talking a while, the boy pulled her toward the dancing crowd, and she watched herself go. She didn’t know how long they had been dancing when the boy kissed her hard on the mouth, his tongue immediately seeking hers.

Kissing him was nothing like kissing Malakai. Malakai had always kissed her as if she were the center of his universe, giving everything he had while taking only what she was willing to give. This boy was aggressive and wanted to take everything without giving back. The kiss was heavy with lust, but no love, no consideration.

The bitter taste of beer mixed with the sweet taste of gelatin shot made her stomach rebel.

She suddenly pulled away from the boy and looked at him, her eyes wide.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she said.

In the next moment, the contents of her stomach flew from her mouth and landed on the boy’s shirt.

“Lily!” someone screamed behind her.

“You bitch!” the boy bellowed.

Lily was grabbed from behind and pulled toward the entrance. She felt sick all over again by the aftertaste in her mouth, and once outside, she threw up again in the bushes next to the front door.

“Sandra, why the heck didn’t you call me sooner?” David said, running to them.

“I couldn’t find her.”

“Here, Lily, rinse your mouth and drink some of this. It’s water,” David said, shoving a bottle in her hand.

Lily took the bottle with shaking hands and rinsed her mouth before drinking half of the remaining liquid. She then looked at David, and what had just happened came racing back.