Crossing the Ice (16 page)

Liza sighed. “He is so hot. I don’t know what I’d do if a boy like him kissed me.”

I picked up her stuffed teddy bear and petted its fluffy fur. “If only this boy wasn’t all wrong for me.”

“Why? You don’t think you could handle dating him and competing against him?”

“I don’t think Stephanie and Mark could handle it.”

“Then don’t tell them.”

“It’s not that simple.” I set down the bear and paced across the plush carpet. “What happens when Josh moves back to L.A.? Law school is so time-consuming, and I’ll be starting BC hopefully. We’d never see each other. And his family would all hate me anyway. He said his mom is a carbon copy of Stephanie.”

Liza grimaced with terror. “Maybe his dad’s nice. He has to get his sweetness from somewhere.”

“I don’t know. His dad sounds tough. He has really high expectations for Josh, and I’m sure they don’t include dating a middle-class girl who works as a bartender.”

“What does Josh think about you guys dating?”

“We haven’t talked yet. I’m meeting him at the beach later.”

Liza sighed again. “That sounds so romantic.”

I collapsed on the bed and held my head in my hands. “I know, and it’s going to be so hard to tell him this can’t go anywhere.”

“Are you sure it can’t? Romeo and Juliet found a way to be together.”

“And they both ended up dead.”

“Well, just stay away from poison and daggers.”

I peeked up at her. “Thanks for the helpful advice.”

A knock sounded on the door, and Sergei called out, “Lunch is ready.”

I slowly trailed Liza downstairs. I normally flew to the table for Em’s delicious Sunday lunches, but my stomach was twisted every which way. I knew what I had to tell Josh when I saw him, but I didn’t know if I’d have the willpower once he was physically in front of me.

Especially if he kissed me again.

****

When I pulled into the parking lot at Kalmus Beach, I spotted Josh’s car right away since it was one of only two cars there. I listened to the blaring music from my radio and took a couple of deep breaths to psych myself up before I shut off the engine and climbed out. The breeze off the water cooled my bare legs under my denim skirt, and I tightened the belt of my sweater. Slipping off my flip-flops, I moved from the roughness of the pavement to the softness of the sand.

Josh stood in the middle of the empty beach, spreading a blanket over the sand. His back was to me, so I stopped and watched him, my heart aching. The wind ruffled his dark hair, and I remembered my fingers knotted there as he’d pressed his lips to mine. It would be so easy to walk up to him right now and reenact that scene.

I folded my arms and curled my toes into the sand as if to anchor myself. Josh turned and saw me, and he broke into the brightest smile I’d ever seen. Inside I crumbled into a thousand pieces.

I walked toward him, resisting the urge to run, and he came forward tentatively. Before I could say anything, he enveloped me in a hug, one arm around my shoulders, the other snug around my waist. My body defied my mind and sank into him. When his lips brushed against my hair, my breath caught in my throat and I pulled away.

“Hi,” I said quietly, looking anywhere but in his eyes.

“Hey,” he replied just as low.

I noticed the red takeout bag next to the blanket and recognized it immediately. “You went to the restaurant?”

“Yeah, I hope you haven’t eaten yet. I got Chef to make your special veggie sandwich.”

I hadn’t eaten since lunch when I’d forced down Em’s pasta primavera, but my stomach still wasn’t feeling receptive to food. Josh had been so thoughtful to get one of my favorite meals, though. Add that to the long list of things making it so difficult to walk away from him.

“You didn’t have to go to all that trouble,” I said.

“It was no trouble.” He took my hand and motioned for me to sit with him.

I tucked my legs under me and stared at Josh’s hand around mine. My heart ached deeper. We couldn’t be the cute couple holding hands and picnicking on the beach. No matter how good and natural this felt.

“I told everyone at the restaurant we were working on something at the rink so there wouldn’t be questions about why I was picking up dinner for us,” Josh said. “I wasn’t sure where things are going with us from here, but—”

“We can’t do this,” I blurted out.

The brightness that had filled his eyes dimmed, and he loosened his hold on my hand. “I thought last night you felt the same. Did I misunderstand…”

I slowly shook my head. “You didn’t misunderstand.”

“Then what’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“I just… I just think we have to stop this before it starts because there are too many reasons why it could never work out.”

He studied me intently, and my face and neck grew warm. I turned away and watched the gentle waves wash ashore. What a beautiful evening it would be if the circumstances were different.

“So you don’t want to give us a chance?” he asked.

“You’re leaving in a few months. I’ve done the long distance thing and learned the hard way how painful it can be.”

“I would never hurt you like Kyle did.” He squeezed my hand.

I looked into his clear eyes and believed he wouldn’t, but I still slipped my hand from his grasp. “There’s also the Olympics and keeping our heads straight and our partnerships from imploding…”

“I’ve thought about all those things, too, and I know we could figure it out.”

“I guess… I guess I’m not as sure we could.” I paused as a swell of emotion pushed against my chest. “And I can’t take that risk.”

Josh stayed quiet, and he shifted his gaze from me to the horizon. I had to know what he was thinking, but I didn’t feel like I had the right to ask.

“This isn’t how I pictured this night going,” he finally said.

“I’m so sorry. I never should’ve let you think last night that—”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. Last night was the best night of my life.”

A lump choked my throat, and I sat on my hands so I wouldn’t reach out and touch him. He looked at me with such hurt, and there was nothing I could do to make his gorgeous blue eyes shine again.

There is
, I thought as my gaze dropped to his lips.

No, that would be a huge mistake that would only lead to both of us hurting more in the end.

“Maybe I should go,” I said.

I got to my feet and walked quickly to the parking lot. When I reached the pavement I glanced back at Josh, and his head was down. I slipped on my flip-flops, not caring about the sand between my toes, and pulled my car keys from the pocket of my sweater.

“Court, wait,” Josh said behind me.

I froze and turned to see him jogging to the lot. He stopped and stared at me for a long moment, and I held my breath, waiting for him to say something.

“I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” he said.

I exhaled. “I don’t want to lose you either. I just wasn’t sure you’d still want that.”

“If we didn’t talk anymore, it would make all of this even harder.”

He was so right. I couldn’t imagine not laughing with him at Mrs. Cassar’s craziness or texting him when I heard a new song I thought he’d like. Our friendship had become such an important part of my life, one that would leave a gaping hole if I lost it.

“I’m so glad you feel that way,” I said.

He chewed on his bottom lip. “I can’t promise things won’t be a little weird.”

I nodded and fiddled with my keys. “Yeah… like I probably shouldn’t stay for a sunset beach picnic.”

“What if I vow to stay on my side of the blanket?”

I smiled a little. “I think it might still be too risky.”

He stared at me again with those intense blue eyes, making me fidget even more. Pointing his thumb behind him, he said, “At least take your dinner to go.”

I unlocked my car and went to open the door. “Let me give you the money for it.”

“No way. Friends can buy friends dinner.” He backpedaled toward the sand. “Hang on and I’ll go get it.”

He returned a few seconds later with the takeout container, and I pulled open my door and stood behind it. Couldn’t hurt to have an actual shield between us.

“Are you gonna stay?” I asked.

“Yeah, it’s so peaceful.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I really wish you could stay, too.”

It physically pained me to stand my ground and not follow him back to the beach. But I just knew what would happen if we sat on that blanket with the sea breeze tickling our faces and the sky darkening around us. Maybe one day we could do it as friends, but the memory of our kiss was too fresh. The electricity still crackled too strongly.

“I think it’s probably best if I go.” I paused as I caught the unmistakable disappointment in his eyes. “But I’ll talk to you later?”

He nodded. “For sure.”

When I started the car, I turned up the volume on the already blasting music. I needed the noise to fill my head and shut out all the conflicting thoughts. But it didn’t work. As I watched Josh disappear in the rearview mirror, my eyes brimmed with tears. I wasn’t just driving away from the beach. I was driving away from something that could be so wonderful. If only it made sense.

Chapter Thirteen

“Court, you know how long this stupid group rehearsal’s gonna last?” Mark asked.

I tightened my skate laces and looked up at him in the doorway of the locker room. He had one hand on the frame and one on the phone to his ear.

“I think only about an hour. I have to get ready for work after,” I said.

“An hour’s long enough.” He moved the phone to his mouth. “Zoe? Hey, I should be there about four.”

I stood and checked my reflection in the long mirror on the wall. I’d worn my favorite hot pink tank and black leggings for the occasion. Josh and I might be just friends, but I was still ridiculously excited about skating with him. It was like I enjoyed torturing myself.

“K, Babe. Love you,” Mark said and ended his call. “Why do we have to rehearse so early for the show anyway? It’s two months from now.”

“I think Em’s just stressing about coordinating everyone’s schedules. You and I will be in Paris next week, and then all of us will be in Lake Placid for a week next month. She wants to make sure it gets done.”

He shoved his phone in his skate bag. “Stephanie better check her attitude at the door ‘cause I’m not dealing with her bitching for two months.”

“Uhh… I wouldn’t hold my breath on that.”

We went out to the ice, where Josh and Em were showing each other various steps and arm movements. It amazed me how Josh could make a simple lunge look so sexy. I set off near the boards to do a quick warm-up and also to work off some of my jittery energy.

When Mark and I circled over to Em and Josh, Stephanie finally appeared and glided slowly to our spot at center ice. She crossed her arms, pursed her lips, and audibly sighed. Mark frowned at me and rubbed his forehead.

Attitude checked at the door? I think not.

“Okay, the gang’s all here.” Em slapped her hands together. “Josh and I have put together some ideas, but if anyone wants to contribute during the process, please don’t hesitate to speak up.”

“Why is he running this with you?” Mark asked.

“Because he asked to help.”

“And he’s a creative genius,” Stephanie added.

Josh’s face flamed, and he looked down at the ice.

Mark held up his hands. “Excuse me. I didn’t know I was in the presence of greatness.”

Two minutes in,
and this is already a disaster.

Em clapped again, but this time so hard her hands must’ve stung. “It doesn’t matter who comes up with the choreography. All that matters is the four of you bring the choreography to life and make it your own. So let’s get to work.”

She directed us to form a square with me facing Mark and Stephanie facing Josh. After she explained the opening movements she wanted us to do, Josh chipped in with additional instruction and Em helped him demonstrate the next few steps. When he said, “Then we’ll switch partners,” every nerve in my body went on alert.

“Why do we have to switch?” Stephanie asked.

“You’re questioning the genius’s ideas?” Mark said.

Em gave him a warning look I’d seen her give the twins when they misbehaved. “You’re switching because it’s going to make this number
fabulous
. We’ll run through the opening and then Josh, you can show Court your part and I’ll show Stephanie and Mark theirs.”

“I thought we were all just going to be on the ice at the same time but not skating with each other.” Stephanie put her hands on her hips. “Josh is my partner and I should only be skating with him.”

“Hey, I’m not throwing a party over skating with you either,” Mark said.

“You’re all going to do this, and it’s going to be the best damn group number in the history of Christmas shows. Understand?” Em said on the verge of shouting.

Mark and I looked at each other, and he lifted his eyebrows. Em rarely raised her voice, so she wasn’t messing around. Stephanie didn’t say another word. Even she knew she needed to shut it.

We practiced the opening sequence as Em had instructed, and on the last step I ended up face to face with Josh. He gave me a little smile, but he couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. We’d chatted at the restaurant earlier in the week, even shared a couple of laughs, but that sadness had been a constant. It made me feel like my heart was being stabbed repeatedly by my toe pick.

“Josh, you’re good?” Em asked as she skated over to Mark and Stephanie.

“Yeah, I’ll… I’ll show Court what’s next.”

After she turned away from us, he raked his hand through his hair. “I should’ve asked if you were still okay with us skating together.”

Okay? I’d looked forward to this so much since the moment Em had mentioned it. There was no way I was giving it up. No matter how much it hurt to touch him and not be able to really
touch
him.

“It’s… it’s fine. I wouldn’t want to make this process more pleasant for Stephanie anyway.” I smiled.

“I’m glad I won’t be home tonight to hear her complain.”