Crossing the Ice (19 page)

The amount of fear gripping me eased a bit. Having Josh on stage with me would make the experience less scary. Maybe even a little fun if I could block out all the people watching us.

After we got our drinks, Meredith and I went to the DJ booth while Adam and Josh searched for an empty table. We found “Summer Nights” right away on the list. I was helping Meredith decide on her duet with Adam when I saw a song that would be the absolute perfect serenade to Josh if I had the nerve to do it.

I chewed on my thumbnail and peeked at the stage.

You only live once.

Just do it.

I hurriedly gave the DJ my song selections before I could change my mind. Meredith squealed with approval, and I second-guessed whether I should’ve added bourbon to my soda.

We were behind a number of other wanna-be singers, so we had some time to hang out before our big performances. Since the search for a table hadn’t been successful, we congregated near the bar and watched the parade of costumes going onto the stage. Meredith and Adam got caught up in a discussion about punk music with two guys dressed like aliens, so Josh and I had our own fun of rating the outfits and the singers.

A guy clad in a peach beaded dress strutted to the microphone, and I said, “I’m giving him a nine because that looks like a skating costume I wore once.”

“Your Madame Butterfly program,” Josh said.

I stared at him with wonder. “You remember that? From six years ago?”

He looked down with a shy smile before meeting my eyes again. “You were so beautiful in it.”

I thought back to what he’d said about how he’d dreamt of kissing me. It sounded like it had been longer than I’d realized.

“The night you first kissed me, you said you’d dreamt about doing it for a long time. Was it since before you moved to the Cape?”

He set his drink on the bar next to mine and took my hand. “It was since the night we met... eight years ago.”

A deep warmth filled me but also a little sadness. “Why didn’t you ever talk to me at competitions?”

“After what happened when we met, I didn’t know if you’d want to talk to me. I thought about reaching out to you so many times, but I never knew exactly what to say. I wanted to apologize for being an idiot and not kissing you, but I figured you’d probably moved on and weren’t thinking about it anymore.”

“I would’ve loved it if you’d reached out to me.”

He smiled. “I guess being the sweet, shy guy doesn’t always make things the easiest.”

I touched his cheek. “All that matters is we’re together now.”

He rested his forehead against mine, and we stood motionless, quietly breathing in and out, mindless of the loud party around us. As we just enjoyed the nearness of each other, I remembered something else Josh had said and wondered if there had been more to the story.

I tilted my neck back. “Was it really Stephanie’s idea to move here or was it yours?”

“It was hers. When she first brought it up, I had some very strong conflicting feelings about it. I knew our coming here would upset you and hurt you, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be responsible for that. But then the other part of me was ecstatic that I would be near you.”

I slowly shook my head. “I had no idea you thought about me all those years.”

“I don’t want you to think I had an agenda when I came here. I just wanted to spend time with you and to get to know you. And I found out you were everything I thought you would be. Smart and funny and sweet… and even more beautiful.”

Passion blazed in his eyes again, and I tugged on his T-shirt, bringing him closer. I kissed him, and he wrapped his arms around me for a full-body embrace. Peach dress guy wailed an awful high note in the background, but the moment was still perfect. I’d never felt so much—

Don’t say love. It’s too soon.

I’d never felt so… so… completely adored. Not by Kyle and certainly not by my couple of high school boyfriends.

“Courtney C! You’re up next!” the DJ boomed.

“That’s us?” Josh asked.

“That’s me. I have a solo first.”

“You’re doing a solo?”

I nodded. “This song’s for you.”

I gave him a quick kiss and hurried to the stage. My nervous energy was more excited energy now. After finding out how long Josh had had feelings for me, I wanted to show him how much he meant to me, too. My singing voice might suck, but I was going to work that microphone like nobody’s business.

A chorus of whistles rang out as the spotlight beamed down on me. I peered into the dark mass of faces and found the one who made my heart sing.

“This is for a very special someone,” I said into the mic.

The music began, and I rocked back and forth to the beat. Josh didn’t take his eyes off me as he moved closer to the stage. I glanced at the video screen with the lyrics, but I knew the song well since Mom had listened to lots of 80’s music.

I sang quietly at first, but as I watched Josh’s smile widen, I gained more confidence. When the chorus came, I belted out the title of the song.

“He’s so shy!”

Josh couldn’t smile any bigger. From then on I sang the hell out of the song, even seductively swaying my hips. But when I got to the last line which included the words “I’ll love him,” I skipped over it. I wasn’t ready to go there yet, not even in a song.

Loud applause broke out as I finished with a twirl, and I blew Josh a kiss. He held his hand to his heart and snaked through the crowd to meet me as I came down the stairs. Before I could say anything, he took my face in his hands and kissed me.

“I loved every single second of that,” he said.

“Even the horribly pitchy high notes?”

“I was too distracted to notice.”

I smiled. “Distracted by what?”

His hands caressed my shoulders then slinked around my waist and traveled lower, eventually settling on my hips. “All this.”

He might be quiet, but he wasn’t shy about showing me how I made him feel, and that said more than any words ever could.

Meredith and Adam blew past us to get ready for their duet, and Josh and I turned to the stage to cheer for them. They went all out, bumping and grinding on each other as they sang “Love Sex Magic.” We yelled as much as we could between laughing.

When they finished, we joined them on the stage and asked them to stay as our Pink Lady and T-Bird backup singers. They were more than happy to stay under the spotlights. Josh nervously eyed the audience, and I grasped his hand.

“Just look at me,” I said.

He set his eyes on mine, and I got lost in them as the music started. Josh lifted his mic, and he sang Danny’s opening line, speaking it more than singing it. I squeezed his hand and followed with Sandy’s line, putting a breathy spin on it. Josh grinned, and when his turn came again, he loosened and sang every word with feeling. I got all tingly over how hot his soft, low voice sounded.

Our voices came together for the chorus, and we smiled at each other and closed the space between us. The audience was doing lots of whistling and cheering, but the noise sounded far away. Only Josh and I existed in our magical little bubble.

The more he sang to me, the more I swooned. Then I started to really listen to the lyrics, and sadness crept in, bringing me down from my high. The song was all about a summer fling at the beach. Sandy and Danny knew they had a limited amount of time together, just as Josh and I did. What if we couldn’t last once we were apart? What if things were never as good as they were right now?

My voice shook on the final long note, and when Josh hugged me I buried my face in his neck. I’d been in a euphoric state since the rainy night in his car, but I couldn’t ignore the reality of our situation. Every day that passed was one day less we had together, and my heart was starting to break just thinking about it.

Chapter Fifteen

I rang the doorbell of Josh and Stephanie’s house and checked out the front of the cottage. I’d done a drive-by once because I’d been curious to see where Josh lived, but I hadn’t gotten a close-up look. The house resembled most of the other Cape Cod-style homes on the street with its gray shingles and steep roof, but it appeared to be the smallest on the block.

Josh opened the door with a huge smile and pulled me into a hug. I circled my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest. He gave the best hugs. They made me feel like I was cuddled in the softest, warmest blanket imaginable.

“I wish I could thank Stephanie for going away this weekend,” I said. “I’m so glad she insisted on flying to New York to shop for costume material.”

“And I’m glad you switched shifts so we can spend the whole day together.”

I looked up at him. “I would’ve sold my soul for the time off. Considering Halloween was the only real date we’ve been able to have, an entire day together is like a dream come true.”

He bent his head and kissed me, and I stood on the toes of my sneakers to lean deeper into him. He gave the best kisses, too. The heat from his lips reached every inch of my body, stirring desires that were becoming harder to contain.

“We could always skip going to Martha’s Vineyard and stay here instead.” Josh softly kissed my neck, and I fought even harder to stay level-headed.

His proposal was
so
tempting, but if we were alone in the house all day, things might get hotter than ever between us. I wasn’t ready to take that step, not with so many uncertainties looming over us.

“It’s such a beautiful, warm day for November. We need to take advantage of it,” I said.

“I heard it might rain,” he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I smiled. “Not until late tonight. We should be off the ferry and home by then.”

He took both of my hands in his. “I do love going out and acting like a normal couple. Halloween was so much fun.”

“It was. And today we get to hang out twice as long so it will be doubly awesome.”

“Let’s get this awesomeness started then.” He moved toward the door.

“Wait, I wanna see the house first. Who knows when I’ll get to visit again.”

“Sure, I’ll be your tour guide. It’s not too exciting, though.” He turned us so we faced the small living room. “This is where Steph spends most of her time, parked in front of the TV. I try to avoid this room as much as I can.”

Stacks of fashion and entertainment magazines covered the glass coffee table, and swatches of brightly-colored silk lay on the ivory sofa. Other than those items, there weren’t any other personal touches to the neutral-tone room.

“I guess you guys haven’t really done a lot of decorating,” I said.

“No, we didn’t bring much from home.”

Seeing the “rental” feel of the place was yet another reminder that Josh’s stay was temporary. I had begun to hate the words “law school.”

Josh led me to the short hallway off the living room and opened the second door on the left. “This is my room.”

I walked inside and stopped at the foot of the bed. I could smell a hint of Josh’s sweet cologne in the air. That plus the cool framed collage of album covers hanging above the bed made me love this room already.

I turned to scan the high-tech-looking keyboard along the wall. Next to it was a bookshelf with a TV and rows and rows of CDs.

“So this is where you practice all your music.” I lightly touched the keyboard.

“It’s a little cramped, but it’s private.”

“Did you clean for me or is it always this neat?”

“Let’s just say you won’t be getting a tour of the closet.”

I laughed and noticed a notebook under a pile of CDs on the nightstand. It looked like a sketch pad.

“I thought you said you couldn’t draw? Don’t tell me you really are a budding Picasso.”

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “No, that’s um… that’s where I sketch choreography ideas. Sometimes when I listen to music I make up programs in my head.”

“Can I look at it?”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s kinda messy.” He laughed quietly.

I slid the book out and flipped through the pages. Each one had a song title at the top. Some pages contained curvy lines as patterns on the ice with elements like jumps and spins included, while others had just a numbered list of the elements.

“This is so cool. You should show these to Em.”

He shrugged and dropped his eyes to the carpet. “I just do them for fun.”

“I bet she’d love to look at them, though. They’re so detailed.”

I turned to the next page and saw it was labeled “Exogenesis Symphony Part 3,” the Muse song I loved. The pattern and elements he’d drawn appeared to be for a pair.

“I imagined doing a program to this song, too.” I showed him the page. “I actually dreamt about you and me skating to it.”

He looked over my shoulder and smiled. “So did I.”

“I wish there was a private sheet of ice somewhere we could really create this.”

He wound his arms around my waist. “One day we will skate to it together. I promise.”

It was hard not to believe him when I looked into his clear blue eyes, but I couldn’t shake the nagging fear that life would get in the way of promises, no matter how heartfelt.

We skipped Stephanie’s room and concluded the tour in the kitchen, where Josh grabbed a couple of Stephanie’s vegan brownies for us to take on the road. We took my car since I was familiar with the Vineyard, and after the forty-five-minute drive to Woods Hole, we pulled onto the ferry for the quick trip across the Sound.

When we docked in Vineyard Haven, I drove us down the island to Edgartown, one of my favorite spots. We parked and walked past the shops and restaurants to the residential area along the waterfront. Both sides of the street featured elegant captains’ homes, most of them pristine white with an American flag beside the front door. As we strolled past them, I basked in the glow of the sunshine and the warmth of Josh’s hand around mine.

“Did your dad find out if he can take off next week for Skate America?” Josh asked.

I nodded. “He and my mom are driving to Lake Placid on Thursday. I’m planning to tell them about us because I want to introduce you to them. I know you’ve said hello to my mom when she’s come to the rink, but she hasn’t met you as my…”