Crossing the Line (24 page)

I
met with Simmonds after my classes the following day. He still had few more hours on the clock, but his time was almost up. He told me he didn't have anything he was ready to share yet, but stressed that he was close. “In the meantime,” he said, “I think it's time for you to reach out to KATO.”

I froze, not convinced I'd heard him right. “You're sure?”

“Yes.” He eyed me steadily. “But I don't want you to say anything that might give you away. Just feel them out and see what you can learn.”

“Yes, sir.” I rubbed my sweaty palms on my thighs and tried to keep the emotion out of my voice.

“I want to see what you're planning on telling them before you send it.” He seemed to sense how eager I was. I agreed quickly and hurried out of his office to get to work.

It took longer than I would have liked to get my message together, but when I went back to Simmonds an hour later, he only made a few modifications before signing off.

The IDA has vague details that something big is coming out of our headquarters in the near future. They are turning to me for intel and answers. What should they be told? Is there anything I need to know?

The goal was to gently probe for information under the guise of
relaying newly uncovered intel. Even if I only learned what KATO wanted the IDA to think, we would have something to go on. Ideally their response would even give me a window to ask some follow-up questions. But first, I needed them to buy this enough to answer me at all.

I found it hard to breathe when I finally sat down in front of the computer, but I did everything I could to focus on my determination and ignore the fear. I knew I was doing the right thing, but the prospect of ever ending up back in KATO was more terrifying than I typically allowed myself to acknowledge. And now it felt entirely too close.

My hands were numb when I logged on. It was all I could do to find the right website. First I checked for any messages KATO might have sent me. What I found made my blood ice.

I had to reread it five times to process what they were asking. When my heart finally caught up to my brain it was pounding. I logged off the computer and raced back to Simmonds's office, pushing open the door without bothering to buzz. Nikki was in there with him and they both looked up abruptly when I entered.

“Agent Steely—” Simmonds started.

“KATO wants me back.” They both stared at me. Simmonds kept his face calm, but his eyes were intense. Nikki, on the other hand, looked horrified.

“You can't go,” she said.

“If I don't, they'll know I've turned.” I may have been willing to risk them finding out, but now it felt like there was no way out of this without them learning the truth.

“Why do they want you?” Simmonds asked.

“They didn't give a reason,” I said. “But they seemed to think I'd be coming back here. So it's something big enough to risk pulling me out, and it's also something that has them sure they'll need me as their double agent once this is over.”

I looked only at Simmonds. His face was set. “I don't like where this is going.”

“This is my in,” I said. I gripped the back of one of the chairs. “I'll come up with a plan.” He still didn't seem convinced. “If I don't go back, my cover will be blown. You wouldn't agree to this before because it would give me away. Now it'll maintain my cover
and
put me in a position to stop this from the inside.”

“And what if you can't stop it?” Simmonds asked.

I took a deep breath. “Then I'll stay there until they send me back.”

“
What?
” Nikki leaned in, trying to meet my eyes, but I refused. I knew what it would mean to stay at KATO, but it was the best move.

“If they need me there now, but are planning to return me, then we can assume this will be while they take over South Korea,” I said. “They'll win that battle, but while I'm there I can find out the rest of their plan. Then, when they send me back I'll know everything we need to stop them from growing. I can bring back proof—something you can pass on.”

Simmonds stayed quiet, studying me, and I could tell he was seriously considering my idea. Nikki noticed too.

“No,” she said. “Absolutely not. This is
crazy
.”

After a moment, Simmonds spoke. “I'm not agreeing to this yet, but come up with a detailed plan and we can discuss it.”

I nodded quickly, again focusing my energy on my determination. “Thank you, sir.” I headed out of the office, but stopped short
of the door and turned back to Nikki. “Don't say a word to Travis.”

Her eyes hardened, and I hurried out to work on a plan.

 • • • 

I had a plan mostly put together by the time I went to bed. Once I was back at KATO, I could use the vents to get the intel and access I needed to shut down their operation. If I played it right, KATO would think it was a system malfunction and send me back to the IDA while they work on a fix. From there, the IDA will have the intel to contain the situation. I contemplated going right to Simmonds with this, but I wanted to go over everything a few times before I did. I needed every detail completely set if I wanted him to sign off. I was tempted to stay up and iron things out, but I needed my mind sharp.

Of course, that didn't mean my brain would turn off just because I wanted it to. I had another dream. This one was about what would happen if they caught me while I was back inside. My handler, Chin Ho, filled me with Gerex again, and tied me to a chair. He burned me, but this time it was for longer than I was trained for. He was pulling my fingernails out when I woke up.

It was still pretty early in the night, and I couldn't fall back asleep after that. I went over to the training facility to try and work off some energy. I beat the bag until my knuckles ached so much that I was surprised they didn't bleed through the wrapping. I was so locked in I didn't hear the training room door open.

“I've been looking for you everywhere.” I spun around to find Travis standing at the threshold. “I never would have thought you could possibly be this stupid.” Judging by the look on his face, Nikki had told him everything. He closed in on me quickly, and I was pretty sure it was because he knew I was going to run. I tried to get away
from him, but he matched my every step. He was more determined than I'd ever seen him on any mission or training session.

“
Stop,
” I said, trying to maneuver around him.

He shook his head. “Not this time.”

I stopped moving and he did the same. He rocked on the balls of his feet, ready and waiting for me to make the next move. I faked to the left and charged to the right, but he didn't fall for it. He caught my upper arms and backed me all the way into the corner, pinning me to the wall. I lifted my back, and tried to head-butt him, but he dodged it. I struggled against him, desperate to get away. I knew I didn't really have a shot, but it didn't matter.

“Knock it off.” He kicked my instep, pushing his toes into my feet and pressing them flat against the wall. He dug his knees into mine with enough force to make me cry out, but I still didn't quit. I balled my fists and used the limited movement I had to punch him in the gut.

“
Fuck.
” Instead of making him move away, the pain forced him to lean in even farther toward me. His face was in my neck and his grip was even tighter than it had been. “
Stop fighting me.
” He grunted and forced himself straight so he could look me in the eye. “I'm not going anywhere until I say what I came here to say.”

I stopped moving and squared my jaw. “I don't want to hear it.”

“I don't care.” He loosened his grip slightly, but kept my feet pinned just as tight. “You need to.”

I squirmed again and he tightened his hands, pressing me back into the wall hard enough to make me grunt.

“I'm not leaving, and I'm not letting you go until you hear me out.” He wasn't being mean, but the determined desperation in his face made it clear that he wasn't about to back down.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. I was still tense, and my heart was pounding angry and hard, but I stopped struggling. He eased up on the tension in my legs and, after he was sure I wasn't going to run, he freed my arms. He still didn't have a ton of confidence in me, though. Only enough to press his palms into the wall next to my biceps, caging me in. He was much closer than I was comfortable with.

“Then talk,” I said. My voice was so soft and hoarse I almost didn't recognize it.

He kept his face even for a moment, and when he spoke, it was with more genuine emotion than I could understand. “First of all, I am
so
sorry I let your secret out.” I swallowed, and after giving me a moment to sit with that, he continued. “I thought we were alone and I was louder than I should have been. You just had that same reckless look that you had on our first mission and I knew you were driven enough to risk yourself.” He glanced away. “You took off so fast. The
only
thing on my mind was getting through to you.”

“Well,” I said, “you definitely got my attention.”

He sighed and dropped one of his arms. “I never meant to do it that way. But you're my partner, and I take that seriously. It's my job to keep you safe in and out of the field.” He paused and met my eyes. “You've saved me twice now, so I owe you that much.”

I crossed my arms. “You didn't tell anyone anything else, right?” His eyebrows knitted together, confused. “About the
other
things I had to do?”

His eyes hardened. “How could you think I would tell someone that?”

“You promised not to tell anyone about the Gerex or my
double-agent status either,” I said. “I didn't know what you'd say now that the secret's out.”

I couldn't handle looking at the hurt on his face. I focused on the worn blue mat and his black sneakers, feeling ashamed for even asking.

“Jocelyn.”

I stared intently at the ground, waiting for him to continue.

“Look at me.” His voice was so soft it made my stomach flutter.

I lifted my head and met his eyes. They were so open that they completely drew me in, and wouldn't let go. “I would
never
tell anyone about that. It's not even close to being the same thing.”

I exhaled slowly. “I didn't think you would. But after what happened I couldn't be sure.”

“Be sure.” He waited for me to nod. “Now,” he said. “About your latest suicide mission to North Korea.”

I shook my head. “Nikki shouldn't have said anything.”

“She absolutely should have.” He lowered his arm and stepped back, giving me a little bit of room. “I would have killed you both.”

“I have to go back,” I said. “This is our in. Besides, they'll know I've turned if I don't. Wasn't that your point before? I shouldn't do anything that would blow my cover?”

“It's entirely different and you know it.” His jaw tensed. “It's one thing to take on a risky assignment. It's another when maintaining your cover means putting yourself in front of them, let alone the fact that you're considering staying.” He shook his head. “The number of ways they can figure out you've turned is more than I can list. And even if they don't, what if they decide not to let you come back to us?”

“Do you think I
want
to go back there?” I asked. He didn't say
anything. “The idea that they'll pull me back in—that I'll end up back under their control, shot up with Gerex, scares me so much that I can't get it out of my head.” I felt the emotion bubbling in the back of my throat and I had to pause to get myself together. Travis noticed and stepped back, letting me get some air. I pressed on. “And all of that is nothing compared with how afraid I am of what they'll do if they work out that I've been lying to them. I've been dreaming about them since I got here and about what would happen to me. About what
has
happened to me. They're in my mind
constantly
.” I swallowed. “But I can't let them conquer a country using intel I collected for them, and do
nothing
to stop it.”

He watched me, taking all of this in. “I didn't know you've had dreams.”

“I didn't want you to,” I said. “I didn't want
anyone
to.”

“You know this isn't your fault,” he said. “No one around here blames you.”

“That doesn't matter, even if it were true.” I looked him square in the eyes. “I blame me.”

He didn't move for a moment, then he let out a deep sigh. “I'm not talking you out of this, am I?”

I shook my head. “I need to do this.”

He inhaled slowly and nodded. “Fine. But you're not staying with them. I'm leading your rescue team.”

My eyes locked on him. “What? No, you can't—”

He tipped his head. “You can't seriously think, after the number of times you saved my ass, that I'm letting you go back in there without making sure that you're coming out. If you don't let me do that much, I'll do everything I can to keep you here.”

I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the idea. Something
in my chest loosened at the prospect of knowing I had a chance to make it out. Though I still had my share of concerns. “It won't work,” I said. There were too many complications. “And besides, aren't you benched?”

“I don't care. This isn't happening any other way,” he said. “Let's go. Simmonds is still here.” He stalked over to the door without another word. I stayed stuck in place, trying to catch up to the conversation. Travis turned back around when he got to the exit. “Are you coming?”

“Right.” I hurried after him. I didn't like the idea of involving anyone else in this, but the relief of not going into this alone overpowered everything else.