Authors: Cydney Michele; Rax Lutishia; Grant Lovely
Crush (21 page)
2
Regaining Power
At first Lorraine felt overwhelmingly self conscious. She wondered if everybody was looking at her while she stood in a line crammed with people waiting to buy movie tickets. In front of her was a thirty-something white couple dressed in matching Western shirts and boot-cut jeans. And behind Lorraine stood two giggling Asian teens wearing neon skirts and blouses as if it were summer instead of mid-March. Everyone looked like they were paired with someone else. But she was alone. The mousy brown–haired woman standing in front of Lorraine clutched the hand of the man standing next to her. Heads held close together, they spoke softly to each other and laughed in unison. The smiling lady rotated her body until she came face to face with Lorraine. Immediately, Lorraine’s posture grew stiff. The woman gave Lorraine a sympathetic glance then turned around and held onto her man even tighter.
Lorraine was tempted to dash out of the line and walk away. No matter how you sliced it, being alone sucked. Many women claimed that they loved being single and didn’t mind going to the movies by themselves, but Lorraine wasn’t about to fake that sentiment. The girl craved companionship. And tonight, venturing out alone to see the number-one comedy in America and laughing at the funny parts would make her feel even more self conscious.
Lorraine took a deep breath, counted to ten, and quickly eased out of line, wanting to apologize to someone but sensing no one would care.
Eyes blurry, she pulled up the collar of her linen jacket so that it fit snugly around her neck and braced herself for the strong, cool wind that nipped at her that Sunday evening. She took ten steps before she heard her name being called.
“Hey, Lorraine, where are you going?”
She glanced around and was surprised to find Wendell Holmes standing nearby; he was a fellow architect who worked at her firm.
“Oh, hey, what’s up?”
“You look like you’re going in the wrong direction.”
“Well, I was just, um—”
“You were probably doing what I was doing. I was at home surfing the Web. And I clicked on Moviefone and realized this flick I’ve wanted to check out was showing. I busted my ass to make it over here in time.”
“You’re not meeting anybody?”
“No, no, no, no.” He laughed with ease. “That’s how badly I wanted to see this picture.”
Lorraine had always admired Wendell from afar while they were at the office. Every day when he’d pass her at work, Wendell had a kind word to say even though they didn’t know each other well. And she appreciated his good looks, too. Wendell always wore a neat, low-cut fade and a trimmed mustache; he dressed in impeccable suits with polished leather shoes. But more important than his outward appearance, she was impressed he admitted that he’d come to the movies alone.
Raw truth.
“Which movie were you coming to see?” she asked him.
“Aw, man, should I say it?”
“The truth is always a good place to start.”
“I want to see that romantic comedy that everyone’s been yapping about. Cold busted, huh?” His eyes gleamed with kindness. “Yep. I’m a sucker for a well-produced romance with clever nuances and great comedic flair. Plus it never hurts to gain some insight about the mysterious mind of the female species.”
Now he
really
had her attention.
really
had her attention.
“Yeah, I’m man enough to admit y’all confuse a brother at times. They say women are simple, but whoever made that up was lying through all her damn teeth.”
“
Her
teeth, huh?” she smirked, loosening up. “As if men are uncomplicated, and simple, and easy to figure out.”
Her
teeth, huh?” she smirked, loosening up. “As if men are uncomplicated, and simple, and easy to figure out.”
“We are! That’s what y’all don’t get!”
“Wendell Holmes, you need to quit. Tell me one simple thing about a man.”
“Hey, if you can remember this one thing, it’ll save you a lot of heartache. Ya listening? Okay. Here goes! Men are only interested in facts. Ya heard me right. The who, what, when, where, how. Stick to what’s factual; trim off the rest. If you do this when you’re talking to your man, he will understand you. You’ll understand him, too.”
“Hmm, give me an example.”
“I love this,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s say you want your man to hang a painting on that empty living room wall at your spot. What would you tell him?”
“I guess I’d say, ‘Baby, that big ole wall sure looks empty.’ ”
“Bingo! Guess what? It’s the wrong thing to say to your man. Wrong, wrong, so wrong.”
“I don’t have a—” she started softly, but he didn’t hear her.
“Instead, try giving your man a hammer. Put some nails in his hand, point at that cheap painting you got from Marshalls, and tell him, ‘Sweetie, will you please hang the picture on the wall? I love how you take care of manly things for me. You do such a good job.’ ” He made his voice sound feminine. She nearly burst out laughing.
“Oh Jesus,” she smirked. “It sounds like I’d be giving instructions to a ten-year-old.”
He just looked at her and didn’t say anything.
“Wendell, I’ll have to remember that, but it sounds so . . . I dunno. It’s just
too
simple.”
too
simple.”
“That’s because we aren’t complicated. Exactly what I’ve been trying to explain to ya.”
They laughed good-naturedly and Lorraine’s feelings of self-consciousness completely faded away.
Wendell thoughtfully stared at her and shoved one hand deeper into his pocket. “Tell you what. While we’re out here yapping and trying to stay warm, the clock is steadily ticking. You don’t look like you’re doing anything important right now. Join me in watching this movie. We’ll discuss it afterward over a bite to eat. That is, if you don’t have other plans.”
She agreed to watch the movie with him. They returned to the theater and promptly got in line. When they reached the box office, Wendell graciously paid for their tickets and led them to empty seats near the front of the crowded theater. During the previews, Wendell took her order and made sure to bring back the precise beverage and snack that she asked for. If it had been Posse, and if he were in a nasty mood, he’d purposely do the opposite. If she wanted tortilla chips with cheddar cheese, he’d get the nachos, but he’d take over and add those nasty-tasting jalapeño peppers because, “I love them peppers, Lo. Now be quiet and eat your snack or else I ain’t going to the movie wit you no more.”
I’d better enjoy this treatment while it lasts.
Once the movie started and the plot began to unfold, she and Wendell laughed at the same lines. They nodded when a character spoke dialogue that rang with truth, and protested when they didn’t agree with the characters’ actions. When the ending credits rolled, Wendell just sat there with his eyes fixed in front of him.
“See what I’m talking about?” he asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“Ninety minutes later and I am still no closer to understanding women than I was when I first walked in this joint.”
Lorraine felt warm and fuzzy inside, noting his silly comments. When she and Wendell got up to leave, she noticed the white lady whom she saw in line earlier. This time Brown Hair didn’t turn up her nose. She openly gaped at Lorraine, glanced at Wendell, frowned heavily, and left in a huff. She wasn’t with the man she was hugged up with only a couple of hours before.
“Relationships are hard.” Lorraine nodded as she grew sober. “They’re very hard.” She felt she needed to get real. She may have sat next to Wendell and had fun, but the fact was Wendell was just her co-worker. Tonight was good. Tomorrow was another day. As she thought about how in the next twelve hours she and Wendell would be back on professional terms, she felt down in the dumps.
“Hey, what’s the matter? You sure got quiet on me.” Wendell walked Lorraine to her car, a white-on-white Buick LaCrosse.
She popped the locks on the vechicle and, instead of getting in, she leaned against the door.
“Oh, I didn’t realize I was that quiet. Nothing’s wrong. Just tired.” She yawned. “You know I’ve been off all last week. I was on a staycation.”
“Were you? Nah, I didn’t know.”
She felt a flicker of anger. Of course he wouldn’t know. It wasn’t his job to know. She pulled herself together and offered him a warm smile.
“Um, but I really appreciate your inviting me to see the film. I loved it.”
“Hey, Lorraine, you sound like you’re not going to chow down with me, but I know you’re still hungry. All you ate was that little bag of popcorn. You barely sipped on your cola.”
“I know.”
“I hate to see people waste food. That’s one of my pet peeves.”
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“Hey, there’s something stuck on your lip.” Without asking he reached out and flicked off a kernel of popcorn from her face. When he brushed his hand against her skin, she noticed his hands were warm, rugged, and strong. Standing next to Wendell made her feel like she had nothing to worry about.
Lorraine’s smartphone started ringing. By habit, she dug in her pocket for the phone and saw her ex’s name flash.
“Hey, I gotta get this,” she apologized and slid her finger across the smooth screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey, how you doing? What’s up? What’s happening, lady?”
“I’m just now leaving a movie.”
“Oh yeah? Who you with? I better not find out you with some other nigga.” She heard voices shouting in the background, men arguing like the fools they were.
“Don’t even try it, Posse.”
“I’m more serious than a mug. I’ll hop a plane in a second.”
Even though they weren’t together anymore and she’d been rejecting his pleas for weeks, she liked that he kept coming after her. She knew that if she told him not to call but continued accepting his calls, he wouldn’t take her seriously. But she couldn’t help herself. There were only so many times she could stay home in the apartment, cook for one, and watch Tyler Perry comedies on TBS every Wednesday night. Sure, she loved laughing out loud at the sitcoms for hours, but after that, then what?
“Hey, Posse, this is bad timing and I—”
“So you
are
with another nigga? Who is he? Y’all fucking?”
are
with another nigga? Who is he? Y’all fucking?”
“Anyway, I will call you back later. Bye!” She hung up in the middle of Posse’s angry tirade. Whereas before she’d felt calm and peaceful, now her shoulders stiffened with tension.
What in the hell should I do? I don’t want my ex to have any kind of power over me. I need to regain my power.
3
Possibilities
I can’t believe Posse still knows how to get under my skin.
Lorraine stood stiffly in the movie theater parking lot next to her car. She folded her arms over her breasts.
Lorraine stood stiffly in the movie theater parking lot next to her car. She folded her arms over her breasts.
“Is everything okay?” Wendell asked. He stepped beside Lorraine and placed his hand on her shoulder. “If you ever need to talk, you’ll find that I’m a good listener. Don’t hesitate to find me, call me, whatever.”
“How can I call you . . . ?”
He recited his cell and home numbers to her, which shocked Lorraine. She felt warm and decidedly more focused as she added his info to her phone’s address book.
“My offer still stands. It’s getting late, but if you’re a fan of Mediterranean lasagna and bourbon sweet potatoes, I know a good place. Hey, why don’t you follow me? I’m in the tan Sebring.”
Wendell headed toward his car without waiting for her response.
The second she couldn’t see him anymore, she settled inside her car and dialed Posse.
“You better had called me back. Now, I’m not playing wit you, Lo. Don’t let me have to come to H-town and kick a nigga’s ass. I will do dat.”
“I know you will,” she purred and placed the call on speakerphone. She fastened her seat belt snugly around her waist. She reached inside her purse, unzipped a compartment, and located a tube of lip gloss. She flipped open the vanity mirror and made her lips glisten with two quick swipes. Posse was quiet, like he was listening for hints of background noise.
Yep, he still loves me.
“What are you doing, lady?”
“I’m about to go out to dinner.”
“To pick up something from a drive-through window, right?”
“No, Posse. Not everyone thinks that the Burger King drive-through constitutes a date.”
“
Constitutes
? What’s with the big words?”
Constitutes
? What’s with the big words?”
“Look it up in the dictionary.”
“If I knew how to spell
it
I would, but I can spell
date
, though; don’t try and change the subject.”
it
I would, but I can spell
date
, though; don’t try and change the subject.”
“So what, I’m going out. What about it?”
“Where exactly the fuck you going, then? And with who?”
“Where? I don’t know yet. Who? A wonderful, cute guy I met—”
“Oh no, hell no. What’s the number to Southwest Airlines?”
She laughed at Posse and quickly waved at Wendell, who pulled his vehicle into an empty parking space next to her car. He motioned at her to roll down the window. She hesitated, put Posse on mute, then pressed the button and lowered her window.
“Let’s head out to I-59 toward downtown.”
She nodded and smiled, then quickly rolled up her window. She touched the MUTE button and instantly heard yelling and screaming.
“Hello? Hello? Lo, you hear me fucking talking to you?”
“No, Posse, actually I’m not hearing you right now.” She expertly slid her fingers across her iPhone and silenced Posse’s voice.
Seconds later her phone rang. She laughed and rejected the call. The next five times her phone buzzed, she sent her ex straight to voice mail where men like him belonged. She thought of the many times when she’d called Posse in the past, but he was too busy hanging with his boys to chat. He’d promise to call her back when he was alone, but a ghetto man is never by himself. His low-life friends, needy family members, or sorry stragglers are always hanging around. He and his unemployed associates were constantly scheming, plotting, trying to hustle up the next ten or twenty dollars. A whole lot of time and energy was wasted over chump change. As much as she loved him in spite of his ways, whenever Posse would shut her out, she felt unimportant, like she was in the way, as disposable as garbage. Time after time, he chose his friends and lifestyle over her; she knew he would eventually feel guilty and make it up to her, but the vicious cycle was destined to repeat itself.
Tonight, when she hung up on him, she sensed her female power return to her. Since it was apparent that Posse was chasing her, she relished having the upper hand. But Lorraine knew part of that power was due to the two-hundred-forty-plus miles that existed between her and her ex. He was too far away to be considered a serious threat. Besides, now that Wendell was kind-of, sort-of in the picture, she figured she would be safe, and Posse wouldn’t stand a chance, no matter how much of a thug he claimed to be.
Half an hour later, she and Wendell sat across from one another, relaxing in a corner booth at Sambuca restaurant. They nibbled on veggie lasagna and listened to live music performed by an acoustic rock band. Sitting in that restaurant, she realized she had willingly and gloriously been taken to a whole new world by a man who possessed class and style, and seemed considerate of her feelings.
“Ahh, you’re shivering.” Wendell placed his fork next to his glass of wine and quietly observed her.
“Yeah, unfortunately I got a little overheated in my car on the way over here and was trying to get in the restaurant so fast that I left my jacket on the front seat of my car.”
“You’re welcome to wear mine.”
“You sure?”
“Positive,” he said and removed his jacket. He stood up and placed the tweed coat squarely on her shoulders.
You’re positively wonderful,
are the words that came to her mind as she adjusted his jacket and pulled it closer to her neck.
You’re positively wonderful,
are the words that came to her mind as she adjusted his jacket and pulled it closer to her neck.
Wendell was well over six feet tall and had a little bit of meat on his bones, unlike Posse, who was as thin as a goat. Wendell’s jacket was so big on Lorraine it swallowed her up, but the warmth it brought made up for the uncomfortable feeling she had from it being oversized. She felt protected and that comforted her. Five minutes later she started sneezing uncontrollably.
“Someone must be wearing some strong perfume,” she complained and sneezed again.
“God bless you,” he said with an amused look on his face.
“What’s so funny?” she pouted.
“I’m sorry, but your nose wrinkles when you sneeze. It’s cute. You’re cute, too.”
When their evening had ended, Lorraine wasn’t thinking about Posse. She thought about the complexities of love and loneliness, lust and life. She wanted so much out of life and one of those things was true love. She felt that good love was filled with possibilities.
She wanted to know how it felt to date a man with integrity, who kept his promises 75 percent of the time, who paid for dates 90 percent of the time, who respected her 100 percent of the time. And most important she wanted to know what it was like to be in the life of a man who never, ever referred to his mother as the b-word.
As soon as Lorraine shut the door of her vehicle, she phoned her sister.
“What’s up, Joanna?”
“You sound happy and it’s kind of late. What ya been doing?”
“Trying to change my life, that’s what.” She went on to explain how she did something spontaneous by hanging out with Wendell.
“It felt so good to be connected with a man who seems to be on the same level. Is that wrong? Do I sound like a judgmental snob?” Even though the Eafford sisters were raised middle class, they still had cousins who lived on the drug-infested side of Dallas. Their kin didn’t have extra money for items beyond food, rent, and utilities. And none of that side of the family ever stayed in community college beyond their freshman year, but Lorraine and Joanna’s mother still insisted that they embrace their struggling cousins. She felt guilty for judging certain aspects of Posse’s life and hoped her attitude didn’t mean she was a bad person.
“Sis, you have every right to make a rational decision about what type of guy you think best fits your personality, values, and goals. Every woman isn’t meant to be with every man. And just because you’re trying to move on from the likes of Posse doesn’t mean you’re judging him. Hate to say it, but he ought to be glad you gave him the time of day in the first place. And you didn’t break up because he was broke; it’s because, most of the time, he didn’t know how to act respectfully. There’s a difference.”
“I guess,” Lorraine responded in a hushed tone. “It’s just that at one point I loved what he gave me even if it seemed he was someone who shouldn’t have been giving me anything. Now I detest everything he stands for. I hate to seem like I’m going from one extreme to another—Posse versus Wendell. But I have to raise my standards. Nowhere to go but up. Definitely wouldn’t make sense to find a man lower than my ex.”
“Hmm, sounds like you’ve been doing some serious thinking, sis. Are you truly ready to let go? No more sexy thugs?”
“I’ve already let go.” She failed to mention that she still took Posse’s calls.
“Yeah, right,” replied Joanna. She knew her sister well and figured all Lorraine had to do was hear Posse’s charming/ disgusting voice and he’d reel her in like a catfish from a lake.
“Girl, don’t doubt me. Watch me.”
“Why the sudden change? Your panties would get wet just from your looking at Posse’s tats on his arms and back.”
“Back then, all that
was
sexy.” She quietly laughed. “And I just wanted to bring his sexy into my life to see what it felt like.”
was
sexy.” She quietly laughed. “And I just wanted to bring his sexy into my life to see what it felt like.”
“Oh yeah,” Joanna said. “You are the ‘I’ll try anything once’ type of chick.”
“If you say so, but that’s why I have my sights set on Mr. Wendell. He definitely has the right packaging.”
“Yeah, I feel you. Because with Posse it was ‘what you see is what you get.’ ”
“But what if I’m wrong about Wendell? Like how the people at the Dallas firm looked at me and assumed I was a reserved square who’d never be caught dead with a man like Posse, yet I was crazy about him.”
“You’re thinking Wendell might be freaky behind closed doors?”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just want a man who’s true to himself, yet adheres to high standards. I want him to say ‘no’ to drugs and not rationalize the positive aspects of pot.”
“Nothing wrong with that, sis. Just make sure that these new high standards that you’re seeking are really the true you. Wouldn’t want to see you get yourself entangled with a decent guy just for you to decide you prefer the Posse kind of guy.”
“Oh no, none of that. I’ve been cured of my attraction to knuckleheaded hood guys. I swear on Tupac’s and Biggie’s graves.”
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