Crushed (Breaking the Rules Series Book 5) (10 page)

“Mom, I don’t know if I can do it,” I murmur.

She shakes her head and her voice becomes an angry growl. “Too damn bad, Jackson Compton. Tyler is every bit your son as Thomas is. He needs his father. By law, he’s your son now, and I won’t sit here and watch you deny him. It’s not right, Jackie.”

Anger swells in my chest. “I can’t do it!” I roar as I jerk away from her and Jordan’s grasp.

Mom doesn’t let me get away that easily though. “You can and you will. That’s enough, Jackson. Get in there. Now.”

Feeling damn sorry for myself, I storm away from them and back through the double doors. This time, I go the opposite direction of Andi even though my heart calls to be with her. I find a nurses’ station and ding the bell twenty or more annoying times before an agitated nurse rounds the corner. When she sees my face, though, she softens her features.

“Can I help you, sir?”

“I’m here to see Tyler . . . Tyler Compton.”

After she verifies my identification against the hospital records that indicate that I’m the father, she places a security bracelet on my wrist.

“Come on. I’ll take you to a private visiting area. Someone will bring in Tyler shortly. And, sir, I’m sorry about the loss of your other baby,” she says quietly as she guides me over to the room.

Clearly, word of Andi and Thomas has spread through the ward.

I wait for what seems like an eternity before the door opens and a smiling, older nurse wheels in a cart. This bundle is much bigger than the bundle I held earlier. This bundle is moving. This bundle is crying.

“Shh, Daddy’s here, little one,” the nurse coos as she lifts him from the bed.

Bile rises in my throat, and I almost can’t stomach the idea of holding this baby. But the nurse doesn’t give me a choice. She bends over to reach me from my seated position on the small couch and deposits him into my arms.

Blue little eyes stop crying and look up at me.

My Tyler.

His presence shouldn’t comfort me. But it does.

His sweet features shouldn’t draw me in. But they do.

His little soul shouldn’t be able to instantly wrap itself to my soul. But it does.

I realize I’m crying again, and I feel like a fool. He’s just so damn beautiful.

“Hey there, little guy. I’m your daddy,” I whisper as I stroke his forehead with my thumb. The skin there is so soft. So warm.

An ache in my heart for Thomas hits me so hard that I shudder. The loss of my other son is still a bleeding wound. But Tyler, with his tiny lips and miniature nose, is desperately handing me a bandage, silently begging me to let him fix it.

And he will. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. This boy, Tyler, was sent to us. Baby number nine. He’s very much ours just as much as any of the other babies were. God sent him to us to heal our broken hearts. I can see that plain as day.

My beautiful, sweet, broken Andi will need some convincing though.

“Now, Tyler, you need to listen to Daddy, okay?” I question through my tears.

His wide eyes inspect my features. His body reacts to my voice. My boy is quiet—as if he truly is listening to what I have to say.

“Your mommy is very sad. Your brother Thomas had to go be an angel. Here’s where I’m going to need your help, little buddy. I need you to be strong for Mommy. Mommy might say things at first that she doesn’t mean. She still loves you, but she’s so very sad. Mommy needs us to be there for her no matter what. Can you do that, Tyler? For Daddy?”

He sighs exaggeratedly, and I chuckle.

“I know—hard work. But you’re a tough little guy. We can do this.”

After pulling the blanket away to reveal a tiny hand tucked inside, I slide my pinkie finger into his palm. With such strength, he grips my finger with his hand. Then I give it a little wiggle and smile.

“Okay. A deal’s a deal. A man’s handshake is as good as any contract. Together, we’re going to make Mommy better. I love you, Tyler.”

“Andi,” I whisper and stroke a blond strand away from her forehead. My wife looks like an angel who’s been in an epic battle and lost. She’s absolutely crushed.

Slightly, she turns her head toward me, but her normally sparkling eyes are dulled. She doesn’t frown or smile or hardly even acknowledge me.

“Babe,” I try again and smile at her.

Her lips pucker into a pout as she looks up at the ceiling. Shit, this is going to be a lot harder than I expected.

“Dr. Ellis said you could go home in the morning. I thought maybe you would want to see Tyler. He’s in the nursery. I could go get him and—”

Sadly, she mouths the word, “No.”

I groan in frustration. She’s said no to visitors, to Dr. Sweeney, and to Tyler multiple times.

“Please? For me?” I beg quietly.

Her lips purse together and she shakes her head.

Fuck.

“Fine. I’ll go visit him by myself. I will come back in twenty minutes,” I snip.

She’s not the only one hurting here. I’m gutted by the loss of Thomas, but I can’t abandon Tyler because of it. Mom was right—I’m his daddy now. He relies on me to look after him.

“Fine,” she mutters.

Fuck.

I lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead before stomping out of the room. On the way out the door, I nearly run right into Dr. Sweeney. Thank fucking God.

“Doc, you’ve got your homework cut out for you. You have to fix her, man. I don’t know what to do.” I sigh raggedly. My chest aches for her. I just want to help my wife.

His face is grim but determined. I know that Andi is more than just a patient to him—he cares for her.

“I’ll do my best, Jackson. This isn’t an overnight fix. She’ll need a lot of counseling to get through this. Our biggest concern right now is not letting her have feelings of resentment toward Tyler. Keep trying, son. We’ll bring her back.”

I hope to hell he’s right.

With a nod of my thanks, I leave him to deal with her so I can see our son again. Mom keeps texting me like a wild woman because she wants to visit with him. I’d hoped to have Andi meet him before the rest of the family, but that’s looking pretty bleak. It’s been almost six hours since they took Thomas away and I can’t get her to agree to see Tyler.

Mom: Now??????

I roll my eyes at her tenth text with the same damn message. Finally, I make it out into the waiting room to find her.

Pepper attacks me the moment I come through the doors. “How is she?”

I take a deep breath. “Not well. Dr. Sweeney is with her right now.”

“Has she seen Tyler yet?” Mom pipes up beside her.

“No. She isn’t interested in seeing anyone. Not even me. I think she’s going to need more time.”

Mom and Pepper both frown worriedly. I’m sure my expression matches theirs.

“Can
we
see him then?” Mom questions.

I sigh but nod. “I’m going back to visit him now. You can come to the visiting room with me.”

“Jackson,” Pepper asks softly, “Do you think I could go talk to Andi?”

My eyes flit down to her slightly swollen belly and Molly on her hip. I give a small shake of my head and leave her to cry in Jordan’s arms as I take Mom to meet Tyler.

“Have you spoken to Jill or her parents?” Mom asks once we make it through the doors and down the hallway toward the visiting room.

“No. I feel like I’ve been running around trying to take care of everyone. I haven’t had a chance to check on her yet.”

Mom grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I texted them and she’s okay. She’ll be going home tomorrow. Laura said she’s handling it really well, but they’ve already enrolled her in counseling. They’re very sorry about Thomas.”

Hearing his name chokes me up, and I stare at the floor as we walk.

“Son, I want you to know something,” she says softly. “You’re doing a fine job. Handling everything. Andi picked you for a reason—because you’re solid, reliable, and loveable. Things will be hard for her, but luckily, she married my sweet boy, because you’re going to take good care of her. She’ll heal. I promise.”

For the millionth time today, I cry. I feel like such a fucking pussy, but my heart aches so goddamned badly.

I clear my throat and ding the bell at the nurses’ station. The same nurse from before recognizes me and goes to get Tyler. After she makes sure our bracelets match, she pushes the cart over into the visiting room before leaving us alone with him.

“Oh my goodness,” Mom coos. “He’s just perfect.”

As she picks him up and cuddles him, I feel a sense of pride. My mother is holding my baby for the first time.

My boy.

My sweet Tyler.

Fifty-eight ceiling tiles. I’ve counted them over and over again while waiting for the nurse to wheel me out to the car.

“Ready to go?” Jackson asks gruffly.

I know he’s tired. We both are. Last night was the worst night of my life. I spent the entire night howling at the gaping hole that my son left in my chest when he died. Jackson spent the night trying to comfort me.

Every couple of hours, he asked if I would hold Tyler. Absolutely not. Each time, I refused.

Doesn’t he understand that I can’t just push away the loss of our Thomas and move on like he clearly can?

I nod at him, indicating that I’m ready, and he leaves the hospital room. Where he’s going is anybody’s guess.