Crushing Desire (16 page)

It was at that moment she realized they were alone together. They had not been so in such a long time.

“Reena, I promised to protect you, and I will, but you must do as I say.” He paused, searching her face. Lips parting, her chin raised, and she peeked at him through lowered lashes. She hoped that he would kiss her. Hoped he would tell her that he hadn’t meant to stay away like he had. He stiffened, swallowed hard, and grabbed her bag from the floor by their feet, placing it on the bed.

“Unpack and get some rest. I’ll be back later to unpack my things.” He handed her the key and headed for the door.

She watched him disappear through the door, her chest hollow. Reena stood and locked the door behind. She found the whole idea somewhat silly, but her word had been given, and she would keep it.

When she finished putting her clothing away, Reena donned her oversized white bed dress. The soft material with small yellow flowers came no farther than her knees. She was too embarrassed to remove her stays, though. It hadn’t been of priority in the planning of this trip, but she would not be able to put it on properly without help. Emily had always been there to help her with it, until now. A pang of sadness overcame her as she thought of her friend. She wasn’t sure when, if ever, they would be reunited.

Reena snuggled down into the bed and cuddled the soft pillow to her, ignoring the pinching whalebone stays. She had just nodded off when a rattling sound jarred startled her awake. It was as though someone was trying to open the door, but when she called out to see if it was Joshua, the sound ceased. Sitting for a moment in the darkness of the cabin, she listened hard.

“Don’t let your imagination get the best of you,” she said when no other sounds came. Rolling over, Reena tried to get back to sleep.

9

Joshua dreaded returning to their room. He’d imagined he would have more self-control. He was not an untried schoolboy, yet when he thought of her on the soft bed with nothing but a night dress, he wanted to jump on her like a thirsty man on a tall drink. If he was to have her, he wanted to give her pleasure. To make her want him desperately first, and make her forget that any other man had ever entered her. He didn’t want to push her onto the bed and press himself into her with no warning as he’d had the urge to do.

He lifted a barrel on the ship’s deck, helping Fish to right it.

“You all right?” the young sailor asked.

The yearning in her eyes as they’d sat on the bed flashed through his mind.

“Fine,” he said, curtly.

“Seems to me, a man so newlywed would want to be in the room with his bride and not on the deck helping with the running of the ship.”

He did want to be in his room, but she wasn’t his bride yet. His reasons for bringing her on the ship were becoming harder to define. She was no longer a virgin, and so he needn’t worry for her virtue, yet it seemed wrong to try to seduce her—disrespectful. If things hadn’t been so fresh between her and Michael, and if he hadn’t been somewhat bitter about it, it would have suited him better to convince her to marry him before they’d left. Part of him still wished he’d tried. But if he had, she might have said no. He had to clear his mind. The sea air was doing him good, and the men’s jokes and stories amused him. On decks, he could pitch in some and forget some of these wayward thoughts.

“A newly married man not in his bride’s bed… Says a lot, doesn’t it Fish?” Gregory smiled at the younger man who grinned but said nothing.

Joshua exchanged a snarl with the first mate and then ignored him. The man worried and angered him. Not only with the way he treated Reena when she was looking, but the way he ogled her when she wasn’t. It didn’t help that she was obviously blind to the mate’s true thoughts. Joshua turned away, seeking work elsewhere. If he’d met the lecherous man before agreeing to this, he would have made other arrangements.

By the time they left port, it was morning, and Joshua was dead tired.

Returning to the room below, he knocked softly, waiting to hear the key in the door. When the door opened, Reena was dressed for the day, and a book lay on a small desk that was bolted to the far side of the cabin.

“We’re underway?” She leaned forward, head cocked.

Joshua smiled, knowing she’d gotten that particular bit of locution from some nautical tale or other. Her passion for reading more than trivial poetry intrigued him. It showed that she had passion and imagination.

He nodded, removing the clothing, books, and carved ivory chess set from his bags and placed them into a sizeable trunk for the voyage. Flopping down onto the bed, he inhaled deep, enjoying the faint scent of her that seemed to penetrate the bedding. It was like being in a field of flowers, mixed with some sweet fragrance that always lingered in her hair.

Reena return to her book. The lovely blue dress that she wore made her appear fresh as a new day. He wished Reena could see what a pretty picture she made, sitting with her legs drawn beneath her, her cheeks flushed from an exciting scene. She seemed like sweetness itself. His eyelids drooped as she bit her lip and gasped while she read, her reactions to the events on the page coming through into life. The companionable silence wasn’t awkward. In fact, it seemed like they had been in such intimate settings a hundred times.

Then Reena was on the bed with him, her exquisite body pressed to his. His hand ran the length of her thigh, delighting in the soft yet firm flesh beneath his palms. Her body was exposed to him and her hair fell about her shoulders, caressing his face as she leaned over him, offering herself to him.

“Joshua.” Her hands moved to his shoulders. He pressed his lips to the soft curve of her neck. “Joshua” She shook him slightly.

He took her in his arms, rolling her beneath him, ignoring the impediment of thick covers that lay between them. His eyes fluttered open and a cloud must have passed from the sun, because the room brightened in an instant. Fingers on her cheeks, he brought his mouth to hers, and kissed her hard. Her hands shoved at his chest. He slid his hands down over her throat and then across her chest. Something in the covers between them pressed into his chest, something restricting kept his fingers from finding the flesh of her breasts. Hooking his fingers in the hard material, he tugged. His tongue played along her lips, encouraging them to open, instead her mouth turned from his.

“Joshua!”

Something’s wrong here.
He blinked, trying to clear his head. She panted next to his ear, her hands pushing hard at his shoulders.

Then a hand gripped his shoulder, shaking him. A decidedly male hand. Sleep fled completely, and the real world filled in around him.

“I know you’re newlywed, but you must break for food now and then.” A deep voice rumbled from behind him.

Shaking his head, and ignoring the pink-cheeked embarrassment that was written all over Reena’s face, Joshua rolled over to see the damned first mate standing beside the bed. The man’s hand grasped Reena’s, and he helped her from the bed. An altogether inappropriate gesture in Joshua’s opinion. The man’s eyes shimmered with mirth, and Joshua scowled.

The audacity of this man seemed beyond measure.

“Will you come to the meal? The lady won’t come without you, and she has already refused her breakfast. If you refuse to feed her much longer, she may expire completely.” Gregory sent her a charming smile that made Joshua want to break the man’s teeth, but instead, he threw back the covers.

“By all means, do lead the way.” Joshua straightened his clothes a bit to hide his obvious arousal and stood.

The meal was modest, but the cook had made a special dessert in honor of the newlywed couple. Reena charmed the whole crew, and they climbed all over each other to get her anything she needed. They laughed at her stories and told yarns that made her laugh. She was full of whit and joy, and when the meal was over, they all clambered to pull out her chair.

The other men on the ship liked her well, but Joshua found himself grumbling at the attention they paid her.

9

Reena felt lighter than air by the time they reached their room. The men on the crew seemed to be decent and kind, and they were certainly funny. She hadn’t laughed quite so much in more than a month. Joshua seemed to be having a good time as well, and she was glad of it. She was worried that he would be so embarrassed about what had happened when he’d awoken, that he would spend the time brooding, but he hadn’t.

“Would you care to walk around the deck tonight?” Joshua asked.

Reena, who was standing with her back to him so he could wash up in the basin, almost turned toward him in her excitement to go on the walk, but stopped herself.

“I should love to!” She clapped. “It will be such an adventure. I can’t think to wonder what we might find. On my crossing from America, Ms. Benton and I saw dolphins. What a wonderful sight that was. Do you think we will see more dolphins? Or perhaps a whale?”

He laughed, and she hoped he wasn’t thinking her too childish, but she couldn’t help it.

“We shall see, my dear wife, we shall see,” he said.

Reena’s heart fluttered with his use of such an intimate term. She was glad that her back was to him, because her warming cheeks would surely show the effect that his words had on her.

The sound of his clothes rustling as he dressed had her fighting the urge to peek. She longed to capture a sight of his body in all its power and beauty. She clutched her skirt to keep herself from turning, and soon, he was standing beside her, offering his arm.

Joshua looked amazing. He’d donned a dark blue greatcoat and black trousers. His eyes seemed to glow in unison with the coat, and the trousers hugged the muscles of his thighs, showing the power that lay beneath the material. The well trimmed beard that he was cultivating gave him a rugged appearance, making him appear dangerous and handsome like he belonged on a pirate ship.

Reena took his arm, and they strolled to the deck. The sun was setting, and the crewmen were relaxed along the sides of the ship, joking amongst themselves. The sky shone with reds and oranges that took Reena’s breath away. Joshua pointed out the parts of the ship as the sun descended until finally it disappeared behind the expanse of ocean where it would hide until morning. The lanterns had been lit, and the crew had quieted, most retiring to sleep. Reena yawned, stretched tall, and sighed, her cramped muscles relaxing.

“I think it’s time to retire.” Joshua’s tone sent a shiver over her skin.

Did he mean what he seemed to mean? If he did, could she?

Reena wanted to.

She couldn’t hide it from herself. Only Reena didn’t know if she could go through with it. She’d been taught that a girl was supposed to save herself for marriage and that guilt, she was sure, would surface at a crucial moment to stop her. She didn’t want to hurt Joshua by allowing him to think that she would when she might not be able to.

When Joshua heaved the door to their room open, Reena almost asked him to wait. She needed more time to decide, more time to think. Her hands were like lead when he turned his back to allow her to change. Anticipation of his needs served to make her fingers nimble as twigs on the tiny buttons of her dress. She had barely been able to sleep with her stays on earlier and bit her lip gently, wondering if she should remove it. In the end, she grabbed the trailing ties and removed her unyielding stays, sighing with relief as the heavy binding released its stranglehold.

Pulling a soft pink night gown over her head, she jumped into the bed and told Joshua that she was finished. She turned her back to him, fighting the temptation to watch him undress behind half-closed lids. The rustle of his clothes found her holding her breath as she waited for his weight to depress the bed behind her, for his hands to caress her hair, for any sign that they would do more than sleep that night.

She lay stiff beneath the blanket and listened to him move about the room and finally a soft creak told her he’d settled into the chair in which she had spent most of her day. Her relief was heavily tempered with disappointment.

Of late, she’d had the impression that he wanted her, at the least in a physical way. Was it all in her head? She folded her arms over her chest, confusion turning to anger as she lay alone in the bed. Rolling on her side, she frowned at his sleeping figure.

Was he not even going to try to seduce her?

Chapter Sixteen

The next morning, her anger had mellowed some and only a slight hollow in the pit of her stomach remained. She opened her eyes, expecting to find Joshua gone, but he stood in the center of the room. He wore nothing but a loose pair of trousers, and his muscles rippled as he moved slowly. It appeared as though he were doing some incredibly slow form of martial art. Reena had seen the twins’ demonstrations of what they called the martial arts, but this was different.

The power and strength of his body was apparent in every flex of his muscles. He gave the impression of being a tiger in a cage, his incredible power kept under perfect control. He swept his arms across his chest, drawing them up and then pushing them away from him. She found herself wanting to kiss the hollow between his shoulder blades. She closed her eyes, trying to force the inappropriate thought from her mind, but it refused to go. Others joined it when he leaned, rolling his hands as he moved.