Crushing on Love (The Bradens of Peaceful Harbor, Book Four) (7 page)

He didn’t steal his hand away, but his serious expression sent a chill down her back.

“What I want doesn’t matter.”

Doesn’t matter?
“I don’t understand. You’ve been hot and cold all day. One minute you’re sucking my finger, the next you’re telling me to go out with your friend. I have no idea where you stand.”

“Where I stand?” He stepped closer. “Where I stand is right here on this mountain. Where I’ll always stand.”

She crossed her arms against the sting of rejection. “Come on, Steve. We’ve been playing this game since Rex and Jade’s wedding, which was months ago.”

“I don’t play games,” he said sharply.

She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze. “Then what do you call it? You
took
my cupcake, for God’s sake, and whether you want to admit it or not, you definitely have been flirting with me.”

“Why does it have to be called anything?” He turned away and ran his hand through his hair again. She realized it was a nervous habit. If he was nervous, that had to mean something.

“It doesn’t, but…”

He turned toward her again. “But?”

“But…I don’t know. Now I feel foolish for bringing it up.”

His gaze softened and he grumbled a curse. “Well, don’t feel foolish, for Christ’s sake. I do like you.” He reached for her hand and tugged her closer. “But I also respect you.”

“But…?”

“We’re saying that word a lot, aren’t we?” His lips curved up in a smile. “But you’re a social butterfly, and I like my solitary life. It doesn’t matter if I like you, or if I find you insanely sexy. Nothing can come of it, so it’s better if we don’t torture ourselves with it.”

She stepped closer and slipped her finger into the waistband of his pants. “You find me insanely sexy?”

“Shannon,” he warned, and put his hand on hers to move it from his waist, but she curled her finger tighter.

“That’s why you wanted me to go out with Will, isn’t it? So I wouldn’t want to go out with you? Or so I would be off-limits?”

He didn’t respond, but his hand tightened around hers.

“So you wouldn’t want me?” She closed the sliver of space between them. “Because you’d never hit on your friend’s girlfriend. That’s not who Steve Johnson is.”

“For the record, your being with Will wouldn’t stop me from
wanting
you. It would piss me off, but at least I’d know I didn’t hold you back.”

“From?”

“From the life you want. The life you deserve.” His face went hard, tense. “Stop this, Shannon. This can’t happen.”

“Why?”

“Because it can’t go anywhere.”

She heard the words. She even processed them, and she didn’t do flings, but her heart was so full of Steve, not one ounce of her wanted to give up the chance to get closer to him.

“Do all relationships have to go somewhere?” It was a stupid question, because she knew everyone wasn’t looking for a lifelong commitment, but she didn’t care about everyone. She cared about him.

He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them, she saw a renewed struggle.

“You’re asking the wrong guy.” He dropped his gaze from her eyes to her mouth, and his entire body seemed to rise and expand. He grimaced, and just when she was sure he was going to turn away, his arm circled her waist and he tugged her against him.

Heat surged through her with his conflicting messages. He was looking at her like he wanted to devour her, but he gritted his teeth like she was the enemy. Breathing hard, her nerves tingling like pinpricks, she forced through her fear of being turned away and tried one last time to entice him over to the dark side.

“So,” she said shakily. “Let me get this straight. You’re attracted to me, but since we like different things, we can’t”—she licked her lips, feeling his body flex against her—“kiss?”

His lips parted and his eyes narrowed.

“We can’t”—she pressed her hand to his chest—“touch?”

“Shannon,” he said gruffly. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”

How come every guy she wanted to do the right thing inevitably did the wrong thing—like he was doing now?

“You think you’re trying to do the right thing, but your definitions are mixed up, Grizz. The way you’re holding me? That
is
the right thing.” She held his gaze, their bodies instinctively moving closer. His long fingers splayed across her back, searing heat through her shirt.

“Damn it, Shannon. Don’t you get it?” He pressed his cheek to hers, his whiskers scratching her skin as his hot breath rolled over her ear. “It’s not wrong. Not by any stretch of the imagination.”

He touched his lips to her cheek, and she closed her eyes. His lips brushed along her jaw, over her lips. His hips pressed forward, every hard inch of him sinking into her.

“Feel what you do to me with nothing more than your voice, a single touch, your sexy-as-hell eyes.”

She couldn’t respond, could barely think past the feel of his hands on her body, the power and frustration in his voice. Lord help her, because she wanted to feel that power wrapped around her.

“You
know
I want to lay you down right here and memorize every sweet curve of your body. I want to taste your pleasures, waylay your fears, discover your vulnerabilities, your secret pleasure points.” His lips brushed over hers again, along her cheek, to her other ear. “Even when we’re not together, all I can think about is what it would be like to be inside you.”

Yes, yes, yes. Oh Lord, yes
.

He drew back, and she opened her eyes. Her knees weakened at the desire welling in his eyes. Then his hands left her body, and she heard herself whimper. He placed his hands on her cheeks, angling her head up so she had no choice but to give him her full attention. And boy, did he have it. Every inch of her body was waiting for his kiss.

“You have no idea how much I want you.
I
had no idea how much I’ve wanted you. I’ve been trying to deny it, but I’ve wanted you since Jade’s wedding.”

Hope soared within her.

He brushed his thumb over her lips. “God, I love that sassy mouth of yours. But in a few weeks you’ll go back to your real life, and I’ll still be right here on this mountain.” He paused, and his words settled in like lead. “Sorry, Butterfly, but I’m not that selfish.”

He laced his fingers with hers and led her away from the spot where she’d been sure they were going to share their first kiss. The spot where she’d left her legs, her hope, and a piece of her heart.

Neither one spoke for a long time. When her brain began to function, anger replaced disbelief. She couldn’t take the silence anymore and said, “That’s it?”

“Pretty much.” He lifted their joined hands as she stepped over a rock.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re kind of a jerk.”

He laughed. “I’ve been called much worse.”

“Seriously, most guys would have been all over me up there.”

He slowed, clenched his jaw, then continued walking.

Ugh!
“Most guys would see it as a blessing that I’m not going to be a noose around their neck forever.”

“It should’ve tipped you off that I’m not like most guys when you saw where I live. Besides, if you’re the type of girl who wants to be fucked by a guy who won’t give a shit about you the next morning, then I made the right decision.”

“What? I’m not…That’s not what I meant.” She shoved a branch out of her way and stomped over a pile of twigs.

“Maybe you should choose your words more carefully.” He guided her through a nest of cottonwood trees, and she knew they were nearing her cabin. She didn’t want the night to end like this. This was worse than before he’d said anything. At least then she’d still wondered whether he liked her, but now she knew he did—and he was
choosing
not to act on it.

“All I meant was, most guys would have at least kissed me.”

He mumbled something, then said, “You should have gone out with Will and gotten your kisses.”

“I don’t
want
to kiss Will. I want to kiss you, dumbass.”

He stopped short and tugged her against him so hard she smacked into his chest. “You know, it’s amazing you get any guys with all the compliments you dole out.”

“Doesn’t
anything
ruffle your feathers?”

“Yes. A certain mouthy brunette ruffles a hell of a lot more than my feathers.”

She pressed her lips together and drew upon every ounce of courage she could muster. “Then why won’t you kiss me?”

He brushed the back of his fingers down her cheek, fluid and gentle, but the look in his eyes was rough and possessive. The man was a walking contradiction.

“Shannon, you are a gorgeous woman,” he said softly. “You’re smart, seductive, and playful in a way that I’m not at all used to and find so freaking hot, you drive me out of my mind.”

Hope slipped in again, and she dared to hang on to it.

“But for a girl who thinks she’s got
most guys
figured out, you haven’t got a clue about
this
guy.”

IT WAS HELL not popping over to see Steve in the morning, but Shannon needed to get her head on straight about what was, or wasn’t, going on between them. She spent the entire day vacillating between being embarrassed by being blown off and turned on by all the sexy things he’d said. She tried to focus on her research, but her mind kept circling back to being in his arms and the hungry look in his eyes as he’d said those seductive things to her. Hours later, after she’d traipsed over half the mountain collecting data, she still couldn’t make sense of it. But she was a researcher. And damn it, she’d figure him out one way or another.

By the time she’d finished for the day, she was fit to be tied. There was only one way to make sense of a man she wanted this badly, and that was to let her girlfriends do it for her. Two phone calls and half an hour later she was dressed in her cutest outfit and out the door, heading for Buckley’s, a local bar.

She hummed as she drove down the narrow mountain road.
Do not even glance at his cabin. No looking. Just drive right past.

Steve’s truck was parked at the end of his driveway with the hood up, and he was bent over, peering into it. Denim stretched across his perfect ass. He rose to his full height as her Jeep neared, and she lost her breath. Why, oh why, did he have to be shirtless? Couldn’t he wear a ski parka? Or even better, full-body armor?

He sauntered toward the road, and she had no choice but to stop or look like a bitch. He peered into her open window, his eyes drifting to her miniskirt. “Hey there, Butterfly. Where’re you off to looking so pretty?”

She felt herself swooning.
No swooning!

She wasn’t going to get swept up in him any more than she already was.

“Meeting friends at Buckley’s.”

His eyes narrowed. “Buckley’s? That’s where Cal hangs out, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” she said flippantly, although now that he’d said it, she remembered it was true. Good, let him get jealous. Served him right.

“Jade’s coming, and she promised to tell me
all
your dirty little secrets.” She was only teasing. Jade would never offer up anyone’s dirty secrets.

The muscles in his neck corded tight. His eyes drifted down her legs, stirring all the heat she’d spent the day trying to pretend didn’t exist. She didn’t have a chance of not swooning over him when all it took was one look to make her go crazy.

“Good luck with that,” he said with a smirk, moving away from the window and straightening up, giving her a mouthwatering view of his bare chest.

She tried to look away, but her eyes were glued to him. After last night, she wondered if he had any dirty secrets at all—or so many she’d be better off
not
knowing.

“Have a good time, Butterfly, and be careful on these roads. Turn on your headlights, and if you have any trouble, you know how to reach me.”

She wondered what would happen if she called him from her bedroom.
Hey, Grizz, I need some wood…
Would he blow her off or turn her on?

“Thanks, Grizz.” How did he go from raging inferno last night to casual neighbor today? She couldn’t even stay irritated with him long enough to spin wheels and drive away. God, this crush was turning her into a wimp. “Everything okay with your truck? Need a ride somewhere?”

He wiped his hands on a rag she hadn’t noticed. “I’m good.”

“You know, you should get out and have some fun sometimes. It’s good for you.” She realized he’d said he had to go into town last night, and he’d never gone. She wondered if he’d made that up just so Will wouldn’t end up in her cabin. That thought brought rise to the emotion she was starting not to trust—
hope
.

He raised his arms out to his sides. “Look around you. This
is
my fun.”

She sighed. “Are you at least going to the barn dance the night before I leave?”

“Sorry, but these legs don’t dance.”

She rolled her eyes. “You could if you tried.”

“Not my thing, Butterfly.”

“Too bad. I’m going, and I
love
to dance.”

“Have fun with that.” He turned and walked away.

She stewed all the way to Buckley’s.
The only one I need rescuing from is you.

She’d put herself out there last night and he’d turned her away. She should have spent the day returning Cal’s and Will’s calls, not stewing over a man who said he’s
not selfish enough
to get involved with her. But every time she’d picked up her phone to return one of their calls, she’d lost service. A sign from the universe? She was a scientifically minded woman and wasn’t supposed to believe in things like cosmic signs. But her girly heart apparently didn’t care about her advanced degree. It had clung to the silly universe idea and refused to let go.

Tempest would be so proud
.

She smiled at the thought of her older sister, who loved all things cosmic and spiritual. She’d probably write a song about it. As a music therapist, Tempest wrote songs about everything. Shannon often found herself thinking,
WWTD
? But her What-Would-Tempest-Do frame of mind often led her to do the opposite, since they were so different. Tempest was reserved and practical. She held her tongue more often than not and
always
thought things through before speaking. Even though they were different in many ways, Shannon still found her mind going back to her sister time and time again. Tempest was her measuring post of how far she could stray, and even though she was pissed off at the moment, she was glad she’d taken her sister’s advice about coming to Colorado. Of course, Tempest would give her a hard time for throwing herself at Steve, as would her four older brothers. Sam would have her wear a chastity belt if it were up to him. He had always been the most protective of her brothers, which was precisely why she hadn’t called Tempest today to talk over the issue with Steve. She didn’t need Sam catching wind of whatever
wasn’t
going on. She had enough to deal with trying to weed through the hot-and-heavy confusion of the Steve-Shannon puzzle without her brother butting in.