Cryer's Cross (13 page)

When Jacián and Marlena nudge her at the end of the day, Kendall pulls herself away. It’s like the afternoon was only minutes long. And now she has to leave him, leave Nico, for the entire weekend. The incredible high drains slowly, and by the time the three of them are at Hector’s, Kendall feels like she just came off of a very big sugar rush. She’s lethargic and her brain is muddled.

“What’s up with you today?” Jacián asks as they stretch for soccer. Marlena sits wrapped up in a blanket on the porch, watching, her foot propped up on the railing.

“Nothing much,” Kendall says. Her voice sounds far away.

“You got tired of sitting by me?”

“Huh? No. I just . . .” She trails off, wondering what she’s going to say. “I just feel closer to Nico when I’m sitting there.”

Jacián grabs a ball and starts dribbling. He doesn’t say anything.

Kendall goes through the motions of doing some exercises but when Jacián passes the ball to her, she misses, or doesn’t make the effort to return the ball.

“Come on,” he mutters.

Kendall shakes her arms and does a quick jog in place in an attempt to clear her head. “Sorry. I’m not sure . . .” She tries to concentrate, and slowly, as she focuses and puts some effort into the sport, the fuzziness in her brain clears. By the time she’s fully into playing, questions start bombarding. As she runs, the questions sound out at every step.

What is happening to me?

How is it possible?

Is this what Nico was feeling when he was so distant, those days before he disappeared?

She stops short and lets Jacián steal the ball as she realizes how strange everything was today. “Oh my God,” she says in a strange voice. “Oh my God. I’m going insane.” She flops to the grass, her head pounding, as Jacián comes running over.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Kendall looks up at him for a long moment. She shakes
her head no. And then she bursts into tears. “Something is happening to me!” she sobs.

Jacián drops to the ground next to her, facing her. He reaches out, and she clings to him, burying her face and crying into his neck. He holds her, pats her back, pushes her hair from her face and whispers in her ear. “It’s okay, Kendall. It’s okay.”

“Something weird is happening!” she cries again. “I don’t want to disappear. I thought I might want to . . . to be with him, but I don’t. I don’t want to. I’m so scared.”

Jacián smoothes his hand over Kendall’s hair. “Nobody else wants you to either,” he says.

Marlena, on the porch, hops up on her good foot to get a better look at what’s happening. Jacián waves her off. She scowls and then retreats inside the house to watch from the window.

“I’m so scared,” Kendall says again, a whisper this time.

“Tell me why,” Jacián says. “Do you know something? Did something happen?” He pulls away and looks at her. Wipes the tears from her cheeks with gentle fingers.

Kendall thinks for a long moment, trying to decide. Knowing anything she says about the desk will sound completely loony. “It’s crazy. I’m going crazy. I swear. I can’t tell you why. I—I don’t even know why.”

“What can I do to help you?” Jacián asks. His eyes are filled with concern. There is nothing left of his
hardness, his anger from when Kendall first met him.

She can’t tell him. “I just . . .” She bites her lip and then tries to laugh at her own ridiculousness. Because, thinking back on the day, it all seems so crazy. Like she was hypnotized or something. And now it’s like she has snapped out of it. Like it’s probably all just her imagination. “I just need to stop thinking about Nico for a while, I think. Not forget him, just . . . try to let him go a little bit.”

Jacián swallows hard and looks off into the woods for a moment, like he doesn’t know what to say. Then he nods. “Okay . . . um . . .”

“Yeah. So. Can you help me?” She sniffs and wipes her eyes. “Sorry about all the crying.”

“Sure. And I don’t mind. Once in a while, I mean.” He laughs. “I don’t get what I can do to help you, though. Keep you occupied? Like, maybe you and I could go riding tomorrow.”

“Yeah, like that. That sounds good. I’m going to tell my parents that I need to have some time away from all that thinking that happens when I’m working on the farm. They’ll let me. They’re worried.”

“And Sunday, you’re coming for Marlena’s birthday party?”

“Yes,” Kendall says. “Yes. Thank you. Okay.” She sighs in relief. “That sounds good. I hope you don’t get sick of me. You’re a real champ to do this.”

“Well, it’s a hardship, that’s for sure. Just looking at you makes me want to go and . . . do something.”

“Ooh, zinger.”

“Yeah, pathetic. I’ll work on that.”

Kendall hops to her feet, a little embarrassed and ready to end this episode of the ongoing drama. “Okay,” she says. “Ready to finish this game?” She offers a hand.

“The rules say the game’s not over until you assault me with a flagrant foul, you know.”

“Hey, it wasn’t flagrant.” She slaps his head.

Jacián grabs her hand and gets up. “Yesterday? Grabbing me around the waist and tripping me? No, that was really subtle, Fletcher. No call. Now,” he says lightly, though his eyes pierce through her, “let’s see if you can keep your hands off me.” He draws his thumb across her jaw, catching a lingering teardrop.

An unexpected longing pierces her gut, runs through her whole body, and her lips part in surprise. “No problem,” she says. Not quite sure she means it.

We had you. For a moment We had you wrapped inside Our core. You were a cricket in Our web.

Our patience is thin, Our souls shellacked in wood. We need you.

Come back, little cricket.

SAVE ME!
I’M ALIVE.
SAY YES.

Saturday dawns clear. At breakfast Kendall thinks about school and the desk, and knows it has to be her mind messing with her. Playing tricks. It’s the stress, she knows. Hanging around with Jacián and being normal? It sounds awesome. Riding again? Fantastic. It’s been months.

“You’re off the job for the rest of the season,” her father says. “Do you need to visit your shrink again?”

“Nathan,” Mrs. Fletcher chides.

“Sorry. Your psychologist?”

“I don’t care if you call her a shrink,” Kendall says, mouth full of pancakes. “And no, I think I’m okay. I just need to do some of the old techniques again to control this OCD. I know what to do. It’s just all the time I have to think about
Nico in school, and then in the fields . . . it was really getting to me. Making me a little bit crazy.” A lot crazy, to be honest.

“I told you, Nathan,” Mrs. Fletcher says. “This kind of schedule for her was a bad idea, after everything that’s happened.”

“Hey!” Mr. Fletcher says. “Why is everything suddenly all my fault?”

“And then the rejection from Juilliard . . .”

“Yeah, thanks for the reminder,” Kendall says. The mention of Juilliard, the lack of future plans, dampens her mood considerably.

“Sorry,” Mrs. Fletcher says, “but it’s true you need to start thinking about another option sometime soon.”

“But, Mother!” Kendall flops her head onto the table. She knows it’s true.

“Now, where are you going to be today?”

Kendall lifts her head. “I’m going riding.”

“With?”

“With . . . Jacián.” She feels guilty saying it. As if maybe Nico is somewhere listening.

“Is Marlena going too?”

“No,” she says wryly, “she’s not quite ready to get back on the horse.”

Mr. Fletcher snickers.

Mrs. Fletcher looks concerned. “Does he know how to ride?”

“Yeah. Marlena said they had horses in Arizona. And he rides Hector’s now and then.”

“You stay close to town, okay? Don’t go too far.” Mrs. Fletcher’s voice is nervous.

“Mother, may I remind you that when the two individuals disappeared, they were in town? We’re probably safer the farther out we ride.”

“I know. I just worry.”

“We’ll be fine. Back by dark.”

“Fine. Call me if you need a ride, though I’ll be out working until sundown.”

Mr. Fletcher drains the last of his coffee and shoves his chair back wearily, ready for another day. “Should be done by week’s end,” he says.

Mrs. Fletcher follows him but stops to give Kendall a peck on the cheek. “Have fun. You could use some fun for once.”

“I will. See you tonight. I’ll call when we’re back at the ranch. You and Daddy are going to Hector’s for dinner tomorrow, right? Did he call?”

“Yes, he called. We’re going to try. We lost most of two days this week because of the rain, you know . . . but Dad and I could use a break too.”

“Cool.” Kendall reaches out and hugs her mother. “Thanks for letting me off work,” she says.

* * *

When Jacián comes to pick her up, Kendall has a backpack filled with water and food, an emergency kit, and a blanket to sit on for lunch. She’s wearing jeans and boots and grabs her jacket and a cowboy hat on the way out.

“You get your deliveries done already?” she asks as they head back to the ranch.

“I did them last night and two this morning. Done.”

“Sweet.”

Back at Hector’s they walk out to the horse barn. Marlena waves forlornly from the window. “She’s pathetic,” Jacián says.

“I feel bad she can’t do anything.”

“She’s got friends coming over. She’ll be fine. Plus, she gets a big blowout party tomorrow.”

“True.”

The barn is quiet, eerie. They saddle up two quarter horses and lead them out. Kendall unpacks her backpack and leaves it inside the barn, loads the saddlebags with the goods, and then mounts. They head off on a path toward the woods at a brisk walk, quiet at first. It smells crisp and piney.

After a while Kendall’s mind starts running circles around her, about the desk and Nico. Trying to forget about all of that, she asks, “Remember when you were in my driveway?”

“Yeah.”

“You told me the next day that you were feeling bad about something so you were out for a walk. What was going on?”

“Oh.” Jacián seems surprised by the question. “Um . . . yeah. No big deal.”

“Come on. What?”

“Well, it’s been kind of hard moving here. I think it was the full moon or something that had me down—I’m fine.”

“You’re so tough.” She rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Kendall shrugs. “Let me guess. You left your girlfriend back in Arizona, you hate the outdoors, miss the city, are forced to spend your last year of high school with a bunch of strangers and to do all kinds of crap work involving animal dung, for a grandfather you barely know. You leave your big city high school soccer team behind for a rinky-dink cowboy half team full of hicks, and then the season gets canceled because one too many players disappear without a trace. How’m I doing?”

Jacián smiles in spite of himself. “You’re pretty much batting a thousand so far.”

“And then you have no chance at a scholarship because you can’t show a scout your amazing moves.”

“True . . .”

“You make it sound like there’s more.”

“Well, there’s being accused of kidnapping upon first moving to an all-white town.”

“It’s not all white. Old Mr. Greenwood is pure Blackfeet Tribe, according to Eli. There are others of different races. Travis’s mom is Cambodian.”

“All right, whatever. That part’s over.”

“Plus, nobody thinks you did anything now. They were happy to pin the blame on Nico just as soon as he was unable to speak for himself.”

Jacián is quiet for a moment. The horses lean forward as they ascend a small hill. “I don’t think he did anything.”

“It’s weird, though, right?”

“Yeah. What do you think happened?”

Kendall thinks about the desk. About how strange Nico acted. About how she felt like she was in a trance yesterday when she sat there. About the coincidence of Nico and Tiffany both sitting at that desk, and about how Nico’s car was at school when he disappeared.

“Kendall? You okay?”

Kendall glances at him. “If I tell you something weird, will you think I’m . . . like . . . weird?”

“Probably.” He smiles to let her know he’s teasing.

“You know Tiffany Quinn, the girl who disappeared in May? Both she and Nico had the same desk.”

Jacián is quiet.

“It’s just a coincidence. I mean, who would even know that except for stupid OCD me.”

“Yeah,” Jacián says slowly. “That is a weird coincidence.” He looks at Kendall, eyebrows furrowed. Thinking. But he says nothing more.

“You think I’m weird.”

“You are weird. But that’s not a bad thing.”

They travel onward to a huge open field, cattle roaming wild. “Are these some of yours?” Kendall asks.

Jacián rides close to check the brand. “Looks that way.”

“Who gets to round them up when winter hits?”

“My parents. Me. Maybe Marlena if she’s allowed on a quad again soon.”

“Does Hector ride still?”

“Not four-wheelers. But horses? Sure. He’ll never give that up.”

“I haven’t seen him on a horse in a while. How’s his health?”

“He’s just taking it easy. Finally semiretired, now that my parents are here. He spends a lot of time with old Mr. Greenwood.”

Kendall thinks. “He said they’ve been friends since they were teenagers.”

Jacián nods. “They both got sent to the same reform school.”

“What?” Kendall pulls up on her horse. “Are you serious?”

“Totally serious. He told me the other day.”

“Around here?”

“Not far. Just a few miles away. There’s an overgrown gravel driveway if you take the viaduct all the way around north to nowhere. You’d miss it if you didn’t know it was there. When we were out searching for Nico,” he says, “we got near to the back end of the reform school’s property, which is actually a lot closer to the ranch as the crow flies but totally inaccessible. The school got shut down a long time ago. Abandoned. It’s all completely overgrown now. Grandfather didn’t want to go anywhere near it.”

“Why?”

“He said it was a bad place. He didn’t want to talk about it. Said he’d never go back again. Too many memories.”