Crystal (38 page)

‘I don’t fucking believe it!’ Jake exclaimed, throwing his mobile on to one of the armchairs in disgust.

‘What’s up?’ Crystal asked from where she sat curled up on
the sofa, trying to convince herself that she didn’t feel sick. Morning sickness had kicked in with a vengeance and Crystal was sick at least five times a day.

‘Simon’s girlfriend has just told him she’s pregnant. He was about to tell her he was leaving and she came out with that. I reckon she knew that he was going to leave her and she got pregnant to hold on to him.’

‘Oh come on, that’s a bit calculating, isn’t it?’ Crystal asked, realising with a sinking heart that tonight was definitely not going to be a good time to tell Jake the news.

‘She
is
calculating. God, I feel so sorry for him; he’s too decent to leave her now, he’s well and truly shafted. Poor bloke – he’s trapped now.’

Jake spent the rest of the night drinking wine and going on and on about ‘poor Simon’ until finally Crystal snapped, ‘Look, it took two of them to get pregnant. Stop having a go at her.’

‘He thought she was on the pill! She claimed she’d forgotten to take it, but I think she did it deliberately.’

Crystal was feeling nauseous and stressed and this was the last thing she wanted to hear. Jake was so busy ranting that he fortunately hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t drunk her wine and instead was on peppermint tea.

‘I’m going to bed,’ she announced. Anything to stop the tirade.

‘Fine. I’m going to ring Simon again, to see if he’s okay.’

He didn’t come to bed for the next two hours, and when he did he was apparently in the mood for some loving. Crystal was most definitely not – along with the nausea and sore breasts, she’d suffered a dramatic loss of libido. All she wanted to do was sleep. But sleep was not on Jake’s mind. He kissed her neck, then slipped his hands under the T-shirt Crystal had taken to wearing in bed, so he didn’t notice how swollen her breasts looked, and caressed her skin.

‘Ouch,’ Crystal couldn’t stop herself exclaiming when he touched her breast. ‘Jake, I’m sorry, but I really don’t feel
well. Can’t we just have a hug?’

He sighed then put his arms round her. ‘Hope you feel better in the morning,’ he said slightly grudgingly.

‘I just don’t know how to tell him,’ Crystal groaned to Tahlia. The two had met for dinner – not that Crystal felt like eating. Toast was all she could manage at the moment.

‘He’s now in New York for two weeks and I can hardly come out with something like that over the phone, can I?’

‘You’ve just got to tell him – you’re having his baby!’ Tahlia exclaimed.

‘You make it sound so easy, but since he found out about that friend of his, I’m really worried that he’ll think I’ve done it deliberately to trap him.’

‘That’s mad and you know it, babe. Jake wouldn’t think like that. Anyway, he’s just as responsible for the situation you’re in as you are.’

Crystal knew that Tahlia was right, but her hormones were making her feel irrational and insecure and she was afraid of losing Jake again, at a time when she wanted him the most.

She was also really anxious about telling Sadie her big news. Her single was coming out in three months’ time and by then she’d be six months pregnant, which wouldn’t be ideal, given the promotion she would have to do around it. What if Sadie decided it wasn’t worth the risk and dropped her? Sadie was such a brilliant manager, she didn’t want to lose her. She had great ideas but always listened to Crystal and took on board what she said. It felt much more like a partnership than it ever had with Dallas – he usually ended up imposing his ideas and refusing to listen to hers. Sadie had even agreed that Crystal could tell Jake the good news and that he could shoot the cover of her album and the video to accompany the first single.

‘I told you it wouldn’t be too long before you were snapped up by a label,’ Jez said as he arranged Crystal’s hair for the shoot of the album cover. She’d finally been able to let him
and Danni know her news. The look was full-watt glamour. Unfortunately, Crystal had chosen the outfit before she knew she was pregnant – something she was regretting now as Danni helped lace her into the tight black satin corset which she was wearing with a figure-hugging black pencil skirt. She was paranoid that her bump was starting to show. But at ten weeks her stomach was still flat – all those hours in the gym had obviously done wonders for her abs. She completed the look with black velvet over-the-elbow gloves and gold and black patent leather Christian Louboutin’s platforms. Crystal managed a smile and slipped another piece of gum into her mouth – trying not to think about how nauseous Jez’s musky aftershave was making her feel. Her sense of smell seemed to have intensified and practically every strong smell – perfume, food, petrol fumes – made her want to throw up.

‘It’s brilliant news, Crystal,’ Danni said warmly.

‘We’ve got to celebrate after the shoot!’ Jez said. ‘We could all go clubbing. We need to toast your success, Crystal, in vintage Cristal!’

Just the mention of champagne triggered another wave of nausea in Crystal. ‘Actually, can we make it another time? I’m on antibiotics and I really shouldn’t drink. And I’m not bloody going out with you lot if you’re going to be pissed as farts!’

‘Okay, but make sure you book a date very soon,’ Jez said.

‘Ready, Crystal?’ Jake wandered into the dressing room. ‘Wow, you look amazing,’ he exclaimed walking over to her and embracing her.

‘Are you sure?’ Crystal said anxiously. ‘You don’t think I look fat?’

‘What! You look gorgeous.’ Then he whispered, ‘I’m looking forward to unlacing that corset later’, adding, ‘see you in the studio’ as he walked out of the room.

So am I
, thought Crystal, but not for the same reason. She’d read in one of the pregnancy books Tahlia had lent her that some pregnant women experienced a surge in their sex drive but it definitely hadn’t happened to Crystal. She still
thought Jake was the sexiest man in the world; she just had absolutely no desire to shag him at the moment. Given a choice between a cup of tea and hot sex, the cup of tea won hands down . . .

Tahlia then turned up. Crystal had asked her along for a bit of moral support. ‘Hey, babe, you look beautiful,’ she said, coming over to give Crystal a hug.

‘Are you sure no one can tell?’ Crystal whispered.

Tahlia shook her head and whispered, ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Sick, my boobs are killing me, I feel bloated, I don’t want to have sex; it’s like the worst PMT in the world, except that I can’t even eat chocolate.’

‘Yep, sounds about right.’ Tahlia smiled at her friend. ‘You’ll probably start to feel better after fourteen weeks.’

‘What are you two whispering about?’ Jez demanded. ‘I hope you’re not planning a secret celebration without the rest of us.’

‘I was just asking Crystal if her thrush had cleared up,’ Tahlia replied.

That shut him up. Jez had plenty to say on most things, but gynaecological problems was not one of his specialist areas.

In spite of Crystal feeling so rough, the shoot went well. It was great working with Jake – he was such a fantastic photographer and knew exactly how to get the best out of Crystal. And it was lovely having her old team around her. While it lasted, she even managed to forget about the pregnancy, but as soon as it was over, it was back to reality and the nausea.

‘Are you sure you don’t want to go out for a drink with the others?’ Jake asked as they called it a day. All Crystal wanted to do was curl up in bed with a cup of tea.

‘I’m totally knackered. Do you mind if we don’t?’ Crystal asked, thinking she might cry if she didn’t get the corset off soon.

‘’Course not. I’ve got a couple of calls to make and then I’ll come over. Someone from New York has been trying to get
hold of me all day apparently.

By the time Crystal got home it was nine, and she was too exhausted even to have a bath. She just about managed to pull off her clothes and crawl into bed. An hour later Jake let himself into the flat.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, walking into the bedroom.

‘Not really,’ Crystal mumbled. ‘I think I might have a bug, I feel really sick.’

‘Do you need anything?’

‘No,’ she replied, feeling very sorry for herself.

Jake sat on the bed next to her and gently stroked her hair.
Tell him now
, she thought, but before she could get the words out, Jake stopped her. ‘I’ve just had the most amazing news.’

‘Oh?’ He had Crystal’s full attention and she managed to sit up.

‘I’ve been offered a fantastic seven-month assignment in America – travelling round the country and capturing images of life today for a new book.’

‘Oh?’ Crystal replied, her throat suddenly dry.

‘Yep, and they want me to start next week. Can you believe it? The photographer who was going to do it has just put his back out.’

Crystal could not believe it.
Somebody up there definitely doesn’t like me. Talk about bad timing.

‘And I figure as you’re going to be so busy with the album it’s a good time for me to go. What do you reckon?’

There was a pause while Crystal tried to think what she could say. Of course she didn’t want him to go; it was the last thing she wanted. ‘I don’t know,’ she finally answered. ‘Is it something you really want to do?’ Thinking
please say no, please say you’ll stay
.

‘It’s a great opportunity and we could still see each other at least once a month. And it’s not for that long.’ It seemed to Crystal that Jake had already made up his mind.

‘Well, then,’ Crystal said quietly, ‘you should do it.’ And to try and hide her true feelings she pretended that she needed to sleep, lying down and pulling the duvet round her.

‘Are you sure I can’t get you anything?’ Jake asked.

Crystal shook her head and muttered from under the duvet.

‘Okay, well, I’m too wired to sleep yet, hope you feel better,’ Jake said switching off the light and walking out of the room.

Well
, Crystal thought bitterly,
I can hardly feel any worse.

She couldn’t help thinking it was a sign that he didn’t feel as much for her as she did for him. For her it was a really big deal for them to be apart regardless of her pregnancy, whereas Jake seemed to take it all in his stride.

She hoped that they might at least be able to spend the next week before he left together but both their schedules were crammed. She started in the studio at ten and often didn’t finish until ten at night. Tahlia kept insisting that Crystal had to tell Jake now more than ever. But something stopped her. What if he gave up the chance to go to America because of it and then resented her? And what if he felt trapped, staying with Crystal and the baby out of duty and not because he loved them? He still hadn’t said he loved her and he had never said that he wanted a baby with her. She couldn’t bear it if he only stayed because he felt he had to. While she was struggling to keep a lid on her emotions, Jake was over the moon about his job and kept telling her that it would be fantastic when she came over, how much she would love America and how it might be useful for her career too, that he might be able to introduce her to some influential figures in the business. It was so hard to pretend to be pleased for him, so very hard to pretend that she wasn’t filled with sadness at the prospect of his leaving.

But the day before Jake was due to fly out Crystal realised that she just had to tell him, whatever the consequences. She was having his baby! He had to know! She was in the studio and desperate to finish the session, so desperate that she kept making mistakes.

‘Something tells me that you don’t want to be here,’ Sadie
teased her as Crystal came in early for the fifth time.

‘God, I’m really sorry, but Jake’s going to the States tomorrow and I really need to see him.’

Dallas would have made her work on, but Sadie took pity on her and told her she could go early.

‘You’re a star,’ Crystal said, hugging Sadie and racing for the door.

Outside the studio she checked her mobile. She had a voice mail from Jake: ‘Crystal, I hope you get this message. I’m at the airport. There’s a strike tomorrow and I need to fly out today. Call me as soon as you can, maybe you could come to the airport and say goodbye.’

Frantically Crystal called up his number which went straight to voice mail. Then she checked her text messages and there was one from Jake: Sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye properly, am at the departure gate. Will call you when I get in. Jxxx

All Crystal’s earlier excitement drained away. Jake had gone and he didn’t know about the baby.

‘
THAT’S THE BABY’S
spine – can you see? Come on, little fella, turn round so we can see you.’ The sonographer pressed the ultrasound to Crystal’s belly, causing the tiny baby to wriggle around.

‘Oh no, he’s cross with us for waking him up. I think he wants to go back to sleep.’

‘Can you tell it’s a boy then?’ Crystal asked, staring transfixed at the screen which showed her baby.
Her baby!
Until now, she’d been preoccupied with feeling so physically awful and so emotionally stressed that she’d almost forgotten what this was all about – but there it was, her baby. Her eyes filled with tears, and she felt an amazing surge of love.

‘No, no,’ the woman replied. ‘I just call all the babies boys at this stage. We can’t tell the sex for sure until the twenty-week scan.’

‘That’s my baby,’ she said in awe to Tahlia, who had come with her. ‘Look he’s sucking his thumb!’

As they left the hospital Crystal kept looking at the picture of the scan. The baby was in profile and she was convinced s/he had Jake’s nose. Jake had been in the States for two weeks now. Crystal had so hoped that by now he would know about the pregnancy and that he would be the one holding her hand at the scan, looking at their baby. There were many, many times when they were talking on the phone when she had thought – right, this is the time to tell him, but he was so full of news about his work that somehow she
couldn’t. Later that day she could only get his voice mail.
I saw our baby today,
she longed to say.
He’s got your nose and he was sucking his thumb.
Her real message simply said,
Call me
,
I miss you.