Crystal Bella (26 page)

Ethan switched it off. He cried with noise now,
with the pain of deep sorrow, this was unbearable. He sobbed and asked for Mother Mary to comfort him.

“Fuck
...fuck.” he said, “I need you, help, help me here.”

H
e didn’t know if he could cope, how he could live without her. He breathed heavily, crying like a child. He was like seven again missing his mom that time when she went away and he thought he may never see her again.  He was nearly choking with all the pain and the tears.

He drove off and headed to
Kali’s sisters place, Amy. He felt dead now, he had stopped crying, but then he started again. The feelings were too dark, too painful.
Where was the light?
He had to cry, to cleanse the emotions, they were too difficult to feel.

He pulled up at Amy’s
house and she was outside with Halo. Ethan’s eyes were all red from crying and when he saw Amy’s eyes he knew straight away. Her eyes were red and the tears were flowing. She had just received a call from the police telling her of the news.

“Tell me
it’s not true Amy, tell me it isn’t,” Ethan said.

T
ears rolled down his face, he was almost angry, like tell me this is not happening.

“Beautiful Ethan
,” she said, “I’m so sorry... it’s true Kali had an accident and has died.”

Ethan just broke
down, so did Amy, Halo did the same and they held each other and cried. Ethan just could not stop crying and sobbing.

Amy made him a coffee and Ethan just sat
in the lounge in shock and staying close to Halo. His energy was really helping Ethan, it was pure and it soaked up Ethan’s shock. Ethan was almost childlike just sitting there stunned. Amy gave him his coffee and he tried to think of something else to take him away from the pain.

~~~~

Ethan left and went back to the beach. He stripped off to his boxers and went into the water. He wanted to speak to the universe and Sedna the ocean Goddess.

“
How could this happen?” he screamed.

H
e was crying again, he couldn’t stop. He screamed to God, “Why has she gone? I fucken need her!! I can’t live without her!” He couldn’t, he just couldn’t.

He di
ved in and something seemed to say he would be okay and that the universe would let him see her again. He had to believe, he had to. He had to trust with what he had just heard, as he couldn’t live without her.

He surface
d from the water and screamed and screamed. He didn’t care if anyone could hear him, he didn’t care at all. He dived into the water again, he came up breaking the surface and strangely he felt like a god, more godly than ever before. The pain, the depth he had experienced had made him feel powerful, somehow he had hope. He had to be the warrior within, he needed Kali and something within him seemed to say it could happen. He didn’t know how but he had hope. He had to stay with his power, stay close to his heart and know the universe was on his side. She was, she always was, that he knew. He was special, he was the light and he would rise above and somehow find the gift within all this. It seemed impossible but within the darkness there was some light, a trickle was there, that was pure and seeking a heaven.  

He walked back to
the shore and the two people that were on the sand could feel his pain, despite his crying and screaming they weren’t afraid. They could sense Ethan and had understanding and compassion. They smiled, they just knew, he didn’t need to explain. He sent them power and love as he saw their stare. He got changed and headed home.

~ CHAPTER SIXTEEN ~

LIFE WITHOUT HER

Two weeks had passed since Kali’s death. Ethan had spent most of his time with Elisabeth. She was like a rock for him. She was always there and took time off work to be with him. Ethan stopped going to college but would be returning in a few days.

H
is mom had been so comforting. It was like she was the light to get him though it. She spoke to him a lot, but mostly she just listened and cared and that was all Ethan needed. When Ethan spoke to Mother Mary at the beach, her energy felt like his mothers, that strong, womanly, motherly protection and the feminine glow that you just want to be around. Despite all his pain he still had a lot of beauty in his life with his mom and friends.

Kali’s funeral was held in San
Francisco so it was easy for Ethan to attend. He got to meet some of Kali’s family and because it was in San Francisco all his college friends were there. It was very comforting for him to have Elisabeth, Christian and Carl with him. Kali’s ex husband, Jason was there and Ethan had no desire to look his way or meet him. Because Ethan was with all his loved ones and friends it had a special feel. There was a lot of lightness. On the day before the funeral, as Ethan was expecting, Kali appeared to him in a vision. She was so happy, so girly, so free. He cried and cried when he saw her but she looked at him with strength and told him.

“
Remember the beach when you screamed for me and the universe told you things? Have faith, Ethan because I’m not leaving you, okay?”

She said okay mat
ter-of-factly, with power and with absolute feminine gorgeousness and just laid it out for Ethan.

“I can’t tell you everything
, angel boy,” she said cheekily, “I’m not allowed!” she laughed. “You’ll see me in the ether again soon too.”

Ethan was happy ab
out that as he hadn’t been to the ether or remembered going there since her death.

Having that encounter with Kali before her funeral really set the tone for Ethan and
that glow shined and poured down upon her day. It was celebrated for the gorgeous, angelic woman she is. Deep sadness was there, but lightness that is not usually present at a funeral flowed in, the light came in, she attracted it, like Ethan she too would always shine.

                                            ~~~~

Ethan was leaving his house to catch up with Christian and Carl, they were at the beach and he was meeting them there.                       

“
Hey mom, I’m just heading down to the beach to catch up with Carl and Christian.” 

“
Okay sweetheart, have a lovely time.”

“
I will.”

“
Come here.” She gave Ethan the biggest hug. “You have a beautiful time. I know you’re so strong and special and that is why you have felt this so deeply. I’m always here for you, always.”

She said
it like Kali almost and he smiled at her like a child. It made Elisabeth teary. She adjusted some of his hair slightly as she did all the time when he was a child. They both laughed.

“I love you,” h
e said.

“I love you too
, angel. Now you go and party with your friends!”

How cool my mo
m is,
and Ethan jumped into his car. 

Christian and Carl were sitting down at the beach when Ethan pulled up. They were waiting for him and Ethan had a six pack of beers with him. He rocked up, they said their greetings, and they were all happy to see each other. They hadn’t seen each other much since Kali’s death as Ethan had been alone a lot with his mom and not attending college.

“
Got an opener?” Ethan asked.

“
There you go,” Carl said.

He had one
attached to his jewelry on his waist.

“Very cool groover,
” Ethan said and used it to open his beer. As he opened it from Carl’s waist it all burst out, covering them all. They all laughed.

“What
have ya been doing to your beers!?” Christian said.

“I don’t think anything,
” Carl said, “he has magical powers, it just happened.”

Ethan sat down next to them and
Carl rolled a smoke for Ethan.

“Wow Carl you ar
e reading my thoughts, thanks,” Ethan said as he lit up his rollie. It was good for Ethan to get out and unplug and talk to his best friends. They talked about general stuff about life but nothing too deep then Christian asked how he was.

“
Sad you know, just deep melancholy I guess eh, but I woke up today and the first moment when I awoke, I felt peace. So I need to try and stay with that. You know...choose peace.”

“Choose peace every time
, you used to tell me that,” Carl said.

“Yeah
and you always do, Carl.”

“
You’ve been amazing, Ethan,” Christian said, “you really have and every time it comes up, I have nothing to say, I wish I could say something wise, but all I can say is that we’re here for you and we know your pain. I know how you feel things so immensely.”

“
Thanks, Christian both of you have been awesome, truly. You’ve understood and that has been really healing, thank you.”

The night
arrived gently. They had a small fire going. They had their ghetto blaster playing their sounds. They were talking, laughing and having a good time. Later in the evening Amelia and Karan came by and they joined them. They sat there chatting, drinking, smoking and singing. It was a beautiful for Ethan especially as his friends were so understanding. He didn’t need to pretend to be happy, he could be himself and they all understood. The presence and warmth of them all lifted Ethan up for the night. He was able to enjoy the night, talk about Kali and occasionally sing as well.

The death
of Kali had slowed up life for them all. In a way it had made their group more intimate. Amelia and Karan were there tonight and had been spending quite a bit of time with them. Christian and Amelia were friends now and were just going with the flow. Carl definitely liked Karan and it was pretty obvious to both of them that they would kiss soon and evolve with their friendship. They were all forced to go slow with everything after everything that had happened. That was a blessing as they would all get to know each other and find that friendship first.

~~~~

It was Saturday
night and Ethan was going to bed early. He just felt it had all caught up on him and he found himself going to bed at 9.33pm. He had just had a beautiful meal with his mom who had made him dinner and they had sat outside and enjoyed a red wine under the sunset and then later the stars. He had no more desire to do anything after that and had an early night.

He closed his eyes and
he started dreaming. Ethan’s dreams at night and when he went into the ether were two separate components, they didn’t mix. The ether and his dreams were distinctive and different from each other. Before meeting Kali he would occasionally astral travel through the ether and when he awoke they were similar to a dream, just more vivid, but since meeting Kali he was 100% in the ether and when he awoke he remembered 100%. Because of this it didn’t feel dream like, but simply going into another world. Had he only remembered vaguely it would have had that dream like feel.

Ethan
now was in his dream and fully aware. He was walking in his dream through a landscape that seemed like one from his past lives as it was old, no cars, just birds, fields and the feeling travel would be by horse. Then he saw Kali, she was waiting for him in the dream. She looked young and pristine with a big smile. They came together and that is when it mixed, the dream metamorphosed into the ether and the ether and the dream were separate but existed together. He looked at Kali, they were together again but within the dream, this was a buzz, Ethan had never had this combination of the ether and a dream. Kali kissed his mouth, how he had missed that, he felt the tingles go over him, starting with his lips and then it went through his body and he could feel the same happening to her. Then she pulled back and breathed into him. It was like she was breathing life into him, taking away the pain from her departure but also sending energy of how everything will be okay, not just okay, but surreal and amazing, he just had to trust. There were no words just energy and knowing, no need for words, they both just knew.

Kali said she wanted a ride a
nd jumped on his back, like a piggyback. It was still a mix of the dream and the ether and Ethan went with her request.
How could he say no?
She read his thoughts,
how could you Ethan?
She knew her power, her beauty and what it could do to him.

So Ethan pi
ggybacked her down the path which came to a steep hill going down. He walked with his soul mate down the country path and then suddenly it was like they had skates under their feet, they started gliding. To Ethan it felt no different as if he had been walking down a San Francisco hill and this started happening. It had that unbelievable feeling of,
‘what the fuck is happening?!’
It had the exact same fabric as if this was happening in the real world, no different in its feeling. It felt safe and surreal and they went with it. They started going fast, then faster, screaming and laughing, her legs wrapped around Ethan. They were joy travelling at an amazing speed going into a bliss and then bang it hit a climax and a ball of light hit them and Ethan awoke suddenly.

It was 5am.
My god that was amazing.
He wanted to tell someone as it was so new and he couldn’t quite make sense of it. But this time was different as he was dreaming and in the ether at one time. Then he remembered what Kali had told him, that she would see him in the ether again. Maybe she had arranged that mix, like a musician putting the ultimate blend of sounds in the spiritual realm. Then he cried because he loved her so much and he couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her. It hurt too much to think about. For a moment it was like she was here, and she was right here just a moment ago, but then this reality came in, the pain of not having her here and it was almost unbearable and he had to switch away from it all or he would panic. That was sometimes the feeling he got when he delved into it, the panic of not being with her. It was hard, so hard. What he would do to have her back.

Ethan had a shower, medi
tated and headed out to pick up his photos that he had dropped off to get developed. He had taken a couple of Kali and needed to see them. He went into the store and picked them up. He felt nervous opening them. Then he went through them, most of them were of Carl, Christian and his mom, then he saw Kali. There were two photos, one of her and one of Ethan and her. She was in her vampire costume and Ethan cried, her beauty was overwhelming. It was like the universe had created her in between the intake of her breath and detailed her beauty to the edge of the world. All Ethan could do was cry and see the angel that had made his world. He was just outside the camera store as he cried but he didn’t care. He then jumped into his car, he looked at the remainder of his photos and the very last one had Kali on it. It was Kali and Ethan at the airport. It was the photo where he had said, “I want you to remember that time yesterday when I bumped into you outside the bathroom and I had the crystal and you had no pants on.” When he had said that she glowed, and there she was in the photo looking so beautiful like she did come from another world. She was almost like his sketch he drew of her, where she was bigger than life. He had drawn her with bigger lips, a bigger smile, bigger eyes and here she was just like that. Most of all what Ethan noticed was how she was so in love, she was madly in love and you could tell it was all so new to her. She looked blissful, bigger than life.