Curvaceous Heart (16 page)

Good, think. Work this through, Sue. Please
.

She closed her eyes, stepping away from him as she frowned. “I need a minute. Please. I’ll be
back,
I just need a little space right now.”

“You’re leaving?” Panic clawed at his throat.

“For a walk, I have to. I just need to clear my head.”

He glanced towards the door then back at Sue. “All right, I’ll wait for you here. But please, don’t go home. I don’t want you to storm off on me. I love you, Sue. Please, remember that. I really do love you.”

Chapter Sixteen

Of all the stupid -- God -- why did I trust him? What was I thinking about? Was I truly just that desperate to get laid?

Sue closed the door behind her and headed down the path towards the gate. Her stomach rolled, knotting only to roll once more, leaving her struggling to keep from being sick. There were lies, secrets, things she couldn’t have known when she’d first agreed to go out with him.

And now Alan’s lies were out in the open.

But I jumped into bed with him, not once, but twice. He didn’t twist my
arm,
I did this on my own!

He’d given her the chance to say no, to stop it at any point she wanted to; she’d had the power.

So why hadn’t he told her about
Victoria
or whatever the woman’s name actually was?

Was he ashamed? She’d seen the reaction play across his face, the way he’d lost all color. If he’d been happy with whatever had happened in his office then why would he react like that? It didn’t make sense.

Then again, there were a lot of things that didn’t make sense these days. Like actually being hit on without someone setting out to use her from the very beginning?

That’s it, put yourself down a little more, it’s such an easy habit to fall into isn’t it? I mean why bother to wait for someone else to do it when you can hurt yourself, right?

No wonder it was always so easy to believe the worst about
herself
! She didn’t need people like Bill attacking her, she did it to herself.

So stop bemoaning the fact and stop it!

“This isn’t helping,” she muttered and glanced back towards his home. In her anger she’d already walked far enough away from the house where she couldn’t see the car.

The street was a nice enough one and it was obvious that the houses here belonged to families like Alan’s, ones with enough money to feel comfortable. One or two car drives led down from each house towards a well-kept street. She doubted they ever had to wait for potholes to be fixed. No, with the taxes paid in this part of the town the local council would take care to make sure the residents had no room for complaints.

And he wanted her to share his life here.

Why would he even suggest that if he was busy dipping into Victoria and whoever else? It just didn’t make sense.

Nor did his silence about the events listed on the
blogger
.

Had something happened that he had been ashamed of?

She stopped in her tracks.

Could it be that simple? He’d not mentioned it to her because he’d been ashamed? If he’d wanted the woman then he wouldn’t have felt that way at all, so either she’d come in and done something he’d reacted to without thinking, or he was protecting the woman in question.

Sue turned back and looked at the house where she knew Alan would be waiting.

It was within his personality, or what she’d seen of it so far.

She wrapped her arms across her stomach. Had she reacted too quickly and not given him the chance to try and explain himself? Well, of course she had, any woman would have after being faced with a post like that on that damn
blogger
 -- she wasn’t made of stone.

So you let something you know is done to make small-minded men feel better about themselves affect things between you and Alan.
Smart move -- not
.

She was letting them win.

“Like hell I am.” She scowled and began to walk back towards Alan’s house. Whatever the men behind the
blogger
were trying to do she wasn’t about to let them ruin what could turn out to be the best relationship she’d ever have the chance at.

Alan was a good man; so what if he’d made a mistake in not telling her about the situation? They were still practically strangers and they hadn’t even met when it had happened.

Would he be relieved that she had returned? Maybe he wouldn’t be expecting her to return. She had been angry. No, she was still angry, but the focus of that fury had shifted.

She had no reason, no real reason, to blame Alan.

The men behind the hateful posts on the
blogger
were another matter entirely.

There was only one way to find out.

Sue rested her hand against the door then slowly pushed it open.

“Alan?”

Silence answered her for a moment. Had he left, gone to bed, was he in the back garden?

“Alan?” She took a step further into the house.

“I’m here, sorry I was…” He colored as he came into view, fastening his pants back up.
“Bathroom, sorry.”

She couldn’t help but smile. He looked almost like a little boy caught doing something that he shouldn’t.

“I didn’t expect you to just sit and wait around for me; there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“But there is. I should have told you about
Victoria
. If I’d been thinking things through I should have realized that, sooner or later, you’d hear about her visit and how she was dressed, or not as the case may be.”

Sue nodded as she walked back into the living room and settled down on the couch.
“So just what did happen?”

“She’s been chasing me for a while and I’ve been keeping her at arm’s length. That morning she got into my office, wearing a fur coat and little else. I was a little shocked, but unfortunately I’m also human so I did react to her. She took that as a go ahead signal, unzipped me, and went down -- well, I won’t lie. A part of me enjoyed it, but as soon as I had my senses back under control I put a stop to it and laughed her out of the room.”

“So why has she been chasing you?”

“My father’s idea.
He’s been trying to pair me off with someone for a while now. And
Victoria
’s family is well off, she’s attractive, at least in the modern, plastic, all fake and enhanced type of way, but she’s not my type. Sorry, I like women who won’t break the first time I…never mind.”

She had a good idea what he was talking about and felt her own cheeks flame.

“I’ve had enough of being the focus of matchmakings, but
Victoria
has already been invited to the party on Friday and I’ve no doubt that she’s going to try and get close to me. I was going to ask you if you’d like to attend it with me, but I’d understand if you didn’t want to now.”

“I’ll need to think about it,” she admitted.

“That I can understand.
A lot has happened, and I don’t want to push you away by acting stupid. You’ll need time.” He sat there with his head bowed slightly, his hands folded on his lap.

“It’s not just time.” Was it her imagination or did he actually look sheepish? “So you didn’t tell me about
Victoria
because you didn’t think to, or was it something else?”

“I thought if I didn’t talk about it then maybe I could forget that it had happened. I’m not exactly proud of my reactions. It shouldn’t have mattered what she was, or wasn’t, wearing. It’s just…well, I almost had no control. No, it wasn’t that either. I did have control, I just didn’t use it.”

“So you think you did something wrong?” An idea formed slowly at the back of her mind. One that she hoped would show her clearly if he was lying about his desires or not.

“Well, yes, I guess I do.”

“And you want that feeling to go away?”

His gaze narrowed. “Yes.”

“And you claim you enjoy being submissive.”

“I never actually came out and said that, but yes, I do. Or I think I do. Like you, I don’t have a lot of actual experience in this.” A nervous tic twitched in his left cheek.

“Then maybe you need to explore it a little more, and I believe this might be the right time.”

He paled, swallowing quickly. “Are you suggesting that I submit to being punished for this?”

“If you want to feel better, then yes.”

“And what do you think I should do, then?” His voice dropped into a low whisper, a soft shiver working through his body. Was she imagining it, or was he looking at her with some measure of hope?

Had she hit on the right idea?
One that would end the matter between them?

“How are
submissives
punished?” She wouldn’t use the word slave, it didn’t feel right. He wasn’t her slave, her property, and she certainly wasn’t a Mistress. She didn’t know anywhere near enough to call herself that.

“It varies, Ma’am.” There it was, that shift in address, just enough to let her know that he did need to do this. “But I would think a spanking might be for the best.”

Sue tried to remember what little she’d read about spankings. How they were done, what was said, or used during them to make the submissive feel -- well, submissive. She frowned slightly. Were there other phrases,
terms, that
she was supposed to learn?
Ones that would describe the situation, how people felt, what she was meant to do, and why?

It just meant there were things she had to learn about, study, and come to terms with. Especially if she wanted to be a part of Alan’s life.

“A spanking.
All right, then we’ll go with that.” Sue looked over the room. “Bring one of the kitchen chairs in here, and place it in the center of the room.”

He flashed
her a
curious look then pushed to his feet and headed into the kitchen. Good, this would make it easier. Though she had to wonder why he hadn’t insisted on a safe word.

Why would he need one? This is a punishment, not a play session.
And just a simple spanking.
I can handle doing that, can’t I?

Alan carried the chair back in and set it down. “This is a punishment, correct?”

“Yes.” Sue pushed easily to her feet, sliding out of her shoes.

“So you won’t be looking at something that will turn into a play session?” He spoke calmly.

“Correct.”
Hm
, he’d dropped the Ma’am thing. Okay. She could correct that as well.

“Then we won’t need a safe word; that’s all I needed to check. And for the punishment I submit myself into your care, Ma’am.”

Damn, he really meant that.

“Then we’d best get this over with. Strip, fully.” She walked over to the chair, settling down as she planted both feet firmly on the floor. Hopefully the chair would take their combined weight.

He hesitated for a moment then nodded, pulling off his shirt even as he slipped out of his shoes. His pants and briefs followed moments later, his socks the last to hit the floor.

“Is that how you treat your clothes? Pick them up, fold them over the back of the sofa, then walk over to me.”

He glanced back at his clothing. Was he going to protest? Would she have to add another punishment on top of this one just to keep some level of control?

She watched him, closely.
Nude, athletic, sensual.
Most men looked odd nude, almost silly. Not Alan.

No, focus on what you are supposed to be doing, not how good it would feel to have him back between your thighs, licking, kissing, suckling…

She bit back a groan, barely suppressing a rock of her hips. No, this wasn’t the right time, or place, for this.

Alan nodded and picked his clothing back up from the floor, laying them over the back of the sofa just as she’d told him to.
“Yes, Ma’am.”

Good, this was going slightly more easily than she had expected.

“Over my knee, put your hands on the floor, thighs spread, balancing yourself over my lap, boy.” A soft shiver played through her body as she called him boy.

He flushed, lips parting in a protest that he swallowed quickly, refusing to give it life. Without another word he walked to the left-hand side of her chair.

Sue gasped as he laid himself across her lap. He wasn’t hard. But the heat that came from him was undeniable. His naked back stretched out in front of her, his taut ass cheeks raised, waiting, ready for her touch.

What if she did something wrong?

She could hurt him and it would be too late to stop this; he’d never trust her again.

Right, this is a simple spanking. How can you hurt a grown man from a spanking? Get a damn grip!

Sue took a deep breath and traced her fingertips over the curve of his ass. He shook, lifting up into her touch, a soft whimper rising from his form.

Was he afraid?

“Trust me,” she whispered.

“I do.”

Good, that would make it easier.

“You’ve been a very naughty boy, haven’t you, Alan? You’ve been keeping secrets from me, when you should know better than to do that.” She tried to keep her voice low, calm, and focused.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“So you need to be punished, don’t you, Alan?”

“Yes, Ma’am.
Please, punish me, Ma’am. I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I didn’t think.”

“Ah, yes. And there is the real reason you are going to be punished. Like a naughty boy you didn’t think of what would happen, how I would feel. You were ashamed and hid it hoping it would never be discovered. Only this is a little more serious than catching you with your hand in the cookie jar, isn’t it?” Sue lifted up her left hand only to bring it down, hard and fast on his buttocks.

He jerked across her thighs, head lifting with a soft cry. Heat blossomed across his ass cheeks and burned into her hand. She hadn’t expected it to hurt her as well. No one had mentioned that in the books.

Sue hissed and shook out her hand quickly.

“May I suggest, respectfully, that you cup your hand, Ma’am? It won’t hurt you as much, though it will also hurt me more.” His voice shook as he spoke.