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'As the light started to fade just over the hill I could feel this perfect day nearing its inevitable end. The previous hours had passed by effortlessly, filled with the endearing sound of high pitched giggles and laughter. Glancing over towards her, I couldn't believe how much she'd grown. The fullness of her fair cheeks slightly pink from today's events and the way her caramel wavy hair cascaded untidily, across those eyes. That beautiful, captivating gaze that holds far too much depth beneath it for her young years. The same depth which reminded me of her father; whose name holds too many memories to know where to begin. As the soft swell of a single tear rises to the surface, the sunset beams brightly shining boldly in all of its glory. Only to fall moments later, behind the mountainous backdrop of our seemingly perfect day....'

"So did you miss me?"

Oooh I like playful Jay.

I smile cheekily. "Not really. I hate to break it to you but you are starting to get on my nerves."

I beam mischievously at him in the driver’s seat of his Range Rover to match the mockery in my voice.

"Oh well in that case, I’ll just drop you off right here then shall I?"

The grin across his face exaggerates as he harshly pulls the car onto the side of the road, the wheels skidding into the gravel. In one swift, effortless move I hear the click of his seatbelt and before I can string another thought together, I feel the possession of his lips on mine. As he pulls away from his impromptu kiss I open my eyes awkwardly, both from the unexpectedness of his action and arousal.

"Umm... okay. Is that your goodbye kiss? Do you want me to jump out now?" I giggle at my returned playfulness. For the first time in such a long time, I actually feel okay. I feel happy. The ache in my chest has been replaced with a distant hum - a vague reminder of my previous scar. But I am almost starting to feel like myself again and it feels amazing. My sudden feeling of bliss is halted momentarily, as I notice Jay still and motionless, mere inches from my face where our unplanned kiss had ended. His eyes staring at me thoughtfully, yet all of his previous mischief extinguished.

"Jay?" I ask curiously. "You know I was only kidding about jumping out right?"

He shakes his head like he was in some profound thought and slides over to his driver’s seat, automatically placing his seat belt back into place securely.

"Hello....?"

"We better get going," he replies all business as usual.

I can’t help but stare at him with my oversized puzzled expression still not entirely comfortable with his sudden changes in temperament. After all, you think I would be semi used to it by now.

"Going where?" I question, trying to get my thoughts back on track.

“It’s a surprise.”

Although I feel like I haven’t really gotten to know him in all that much detail thus far, I have started to clue in that he obviously loves surprises. However somehow I don’t think it’s the surprise itself he loves, but the fact he likes to keep things very close to his chest. He never reveals anymore than he has to most of the time. But sometimes, just sometimes I can see those windows open and he lets me inch further into his soul. The mere thought that the tiny window of opportunity may occur again today, has me eager to see what lies ahead.

After the remainder of our silent drive we arrive at a dirt car park in some kind of recreational area. The dust hazing past us as he pulls his vehicle into one of the many available spaces. I shift my head around side to side taking in our surroundings but all I can see through the foggy dust-mosphere is lots of trees and an empty soil-filled parking area.

“We’re here,” he states coolly, un-buckling his seatbelt and immediately stepping out of the car.

We’re here?

We’re where?

I turn suddenly to my passenger door as he is standing there with one hand on the opened door, and his other bent at the elbow for me to grasp for support.

Yes never his hand
,
I beat my conscious to the remark.

I clasp my palm around his lean, sturdy arm and carefully step out onto the dusty gravel, slightly uneasy on my feet as the rocks crinkle beneath my shoes. I scrunch up my nose as I look down toward my strappy cork wedges.

Not the best footwear for this kind of date.

I am instantly annoyed that he wouldn’t tell me where I was going so I could have dressed more appropriately. The tight light-wash jeans and navy singlet wasn’t exactly thrown together with an intention to go hiking. Nor would I have spent a good half an hour straightening my hair. He, on the other hand, is in his trademark denim, plain black tee, and combat boots.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he soothes my un-worded worry. “I got you.”

I lean my weight toward him absorbing the electricity that radiates between us, as he leads me across the gravel cautiously as my inappropriate footwear allows, until we are met with a subtle grassy opening. The surrounding overgrown greenery makes any view beyond that impossible, leading to me wonder where the hell he seems to be taking me. The minimal clearing to my right runs up into a steep hill and as I eye my environment; it’s obvious that this incline is where the day is starting.

I shift my eyes down at my shoes once again, agitated that not only did he not warn me about our mini hiking adventure, but the fact that I may also ruin my shoes. Being currently unemployed means I have to look after the few good pairs I owned.

“Are we going up there?” I ask rhetorically, as I
know
we are in fact going un-pathed climb. When I finally settle my sight on him I gasp; as his eyes glisten like diamonds in the open sunshine. I take a deep breath to settle my nerves and pray I am not too obvious with my adoration. I’m unsure if he even responded, as I was far too hypnotized by his exquisiteness to hear anything else. I just followed. My hand still grasping his firm arm for support, as I manoeuvred with him as my guide through the grassy hill.

After what felt like an eternity of dodging rocks, tripping over and swatting at overhung branches like they were pesky flies buzzing around me, I feel him start to slow as we approach flat ground.

Finally!

As I steady my stance on the now level grass I let go of his arm, forcing the heightened sensation to sadly leave my touch. Re-adjusting my singlet and feeling beads of sweat on my legs from our treacherous walk in my tight denim - I move my gaze upwards.

I am gobsmacked. Completely in awe. At that moment, the previous hour of an unwanted hike had all been forgotten as the view I am confronted with is magnificent. Taking tiny, slow-motion steps towards the cliff face at the top of the hill, the 180 degree view of Los Angeles is breathtakingly beautiful. Wide-eyed and bewildered I halt at the precipitous absorbing every inch of the city. I try to make out the buildings I can see from up here, but without really knowing that much about it - I fall short. But I don’t care. I feel so much triumph and power being so on top of the world from up here. All of my mixed emotions, the highs and lows from the past few weeks, the past few months begin to overwhelm me. Despite feeling like screaming, just to let all of it out finally, tears begin to trickle down my flustered cheeks unconsciously.

Why am I crying?

I sniff hoarsely, wiping the wetness off my face yet still keeping my gaze on the captivating view below.

“What’s wrong?” I hear Jay’s now familiar voice but don’t really take in his words. It’s only when I feel an icy shiver running down my spine that I awake from my trance and turn to look at him. His hand placed carefully on my lower back and as our eyes meet, the sensation stings with more intensity. He reaches his other hand to my cheek, wiping some of the salty tears away with such fragility that if were not for the sting of his touch, I wouldn’t even know he was doing so.

“What is it? I can’t fucking stand to see you cry,” he breathes thoughtfully.

All of the emotions built up inside swirl around, exhausting me and I can’t really find any words to tell him that I’m fine. Breaking our eye lock for a moment, I look down, trying to gain some kind of focus. To try and reconcile the fact that I almost feel normal again, despite the complete un-normalcy of this situation with him. For some reason though, the words won’t seem to form. I stare blankly at the ground wanting to stop his concern, but my brain and mouth don’t want to co-operate.

“Penelope your feet! Why the hell didn’t you tell me? Come. Come,” he states deep in his throat. In my tranced state I find myself looking towards the ground as I try to focus my vision on his words.

My feet?

It is then I notice some trickles of blood on my big toes where the new straps of my wedges must have cut into my skin from the long walk.

I didn’t even notice they were hurting.

Are they?

The view completely overtook my emotions as soon as we reached the top, and without understanding, I let out an inappropriate giggle.

“It’s not funny,” he scolds. He swoops me up in his lean, resilient embrace and I robotically wrap my arms around his neck for support. My entire side is tucked into his chest, the electrifying current aims straight for my core, as my innocence is engulfed by his sensual experience. Our eyes lock, as I see his windows evolve from angered and closed, to a much softer and more open emotion.

He takes a couple of steady paces back away from the cliff’s edge and leaning down on one knee, reluctantly places me down onto the lush, green grass now beneath me. Unwilling to break eye contact, my heart begins to thump loudly in my chest, so much so I can feel the beat up towards my ears.

I gulp.

“Why didn’t you tell me your feet were hurting like this?” he questions much calmer than before and despite not taking his eyes off mine, I feel his skilled fingers fiddling with the buckle on my shoes.

“They weren’t hurting me,” I barely whisper.

“Weren’t hurting you? Have you seen them?” He points to the dried blood and dirt stains on my feet, dubiously. I pull my eyes away from him grudgingly to inspect the damage by moving my feet from side to side before returning my gaze to his.

“I don’t know…”

He rolls his eyes placing my shoes beside me on the grass. He leans his long body backwards stretching out beside me, turning his focus out onto the magnificent view.

Oh crap.

Have I made him angry?

I scramble for the right thing to say. Not wanting this man I honestly barely know to be so annoyed with me, especially when I am out in the middle of nowhere.

Say something Penny.

Anything!

“I used to come here.”

Phew, he’s talking.

I let out a sigh of relief as his edgy voice slices through the air with such precision and immediately my panic stops. I stare intently. Watching, waiting for his next move, comment, anything. As I gaze at his toned body propped on his elbows in the long unkempt grass, the sun shining down on his fair skin – I shudder all over. How I ended up here, in this place, with this gorgeous man beside me is truly unbelievable. His defined muscles barely filling his oversized grey tee, his legs crossed over at the ankles beneath his slim fit jeans. Revealing those same boots with the laces undone; his favourite pair it would seem. He looks so obviously sexy.

“I used to come here a lot actually. I haven’t been here for awhile. A long while,” he sighs heavily.

“Why not?” I ask my eyes not moving from him. Taking full advantage of that fact he is telling me something about himself which I’ve realised in such a short time, doesn’t happen too often. He is silent for a moment as he seems lost in thought. I wait patiently.

“I used to come here when I wanted to be by myself. It’s so peaceful and the view is beyond. But it’s nice to be able to come here and feel significant.”

Huh?!

Significant?

My entire face crinkles in response. “What do you mean significant? You seem like you would have a pretty amazing life.”

“It can become such a fucking circus. It’s not real. The industry I work in is so obscured from truth, from reason, that you find yourself having to play this character. Trying to be what
they
want all of the time. Trying to enjoy the parts you are passionate about, but having it destroyed by all the other bullshit. Trying to keep your private life, just that. Private. So it doesn’t play out in the media like some trashy sitcom. Your choices aren’t really your choices, but are inevitable outcomes that come from this life and the sacrifices you have to make….”

He turns his body on its side, so he’s perched on only one elbow and turns his focus on me. Our eyes locking like attracting magnets once more.

“People think they know you. Like
really
know you. They would claim their lives just to be with you. They can….” he stops. Pausing perhaps re-thinking his confession. He takes a breath.

“It can drive you to insanity.”

The confessions of Jay… a tortured soul… a lonely soul…..

“It used to feel good to come here and feel the power and enormity of this spot. Feeling like you are just an ant in this huge world. That you could almost just be who you are. No sacrifice or other crap. Just be yourself. Completely. I used to believe it was possible…” he trails off still penetrating his gaze into mine.