Cuts Run Deep (11 page)

My lawyer Mr. Roth looked nothing like the attorneys on TV. Those ones were trim and fit, wearing neatly pressed pants and collared shirts. Not to mention they were usually hot. I guessed that’s why they were usually having affairs with other co-workers. And I guess that was what made it a crime drama.

Mr. Roth wore slacks and a collared shirt as well, but he wasn’t fit or trim. He was so large he filled the doorframe before stepping through it. His shirt stretched obscenely over his protruding belly, and sweat beaded on his upper lip as well as across his forehead. It seemed to take a lot of energy for him to waddle from the door to the couch.

At first it made me nervous. I wondered how this man could effectively defend me.

But then he set his briefcase down, rubbed his palms together and stared into my eyes. There was a quiet determination inside of his bright blue eyes that calmed my fears a little. And when he began talking, I found my shoulders relaxing. I never should have judged him by how he looked. He knew his stuff. In fact, the more he spoke the more I believed that if anyone could get me out of this, it would be him. Then again, I had no idea why I’d ever doubted that. My dad may have a lot of issues, but he always hired the best. That was one thing he was good at.

“I need you to tell me what happened that night,” he said after explaining how the interrogation would go.

Mom turned to me, giving me a subtle nod. Dad wasn’t home. Surprise, surprise. He promised he’d be here this morning, but at the last minute he had some work emergency.
Yeah, right.
How many ear emergencies could there be? When I was a little girl, I used to imagine kids ears exploding all the time, or their noses melting right off their faces. He missed birthday parties, school plays, awards ceremonies, soccer games and holidays all because of damn work emergencies. I grew up terrified of my own ears and nose. As a teenager I’d seen them for what they were – excuses.

“I don’t remember.” I sat up straight, no slouching, the way my parents had taught me.

“None of it?” His expression was skeptical.

“Well, bits and pieces of it, but nothing concrete.” Reaching up, I touched the bandage on my head. This morning I’d lifted it to look underneath. A horrific gash ran along my temple. I still had no idea how I’d hurt it, but it appeared serious. “I hurt my head pretty bad, so maybe that’s why I can’t remember.”

Leaning down, he yanked a manila file folder out of his briefcase. After opening it, he scanned a few pages and then pinned me with a stare. “The police found you lying unconscious a few feet from the victim’s body.”

I shivered at the use of the word “victim.”
Jackson.
His name was Jackson
, I wanted to cry out, but I kept my lips pressed together.

“You were covered in his blood, and your fingerprints were all over the gun.” He paused. “Why did you have your dad’s gun that night, Piper?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.” My lips quivered.

“I can’t help you unless you’re honest with me.”

“I am being honest with you.” I peered over at Mom for help.

She sat on the couch, frail and small, her hands trembling in her lap. “She’s telling the truth,” Mom said firmly. “I can tell when she’s lying. I’ve had a lot of experience with that.”

That last sentence stung. I bit my lip, lowering my gaze to my hands.

“So you’ve lied to your mom a lot?” Mr. Roth didn’t miss a beat. He jumped right on Mom’s statement.

I rolled my eyes. “She’s over-exaggerating.”

“But you are a good actress, I understand.”

My head snapped up at his words. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just trying to prepare you for the kinds of things the detective is going to ask you.”

I nodded, knowing he was doing his job. It wasn’t his fault I was in this mess. It was mine. For the millionth time I closed my eyes and wished all of this away. If only I could rewind the clock and go back to when Jackson was alive. But no, I wouldn’t want to go back to then. Things weren’t great the last few weeks.

If I could go back, I’d return to
Romeo and Juliet
. Back to when things were still good between me and Jackson.

“It’s sinful how sexy you are in this costume,” Jackson whispered to me backstage, his arms snaking around my middle.

I glanced around at the other actors milling about and the stagehands racing back and forth in an effort to get everything set in place. Reaching up, I tugged on his puffy white shirt. His hair hung floppily over his forehead. “What could you possibly find sexy about this costume?” I’d never worn anything so heavy and gaudy in all my life. Not to mention the fact that it was a dress. I never wore dresses. Sure I had a few skater skirts, but I wore them with a t-shirt and torn tights. Never a dress.

“It’s sexy because you’re in it.” He stole a kiss on the inside of my neck.

Wriggling, I shoved him back. “Jackson, not here.” Just then Shane walked by and threw me a wave. I offered him a tight smile, hoping Jackson didn’t notice and interpret it incorrectly. As sweet as he had been about my friendship with Shane, I could tell it bothered him. It was obvious in his sidelong glances and the way he stiffened in Shane’s presence. Not to mention that he got all weird and possessive, always touching me or drawing me to him when Shane was around. If only he knew Shane’s secret, then he’d be all right with our friendship. But Shane wouldn’t let me tell him. He made me swear to keep it to myself, and since he’s the only friend I’d made at this school other than Jackson, I planned to keep my promise to him. I couldn’t afford to burn any bridges. Lucky for me, Jackson didn’t even notice Shane. He was too busy staring at me.

Furrowing his brow he asked, “You okay?”

I nodded, fidgeting with the bottom of my sleeve. “Just a little nervous.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “You don’t get nervous. This is something else.” His gaze roamed my body. “It’s the dress,” he said it like a statement, not a question.

I nodded because there was no sense in denying it. Even though Jackson and I hadn’t known each other that long, he understood me so well. It’s like he could read my soul, could see deep down into the depths of my heart. I should have been scared, but oddly enough, I wasn’t. I was exhilarated.

“You wore a dress for him, didn’t you?”

We didn’t say his name. We didn’t need to. The venom in Jackson’s tone when he said the word “him” was enough to indicate that he was referring to Bentley.

“So that’s why you dress the way you do,” he continued, piecing it together.

For the past year my parents and everyone else couldn’t figure out why I chose to wear the clothes I did. Only Jackson understood. I raised an eyebrow and smiled in a joking manner. “Are you saying you don’t like how I dress?”

“I love everything about you.” He snatched up one of my hands. “You know that.”

“Yes, you’re right. That’s why.”

Bringing my hand up to his mouth, he ran his lips over my knuckles. “Don’t think about him right now. This is your night, Piper.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Promise?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Five minutes!” Mrs. O’Connor whispered to us harshly.

“Okay.” I turned back to Jackson. “I promise.”

“You’re going to be great out there.” He squeezed my hand.

“So are you.”

“Only because I can draw on you for strength.”

I smiled at his words. Jackson made me feel strong and capable, like I could take on the world. Opening night was something I’d been anticipating for weeks, but I always knew it would be difficult. Not because of the dress, but because of everyone staring at me. After what happened with Bentley, attention wasn’t something I was comfortable with. But I knew I could do this. I had Jackson’s support, and besides, it’s not like anyone would be watching me really. They’d be watching Juliet.

I had to remember that. Tonight I wasn’t Piper Collins. I was Juliet. As Jackson walked away to get in his position, I held on to the curtain and took a deep breath. Closing my eyes, I willed everything else away and shut out the sounds around me. I focused only on my breathing, on the silence, on my body, the way I’d been taught to do in the yoga classes I used to take. Then I thought about Juliet, about her character, her voice, her laugh, her smile. While standing there, Piper fell away. I shed her the same way a snake sheds his skin, and I imagined leaving a trail of scaly flesh on the ground.

By the time I opened my eyes, Piper was no more.

I was Juliet.

And I was ready.

God, tonight was a rush.

It was opening night of
Romeo and Juliet,
and it was even better than I thought it would be. Actually, I had no idea what to expect. A part of me thought I would puke all over the stage from how freaking nervous I was, but I didn’t want to spoil it for Piper. She’d put so much effort into this play, and it meant so much to her. So I held it together and did my best.

And Piper was so damn amazing. There were times where I forgot she was Piper. She embodied Juliet in a way I’d never seen her do before. She’s always a great actress. That’s been obvious from the first day I saw her act, but tonight it was like she became someone else.

For some reason it drew me to her in a crazy way. Okay, I know I’m always drawn to her. But tonight it was different. She was like an enchantress, and I was completely under her spell. And because of that it was like I became Romeo. I didn’t even feel like I was acting. The words poured from me. I didn’t even have to think about them. Saying my lines was as easy as breathing for me.

And it was all worth it when the show was over and Piper met me back stage. She ran to me, flinging her arms around my neck and kissing me hard. So hard it stole my breath. But I was okay with it. I’d gladly give her all my oxygen. She could take it all. Every last ounce of air in my lungs. It was hers if she so desired.

When our lips finally separated, she whispered a stream of compliments against my mouth. She told me I was incredible, and gushed about my performance. By the time she stopped, I was dizzy from her words and her kiss.

The only damper to the evening was the absence of my parents. Court was there, of course, and she came up to me after the show to tell me how great I did. But it would have been nice for Mom and Dad to come. Not that I expected them to. I know Dad’s feelings about it. But I kind of thought Mom might show up. She usually supported me. We’re a lot closer than Dad and I are. Oh, well. At least Courtney and Piper were there. That’s all that matters.

Afterward I was too pumped to head home, so Piper and I went out. First we got an ice cream cone and walked around town for a little while. Then we headed down a trail that led to the lake. It was late and cold, but we found a rock to sit on and we cuddled together. Frankly, I was glad it was cold because it meant that I could warm Piper up with my body. She cuddled me as I held her tightly in my arms.

While we sat there, I told Piper how incredible she was. But she waved away my words the same way she always did when I complimented her. So I held her face and forced her to look into my eyes when I said the words. Then I made her accept them. So she did. And I found my heart swelling. I loved how much she trusted me.

But then she asked me something I wasn’t expecting. She asked if I ever thought about suicide. Remembering the slices on her wrist my stomach twisted, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. The truth was that I had never even considered killing myself. I didn’t think there was anything in life that would be so bad you would want to end it all. So that’s what I told her. Only my answer seemed to disappoint her, and then I felt bad.

But before I could take back my words she said that she wondered if Romeo and Juliet made the right decision. I didn’t know how to answer that, so I asked her what she thought. Her answer is one I can’t stop thinking about.

She said that she thought they made the only choice they could. The whole world had been against them, and all they had was each other. She said that this world is a cruel place and that she liked to think that they were in a better place – a place where they were free to be together for eternity. I had to admit it was a beautiful picture that she painted. What disturbed me was the look on her face. It was clear to me that she had thought a lot about this.

So I touched her face and looked deep into her eyes. Then I asked if she felt like that. Like the world was against her. She nodded and said that everyone was against her except for me. That’s why she understood what Romeo and Juliet did.

Then she kissed me. And while her lips were still on mine, she called me her Romeo.

At first I was glad that the detective left. Relief enveloped me like a warm blanket on a frigid night. Without his suspicious eyes on me, I could finally breathe. Air pushed past my tonsils and slipped through my parted lips. The ache in my chest subsided as I walked up the stairs. But then the quiet choked me, strangling me with its invisible fingers - cold and unforgiving.

The minute the cop was gone, Mom retreated to her room and Dad took off. I sighed, realizing I was the forgotten child. The one that didn’t matter. It was like in the wake of Jackson’s death I ceased to exist in Mom and Dad’s eyes. If Jackson were here he would have a field day with this one. He got tremendous pleasure out of teasing me about being the beloved child. But I let it slide because I knew it was all in jest. The truth was that Jackson never felt very accepted in our family, much less beloved. Sure he and Mom got along well, but he and Dad butted heads over everything.

When he was younger he wanted nothing more than to please Dad. He tried everything to gain his approval, but as he got older he grew jaded. I think it hit him that he’d never measure up, so he just stopped trying.

I wondered if Dad felt guilty about that now. I wondered if Dad even knew how Jackson felt.

I sort of doubted it. Dad was oblivious that way. It was like how he never noticed when Mom changed her hairstyle. That may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I thought it was telling. I got the impression Dad lived in his own little world.

When I passed Mom’s room, her door was open. Peeking inside, I saw her sitting on the edge of her bed staring off into space. It sort of reminded me of how kids looked in class when they were zoning out. Only this was different. She didn’t appear to be zoning out. She looked lost.

“Mom?” I stepped inside the room, eyeing her warily.

Her head bobbed up slowly as if it took a great amount of effort to move it. “Hey,” she spoke softly. “You did great today. I know it was tough.”

“Thanks.” I moved forward, and then I lowered myself onto the edge of the bed to sit next to her. That’s when I saw the picture of Jackson hanging on the wall. I had been wrong. She wasn’t staring off into space, she was staring at the picture of Jackson. “How old was he there?”

“Three,” she answered, her gaze landing on the picture. Her hands were knotted in her lap, and her lips trembled. “Do you think he was happy, Court?”

“What do you mean?” I was surprised by her question.

“I just hope that we gave him a good life. I mean, I know he didn’t always get along with his dad, and lately things had been strained between him and me.”

I placed my hand over Mom’s. “He was a teenager. I think that’s normal.”

She sighed. “If only that girl had never moved to town.”

My stomach knotted. “Mom, you can’t blame everything on Piper.”

“She changed him. She turned him into someone I didn’t even recognize.” She turned to face me. Again, I felt like I was drowning in the grief inside her eyes. “And now she killed him. I’m sure of it.”

Lowering my gaze, I bit my lip.

“Did Jackson say anything to you about her? Anything that can help us?”

I shook my head. “Whenever we talked about Piper, Jackson always said nice things. He really loved her, Mom.”

Her expression hardened. “I never got it. Jackson always dated sweet, pretty girls. What was it about her that he liked so much?”

“I think he liked that she was different.”

“She was different, all right.” Mom snorted.

It’s funny, because that’s what I liked about Piper. I liked that she was different. Jackson had always dated girls like Tanya. Girls who were popular and loud. Gorgeous girls who I never fit in with. Piper wasn’t like that. She was approachable. In fact, she was kind of shy, like me. And even though we didn’t talk much, the times we did she seemed to genuinely like me.

It was Thanksgiving, and it was the first time Jackson had brought a girl over for a holiday. Mom and Dad weren’t happy. They thought it was odd that Piper wasn’t spending the day with her family. But I could tell it was a big deal to Jackson. It meant something to him to be able to spend the holiday with Piper. I suspected that Mom and Dad knew how much it meant to him too. Perhaps that was part of the reason it bothered them so much.

The whole day was awkward and tense. Mom and Dad didn’t even try to act cordial to Piper. I could tell she sensed this, so I went out of my way to make her feel comfortable. At one point we were alone together in the family room. Mom was cooking, Dad was in the living room watching sports, and Jackson was in the bathroom. For a minute we sat in silence, but then Piper glanced up at me and gave me a shaky smile.

“Well, this is pretty awkward, huh?” She flashed me a crooked smile.

I grinned back. “Little bit.”

“Sorry if I’m ruining your Thanksgiving. Jackson insisted that I come.” Piper played with the bracelets on her wrists, rotating them around and around.

“No, you’re not at all.” I scooted forward in the recliner facing Piper, who sat across from me on the leather couch. “It’s nice to have another girl here. Besides, now I can finally get Jackson back for all the times he’s embarrassed me.”

Her eyes shimmered at this statement, and her smile deepened. “What do you have in mind?”

I bit my lip, my gaze scouring the room and landing on the bookshelf with the row of photo albums on the bottom. Quickly I made my way across the room. After snatching up a couple of the photo albums, I plunked down next to Piper. She smelled like vanilla as she reached up and tucked a strand of bright red hair behind her ear. Peeling back the first slick page, I pointed to a picture of Jackson wearing a Spiderman costume. He stood with his palms out like he really expected spiderwebs to leap from his hands.

Piper giggled. “Look at how cute he was.”

I glanced over at her, seeing her the way Jackson must. When she frowned, her face was a little harsh. But when she smiled, she looked radiant, beautiful even.

“Was that Halloween?” she asked.

“You would think so, huh?” I raised a brow. “But no, Jackson wore his Spiderman costume year round.”

“Really?” She chuckled, moving closer to me, her eyes sweeping the page. “Ah, yes. There are a lot of pictures of him in that costume.”

“He seriously thought he was Spiderman,” I said with a giggle.

“Who says I’m not,” Jackson’s voice startled me, but Piper didn’t flinch at all. In fact, at the sound of his voice her shoulders visibly softened, and her chest rose and fell as a relieved sigh left her lips. The effect he had on her was amazing, really. When he plopped down next to her, her face lit up. Her arm moved as if by its own volition, her hand landing on his thigh. He responded by placing his hand over hers and stealing a kiss on her cheek. Her whole face warmed, her skin flushing pink. I couldn’t stop staring at them, at the way they interacted as if they’d known each other forever, as if they were made for each other. I’d never seen anything like it. And I didn’t know if I was unnerved or comforted by that. “I could be Spiderman,” Jackson continued. “I mean, have you ever seen me and Spiderman in the same room together?”

I shook my head. It wasn’t the first time he’d used this argument on me. I was pretty sure he stole it from somewhere. “No. But to be fair, I’ve never seen Spiderman at all.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Probably because he’s not real.”

“Oh, ye of little faith.” Jackson teased me.

Piper smiled. “I don’t know. I kind of believe him.”

“You do?” I asked incredulously.

“He’s definitely heroic. Maybe he is Spiderman.” Her hand lifted, touching his face gently. “And you did look awfully cute in your little costume.”

“I think we probably still have it. I can try it on for you if you like.” He winked, his lips moving so close to her ear they almost touched it. I shifted, feeling uncomfortable, like I was infringing on a private moment.

Piper giggled. “I think it might be a little small, don’t you think?”

“You might like it,” he bantered back.

I threw up my arms. “Okay. I think that’s my cue to leave.”

A gruff laugh leapt from Jackson’s throat, and he pulled back from Piper. “It’s fine, Court. I was just joking. Everyone knows that Spiderman’s costume grows with him as he ages. Do you know nothing about my superpowers at all?”

I rolled my eyes. “See, Piper, this is why you should never encourage him.”

“I don’t know.” She gave him a pensive look. “I kind of like encouraging him.”

Shaking my head, I stood. The photo albums fell off my lap and landed on the couch. On the page, little Jackson dressed up in his costume stared up at me, his brown eyes wide, his lips curled upward. “I give up. I’m going to see if Mom needs any help.” Then I whirled around and left the room in order to give them some privacy. I could tell that’s what they wanted. I hadn’t even reached the kitchen doorway before they started making out.

I knew Jackson was falling in love with Piper even then. We all knew it. It was written all over his face. And Mom was not pleased. In fact, that night after Piper left Jackson and Mom got into a huge fight about Piper. It was then that Jackson admitted how much he loved Piper. Mom backed off after that. She was probably worried about pushing Jackson so far away she’d lose him. It was clear that Jackson would side with Piper if he had to choose. And I could tell that broke Mom’s heart.

And now her heart was breaking again.

But I knew Piper didn’t hurt Jackson. I knew it deep in my heart.