Cuts Run Deep (12 page)

“What was Jackson’s family like? Did he have a good relationship with them?” Mr. Roth asked.

I swallowed hard, curious why he was asking this. Surely he didn’t think Jackson was killed by his own parents. “It was fine, I guess,” I lied. The last thing I wanted to do was speak poorly of Jackson’s family. They already hated me enough. My stomach tightened, wondering what they must think of me right now. I was sure they thought I was guilty. Hadn’t they always said I would hurt their precious son?

The only person in that family who treated me with any respect at all was Courtney. I stared down at my hands. They were red and raw from constantly wringing them. Scratches painted my arms.
How the hell did I get scratches on my skin? And how did I get this gash on my head?

“Did you get along with Jackson’s parents?” Mr. Roth sat forward, his face expectant.

I was already tiring of the questions, and the detective hadn’t even arrived yet.
God, how was I going to survive this?
Wiping my sweaty hands on the thigh of my pants, I snorted. “Yeah, they freaking loved me.”

“Piper,” Mom admonished me. She knew I was lying. She’d overheard Jackson and me talking after Thanksgiving.

It was late at night when Jackson dropped me off, and the house was dark. I assumed my parents were asleep inside. They never made a big deal of Thanksgiving. Dad didn’t like turkey, and Mom wasn’t a very good cook anyway, so I was guessing they just ate Indian take-out and then went to bed early.

This morning I had been so excited about having a traditional Thanksgiving meal with Jackson’s family. But the day was a disaster. It was pretty damn obvious that his parents did not want me there. When they weren’t ignoring me, they were patronizing me. His dad asked the most blatantly rude questions, and his mom kept looking at me with her nose curled in disgust. It made me so self-conscious I kept checking to make sure I’d worn deodorant. I had, so I knew I didn’t stink. Therefore, the disgusted looks must have just been about me in general.

Jackson did his best to shield me from it, but his attempts were futile. The damage had been done. I was never going to be accepted in his family. That message was received loud and clear. The only bright spot was when Courtney showed me Jackson’s childhood photo albums. I felt like she threw me a lifeline. For a few blissful moments I could forget how awkward the whole day was. Besides, it made me feel better that Jackson practically lived in a Spiderman costume for years. In that stuffy house where everyone dressed in perfectly pressed clothes, it was nice to know that Jackson had always marched to the beat of his own drummer. The one thing I couldn’t stand was cookie cutter people. And Jackson had proved to me that he wasn’t like that. It was probably why he had so many problems with his dad. It was evident that his parents liked cookie cutter, and I definitely didn’t fit the mold.

Jackson drove me home in silence. I was sure we were both thinking about what a mistake it was that I went to his house for Thanksgiving, but neither of us verbalized it. I picked at a string on one of my bracelets, focusing on it with precision. When Jackson pulled up in front of my house, I mumbled a quick goodbye and then pressed my door open. After slamming it shut, I hurried up the walkway to my front door.

Cold air swirled around me, biting my nose and nipping at my fingers as I fished in my purse for my keys. After locating them, I stuck them in the lock and turned the knob. When I breathed out, a puff of white circled in the air. Shit, it was freezing. When the door opened, I was grateful for the warmth.

“Piper, wait!” Jackson’s voice called from over my shoulder.

I swung around as he walked toward me. He wore nothing but a thin long-sleeved shirt and jeans. Shivering, I tugged my jacket tighter around my body. By the time he reached me, his nose was red, his cheeks pink.

“I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “God, they were so mean to you. I should’ve stopped them. I’m an ass.”

“No, you’re not.” I lifted a cold finger and touched his chin.

He shuddered. “Damn, you’re cold.”

I giggled. “C’mon. Let’s go inside.”

Once inside, I closed the door softly behind us, trapping in the heat. It felt warm and soft as it spilled from the heater vents. Darkness swallowed us, but I had no desire to turn on the lights. I didn’t want to wake my parents. This was the first time I’d been alone with Jackson all day and, frankly, I was tired of sharing him.

His arms came around my waist, drawing me forward until our chests touched. “Piper, I really am sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” My hands fluttered over his chest. “You warned me about them.”

“Still, I can’t believe they treated you like that.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” He tugged me forward. My jacket rubbed against his shirt. “You don’t deserve it.”

I bit my lip. “They don’t matter to me, Jackson. Only you do.”

“But I should’ve defended you.” He rubbed his nose against my cheek. It was still cold, and I shivered.

“You did.” I ran my hands up his chest until they reached his neck. Then I framed his face with my palms. “They’re your parents. You did as much as you could without disrespecting them, and I respect you for that.”

“Damn, you’re too good to be true. You know that?”

I sighed. Sometimes I wished he wouldn’t say things like that. I wasn’t as good as he thought I was. If only I could be. I hated knowing that one day I’d have to disappoint him. That one day he’d find out the truth. “Only the best for Spiderman,” I joked, not wanting to spoil the moment with negative talk.

He nuzzled my neck. “I’m going to wrap you in my web and never let you go.”

“That’s fine by me,” I said honestly.

His eyes met mine, his face growing serious. “I love you, Piper.”

My breath hitched in my throat. “You do?”

He laughed nervously. “Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but yes, I do.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, feeling stupid. “I was just shocked, that’s all. No one’s ever said that to me before.” I kissed him softly on the lips. “But I love you too, Jackson.”

“There’s the answer I was hoping for.” His mouth claimed mine, clamping over it firmly as if sealing in my words.

The day after Thanksgiving Mom admitted that she’d been awake when I got home. When she heard me come in she started to walk down the hallway, but when she saw Jackson she hid because she was in her pajamas. So she overheard our whole conversation. I was humiliated, realizing that my mom was there the first time a boy said he loved me. But she didn’t mention that part. Perhaps she hadn’t even heard it. We were whispering at that point. Mostly she was concerned about the fact that Jackson’s parents weren’t welcoming to me. And now she was sharing the whole story with Mr. Roth.

Groaning, I ran a hand down my face.
How was any of this relevant?
The fact that Jackson’s parents didn’t like me had nothing to do with his death. Maybe if I had been the one killed they would be suspects. Then again, if I had been murdered, weeding through that list of suspects would be pretty damn difficult.

I wasn’t sure I’d even know where to begin.

I stayed home today with the flu. It killed me to be away from Piper, and I worried about her.  Who would she hang out with? And what if Tanya and those guys harassed her? No one would be there to help her. That’s why I tried to force my ass to get up and go to school, but Mom wouldn’t have it. One look at me and she sent me back to bed. And I guess that’s good. I had a fever, and I hurled numerous times. I never would’ve survived school.

When I crawled back into bed I grabbed my phone and shot off a text to Piper telling her I was sick. She replied with something about me really just being lovesick.

It had been a couple of weeks since we’d said that we loved each other, and neither of us were tired of saying it yet. The words left our lips every chance we got. I loved the way the letters tasted on my tongue, sweet like candy. And nothing was better than hearing her say it in that damn sultry voice of hers.

I texted her again to see if she’d be okay without me. She texted back that it’d be tough, but she’d survive.

I slept most of the day. Mom forced me to eat soup at some point, but I couldn’t keep it down. That was around noon, so I knew Piper would be at lunch. My heart ached thinking of her eating alone. I could picture her sitting on our patch of grass in the quad all by herself. So once I got cleaned up, I called Piper. I figured talking to me would give her something to do during lunch period. That way she wouldn’t feel lonely. And truth was, I missed her. It’s weird. In the past I couldn’t wait to have a break from the girls I was dating. Guys’ nights were something I lived for in previous relationships, but with Piper it wasn’t like that at all.

It took several rings before Piper answered. I started to wonder if maybe her phone was on silent or something, but then she picked up and her sexy voice floated through the line. My heart skipped a beat when she asked how I was feeling. I told her I felt like shit, and she said she’d come over after school to make me feel better. I wanted to tell her not to do that. It’s what a good boyfriend would have done. I mean, I shouldn’t want her getting my sick germs. But I couldn’t tell her no, because the thought of her coming over to make me feel better was way too tempting. Besides, Mom said she had to run some errands later, so I figured Piper and I would have some alone time.

Then as we were talking, I heard a voice in the background. A male voice. For one minute I worried that someone was bothering Piper. Then recognition slammed into me, and I asked if it was Shane. I detected wariness in her voice when she answered yes, and it made me feel like an asshole. I shouldn’t make her feel guilty about her friendship with Shane. Only I kind of thought it was over. Once
Romeo and Juliet
ended, I never saw them together again, and we’ve been together almost every waking moment. I guess I thought she wasn’t hanging out with him anymore.

And maybe she wasn’t.

But clearly that changed today. I cursed myself for being sick and giving Shane the perfect opportunity. But I didn’t say any of that to Piper. I just told her that I was happy she had a friend to keep her company while I was at home.

Then I spent the next hour lying in bed fantasizing about Shane making moves on my girl. If I had been feeling well enough I would’ve gotten out of bed and raced to that school as fast as I could. However, between my fever and the constant throwing up, that wasn’t happening. Instead I lie in bed like I was dying until Piper came over after school. She brought me a list of all my assignments, like I was really going to do my homework. She also brought me a book of poetry to read. When I told her I didn’t feel well enough to read it, she sat next to me and opened the book. Then she read me her favorite poem. It was beautiful, but I had no idea what the hell it meant. Afterward she told me about school, and I tried not to visibly cringe every time she mentioned Shane’s name. Which was twelve times in case anyone was counting.

I was. I tallied it off in my head every time she said it. And every time it was like a knife to my gut.

Don’t get me wrong. I trust Piper. I really do. It’s Shane I don’t trust. I know guys like him. Okay, I
am
a guy like him. And Piper is pretty irresistible. When I first met her I knew I had to be with her. And it wouldn’t have mattered if she had a boyfriend or not. I would have still went after her. Shane is probably thinking the same thing.

I want to feel secure in the fact that Piper loves me. And I do…somewhat. But if I’m being entirely honest, I have to admit that there are times when I wonder if my feelings for her are stronger than her feelings for me. She says all the right things, and sometimes when I look into her eyes I see how much she cares for me. I see our deep connection. But I also see something else. I see the walls she still hasn’t torn down for me. I see the barriers she hides behind. I know that they most likely have to do with that asshole who hurt her. And I wish I knew how to get rid of that.

I don’t want anything standing between Piper and me. Not Shane. Not Bentley. Not my friends. Nothing.

And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they don’t.

“We need to talk about one last thing before the detective arrives.” Mr. Roth fixed me with a serious stare, and panic took root in my stomach. It opened slowly like a flower blooming. I knew what he was going to ask before he did. Petals fluttered against my ribcage as I held my breath, hoping I was wrong. “I need to know what happened with Bentley.”

I sputtered, air rushing past my lips. Mom gave me a stern look. She and Dad never believed my version of what happened between me and Bentley. And it was physically painful for me to relay the story to anyone. It even took me months to tell Jackson, and I trusted him more than anyone in the entire world.

“I don’t think I can talk about it.” I clasped and unclasped my hands in my lap. My gaze found the window that overlooked our front yard. There was a slight breeze, and a few leaves skittered along the glass pane. If only I could be like them, floating in the breeze, far away from all these questions. I glanced up at the clouds, fluffy and white. Was Jackson somewhere beyond them? Was that where heaven was? And if so, was he watching me? I stared at the sky desperately wishing it had answers.

“You’re going to have to.” Mr. Roth’s voice was gentler than before, but I could still tell I wasn’t getting out of this. “This isn’t a joke, Piper. You’re a suspect in a murder. And so far you don’t even have an alibi for where you were when Jackson was killed. Your past is going to make you seem even guiltier.” He leaned toward me. “Please give me something that will help your case.”

I slumped back in my seat, wondering if it was even worth it. Did I deserve help? Perhaps jail is where I belonged. Without Jackson I would rot away no matter where I was. Why not prison?

When I met Jackson, it seemed too good to be true. I couldn’t understand how a girl like me would be fortunate enough to be loved by someone as amazing as Jackson. I often worried that my past would catch up to me. And now it seemed that it finally had.

Bentley was finally getting his revenge. And wasn’t that what he always wanted?

Everyone knew who Bentley Fairgood was. His dad was the mayor of Cherry Wood after all. Not only that, but he was captain of the football team, class president, and the best looking boy on campus. And from the very first time I’d laid eyes on him I would’ve given anything to be with him. I wasn’t alone in my desire either.

My best friend Stella had a major crush on him too. Stella and I lived on the same street, and we’d been friends since we were in fifth grade. She was a little superficial and high maintenance, but a lot of people said that about me too. I guess that was the downfall of being the daughter of a doctor. I’d been raised to act a certain way, to behave in a particular manner. And my life was lived in a bubble. We resided in an upscale neighborhood. I’d never even really seen poverty, much less been exposed to it. The hurting and destitute wasn’t something I was familiar with. I supposed I grew up thinking life was one big party.

The only escape I had from my bubble was my acting. However, even that was done in the center of town with people I’d grown up with. But at least it allowed me to explore a different side of myself. To have something that was mine alone.

Dad never came to any of my plays, but Mom did. And she enjoyed them. I knew I was good. My teacher told me all the time. But that wasn’t how I knew. I knew because I could feel it. When I acted, I could transform into someone else. And I felt it like a physical thing, the same way a caterpillar must feel when it turns into a butterfly. I could transform the same way. It wasn’t just my voice and mannerisms, I felt different, like I’d slipped into someone else’s body entirely. Like when you hear about ghosts inhabiting another person. That’s what I imagined I did. I took an imaginary character, breathed life into their dead lungs and embodied them.

It was after one of my plays that I first spoke to Bentley. He’d attended with his father. During the show I hadn’t even noticed him. Of course that made sense. I never noticed the audience at all. Once I got into character, the rest of the world faded away. Oftentimes when a play ended I’d glance down at the rows of chairs with people sitting in them, and feel momentarily confused.

“Piper, right?” Bentley cornered me backstage. I wondered how he even got back there, until I remembered he was the mayor’s son. He probably thought he could go anywhere.

I nodded, unsure of why Bentley was even speaking to me. He never had before, and we’d gone to school together for years.

“You were incredible up there.” He nodded his head toward the stage.

“Thanks.” Heat crept up my neck and spilled across my cheeks. I fingered the bottom of my puffy sleeves, embarrassed to still be in my costume. This puffy dress wasn’t the most flattering thing on me.

“What are you doing later?”

My head snapped up at his question. “Like tonight?”

He flashed me an amused smile. “Yep.”

“Nothing.” After the words flippantly left my mouth, I mentally chastised myself. Now I sounded like a loser. “Well, I mean, sometimes the cast gets together afterward, but I don’t have to.”

He grinned. At the time I thought it was sweet. Later I would look back at that moment and see that smile for what it was. It was a satisfied look. He knew I would sacrifice for him, that already he was more important than other things, that I would choose him. If only I’d been able to read him then. If only I’d been smarter.

But I wasn’t. And so I went out with him that night. And pretty soon I was going out with him every night.

At first it was like a dream. I felt like the most special girl in the world. Even my parents were over the moon. They loved Bentley. He was charismatic and charming. When he flashed one of his heart-stopping smiles, he made you believe he was the most genuine guy in the world. Sometimes I saw glimpses of something else in the shadows of his irises, something not quite right with his grin, but I always sloughed it off as paranoia.

Besides, all my friends were beside themselves with jealousy. That shouldn’t have made me happy, but it did. You see, I’d never been the prettiest girl or the most popular. Usually it was Stella who got all the guys. I was just the quirky, eccentric one. Even before I dressed like I do now, I’d been pegged. I was the drama geek. The girl who liked theatre and poetry. Boys weren’t into that.

But finally a boy was. And not just any boy. Bentley Fairgood.

After we’d been dating about a month, Bentley took me to a party. I’d never drank before and hadn’t planned on it that night. Instead I stuck to soda. But Bentley drank. He and his friends downed red cups of beer in the kitchen. They played games and took shots of tequila. Pretty soon he was wasted. I worried about it a little, wondering how I’d get home. I knew better than to get into the car with someone who had been drinking. I could drive, but I didn’t have my car, and there was no way Bentley would let me drive his.

“Hey, baby,” Bentley slurred, draping an arm over my shoulders. “Let me get you another drink.” Reaching out, he plucked the plastic cup out of my hand.

“It’s just soda, Bentley,” I told him.

“I know.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Don’t worry.”

As he staggered into the kitchen to refill my soda, I glanced around the room. A few girls stared in my direction, envy drawn all over their faces. Warmth spread through me as Bentley returned. I took the cup in my hand, grateful that it was soda. I’ll admit a part of me thought he might try to slip some beer in my cup. Bentley was certainly pushy when he wanted something. And even though he acted like it was no big deal that I wasn’t drinking tonight, I could tell it bothered him a little.

Wrapping his arms around me, Bentley kissed me hard on the mouth. His lips fumbled over mine, his tongue sliding sloppily over my mouth. It wasn’t the best kiss ever, but I didn’t dare stop him. Bentley didn’t take rejection well.

“I’m not feeling so good,” He spoke against my mouth.

“Oh.” I held on to him tightly. “Okay, c’mon. I’ll get you to a bathroom.”

“No.” He composed himself, standing up taller and adjusting the baseball cap on his head. Dark tufts of hair peeked out from beneath the bill. I thought he looked sexy in a hat. The shadowing made his dark eyes even darker. His chocolate brown eyes were one of the things I liked about him. “I’m not that kind of sick. I just have a headache. I’ll feel better if I can lay down a minute.”

I nodded, and grabbed his hand. Together we headed down the hallway. I wasn’t familiar with this house. It was one of Bentley’s friends’. His parents were out of town this week. The house was large, and I knew there had to be some spare bedrooms upstairs. I knew there was no way Bentley would sleep on a couch out here in front of everyone. So I tugged Bentley’s hand and guided him up the stairs. With my other hand I fisted my soda, knowing I’d need more later. I figured I was in for a long night. It’s not like we could leave anytime soon. At the top of the stairs there was an empty bedroom.

Relieved, I stepped inside with Bentley right behind me. After helping Bentley to the bed, I turned around. But his hand clamped around my wrist.

“Stay,” he said, a puppy dog look in his eyes.

“Okay.”

“But close the door. The noise is making my headache worse.” That should have been my first clue, but I chose to ignore it.

Nodding, I closed the door. Bentley lie on top of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He patted the bed next to him with his palm. “Sit with me. At least until I fall asleep.”

I thought it was sweet that he wanted me here with him. It made him seem almost child-like. So I did what he said.

Closing his eyes, he murmured. “Just sip your drink and sit here next to me, okay?”

With my free hand I touched his cool fingers, and with my other hand I lifted the cup to my lips. While Bentley lie on the bed with his eyes closed, I sipped my soda. The carbonation danced on my tongue as the liquid slid down my throat. By the time I finished my drink, my head felt a little fuzzy. I squinted as the walls bent around me. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath. What the hell?

“Bentley.” I tapped his shoulder and his eyelids flipped open quickly. Much quicker than I expected. Was I hallucinating?

“I don’t feel so good,” I said.

“It’s okay. Neither do I,” he joked.

“But you’ve been drinking.” My voice sounded far away, like I was speaking in a tunnel. Fear snaked around my heart. What was wrong with me?

Bentley sat up, facing me. “Everything’s going to be all right, Piper.” His hat was askew on his head, and the shadows on his face almost looked like spiderwebs.

“What’s happening?”

“Just go with it.” His hand tugged on the bottom of my black dress. Before I could fully register what was happening, his hand had traveled up my leg and was yanking at my panties. I tried to reach out to stop him, but I felt sluggish, odd.

“Bentley,” I panted.

“Yeah, that’s right, babe. I’m right here.” If his words were meant to comfort me, they didn’t. Instead I felt more panicked, more terrified. What had he done to me?

I found out later that he drugged my drink. If only he’d drugged it more, then maybe I wouldn’t remember so much of what he’d done to me that night. Later when I confronted him about it, he assured me that I had fun. That I had wanted it. When I asked him why he had to drug me then, he said it was just to loosen me up a little. That I was too tense.

None of my friends believed me. They’d seen me with him. Seen me guide him to the bedroom. Everyone assumed I wanted it. And why wouldn’t I? It was Bentley Fairgood, right? But I hadn’t wanted it. Not that way. Not that night.

I knew I’d never get anyone to believe that it wasn’t consensual. But Bentley knew.

And that’s why I did what I did.

It was simple.

It was revenge.