Cutting Loose (28 page)

Wiping her eyes, Sabrina sat up and held
Brett’s hands. She said, “Brett, there is something I have to tell you.”

“Baby, you can tell me anything. I’m
here for you.”

More tears began to fall as she said,
“Please, don’t judge me. I was young and…oh my God…”She broke off as her sobs
grew louder and harder to hold back.

Brett pulled her to him, allowing her to
rest her had on his chest. “Sabrina, you have my word that I won’t judge you.
Please tell me. Did something happen to you?”

Sabrina shook her head yes.

He didn’t speak. He just gently began to
rub her back and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

Sabrina could feel her body tremble as
she spoke, “Remember a while ago when I said I was a good girl? Well that’s not
entirely true.”

“Sabrina, I can see this is hard for you
and if it’s bad, we can talk about it later—”

She shook her head. “No, I have to get
this off my chest now.”

Understanding crossed his handsome face.
He gently took her hands in his.

“There was this guy I used to like. I
had a crush on him since we were in the third grade. Around sophomore year,
that I thought was a good time for us to start dating behind my parents’ backs.
At first he seemed like a good; took me to all the school dances, walked me to
all my classes and even told me he loved me. Then he told me he wanted to go
all the way.

“By going all the way, he meant he
wanted to be like the rest of his friends and have sex. And being that he was
popular and he had a lot of girls flirting with him, I didn’t want to lose him
or anything so and thought I was ready. One day I skipped school and invited
him over. It was perfect, even though we didn’t know what the hell we were
doing. I was glad I had finally done something on my own without my mother’s
approval. Felt like I was on top of the world.

 A few weeks later I found out that I
was pregnant. The jerk didn’t said that I was making everything up and that if
I told anybody what happened, that nobody would believe me. I knew I couldn’t
confide in anyone and decided to keep my mouth shut. I kept up pretenses until
my mother noticed my stomach was getting bigger but she played it smart and
didn’t ask any questions. But one day she took me to a doctor’s office and
blatantly told me that I was too young to raise a baby on my own that I was
getting an abortion. I didn’t want to do it but I knew she was right. I
couldn’t put my family through that kind of shame.”

Tears fell steadily but she continued, “It
wasn’t until a couple of years ago that a doctor told me due to complications
of the procedure that the lining of my uterus had been scarred during the
surgery and I couldn’t have kids of my own in the future….and its funny because
I always said I didn’t want kids…”

When she finally found the courage to
look at him, Brett’s eyes were rimmed with tears as he pulled her even closer.
“Baby, I’m sorry that happened to you,” he whispered to her. “I’m so sorry.”

Sabrina closed her eyes and continued, “I’ve
always resented my mother for forcing me to make that decision and not giving
me a chance to make my own decision. And then there’s a part of me that feels
like it’s my own fault for sneaking behind her back. It was my punishment from
God to never be able to have kids. I’ve been cursed with shitty men in my life
and I don’t think it’ll ever be possible for me to truly love someone.”

“Baby, that wasn’t your fault. It was a
mistake. I don’t think it was God’s punishment, I think it was very unfortunate
for that to happen, but everything happens for a reason. And as far as truly
loving someone, it takes time. You can’t fall in love with someone overnight.”

“I know but who wants to be in love with
someone who can’t even produce children?” She pulled away from Brett and said,
“I’ll understand if you want to leave. That’s what they all do. I wouldn’t
expect you to be any different.”

Brett gently cupped her face in his
hands and said, “Sabrina, baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right
here.”

“Why? Now you know my big secret that
I’ve been harboring so long. I ‘m sorry for not saying anything sooner. My best
friends Larissa and Cassandra don’t even know. Yes, I know, I’m a horrible
person.”

“No, you’re not. You’ve been damaged,
that’s all. You just need a little bit of fixing up.”

“I think I need more than a little.”

Brett cracked a smile. “Well, hey,
that’s what I’m here for. Kind of like a guardian angel.”

Sabrina returned his smile. “A guardian
angel, huh? I must be the luckiest woman in the world.”

Brett cackled. “You have no idea.”

Chapter Twenty-Four:

Reflections

Back in the real world, Sabrina found
herself swamped in work as usual meeting deadlines and other crap she had to
deal with on a daily basis. It was Mother’s Day but she didn’t really have
anything planned and her mother Dorothy was at some fancy spa resort. Even
though it was Sunday and a holiday no less, she shouldn’t have been working but
things needed to get done and Camille was off doing her own thing.

Sabrina didn’t think much of her mother
going off on her own. Hell, if anything she was actually glad that she hadn’t
bothered to call her and ask her to tag along, unlike last year when Sabrina
had to go with her mother to some place in New York. They hadn’t stayed long
because her mother was way too picky and caused a scene everywhere she went,
not to mention she was drinking way too much and was hard to keep under
control.

 Thankfully she didn’t have to put up
with her today and she had the day to reflect on other things. Like what she
was going to do the next time she saw Brett and what she had in mind. It wasn’t
anything major, just something to let her know how much she appreciated him or
how much she enjoyed spending time with him.

She went back to work and was just about
done until Sean stepped into her office some moments later he didn’t look too
happy, more like he was pissed.

He said, “Sabrina, can I have a word
with you for a moment?”

“Sure.” Sabrina stood up and walked
around her desk.

“Listen, I’ve been thinking about this
for some time now and I haven’t had the slightest idea of what to do with
Camille but she has gotten out of line. I can’t take it anymore and I think
it’s a good idea that I got rid of her for once and for all.”

Sabrina’s heart fluttered for a second.
Was she imagining Sean’s words? Had he actually said he was firing Camille?

“You mean permanently, as in no longer
working for the magazine?”

“Yes,” Sean said mater-of-factly. “The
past few issues have been mediocre and sells are plummeting fast. It’s as if
she’s deliberately trying to destroy this magazine for her own gain.”

Sabrina knew it was only a matter of
time before Camille started to show her ass, but she didn’t know it would be
this soon. Which also meant Sabrina was finally in line to get what she deserved
all this time.

“Have you talked to Camille at all to
tell her about this?”

“Not yet. I’m calling her this
afternoon. Monday I’m calling for a press conference to make everything
public.”

“And you’re sure this is the right thing
to do?” She couldn’t believe she asked that question, as if she was feeling
sorry for Camille.

“Yes, I’m sure, Sabrina.” He smiled and
added, “Believe it or not, I’ve been praying for this day to come forever.”

Sabrina sighed, “You and me both.”

After she was finished with work she was
on her way home until she got a call from Larissa crying in the phone babbling
about something and told Sabrina to meet her at a park near her house to talk.

It was cloudy and drizzling by the time
she reached the park. She spotted Larissa underneath a sheltered picnic area
sitting at one of the tables dressed in a plain blouse and maternity jeans.

Sabrina walked up to her and sat next to
her.

She turned to Larissa. She tried to
smile and said, “Happy Mother’s Day!”

 Larissa frowned. “Please, Rina. I’m so
not into that bullshit right now. And technically I’m not even a mother yet.”

“Yes, you are. You have two growing
babies in your belly. I bet you’re getting anxious about the delivery, huh?”

“Not really.” She diverted her eyes to
the nearby swing set. “Actually, that’s why I asked you to come out here.”

Sabrina was a little lost. She knew
Larissa could be difficult some times, but this was getting a bit old.

 As if Larissa could read Sabrina’s
thoughts, she turned to face her and said, “I know this doesn’t make sense but,
um, I don’t know how else to come out and tell you this.”

“I’m sure it can’t be that bad. I know
you’ve done some crazy shit in your days. So, what is it?”

Larissa sighed. “I’ve made a really big
mistake and today opened my eyes to a realization, which is that I’m young, I
still have some living to do. I shouldn’t have fucked that married guy without
any protection, but shit, he was fine as hell and I was not about to say no. I
was going to break it off with him but today he told me he’s leaving his wife
to be with me. And I know what you’re thinking but we have a lot in common and
everything else is good. But there’s one problem; I’m pregnant and neither one
of us wants these kids.”

Sabrina damn near jumped off the table
and stood in front of Larissa.

“Just what are you saying, Larissa?”

She waited a beat. Then she said, “Look,
Sabrina, at first I was excited to be having twins but now, I don’t want to be
stuck with a liability and responsibility like this. I can’t take care of two kids.
I mean, I can but I just don’t think now is the right time.”

“Larissa, please don’t tell me—”

Larissa cut her off and said, “Yes, I’m
having a fucking abortion. I already made the appointment and everything.”

 She sat back down next to Larissa and
said, “Larissa, trust me, you do not want to do this. I’ve been there and it’s
not a good idea.”

Larissa eyes began to tear up. She
asked, “What do you mean?”

“Look, when I was younger, I had an
abortion because I was a dumb teenager and my mother forced me into a corner. I
didn’t think I had any choice but to do it. But you—you have choices. Don’t end
up like me.”

“Wait. Why are you just now telling me
this?”

“Because for one, I never thought I’d
tell anyone and up until a couple weeks ago I hadn’t. And two, I never thought
I’d be hearing you talk about abortion.”

Larissa paused for a moment. “Hmm. And
what do you mean end up like you?”

She had to fight back the tears as she
said, “I’m infertile. Barren.”

Larissa opened her mouth to speak, but
no words came out.

 Silence passed between them.

Sabrina broke the silence and said,
“Larissa, you have options.”

“Like?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know about
adoption.”

Larissa facial expression changed, and
for a second, it looked as though she was considering Sabrina’s words.

She said, “I appreciate you talking to
me but I have to make this decision for me. Don’t look at me like that. Do you
think this is easy for me?”

“No, I don’t. But it doesn’t matter what
I think because it seems to me like you already got your mind made up.”

Larissa got off the table. “I guess so.”

“Hmm. And does Cassandra know about
this?”

“Yeah. She knows, not that it would make
any difference if she didn’t.”

“Why are you being so cruel? I know you
feel like it’s your body and whatnot but you don’t have to sound so mean. I’m
just trying to help.”

“I know.” She paused. “It’s already hard
as it is. I’m the one who has to live with it.”

 “Well, I guess this is it.”

Sabrina looked at Larissa’s large belly,
thinking of the two lives that could have been. She walked over to her and
asked, “Can I feel your stomach?”

Larissa looked away and said, “Girl, you
are crazy. But whatever.”

She placed her hand on Larissa’s stomach
and felt something moving around. She was pretty sure she ran to her car to
keep from breaking down or strapping Larissa down and holding her hostage until
she came to her senses. But Larissa was going to do what she wanted, and there
was no changing her mind.

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Back to Square
One

Tapping her forehead and wondering what
the hell to do next, Sabrina contemplated her next move to keep her sanity. She
couldn’t stand the sight of all the small children she saw as she passed by the
park and saw them playing on their swings with their parents. It made her
wonder why she couldn’t have been blessed with the ability to have kids, while
people like Larissa was so able, yet and willing to give up so easy. It messed
with her head so bad she gave herself a damn headache and had to rush home for
a nice nap. Hell, it was a nice day to relax, especially with the rain thumping
against the window; it was the best time to crawl into bed and get some
shuteye.