Dakota Dream (16 page)

“Not the sweat lodge. We'll go back to the tipi in the village.”

“Your sister will be there,” I said.

“Right. She'll give you some more of this gruel, if you feel up to it.”

“How soon are we going?”

“There's no hurry. Delbert has a lot more sage to burn.” While Donny was talking to me, he was gazing out across the hills. You could see so far. I wondered what he was thinking about.

After about half an hour, we walked all the way down to the village. It took a long time because being real shaky on my feet, I had to stop and rest every once in a while. Donny helped me walk, but Delbert wasn't much help at all. Besides being a little drunk, he was mostly interested in doing the chanting and burning the sage.

When we finally made it to the tipi, Donny's sister gave me some chicken soup. She said to me, “Congratulations.”

I told her thank you, though I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say. I took a long time eating the soup, and I also drank a lot of water. I was feeling a lot better, but still somewhat shaky.

After that, Donny drove me down the mountain in the pickup truck. He took me on down to that tipi in the campground where I started out the first night. He asked me if I needed anything but I told him no, I would be fine. Exhausted, I fell asleep in the tipi.

It must have been a long nap because the sun was low when I woke up. I walked over to the shower house and scrubbed down under a hot shower, working up about a ton of lather. During my soap-down, I started thinking about the vision quest. It could have bummed me out, though, and the shower was making me feel like a new man; I managed to put the thoughts out of my mind.

After that, I did my laundry in this Laundromat up by the tourist shops. I was real hungry. While my clothes were in the machine, I bought two Kit Kat bars and a Pepsi. I sat on the porch in front of the building, munching and drinking. I was beginning to feel my stomach returning. Even though it was getting dark, lots of tourists were milling around. After being on the
hanblecheya
for four days, it was sort of nice having people around, but I was glad I didn't have to talk to any of them.

When all my clothes were done in the dryer, I went back to the tipi and folded them up neatly in my backpack. I sat on the riverbank for a while, watching the stars come out and feeling numb; it was a mystical kind of feeling, which lasted quite a while. It was bittersweet, I guess you might say.

I had a good night's sleep in the tipi, with no tossing and turning and no dreams.

I got up early the next day. It was a beautiful, clear morning, slightly cooler. I went around for a while picking up litter in the campground, such as Pepsi cans and cigarette packs. Could you believe these slobs who couldn't even control themselves in a place of such natural beauty?

I threw all the trash in a barrel and went up to the coffee shop, where I bought a Styrofoam cup of coffee and a jelly donut. Then I walked back down to the riverbank. The gooey food tasted great, but I hardly had time to finish it before Donny came by in the pickup. He said the chief wanted to talk to me now. “He wants to interpret your vision,” Donny said.

The interpretation of the
hanblecheya
led by a tribal elder is the final part of a vision quest. This had to be a moment of high honor: The chief himself was going to act as my interpreter.

Donny asked me, “Are you ready?”

I didn't feel like I was, not really, but this was the chief calling. “I guess I'd better be,” I said. Then I added, “I need to get my backpack first.”

When we got to the trailer, Chief Bear-in-cave greeted me at the door. He asked me if I was feeling well enough to have a little talk. I said sure.

We would be sitting at the kitchen table again. He got down to search for something in a low cupboard. You could see him wince a little bit. Maybe it was pain from arthritis or some kind of injury, but the thing you knew for sure was, he wouldn't complain.

It turned out what he was rummaging around for was a leather pouch, which he put on the table. Before he took his own seat, he asked me if I cared for some tea. I told him no thanks. He congratulated me for sticking out the whole
hanblecheya.
“I think you are a young man of honor,” he said. “I thought so on the first day we talked.”

I felt proud, but I couldn't think of anything to say to that. Then the chief picked up the pouch and he asked me, “Do you have your Dakota pipe?”

“It's in my backpack,” I told him.

“We should smoke it now.”

I got out the pipe and handed it over. Chief Bear-in-cave fingered it and eyeballed it from his good side. I guess he approved of it, because he started packing the bowl. He lit it up and puffed a few times to get it going, then passed it over. As he did, he told me if I had a vision, he would like to hear about it.

I took a drag; I don't know what we were smoking, but it sure wasn't willow bark. I started by telling him, “I almost quit on the second day. I almost gave up and came back down.”

“Let's hear about it,” he said.

So I summed up the bad day when I figured out my “destiny” was more or less phony.

“Why do you say phony?”

“Because it's like a mind game. I've been using the destiny to try and make up for several years of getting jerked around.”

The chief didn't say anything right away. He shook his head, then walked slowly across to the stove to pour himself a cup of tea. When he got back into his seat, he shook his head again and passed me the pipe. “Perhaps there's nothing wrong at all with your destiny. Perhaps the only wrong is wanting it all at once.”

I asked him to explain.

“Trying to grab a destiny is like trying to grab water from the river with your fist. It doesn't work. Do you understand?”

“Not completely,” I admitted.

“The grand thing about a destiny is that you learn it bit by bit, the way you learn a river. You love the Dakota and the values of the Dakota. You might say that's how the destiny begins. That's what puts you on the river, in your boat. Right now, you understand only part of your destiny. The rest will come to you.”

“But how will I know the rest?”

“By letting it come to you. By not trying to grab it. Four days ago, you quoted Black Elk to me, now I will quote Black Elk to you.” He broke into one of his wide, toothless grins. “Black Elk says, ‘Make your mind clear and open like the big sky.' You have a set of values, now let your destiny unfold.”

It was plenty to think about. But from us doing so much talking, the pipe was out; the chief was lighting it with a match. He said, “What you've just told me about is not a vision. To use your word, it's a funk.” He was all of a sudden laughing and slapping his knee.

It was altogether funny, just looking and listening to his style. I couldn't help laughing, too.

He regrouped and said, “I don't know what a funk is, but I'm sure it's not a vision.”

When I was done laughing I said, “I think maybe the last few hours was the vision.” I told him about the mental zone I went into and the clear pictures of the Stone Boy legend that came to me.

The chief listened real carefully to the whole thing. When I was finished he said, “Stone Boy defeated
Iya
by using the mirror given to him by Old Woman.”

“That's the way it came out,” I said.

“And some day soon you'll write it all down.” It didn't sound like a question, but I knew it was.

“Sure I will,” I answered. “It's what I do best.”

“I'll tell you this much,” said the chief. “It's the best Stone Boy tale I've ever heard.” Naturally, this remark made me proud.

“I've been working on the Stone Boy legend a long time,” I told him.

“And yet you saw it complete when you didn't work on it at all. When you let it come to you.”

“That's true,” I said. It wasn't hard to see what he was getting at.

Apparently the chief felt we needed to smoke another bowl, because he was repacking and relighting. “This sounds like the real thing, doesn't it?” he said.

“I guess so.”

“You were Stone Boy?”

“I felt like I was. I had a dream about it afterward. It was more like a nightmare because I couldn't wake up to make it stop. The serpent tree,
Iya
, was the system of social workers and specialists. Houseparents and psychologists. Their faces were like the serpent branches, and they couldn't be destroyed.”

“The system is a monster.”

“It's like a monster, with a life of its own. It just jerks you around and runs your life. You don't have any control of your own life, the system has it all.”

The chief took a long drag. He said, “Yet Stone Boy did have the power, did he not?”

At this point I looked down. “It's true. He had the power when he trusted Old Woman.”

The phone rang then. It was a wall phone in the kitchen, so it was on the fourth ring before the chief, still moving slowly, got there. He said “Yes” into the receiver, then he didn't say anything at all for about sixty seconds. When he said “Yes” the second time, he hung up.

He came back with his index finger raised. “I have this thought,” he said. “Because of his miraculous birth, Stone Boy was half stone, but not
all
stone. The other half was flesh.”

“In other words, the other half was human.”

“Mmmm. Tell me something. The serpent tree is the system that has troubled your life. But who is Old Woman?”

I didn't even have to think, I just blurted it out: “Old Woman is Barb. My social worker.”

The chief didn't say anything, he just nodded his head a few times.

After a pause I said, “You're saying I need to put my trust in her.”

“Is it what I'm saying, or what you're saying?”

“I'm the one who had the vision, so I guess I'm the one saying it. When Stone Boy stopped fighting on his own and put his trust in Old Woman, that's when he finally succeeded.”

After that, we were quiet for a long, long time. In fact, we didn't say anything for all the time it took to smoke the rest of the pipe. I was real happy about sticking out the
hanblecheya
, and having an authentic vision, and having Chief Bear-in-cave there to help me interpret. But I had the downside also, because I could see the conclusion we were headed for, though we weren't saying it out loud.

Finally the chief said, “Would you like to talk to your social worker?”

“Barb? Is she here?”

“She's not here now. But she's on the way.”

“She is? When is she coming?”

“I'm not sure. I talked to her on the phone. She said she would come as soon as she could.”

That was a thought. She was driving up herself. She could have just notified the local cops to take me back. “I think I'd like to talk to her,” I said.

“That would be a good thing,” the chief agreed.

When I left the chief's trailer, I walked to the mechanic shop, hoping to find Donny. I had an idea. I was in luck: I found him sharpening some mower blades.

He asked me how my session with the chief went.

“Good,” I said. “He gave me a lot of food for thought. To tell you the truth, though, I can't get it out of my head that this was a screwup.”

“How so?”

“Taking off like I did, to become an Indian. Stealing Nicky's bike, leaving Barb in the lurch. You know what I mean?”

“Don't be too hard on yourself. If somebody put me in the looney bin, I'd probably do the same thing. Or maybe even something worse.”

“It wasn't just the looney bin. That was what you'd call the last straw. I feel real bad about taking Nicky's bike. Even though he didn't take care of it, it's still his.” Then I wondered when Barb was coming. Chief Bear-in-cave only said she was coming; he hadn't said when. Without any warning, I found myself anxious to see her.

Donny said, “Don't forget, you completed the
hanblecheya.
Something good always comes from that.”

I couldn't argue with him. I couldn't be negative about one of the most honored traditions of Dakota life.

Donny changed the subject. “I have to drive to town to get some stuff; would you like to go with me?”

This got my attention. “Is there a parts store?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I'd like to work on Nicky's bike. I don't know if I can fix it, but I'd like to try.”

“Let's go for it.”

I didn't pay too much attention to the town itself when we got there, I was more interested in getting what I needed and taking care of business. Before we went to the parts store, we had to take care of Donny's errands. That meant rounding up a case of garbage bags, a couple cases of toilet paper, some cleaning supplies, and even a little bit of lumber.

Afterward, I was able to get a headlight for the bike, which cost $22.50. I also bought six cans of Pennzoil and a can of rubbing compound. My funds were suddenly down to six bucks, but I didn't want to think about that.

CHAPTER TEN

When we got back to the reservation, it was way past noon. We went right to the equipment shed where I helped Donny unload his stuff. He told me he had work to do, so he couldn't help me with the bike. But I said that was okay because I needed to try and psych it out on my own anyway.

Then he left. I was the only person in the shop, which suited me just fine. I pulled the Kawasaki over by the workbench, where all the tools were kept and the light was good.

I don't really have enough mechanical know-how to fix a seized-up engine, but I wanted to try a trick I saw Mr. Gibbs use once on a seized-up Rototiller. He took the head off and poured small amounts of oil on top of the piston, so it could seep down into the cylinder walls. I didn't know of anything better to try, and all the sockets and other tools I needed were right on the workbench. I could only hope and pray that the engine damage wasn't too severe.