Dance Till you Drop (4 page)

‘The teacher said that my voice is twice as strong as it was two months ago, and that if I keep on with these vocal exercises, by the end of the year I could be going for lead roles instead of the chorus.'

Ellie's hands were going everywhere, the way they always do when she's excited. Her long hair was done up in two braids with pink ribbon woven through them. She also
had pink and purple leg warmers on over her stockings.

‘This leotard keeps giving me a wedgie,' said Ashley. ‘Who brought the snakes? I'm starving.'

‘Ash, you ate my sandwich five minutes ago,' said Riley.

‘And that works out really well for me,' Ellie pushed on, ‘because there's this musical coming up and I want to try out for it because it's going to tour schools …' She trailed into silence as she noticed me standing by the door. ‘Oh, never mind.'

‘Paige!' said Ashley. ‘You look awful! Have you been dancing in your sleep?'

‘Feels like it,' I said, trying to catch Ellie's eye.

‘Have some snakes,' Ashley said. ‘Riley's hiding them, I think.'

‘Am not,' said Riley. ‘I saw them over by your bag.'

‘I'm going to go warm up,' announced Ellie. She left the dressing room, but she did give me a long look as she passed by.

I felt a tiny twitch of hope. She seemed worried.

Riley watched Ellie go. ‘Are you guys okay?' she asked.

‘No,' I said, sitting down because I felt shaky. ‘Not really.'

‘Paige!' said Ashley. ‘What's wrong? You don't look good at all!'

‘I'm just really tired,' I said, glancing at the pack of lollies. ‘I don't think even jelly snakes will fix me.'

‘Whoa,' Ashley said. ‘That
is
serious. Snakes fix everything!'

‘Is it Ellie?' asked Riley.

‘No,' I said. ‘I … I don't know.'

My head was all muddled. I hadn't slept properly for the past few nights. I was stressed
out because I was really behind on my homework and I hated not knowing what was going on in class (it was hard enough trying to stay awake!). My brain felt tired and my body felt even worse.

Everything was becoming too much and I had nothing to look forward to, just dance, dance, dance, dance.

Ashley sat next to me and put her arm around my shoulders. ‘Hey, this isn't right. You're supposed to be the one who looks after everyone else!' she joked.

I giggled a little. ‘I know.'

Ashley stood and poked her bum at me. ‘Does my wedgie cheer you up?' she asked.

‘That makes her throw up,' said Riley. ‘Seriously, Paige, do you want me to go get someone?'

‘No, thanks,' I said. ‘You go to class. I'll be out in a minute.'

‘Sure?' asked Riley.

‘Yes,' I said.

‘Okay,' she said. ‘I'll save you a spot next to me.'

‘That's if my wedgie doesn't eat it up first,' Ashley said.

Riley threw a snake at her. ‘Stop talking about your wedgie!'

‘It's taking over my life!' Ashley laughed.

Kind of like dance was taking over mine. I almost preferred Ashley's wedgie.

Once they'd gone I sat in the dressing room by myself. I took some deep breaths. I told myself I just had to get through three things: the ballroom comp, the end of term, and the stupid ballet masterclass. Then I would be okay.

But I don't know if I believed it.

I pulled my slippers on and headed out into the hallway. I still felt dizzy and muddled. I couldn't remember if I'd eaten anything today.

I stood at the studio door and stared at the girls.

But all I saw was a week of dance. Ballroom on Friday, stepping on Benji's toes. Lyrical on Saturday morning, left with no partner because Ellie chose Serah over me. Extra rehearsals on Sunday for my masterclass audition. Ballet on Monday, Ms McGlone scolding me because my shoulders kept creeping up. Extra ballroom rehearsal on Tuesday, still messing up the lift. Jazz on Wednesday, where I forgot the steps and the whole class had to keep repeating the same sequence just for me. Tap straight after that, clack, clack, clack. And now, technique class.

And I couldn't do it. I couldn't face Ellie not looking at me even once. I couldn't bear the thought of being the only person who couldn't do a front aerial with straight legs. My legs felt like jelly just thinking about the floor work.

So I ran away.

I didn't really know where I was going. I just kept on running – through the dark halls of Silver Shoes, across the thick carpet, and in and out of the colours cast by the stained-glass windows, until I ended up next to the storeroom for props.

The door was unlocked. I opened it and crept in.

It smelled like old paint, mothballs and the sweetness of dried lavender. That was from
the ‘Welcome Spring' lyrical dance last year, where we all had cane baskets of dried flowers.

It was dark inside. I stumbled around until I collapsed onto a pile of old velvet, which was from the ‘Sleeping Beauty' concert years ago. I'd played Aurora. It was probably my only starring role.

I sprawled onto my back and looked at the weird shapes looming around me.

It was quiet and still. I felt far, far away from Silver Shoes and a best friend who didn't look at me. I let my mind be empty of masterclasses and competitions, and boys who I felt embarrassed and clumsy around, even though they were really cool and nice.

I tried not to think about letting down my mum, who just wanted me to be a ballroom star like her.

I tried not to think that I didn't like dancing anymore.

Dancing was something Ellie and I had both loved since we were in kindergarten. Silver Shoes was my favourite place in the whole world, and being on stage was the best feeling, even though my nerves sometimes made me wish I was elsewhere!

I loved dancing, I really did. But here I was, curled up on some mouldy velvet in a dark storeroom, in the back corner of my dance school, avoiding a class that I probably needed more than anyone else!

I don't know how long I was lying there, looking at old papier-mâché drawbridges, piles of cane baskets and cardboard cut-outs of trees. I was so focused on trying to push some energy back into my body that it took me a while to notice whispering outside the door.

‘She has to be in there, there's nowhere else.'

‘But have you been inside? It's gross.'

‘I hope she's okay.'

‘Should we go in?'

‘You go first.'

Silence.

‘No, you better.'

‘Okay.'

‘Well, hurry up!'

The door opened a crack. Another silence.

‘Paige?'

‘She's not in here. Come on, let's try the swings.'

‘She's here.'

‘How do you know?'

‘I just know.'

‘Paige?'

Three heads poked around the door. Ashley. Riley. And Ellie.

‘I'm here.' I sat up with a sigh.

‘Oh, we found you!' Ashley came barrelling into me and gave me a big hug. ‘Why are you in this stinky place?'

‘Why aren't you in class?' I asked. ‘You'll get in trouble.'

‘Miss Caroline and Jay let us out to come find you,' said Ashley.

‘Miss Caroline's worried about you,' added Riley. ‘We are, too.'

‘I didn't want to make a fuss,' I said. ‘I-I … couldn't go to class. I needed a break.'

‘Well, just be like Riley and miss the start of every class because you have basketball or athletics or something,' said Ashley.

Riley threw a bunch of dried lavender at her.

I noticed Ellie hadn't moved from the doorway.

‘Paige,' said Riley, ‘I know I'm the worst person to tell you this, but you need to cut back on classes. Something obviously isn't right!'

‘And you're hiding in here when you could be doing fun stuff like ten straddle jumps in
a row,' Ashley said, grimacing. She paused. ‘Actually, you might be onto something. I bags the storeroom next class.'

‘I know I need to cut back on stuff,' I said, ‘but I don't want to let anyone down.'

‘You mean your mum?' Riley asked.

I looked down at my hands.

‘You're not even that interested in ballet,' Riley said. ‘Why are you doing the masterclass audition on Sunday? Just say you don't want to do it, and that you'd rather focus on jazz or ballroom or something.'

‘I'm trying to,' I said, ‘but it's hard. I know Mum will be upset.'

There was a big sigh from the doorway.

And then, finally, Ellie talked to me.

‘Paige, you big dumbo. What's more important? Your mum being a bit upset when you tell her, or you being like a zombie all the time and running away from class?'
She looked around and wrinkled her nose. ‘Plus, you've gotta stop hanging out in storerooms. It's so dark and gross.'

She gave me a smile that made her green eyes crinkle.

I didn't even notice the darkness. My heart did ten jetés. I think, finally, my best friend had come back.

A big white building with too many windows.

Girls stretching everywhere, their hair in impossibly tight buns.

Scary-looking adults walking around with faces that don't know how to smile.

I was at the one place I
never
wanted to be.

An audition.

And, to make it worse, an audition at Dance Art Academy.

The only thing my body wanted to do was sleep, not perform an audition piece that I'd only put together in the last week.

And not very well, at that.

Before that even happened, everyone still had to do a warm-up class where all the teachers from the Royal Academy of Ballet judged you on how well you took direction, and your natural ability.

Maybe I could shove myself into a corner where no one would look at me.

Mum and I went to register at reception, but I was too busy checking out Dance Art to take much notice.

‘Paige Montreal,' Mum said to the woman behind the desk. ‘Here for the masterclass.'

I could feel Mum's hand on my back while the lady tried to find my name on her list. It took forever. I started to hope that maybe Mum had forgotten to enrol me after all.

But no such luck.

‘Oh, here you are,' said the lady. ‘Yes. Paige. After the warm-up class you will be in the second audition block. That's at eleven o'clock. Fiona will call you to the waiting area when you're up.' She pointed at another lady who looked like she was born to hate ballerinas.

Great.

It would have been so good to have Ashley by my side, making silly jokes about everyone. Or Ellie, whose confidence always made me feel better.

Mum handed me a sticker that I had to put on my leotard. Number 23.

‘This is so exciting, Paigey,' she said, guiding me down the hall. ‘I bet you can't wait. Do you want to find a spare room to practise your audition piece before the warm-up?'

‘No,' I said. ‘I'm okay.'

Dance Art was so scary-looking! Such high ceilings. Floors made of marble that looked like they were cleaned every hour. (Meanwhile, Silver Shoes had dust bunnies behind every door.) There were also huge framed pictures hanging on the walls of every single competition Dance Art had ever won. They were the only splashes of colour in the place. Everything else was so white and bright. It hurt my eyes.

And my tummy.

Mum led me down about a million corridors before we finally reached the audition space. Get this – it was a ballroom! One that looked like it held fancy-dress balls a hundred years ago. What did Dance Art use
that
for?

There was a huge group of girls and a few boys gathered around the double doors. Some were even lined up down the stairs, doing their stretches against the balustrade.

Why were they so keen to get to the audition? All I wanted to do was run away!

‘Are you sure you don't need to warm-up, Paigey?' asked Mum. ‘I think you should.'

‘It's too crowded,' I said.

Although the truth was that if I even moved my body in the smallest way, I felt like my breakfast would come up.

I hunted around for Riley and spotted her, away from the door, which made me feel a tiny bit better.

I had to push past to get to her, and I'd barely said hello before we were called into the ballroom for the first part of the audition.

The ballroom was more than big enough to fit all of us, so of course I had nowhere to hide. They let us line up wherever we wanted, and I quickly took a place next to Riley.

Straightaway I needed to pee.

I was stressing out so much, I didn't even really hear the Royal Academy people introduce themselves.

Was my ribbon tight enough? Was my posture good? Were those girls over there staring at me, waiting for me to mess up?

This is only a warm-up, Paige,
I told myself.
You've done these steps a million times before.

We began with barre work, moving into the five positions, demi pliés and grand pliés, relevés, and then leg stretches – coupé, posse, ronds de jambe and battements. It was so familiar to me that I began to relax.

I could do this, couldn't I?