Dancer at Silver Spires (8 page)

Every fibre of my body was absorbed in what was going on, so it gave me a shock when Sasha suddenly said, “I've just remembered, I said I'd go and help with the scenery painting again, Izzy. Do you want to come?”

“It's…okay, Sash. I'll just watch a bit more of this.”

She smiled. “See you at supper then.”

And then I was straight back into the rehearsal. The choreography was lovely, and Olivia was easily the best dancer there, then Maria. Kate and the others weren't turning out or extending their legs as much as they should, and they couldn't move as smoothly or expressively as Maria and Olivia.

After a while, Miss Morgan started pacing around with a big frown on her face as though she was deep in thought. I wondered if she was trying to decide whether to let Abi dance after all. And after a few seconds it looked as though I was right, because Miss Morgan suddenly turned to Abi and said something, and in a flash Abi was reaching for her
pointe
shoes, then quickly putting them on and tying the ribbons. She looked so happy as she walked over to the chalked-out stage.

Kate seemed even more delighted. She gave Abi a big hug, then practically skipped off the stage area and stood to one side. Olivia looked furious as she moved out of the centre to the position that Kate had just had at the side, and Abi took up the central position.

This time, when the music started and Abi rose up onto
pointe
and raised her arms into fifth position, I felt such magic tingles all over me it was unbelievable. Even though she obviously wasn't dancing with her full energy, her performance was stunning. But she'd only been dancing for a few minutes when she stopped suddenly, clutching the top of her left leg at the back, and said something to Miss Morgan, before going to get herself a chair. Miss Morgan looked really concerned and so was I.

After that, the rehearsal just kind of fizzled out and I watched as everyone left the hall. Then I listened as they walked along the main corridor. Abi was saying, “I felt fine for ages, but now it's hurting like mad.”

“You just need to make sure you give it enough rest,” Miss Morgan replied. “I shouldn't have let you dance today. It's my fault.”

As their voices disappeared into the distance, I knew I should be going too, but I couldn't quite tear myself away. In my head I was working out a different choreography with fewer extensions, so Abi's leg wouldn't be under such a strain. I needed to keep my eyes on the chalked-out stage and imagine all the girls dancing, or I couldn't do it properly. I stood there for ages, working out steps in my head and wishing I could write down all my ideas so I wouldn't forget them. After a while, as there was no one around, I went into Mrs. Truman's office and quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil from her desk. Then I hurried back to my place around the corner and, once I'd had a final look at the imaginary stage, I started to write down what I'd worked out, as best I could.

The trouble was, I couldn't hear the music well enough in my head and I didn't dare go into the sports hall to play the CD, in case anyone came in and wondered what on earth I was doing. In the end, I waited till the whole block had been deserted for a good ten minutes. I knew I could be sure by then that no one would disturb me, because it was half past six and it wouldn't be worth anyone coming into the sports hall before supper.

So in I crept.

At first when I pressed play on the CD player and the music blared out, I went into a big panic and quickly turned it down, as it seemed far too loud for the hall. I guessed that was because I was all alone in such a vast room, so the background of silence was deeper than when there'd been loads of people in here.

I set the volume just loud enough to hear the music, then kicked off my shoes and took up my position on the pretend stage. I had to imagine I was
en
pointe
like Abi, because I'd never done any
pointe
work, but it didn't matter. All that seemed to matter at that moment was feeling the dance that I'd just created for Abi coming alive. It was brilliant. There were no mirrors, no piano, no rosin box, no barres, no one judging me. I was back in my secret, private world, free to dance just for myself. I soon came to the end of the steps I'd worked out, and just carried on, making up more steps as I went along, dancing and dancing away without stopping.

And when the track finished, I put it on again, only this time I found myself dancing some of the steps of the original main part that I'd seen Olivia and Abi do. Then as the music came to a close, I did a big finish in the balance position that poor Abi hadn't been able to manage with her injured leg. My supporting leg felt strong and I held the position even after the last note had faded, because I was desperate to hold on to this moment for as long as possible. I don't know how long I would have stood there if the sound of clapping hadn't startled me and made me lose my balance.

Heart hammering, I turned to see Kate standing in the doorway. She came rushing over to me, crinkling with smiles. “I don't know your name, but whoever you are, that was
a-may-zing
!”

My mouth felt dry. It was lovely of her to give me such a compliment, but I was still totally embarrassed and upset at being discovered in the middle of my private world.

“Th…thank you.”

“So what's your name?”

“Izzy.”

“Izzy! Wow!” Kate laughed. “Sorry, I didn't mean,
Wow, Izzy, what a name!
I meant
wow
to the incredible dancing. Does Miss Morgan know about you? Does
anyone
know about you? I mean, why hasn't Miss Morgan ever mentioned you? She often talks about girls in the junior ballet club.”

“I…I'm not in the ballet club.”

“Not in the club! Why not? I'll tell Miss Morgan! In fact I'll tell her right now…”

“No!” I couldn't help blurting it out and I think I gave Kate a shock, because her eyes filled with alarm at the panic in my voice.

“No?” She looked at her watch and her expression softened. “No, you're right. She will have gone home. And actually we should be going to supper. I came back for the CD so I can practise in my boarding house. I'm not very supple…” Kate suddenly stopped mid-sentence and her eyes gleamed. She was staring at me as though she'd seen a ghost, but not a scary ghost – more a ghost she'd been dying to see. She spoke in a breathless whisper. “I've had the most amazing idea…”

Something told me I wasn't going to like this idea one little bit.

“
You
could dance Abi's part!” The whisper turned to an excited flood of words. “You looked just as good dancing it in flats as Abi did
en pointe
, so that wouldn't be a problem. Olivia and Maria can stay in the roles they were originally given, because they look totally balanced like that and neither of them are anywhere near as good as Abi at her part anyway. That means I wouldn't have to be in the dance at all, so I won't let everyone down with my substandard dancing, and, hey presto, we have lift off! Woo!”

Kate's voice had risen to an excited whoop and then she grabbed both my hands and started dancing me round, sounding a bit like my friends but with a slightly different rhyme. “Izzy, whizzy, let's get dizzy!”

I couldn't help giggling. She was just so funny with her crazy happiness. But another part of me was scared stiff, and I let go of her hands and spoke in a gabble to make sure she really realized she
had
to forget her idea.

“Miss Morgan doesn't think I'm very good. I mean, she's right. I'm not. Abi's miles better than me. A million miles…obviously… She's a senior.”

I broke off, because Kate was shaking her head slowly and staring at me as though I was melting away and she just couldn't grasp what was going on. “Miss Morgan doesn't think you're very good?” she asked, her face wrinkled up with bewilderment. She shook her head again and spoke slowly, emphasizing every word. “She cannot have seen you.”

“She did. You see, I used to do ballet but I've given it up now.”

Kate blinked, then gave herself a little shake before she fixed me with that same bewildered stare. But a moment later it disappeared. “Oh I get it! It's the thought of taking over a senior's part, isn't it? Listen, you mustn't worry about what the others think, honestly. Miss Morgan's the only one that matters.” She glanced at the clock. “I've got to shoot back to my dorm before supper, but let's talk about it on the way.” Now she was rushing over to the CD player and ejecting the CD, and then she was back with me, smiling and ushering me out of the door. “Look, all you have to do is turn up at the theatre after school tomorrow and you can show Miss Morgan and the others how you dance, exactly like you did just then. And I swear they'll be totally knocked out, and Miss Morgan can decide what's best!” She turned to me, eyes bright. “How's that for a plan?”

I suddenly realized Kate had stopped walking and was waiting for my answer because she was about to go off in another direction from the dining hall. I had to speak. I had to make her understand that there was no way I could just turn up at the theatre the next day. That I'd rather die than do that.

“I've…got gym club tomorrow.”

“It doesn't matter if you miss clubs. Honestly. The teachers always say that if you've got something else going on, like a match or a rehearsal or something, you're allowed to miss clubs.”

I swallowed. “But, you see, I don't really want to dance with the seniors when I'm not even in the
junior
ballet club…”

“Yes, but you should be. I don't get why Miss Morgan hasn't mentioned you to us lot when she's seen you dance.” Kate looked at me carefully. “What did she actually say when she saw you?”

I looked down, trying to block out the awful memory. But I had to explain to Kate or she'd make me come to the theatre the next day and that would be unbearable. “She asked me if I wanted to have another go, but I didn't want to.”

“What do you mean?”

“She…didn't think I was very good.” My mind swung back to the Royal Ballet audition and I suddenly had to end this conversation. “I'd better go. Sorry…”

As I was walking away, Kate called after me, “Are you sure you won't just come along, Izzy?”

I turned round, but only for a second. “Yes, I'm sure. Sorry.”

At lunchtime the next day, I saw Kate sitting down at a table just beside where Sasha and I were queuing. I didn't want her to notice me, because I was scared she might try to persuade me to go to the theatre again. Then Sasha would ask what we were talking about and she'd get to hear the whole story and she'd be sure to try and persuade me to do what Kate suggested.

I deliberately pointed out a picture to Sasha that was on the far wall of the hall, so we could turn right away from Kate.

“That's been there for ages, Izzy!” said Sasha, looking confused. “Have you only just noticed it?”

“No…but I've only just noticed how good it is.”

We were shuffling along in the queue as we stared at the picture, and any minute now we'd be past Kate, thank goodness. But then Sasha suddenly swung round the other way and pointed across the hall. “Look, that picture's even better. I love the colours, don't you?”

I had to look, and I could feel that Kate's eyes were on me.

“Hi, Izzy.”

I swallowed and pretended I'd only just seen her. “Oh, hi!”

But then she was back into the conversation that was going on at her table and I relaxed. It was incredible. She hadn't said anything at all about dancing or ballet or rehearsals.

As I sat down at a table with the rest of my dorm and ate the delicious chicken chasseur, with my eyes on Kate across the room, a new wave of relief flooded over me. I'd never imagined she'd let the subject of me dancing go, just like that. But she must have had second thoughts and decided it was simply too late for me to join in the senior's dance now, when there was only a week and a bit left to go. Or maybe Abi's leg was better. Whatever it was, I was off the hook.

But I was still left with a mixed-up feeling inside my head. I suddenly realized I didn't mind the thought of watching the dance show any more. I knew I'd feel emotional when it came to the ballet dance, but not in the kind of unbearable way I would have felt a few days ago. Something had changed. It wasn't so urgently important to keep my past completely shut out now. It was…weird.

All my friends were buzzing with chatter about how great the show was going to be, what with dressing up and being entertained all evening, and all the different sorts of dancing. Some Year Eights at the next table chimed in that whenever there's an event at Silver Spires for the whole school, it's always really exciting and buzzy, simply because of everyone being there. One girl said it was like suddenly having your whole family – with all your cousins and aunties and uncles and grandparents – for Christmas when you'd not seen them for ages. At first that thought gave me a little stab of sadness, as I remembered that Claire wouldn't be around over the Christmas holidays. But once I got over that, I actually started looking forward to the show.