Dancer at Silver Spires (10 page)

As I wandered off sadly, I turned back just once, and our eyes met for a second before we both looked away. And I know it's stupid, but at that moment I felt as though Sasha could tell I was sorry for being horrible. I hoped so anyway.

The walk across to the theatre was awful. My legs felt so shaky, I doubted I'd be able to dance a single step, but I kept reminding myself that Miss Morgan thought I was exceptional. I also tried to hold in my mind a picture of Kate punching the air and saying “Yesss!” I think it was only these memories that stopped me from turning and running away.

It took all my courage to push the theatre door open, but the moment I stepped into the auditorium, there was Kate flying over to me with her lovely big friendly smile. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me across to the stage. “Here she is, everyone! Here's the little genius!”

I felt all squirmy inside when I heard those words and when I'd finished staring around at the incredible theatre, which was so grand and like something out of the West End, I realized that the rest of the seniors were eyeing me as though I was a disgusting wriggly specimen in the science lab that they had to study through their microscopes.

Miss Morgan didn't seem to be anywhere around and I so wished she'd quickly appear and give instructions and take control of everything. But she didn't, and instead it was Olivia who took charge.

“Well, I don't know what role Miss Morgan thinks Izzy's going to dance, because if Abi's leg is still bad, then obviously I'll be the one taking over her role and someone else will be doing mine.”

No one else said a word, so Olivia carried on, raising her voice and gabbling a bit as though she had to get people to see things from her point of view. “And yeah, we all know Kate doesn't want to dance my part, but can you imagine how stupid it would look with Izzy dancing it? I mean, even if she knew all the steps and everything, and even if she could actually dance them properly, she's supposed to be a kind of mirror of Maria, and that wouldn't work, would it? They're completely different sizes.”

Something had rushed into my body as Olivia had been talking, like a tornado that was whizzing round and round in the tightest knot just under my ribs in the place where Miss Amelia always told us to centre ourselves. I hated the way Olivia was addressing everyone as though I wasn't even there.

And then Maria took over, and the others all began nodding as she talked. “And if Abi's leg is better, which I reckon it will be, then there isn't any need for anyone extra anyway. It's pointless adding bits for no reason, because we don't have time to practise more steps, do we?”

“Never mind, Izzy,” said another girl, giving me a nice smile. “It's great that we've got a junior coming through. Maybe you can dance your own little solo before our dance.”

The knotted tornado stopped spinning for a short while, because at least someone had actually talked
to
me instead of talking
about
me. But with every word that was spoken, I'd felt more and more like a silly little kid thinking I could join in with the big girls, with no idea that I wasn't up to their standard.

“Hang on a sec, Leanne,” said Kate. “Let's see what Miss Morgan says, shall we? I don't think you realize how good Izzy is.”

“Yeah, I'm sure she's brilliant,” said another girl, who I thought was called Rachel, “but—”

“She's only a junior,” finished off someone else.

So now I knew that just about everyone, apart from Kate, thought it was an altogether ridiculous idea to have me joining in with their dance. And I wished a magic carpet could drop through the ceiling and the tornado inside me could whip me up and away from this theatre in a flash.

But instead of that happening, the door opened and in came Miss Morgan.

“Is Abi coming?” “How's Abi's leg?” “Is she going to be able to dance now?” came a general chorus.

I felt so spare standing there clutching my bag, and I kept my eyes on Miss Morgan, praying that she'd just quietly tell me that Abi was fully recovered so I wasn't needed after all and I could go. But she didn't. Instead, she put her hands up as though to show that she was about to make an important announcement. Then she came and stood right beside me.

“This is Izzy Carter, everyone.” She turned and gave me a warm smile. “I'm sorry I wasn't here when you arrived, Izzy, but I had to speak to Miss Pritchard about rehearsal timings for the theatre.” We all waited. “Now, girls, Kate and I watched Izzy dancing after her gym club yesterday and I have to say it was most impressive. You'll see what I mean in a moment. But first I want Izzy to watch
you
dancing. I shall take Abi's role myself for the moment, so we can keep the sense of symmetry we've got with Olivia and Maria mirroring each other, and Rachel, Leanne, Mimi and Debra balancing each other too.”

Looks shot like lasers amongst the girls as they took up their starting positions and Kate went across to put the music on.

“So isn't Abi coming?” Olivia asked in a sulky voice.

“She's seeing a sports injury specialist at the moment, but I'm sure she'll be along shortly. In the meantime…” Miss Morgan pointed to a seat in the front row of the auditorium. “Sit yourself down here, Izzy.” Then she took up her own position in the middle of the stage and I drew my knees up and hugged them tight.

Watching Miss Morgan dance made me feel as though I was at Covent Garden. I've been there quite a few times to see The Royal Ballet Company dance, and I felt sure Miss Morgan was just as good as the dancers in that company, because she looked stunning on the stage and somehow made the others look better too. Olivia and Maria seemed lost in the dance, really extending their legs and holding their positions, and the four girls I didn't really know were perfectly in time with each other, which is so hard to do in ballet. There was no way the audience could think this dance was anything other than wonderful.

As they finished I broke into applause without thinking. Miss Morgan smiled at me and so did the girls at the back, but Olivia and Maria started talking to each other about some of the steps, as though I wasn't even there. Then a second later Olivia shot me a horrible look.

Miss Morgan was catching her breath, because Abi's part is really demanding and uses the whole stage. “Now,” she said, “it's very daunting for someone as young as Izzy to come into this situation with all you seniors, and be expected to dance just like that, so let's start with a few steps all together like a class, so Izzy can warm up.”

My whole body trembled at the thought of what was coming. “I don't have any ballet shoes or tights or anything,” I said, praying that this might put a stop to all this, as then I wouldn't have to look at Olivia's and Maria's mean expressions any more.

“I thought that might be the case,” said Miss Morgan. “But don't worry, I've brought spare leotards and tights, and I've got the right size shoes here.” She handed everything to me. “Pop into the wings and get changed as quickly as you can.”

I did as I was told, and all the while I could hear talking in fierce whispers going on in the auditorium, though I couldn't make out what was being said. And then the music started up again and I heard dancing feet, which I preferred to the sound of those cross voices, because I was totally sure they were talking about me. It was obvious no one except Kate wanted me here. I should never have agreed to come.

Creeping out of the wings, I reminded myself of a deer I'd once seen on a nature programme. It had been chased for miles until finally it was exhausted, but there was nowhere to hide. It was surrounded by lions and they were about to go in for the kill. I looked round at the girls, some practising onstage, two of them talking with Kate in the auditorium, and my body felt tired, with nothing more to give, like that poor deer.

“Right, Izzy,” said Miss Morgan. “As we don't have
barres
in here, we'll do a few
pliés
in the centre. Prepare in first position, please, everyone.”

In a flash, all the girls had found a space on the stage and I joined in, sinking into
demi pliés
and then full ones, following Miss Morgan's counts. It was so long since I'd worn a leotard and tights, and I loved the feeling of recovering something so familiar that had been missing. After clumsily trying to practise in my school uniform or my tracksuit, this felt wonderful. It was as though I was back in class with Miss Amelia, before I ever did the audition for The Royal Ballet. Before anyone ever told me I was a failure. I still felt as if I was surrounded by lions, but I wasn't quite so weak now.

After that we did a few
battement tendus
and
grands battements
, then Miss Morgan turned to me.

“Izzy, I know you know the first part of Abi's role, because I saw you dance it. Would you like to try it now?”

Someone tutted just loudly enough for me to hear. I was sure it was Olivia.

I gulped and walked to the centre of the stage, as Rachel and Leanne said, “Hang on a sec, we want to watch,” and rushed down into the auditorium, followed by Mimi and Debra. So that just left Maria and Olivia, who had strolled to one side of the stage. Maria sat down cross-legged and Olivia folded her arms and tipped her head to one side. I only glanced at her for a second, but I could see her eyes were cold and unfriendly.

“What's she doing Abi's part for?” Olivia asked Miss Morgan in an accusing tone. “Are you saying that I'm not doing it now?”

“Look, Olivia,” said Miss Morgan, with a sigh, “it might well be that the specialist says it won't harm Abi to continue using her leg even when it hurts a bit, in which case she can dance the role herself. But until we know that for sure, I don't want to waste a single second of this valuable rehearsal time, because if she's not able to dance then we need a plan B. Now you know as well as I do that Kate's heart isn't in it, so unless we completely change the choreography, which would take a lot of time and effort, then we need to juggle with what we've got. As you'll see in a minute, Izzy is an amazingly talented dancer, but obviously she's very small, so she can't just slot into the role dancing opposite Maria or we'd lose the symmetry.”

Olivia sighed slowly and closed her eyes as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. My head was spinning with thoughts and feelings. Poor Miss Morgan was just trying to make sure her ballet dance at the show was a success, and there wasn't time to change everything around. But Olivia must have hated the thought of giving up the lead role, especially to someone as young as me. This was the most awful position to be in. I'd finally accepted that Miss Morgan really did believe I was good, but now I had another test to pass. And it just seemed like one test too many. How ever was I going to dance a single step with such curious and hostile eyes on me? But I had to. Kate was about to press play. The music was going to start at any second. What if I messed up? It would be too awful to bear.

I turned out my right foot and stretched my left foot into a
dégagé
, then prepared my arms and took a deep breath to try to slow my heart down. And at that very moment the door opened and there stood Sasha. Our eyes met and she gave me a big smile and stuck both her thumbs up.

Immediately my whole body seemed to come to life and the energy soared up my legs to my shoulders and raced down my arms, as I held my head a little higher. I felt lighter and stronger, because I'd got my best friend back.

So I began, and I danced all the first sixty-four bars of Abi's role and then I couldn't remember what came next. But I only wavered for a second before I was back on track again, feeling in control. And the freedom of that feeling was the most wonderful thing ever. I could have danced and danced and danced, and all the while I kept a picture in my mind of Sasha's bright smile. It outshone Olivia's mean face easily. Nothing could touch me. Nothing, except for a small jarring sadness when the music came to the end and I finally had to stop dancing.

Then there was only my breath rushing into the silence. But a second later Kate was whooping and Miss Morgan and the girls in the auditorium were clapping loudly and Sasha had run right onto the stage to give me a hug. But over her shoulder I saw Maria and Olivia roll their eyes at each other and walk off into the auditorium, where they sat in the fourth row as though they didn't want anything to do with me.

“You were magic!” whispered Sasha into my ear, before she went across to join Kate.

Miss Morgan came over, put her hand on my shoulder and looked right into my eyes. “Lovely, Izzy. Well done!” Then she turned to the others and broke into a big smile. “I think maybe you see what I mean now, girls!”

A lot of chatter broke out then, and I didn't know where to look, so in the end I wandered off the stage with my head down.

But that was when Abi walked in, and everyone fell on her.

“What did the specialist say?”

“Is your leg okay now?”

“Can you dance?”

I knew what Abi was going to say before she spoke a word, because she looked so sad. “Apparently I'll really damage my hamstring if I do any of the extensions. So I've promised I won't dance until after the holidays, unless the choreography is completely changed so there aren't any extensions at all for my left leg.” Then Abi noticed me. “Oh good! Kate said you'd agreed to come along.” But she only managed the smallest of smiles.

“Bad luck, Abi,” said Miss Morgan. She patted Abi's back and kept her hand there for a moment. “You'll be back to fighting fitness next term.”

“I just feel as though I'm letting you down,” said Abi.

“Don't be silly. It's not your fault.”

Olivia got up out of her seat and went across to Abi. “It won't be half as good without you,” she said in her forthright voice. Then she strolled back to Maria, flinging a horrible look in my direction as though to make quite sure that I knew what she meant about it not being half so good without Abi. But I understood all too well what she was trying to say. And it hurt.