Dangerous Games (21 page)

“I can wait twenty years if that’s the stipulation she puts forth toward my trust fund but that doesn’t mean I won’t get a comfortable allowance. It’s one hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year—plenty of people survive on far less. Besides, if I have to sell my soul to get it then was all of this really worth it? I don’t even want to go through the whole seduction routine anymore. It just seems so immature and useless,” I explained in a quiet voice before I wrapped my arms around Finn’s waist.

My not-yet-again boyfriend breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Thank God for small favors. Can I tell you I was absolutely terrified of you sleeping with him? Not so much because I think he would be a better lover than me but because if this summer has taught me anything, I don’t want to lose you again.”

He tilted my head up to meet his crystal blue eyes. “The head and the heart are two separate instruments that aren’t always in conjunction with one another, Evie. You might try to deny how you feel for Etienne but I am a man, and I know you have some kind of emotional connection with him. I am only too happy neither of you have acted on it yet but you’d be a robot to feel nothing for him. He was there for you in ways I couldn’t be, and I don’t begrudge you or your desire for him but I was scared to death of losing you…for good this time.”

I turned my body toward his, and pressed myself against him to absorb his body heat. “Finn, attraction comes and goes. Yes, you’re right, I did start to feel something for Etienne but what exactly, I’m not too sure. To be honest, I don’t know what I wanted from him but perhaps the only reason why I craved any sort of sexual gratification was because you weren’t around, and it was very, very hard to be away from you.”

I sighed out loud and breathed in his scent of citrus, sandalwood and mint. “I didn’t even have you for moral support because I refused to talk to you after that whole incident at Trevor’s house but the more I think about it, the more I know I was just being a silly fool. We are all human and everyone makes mistakes. I understand now I placed too much trust in the unknown, and although he is my mother’s husband, his loyalty is going to be to her first. She is the one who controls the purse strings, after all.”

Finn’s fingers from his left hand interweaved through tendrils of my silky hair. “I’m just happy we don’t have to test the bounds of our relationship any more than they are already tested. If you are no longer interested in having anything to do with Etienne then it makes my life all the more pleasant. I don’t feel so bad about going back to Boston for a few weeks.”

I almost felt my heart stop beating at this tidbit of news. “Why do you have to go back? I thought you said Brandon had everything handled.”

“That’s part of the problem, Evie, Brandon has been handling
everything
. We have closed down almost all our connections except the ones that we can’t and Rich is one of those. It’s back to school for most of the university crowd, and Rich needs double the amount he has been asking for all summer. That requires two cars and since Dylan is out, that leaves one person: me.”

I sat up suddenly and glanced down at Finn. “How long will you two be at his beck and call? When can you sever your ties with the drug world for good? You’ve said it yourself…you have made plenty of money, and you guys don’t have to do this. You can leave and make a life anywhere in the world for yourselves. So why are you guys still involved.”

Finn sat up as well before he stood, and walked to the kitchen. He came back with a bottle of Jack Daniels, two whiskey glasses and two freshly opened bottles of Guinness. After he poured us each a shot of Jack, I took mine, we clinked glasses quickly and downed them.

I followed the fiery taste of JD with the coolness that was Guinness and allowed it to slide down my throat.

“Listen, when I left, Brandon told everyone we were out of the business but we need to give our major clients time to find and make connections with other dealers they like and trust. It isn’t an easy transition, and they can’t just start off another crew running drugs for them. What if they are part of some kind of DEA-FBI joint task force? A lot of the agents have infiltrated biker gangs and most of the South American drug cartels. We can’t be sure of anything anymore and neither can they. That is specifically the reason why they trusted us. We were just three rabble rousers from Boston, and there was no way any of us were recruited by any agency—especially Brandon and I.”

“So, you’re going to be gone for a few weeks, and then you’re coming back here? For Good?” I hated the sound of desperation in my voice but I had to hear it from Finn.

“Yes, for good. I promise I can’t live without you and the heart wants what the heart wants. Everything I have ever wanted has revolved around you, Evie. I’ll do anything to be by your side for the rest of our lives. There’s no other way.” He kissed my lips gently, his mouth lingering longer than necessary.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I replied before I swigged from my bottle of Guinness again.

“Believe me, I don’t plan to.” He grasped my face tenderly while placing a placing a passionate kiss on my lips.

Finn smiled at me as he pulled away but somehow we both knew it would be a lot more than “just a few weeks” before I saw him again after that night.

It was a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that refused to let go. I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried or how much booze I consumed.

The overwhelming question became would I see him again or had he pushed his Irish luck a tad too far, and wind up dead or worse?

U
niversity had been under way for exactly a week and Finn was still gone. He’d left approximately three weeks before UCLA’s autumn quarter started on the nineteenth of September, and he still wasn’t back. I suddenly hated how calm I’d been with him at the airport because it truly was hell without him.

Of course I had Monika and Dylan to hang around and with school in session Amaani and I spent time together as well. I had no choice but to tell her why I broke off our sexual relationship, and she was extremely understanding given the circumstances.

“Evie, I might be Muslim by religion but I am very modern and believe that human sexuality is fluid. If I hadn’t fallen for you then I would still be a virgin because I still haven’t found the right man. It certainly isn’t because I am waiting for a ‘sign’ from Allah,” she said before we both burst into laughter at her finger quotes around the word “sign”.

We sat in the guesthouse. Since there were two bedrooms, she knew she was free to sleep over any time but preferred to stay on campus since in a place like L.A. where a car was a necessity, she, unfortunately, didn’t have one.

“Maybe I should introduce you to my stepfather,” I joked out loud before I sipped from my first after-dinner wine.

“I live in Europe, not Mars. I’ve seen Etienne Fournier, and the man is a walking sex god. If it weren’t for your lover boy, Finn, he alone would have driven you nuts with relief to find a man just for the night. Your mother is a very lucky woman indeed.”

I smiled slightly. “Oh believe me you, she is paying through the nose to be in the position she’s in.”

“Well, it’s been great to be here at your place but I better get back to campus. I have read up on the papers we have due, and it is going to be a tough schedule but nothing we won’t be able to handle. That is if you are up to doing your own papers this year.”

I sipped from my wine again before I stood along with Amaani and grabbed my car keys. “Since it sounds like you aren’t giving me much of a choice, I guess I am.”

I
paced back and forth in my living room. The Ulysse Nardin pressed to my ear as I heard Finn on the other end, and his voice was literally music to my ears.

“I know I said it would be a few weeks, and I know it’s been a month but we’re almost finished up. I just need to help Brandon close down shop for good and I’ll be back. You’ve waited all this time, you can wait a bit longer can’t you?”

He used that tone of voice meant to calm and satisfy my constantly shot nerves but all it did was annoy the hell out of me.

“Of course I can but why weren’t you honest with how long you were going to be gone in the first place?” I knew I sounded whiny but I couldn’t help it.

I missed him so much and just talking to him made my sex ache, and my nipples harden. I didn’t consider myself a nympho but I needed him so much and for him to sound so close yet be so far away was complete and utter torture.

“I was as honest as I could be. Rich can’t find another connection he trusts so we have been working exclusively for him trying to stock him up with enough product as possible to last until he can find someone else to help him out. We have a couple more runs to Manhattan to make, and then I will be back. I promise you,” he explained.

I nodded my head though he couldn’t see me. “Fine…can you please let me know as soon as you’ve purchased your ticket when you’ll be back here? I am so anxious, and nervous all the time here without you, sweetie.”

“I know, baby, and you also know I will be there as soon as I can. I promise you this, all right?”

I tried to stop the tears from falling. “Talk to you soon then…and I love you.”

“I love you too, Evie.”

I had to end the call if only to try to regulate my breathing. My heart pounded in my chest with a fierceness I had never known, and it was only too late I realized I was experiencing a full on panic attack. The wind seemed to swoosh out of my lungs, I felt light-headed, irritable, frightened—I wanted to break out of my own skin if I could—it was impossible to breathe without wheezing.

I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders and a gentle French voice in my ear, “Breathe deeply, try to hold it in and then slowly, breathe out. You’re experiencing an anxiety attack, and the more you play into it, the worse it is going to become.”

I know I should have hated the invasion of my privacy by Etienne but he did talk me down in a gentle voice and soothing tones from my panic attack. Eventually, my breathing normalized and I almost felt completely like myself again.

“Thank you…how did you know what to do?” I questioned once I found my voice again.

“Well, as a life long sufferer of anxiety attacks, it took some time but eventually, I began to do the deep breathing exercises yoga and Pilates taught me when I was having one, and I am happy to say I have been off Xanax for the past five years. I don’t take anything for them and prefer more homeopathic ways to understanding my body.”

I turned around and came face to face with those gorgeous, clear blue eyes of his with their pale green moon crescents around the pupils. He was still as sexy and untouchable as ever but he seemed softer, more accessible.

“Why aren’t you with my mother?”

“Oh, I suppose she didn’t tell you she was leaving? She’s gone to Switzerland for her yearly regimen. Supposedly she has always gone alone, and that has not changed even if she is a married woman. Athena will be gone for one week and the chauffeur dropped her off at the exclusive star lounge at LAX approximately a half an hour ago. She didn’t even want me to come with her to the airport.”

Although Etienne looked casual in a pair of slightly baggy blue jeans and a short-sleeved Dolce & Gabbana tee shirt, he still appeared extremely sexy. He looked quite pitiful. Though he’d treated me quite dreadful in the past, I couldn’t hold it against him. I know I should have had more of a backbone but I truly felt sorry for him at that moment.

His brown hair, styled as it was, hung in silky soft tendrils, and I wanted to reach out and touch him more than I should have. This drove me absolutely nuts because I was supposed to seriously dislike this man. He was my mother’s husband and I desperately needed to get my shit together. There would be nothing between the two of us, ever. The sooner I realized this, the more content I would be.

I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him defiantly now that my panic attack had passed. “What are you doing here, Etienne? We haven’t exactly been friendly toward one another the last six weeks so what has changed? Why are you so hot and cold? If you tell me this is all about Finn then I will bludgeon you with my bare hands because he has never been against our friendship.”

“True but he doesn’t exactly support it either and with good reasoning, Evie. He’s frightened he might lose you—if you were mine, I would feel the same way. I don’t think I would want any attractive men in your vicinity: full stop.”

My heart began to thud again in my chest and I ran a shaky hand through my hair before I walked over and sat down on the sofa. “Well, you know where everything is. Why don’t you go get a drink and sit down? Maybe we can talk about our very screwed up relationship, and how to fix it because it’s not going to work the way it is right now between us.”

“Agreed,” he replied before he walked into my kitchen.

I still had a half bottle of Sauvignon Blanc on the coffee table. Amaani had managed to drink maybe five ounces of wine but as I finished up the second glass I had poured for myself, I quickly refilled and waited for Etienne with growing anticipation.

He walked out of my kitchen with a Heineken and sat down across from me on the loveseat, which was fine with me. I preferred us like this instead of so close in proximity I could reach out and touch him. My motor was definitely revved and after speaking to Finn, I felt horny and more than just a little reckless. I was scared what would happen if I allowed myself to go there but at the same time, I knew I’d earned a carte blanche from Finn because we still hadn’t cemented our relationship again.

As far as we were both concerned, we were still on hiatus and had been since the incident at Trevor’s house. Yes, we’d become bedmates but I hadn’t promised my heart to him just yet, and he hadn’t put a ring on my finger. I still wore his bracelet but it was also a birthday present, and one I refused to take off except when I took showers or swam—which was once or twice a day for no more than an hour, max.

I sipped from my wine and stared at my mother’s husband. He sat with his legs comfortably apart, and watched how he studied me as much as I studied him in quiet contemplation.

“So, what’s going on? I haven’t seen you this down in a while?” I finally asked.

He clutched his Heineken tightly before he swigged from it and swallowed half the bottle in a couple of swallows. “Your mother, that’s what. She knew when we met I was a model but now she doesn’t want me to do my job because she says it’s undignified, and unbecoming of me. It’s obvious not only does she want to control you but she also ultimately wants to control me as well and I don’t find that the least bit satisfying. Sorry, it’s not the way I was brought up. I don’t want a woman to take care of me especially when I am very much capable of bringing in my own income.”

I shook my head and although I didn’t want to feel a tinge of glee, I did. Etienne was only getting back his just desserts; right when he thought he had my mother wrapped around his finger, she had proven time and again, she would do anything it took to keep him on a very short leash. If that meant taking away a hot modeling career then she would do it.

“Did you somehow suffer a lobotomy to the brain before you married my mother? She was married to Rolf Sandstrom, last action hero and one of the highest moneymaking actors in the world besides Will Smith, Tom Cruise, the late Bret Carter, and Tom Hanks. She wasn’t going to allow a husband of hers to carry on with a career as desirable as modeling.

“You don’t think she is afraid of all the competition she faces with you being out on shoots and walking down the runway? I’m sorry, sweetheart, but either you go back to school, and get some business credentials or you will have to face the fact that your future will be one as a house-husband and not much else.”

His expression barely changed but the grimace on his face dug deeper into his handsome features. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know my mother and…she’s a snob. She regularly sits next to Anna Wintour and André Leon Talley from American
Vogue
Magazine. Do you really think she feels it is okay, let alone part of the cultured image she has worked so hard to promote, to have a husband that actually walks the runway? She doesn’t want to see your face and body on a billboard in Times Square or on Sunset or anywhere else. You belong to her now, and although you make brilliant arm candy, all you are is a pretty vessel and nothing else.”